I didn’t bother waiting for an elevator but took the stairs. I headed straight for my mother’s room. A few medical personnel must have been contacted by security because they attempted to halt my walk.
I ignored all their requests and commands, saying, “It’s my mom! I don’t have much time!”
After what could’ve been an eternity, I made my way into the hospital room. The atmosphere was so tense it stole your breath. My mother lay motionless on the bed. An oxygen machine helped her breathe, but each breath was still incredibly shallow. Everyone was there. Dad had the grimmest and most sorrowful expression on his face, which was almost mirrored in the faces of my brothers. Ruth was desperately trying to hold back her tears as the two little ones didn’t quite know how to express themselves. Leah and Mary were quietly sobbing, painfully understanding what was happening.
My mother managed a smile. “Arphaxad, I was wondering…” she whispered weakly, but even then she lacked the strength to finish. A tear slid down her face.
I stepped to the other side of the bed from my father. I gently placed my hand on my mother’s. Her heart beats were spaced and infrequent. “Don’t worry mom, I came back.”
She nodded and looked around at each one of her children. She was paler than ever before. She locked eyes with dad and took his hand. “Stephen, do you remember what you whispered to me after we made our vows?”
He nodded in mournful bliss. “Yes, my love. As if I had just told it to you.”
“I think my heavenly Father is calling me,” she said quietly.
He shed a single tear. “Don’t keep Him waiting.”
She looked at each one of us again. “Hey mom,” I said, “Could you…” I choked on my own words, “tell Rebekah that I miss her?” The request didn’t come from my scattered mind, but from the deepest parts of my heart. She nodded. I almost broke down in tears. “I’m going to miss you –awfully miss you.”
Whispering to all of us she said, “Don’t fret my children, I’ll see you shortly.”
Each child gave their love and no one was spared the loss of tears. Grace, with her young voice moist with tears said, “I love you mommy.”
“I love you too,” my mother said, and then the heart monitor beeped one last time.
∆∆∆
It was going to be a couple of weeks before we had the funeral. Everyone grieved in their own ways. Ruth refused to stop doing chores. Paul would lock himself in his room for hours. The twins stopped making jokes. Leah tried to act like nothing was different.
During the earliest days following mom’s passing, the youngest spent most of their time being comforted by dad, who was probably having the hardest time. He had to put on a brave face for the girls, but I could tell by the look in his eyes, that he had no idea what he was going to do.
I expected myself to be broken too, but the emotions never came. I sat in my old room, just thinking about it. My mother had just died, and I felt like a distant friend’s mother had. My mourning wasn’t devoid of tears though. However, the center of my grief was my lack of memories. I spent hours trying to think back to anything about my mom or growing up, and I didn’t eat or sleep. No matter how much I concentrated, I couldn’t remember anything.
As the days passed by, what I had forgotten wasn’t my only concern. The recent events with IODINE moving the other prisoner, weighed heavily on my mind. I knew I had to figure out what I was going to do. With everything that happened with my mother as soon as I returned, I hadn't been able to plan anything, let alone act upon it.
I looked over at the piece of paper I had received from Derek. It had been nearly four days since I got it, and it had sat crumpled on my desk. I wondered what secret lay unread. I also wondered if Derek had been caught for helping me. The idea of him being caught made me shiver. I had to shake away the dark images my imagination conjured.
I reached up and grabbed the paper. I started to unfold the burnt edges. All I read was “Johnston Atoll” before Grace came in crying. I didn’t bother asking her what was wrong, that was pretty obvious. I sat her on my lap and held her till she calmed down and fell asleep in my arms.
∆∆∆
I didn’t even pick up the paper for the next few days. I knew time was of the essence, but the burden on my shoulders zapped all the strength I had. In the scope of things, it wasn’t long before the day of the funeral came, but to me and my family it seemed like an eternity.
I don’t remember many details of the funeral, only that we were in a church. Many people I didn’t recognize gave me their condolences, and they must have been other friends that I had forgotten. There wasn’t much said at the graveside, a few peaceful words, but not much else. As they lowered the casket into the ground, I looked over at the willow tree with the grave of the forgotten one under it.
Everyone was preparing to leave, but I headed to Rebekah’s grave. I still couldn’t remember who this girl was and why she seemed so important. Everyone I spoke to talked about her with so much pain in their voices, but I could sense that the pain wasn’t for them. I wondered if my relationship with her was more than my dad had said. I could understand why he wasn’t telling me the entire truth, as he probably didn’t want me to go through the same pain as I had in the past. But I wondered just how close we were if the memory of her would cause so much pain.
I shook my head, and I felt like my mind was just an empty shell. The only thing I had in my head was information, and that made me feel like a robot.
I sighed as Simon came up beside me with Abigail not far behind. They were dressed in black like everyone else. “What are you thinking Arf?”
“What am I not thinking about?” I corrected. “Do you have any idea what I’m going through Simon?”
He shook his head. “I can imagine, but no, I don’t. Want to enlighten me?”
“There’s so much I don’t know.” I ran my hand through my hair in quiet frustration. “I look at her grave,” gesturing to the tombstone in front of us, “and wonder why I feel so strongly about her. I never even met her, well in this state I haven't.”
Abigail had remained silent. The funeral must have been hard on her too, after all she had lost both of her parents. She looked at the headstone, then knelt down and picked a daisy. “You know Arf, I never met Rebekah. I didn’t meet either of you until after she passed. What I do know is this, aside from Christ, it is her life that impacted your life more than any other. You would not, could not, have been the person you are today without her.”
“I know – dad told me. We wanted to court, but then she died in a car accident. I took it hard. It was her death that moved me to become the hero I am today.”
Simon face folded into a thoughtful grimace. “Is that all he told you?” I nodded. He turned his back to me and rubbed the back of his neck. “I can’t keep doing this,” he mumbled to himself.
“Doing what?” I asked. He wasn’t reassuring my faith in my father.
Abigail looked at him. “Si… you know what we agreed.”
He groaned as he considered what she said. “I know Abby, but I feel he deserves to know.”
I didn’t quite know what emotions to express, so many were jumbled right now. “Know what, Simon?”
She was getting flustered. “But Simon, if we are going to make this work, we need to be on the same page.”
He sighed again. “Yes Abigail, but we both knew this was going to be hard – especially with our current circumstances.”
I didn’t have any idea what they were talking about now. I grabbed Simon’s shoulder. “Simon, what am I not being told?” I was desperate to know what information was being withheld from me by these people I called friends.
Still torn between two opinions in his head, he answered, “Not now Arf. I need to talk with your dad first.”
“No, you’re going to tell me now.”
He nodded but refused to say something. Whatever it was, it was eating him from the inside out.
Abigail, seeing the turm
oil within Simon, answered, “There’s a box in the top of your closet, and there’s something in there that will help you understand. We can’t explain it well enough. We need to go Si.” Being more cryptic than I was comfortable with, she tried to leave.
Simon shook his head. “No Abigail, it is his right, and I think this is bugging you too.” He looked at me and then said, “Come on Arf, we are going to your house.”
I followed him, fearing what he was implying.
Chapter 35
Never Alone
We went straight home, and I was constantly thinking about what Simon had said. The trip was made in complete silence. I tried to push them to speak, but both couldn’t find the words. Abigail kept glancing at Simon with a painful gleam in her eyes.
Simon lead me and Abigail to my bedroom and opened the closet. He threw multiple jackets and shirts across the room. I caught a bright blue one which smelled horrible, so I tossed it into the laundry hamper. I looked up in the closet and saw a cardboard box. Simon reached up to grab it.
He pulled the big box out and set it on the floor. Reaching back into the closet, he pulled out a much smaller shoe-box that was sealed shut with tape. He handed it to me. I sat on the bed and wondered what the strange box held. I couldn't find a knife to cut the tape, so I just ripped the box open. Various objects fell on the floor. Simon and Abigail helped pick the items up with no sign of happiness on their faces. I picked up a stack of photos and realized they were all of the same thing.
They were wedding invitations decorated with flowers and other things on the front and a picture on the back. The picture was of me holding a young woman who I immediately realized was Rebekah. I understood now. We had been engaged.
I thought about this for a moment. I was engaged to this woman when she died. That's why I felt such a strong connection with her. Now it hurt me even more not being able to remember her. Someone that important shouldn't be forgotten, but if it wasn't for my family, I wouldn't even know her name!
I fought back the tears that threatened to spill over. I found more photos of us, some old and some new. As I was holding some of the pictures, tears starting to drip out, Simon handed me a small velvet box. I opened it to find an engagement ring, but it was scratched up horribly. Rebekah must have been wearing it during the accident.
“Why was I never told about this?” I asked, wiping the tears from my face.
Simon looked at an old photo of Rebekah, myself and him. “We didn’t want you to suffer more than you already were. Your dad agreed. With you not being able to remember and your mom…”
I shot up, wrath brewing in me. “And you think this is better?” There was a thought to restrain my outlandish emotions, but I didn’t want to.
Simon looked down in shame. “No, eventually we were going to tell you, but with everything going on with IODINE…” He lost the ability to speak. This wasn’t any easier on him.
Abigail reached over and touched my hand. Slowly I sat down and she pulled away. “Arf, we knew how much this would hurt. So, we wanted to wait for the best time to tell you.”
I was now angry. They had betrayed my trust. My father, if that was who he was, broke my trust. These people called me friend, but they kept back a priceless part of my life. I stood up, my voice was breaking up with anger and sorrow, “I can’t believe this. I- I- I have to go.”
Simon just sat there in shame, as he should’ve, and Abigail tried to reason with me. I walked to the door, but Simon grabbed my forearm. “We did it because we love you.”
I tore away and sneered, “Love? Keeping this from me isn’t love. You are no better than IODINE.”
With that I walked down the stairs with Abigail begging me to stay. She was now crying too. I didn’t listen to a word she was saying. The words which escaped my lips had left wounds in my own heart as much as they were meant to in theirs. I ran away.
∆∆∆
I ran until I ran out of land. I stood on the beach facing the Pacific Ocean. I didn’t see any sign of people. I was hurt. My mother was dead, my family and friends had lied to me about Rebekah, and I still couldn’t remember her! I grasped my head as I tried to remember. Tears flowed as I desperately searched my mind for any memory of my mother or Rebekah or anything about who I was.
I screamed out in anger over the crashing of the waves. The most important piece of who I was lay trapped within my mind. I felt abandoned; I felt alone. My head ached from the attempts to remember. I hoped that a memory would surface as they had in the past with a headache. I would have endured the most intense pain for the memory of just one day, but I was left disappointed.
I dropped to my knees. I felt nothing anymore. Not even the thought of the pain my cruel words caused my friends bothered me. All the pain had made me numb, and I could only groan. My tears were all spent, but my sorrow remained.
Be Still and Know that I Am God. The still voice spoke into my head.
“God! How do you expect me to be still when all I have is gone! Why do I live in this darkness when you’ve promised light? The very ground I stand upon has been torn out from under me. It would have been easier if I had never been born! Is it really Your plan to rob me of everything I had? Why do I feel I’ve been here before Lord? You’ve taken everything, my thoughts, my friends, and my family, why?”
He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. (Matthew 10:37)
My mouth was stopped in recalling that verse. My heart resisted; it still demanded restitution. Such anger I had never felt, but the more I thought of the simple verse which reverberated in my mind, the more my wrath could not stand.
I found it hard to breathe as my anger turned to sorrow. “Woe is me, for I am undone!” I muttered. I had to trust God in this agony, as he was the only one who had not betrayed me. I had been stripped of everything, but God refused to loosen His grip on me. “...they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.” [10] I had been reminded of this verse again and again by everyone, but I hadn’t understood it.
Yes, much of who I used to be was gone, but God has not left me destitute. He had secured His place in my heart. He was the One who said, “I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.” [11]
My heart was very restless within me, but I remembered who I had believed in. I knew He would keep me close no matter what came. Right now, He was simply refining me.
Though it took nearly all the strength I had, I prayed, “God, please have mercy on me. Let Your will be done. I will trust in you. I know You will never let me down.”
Answering my deepest prayer, I was stuck with a wave of the most agonizing pain I had ever experienced. In my prison of the mind, the pain still resounded in my head. The very walls of my shell shook as I heard the voice of Rebekah on the other side of the door pleading, “Don’t forget me!”
I forced myself up against the pain, and I had one of the wedding invitations in my hand. It reminded me of just how much I had forgotten. I couldn’t fight the tears anymore. I stumbled and fell with my back against the door. “I-I’m sorry Rebekah. I can’t remember you! I can’t. I tried, but just can’t.”
She said, “Oh Arf,” with tears in her voice. “When will you remember me? How long will I not be a part of who you are?”
I looked at the invitation, gazing into the face of this young woman. I could never remember her on my own, but God could let me remember. The Word on the opposite wall read, Ask, and it shall be given to you Matthew 7:7. I took a breath, “Rebekah?”
Still crying she said, “Please remember me, Arf.”
“Will you ask with me?”
“Don’t forget me.”
The unresponsiveness ached my heart, but I couldn’t let that drag me down. I closed my eyes and grimaced against the physical and emotional pain. “Please God, I ask for this one thing. Please let me remember Rebekah. I don�
��t need to know everything but let me remember her.”
A sound of thunder shook the room. I shot up and turned to face the door. Like lightning, a crack shot down the wooden surface. The light from the other side shown into my prison. I wasn’t free, but with the light came what I asked for.
“I remember you Rebekah.”
From the other side she stopped crying and asked, “What is my middle name?”
“Ashley! I proposed under a T-Rex! Your favorite color is violet, and I love you!” I was so enraptured with joy that I didn’t realize I had awoken, neither did I hear the charging of a weapon. “Thank-you God!” I exclaimed.
It wasn’t until I heard the weapon discharge that I realized I needed to move. I dove to the side, dodging the blast, which struck the waves. A computerized voice mocked, “You know after going through similar things to what you have, most people realize that god has no power, or that there is no god.”
I spun around, and there stood Mindsweeper. He was covered in smooth black armor, with glowing wires connected to powered gauntlets on each arm. His helmet glowed the same unsettling purple as the wires and gauntlets. I didn't need to recognize him from memory; I instinctively knew who it was.
I clenched my fists. “That’s the thing – God has made Himself even more evident. He’ll never leave me nor forsake me in the hands of the likes of you.” I didn’t wait to give him time to respond. I would have to rejoice later. I bolted forward and grabbed the man by the chest plate.
To my shock, while I was using my speed, he grabbed my wrists, pried them off and socked me in the gut. He motioned to grab my head, but I sidestepped and kicked at him. He caught that too! With a swift movement, he sent me sprawling into the surf.
I looked him over in astonishment, and somewhat in fear. How was he doing that?
He chuckled. “What? Surprised?”
I launched another attack, but he blocked and punched me in the face. What is going on! I thought.
“Super steroids are not the only way to get the edge on your enemy,” he taunted.
A Mission Remembered Page 21
