“Then just don’t talk about it, dammit.” She slammed the door behind her and ran down the steps. The tears had come again, and she ran into the bathroom and splashed water in her face. She needed to be busy, but she had nothing to do but sit in this tiny space and wait until they got into Trinidad harbor.
Or go back on deck and face Brandon after she’d lost control and run down here. She wasn’t ready for that either. His one sentence had triggered a very deep response.
You hadn’t lived with your father since you were fifteen and your mother was killed. I thought that meant you were estranged.
Estranged. Yes, that was a word that could describe what had been between them since that last day at the prison.
Don’t think about that day.
Don’t think about her father or how he’d looked at her.
Because now that hurt would be as fresh and raw as that moment when she had been sitting in her cell waiting for her father to come down the hall.
Block it.
Don’t think about it.
But it was too late …
SAZKAR PRISON
LOGAR PROVINCE
AFGHANISTAN, 14 YEARS AGO
“You can change your mind, Rachel,” Hu Chang said gently. “Venable is a good man. He says he wants you back.”
She shook her head. “Not unless you’ve changed your mind,” she whispered. “Only if you don’t want me. Then I’ll have to find another place.”
“How can I say that I don’t want you? You’re an extraordinary student, and a master always needs someone to whom he can pass on his brilliance.” He smiled. “And I told you we would be the best of friends. I’ve found my hours spent with you in this cell not at all unpleasant during these last months.”
And she had found salvation in those hours, she thought. He had sparked her imagination, made her smile, and taught her to block out the darkness. He had asked her no other questions, but he had listened when the dam had finally broken and she had started to ask questions of herself and the reason why this could have happened to her. Now she was starting the slow process of coming back and could feel the strength returning. Yet when he had told her that the prisoner-trade agreement had finally been settled and she was going to be free, she had not felt at all strong.
Because she had known that this hour might be coming.
And now it was here, and she was sitting in this cell with an unlocked door and all guards gone.
She could walk out of here at any time.
“I can’t go back to him, Hu Chang,” she whispered.
“Then talk to him. Let him talk to you,” Hu Chang said. “I’ve done as you wished and told him that it will be my pleasure to have you in my home. But if you are going to be the best you can be in taking this action, you must face it and face him.”
The best she could be. It was the rule that he had taught her to believe in. She nodded jerkily. “I know that.”
He inclined his head. “Then I will send him to you. He’s in the hall. I’ll be waiting outside for your decision.” The next moment he was gone.
She sat there, tense, waiting for the door to open.
And then it did swing open, and her father came into the room. Dark suit, big and burly, graying red hair, and an expression as tense and pained as her own must be.
“Rachel!” He came toward her, then stopped before he reached her. His gaze was fixed with shock on her face. “God, you’ve changed.”
“Have I? I guess that’s natural. But Hu Chang says I’m better than I was. And I’ll get better and better and nothing will—” She was talking too fast. She stopped, and said, “You don’t have to worry about me. Hu Chang will make sure that I’m all right.”
“I don’t want him to have to do that.” His gaze was still on her face. “And I want to be the one to worry about you. But I didn’t mean to make you think I didn’t—you’re beautiful. It’s just that you’re not my little girl any longer.”
“No, I’m not.”
He drew a deep breath. “I want you to come home with me.”
She tried to smile. “But you were hardly ever at home. Most of the time, you were out of the country. Now that Mom’s gone, I’d just be in the way.”
“We could work it out.”
She shook her head.
“Rachel, I didn’t know.” His hands were clenching into fists as his sides. “I had an informant in this prison who sent out messages that you were being treated decently. I had no idea what was happening until Hu Chang told me after he took over the negotiations.”
“I guess your informant wasn’t what you’d call a reliable asset.” She met his eyes. “It was five months, Daddy.”
“I know that. But I had to negotiate. I had no problem with the first four prisoners. But there were two terrorists they were bargaining for you that were terribly dangerous to release. They were affiliated with other terrorist organizations and had access to explosives supplied by them. They could cause major loss of life with one bomb. I had to make a choice.” His voice broke, and he had to stop for a moment. “I swear to God I thought you were safe and being treated decently.”
“And you made the choice,” she said. “And Hu Chang says that you only had to release one of those prisoners when he was finished with the final negotiations. That must have relieved you. I’m sure you’ve made arrangements to make sure he’s no future threat?”
“I did,” he said bitterly. “That prisoner cost me a price that cut too deep. I’m not going to let Hassan Ibn Bahir cause any other chaos to the rest of the world.” His lips were tight with pain as he stared at her. “I lost your mother and your brother. I don’t want to lose you, Rachel. Come with me. Believe me, I didn’t know.”
“I can’t do it,” she said unevenly. She’d hoped he would just let her go away, but she was going to have to say the words she didn’t want to say. “I believe that you had this informant. I believe he said all the right words to make you sure you were doing the right thing about keeping the negotiations going. I even believe you probably believed there was no mistreatment that would have given you reason to cancel the talks because they’d broken their word.” She stared him in the eye. “But if you’d been in this prison instead of me, I wouldn’t have taken some ‘informant’s’ word about what they were doing to you. I would have found a way to see for myself. You’re so smart, you have so many contacts, it shouldn’t have been that hard for you.” She moistened her lips. “I’ve thought a lot about that since I’ve been capable of thinking at all. You’re CIA, and you live in a world of violence and cruelty. Yes, you’re the good guy, and you try to prevent it, but you had to know the threat was here. But I can also see that you didn’t want to believe it because of all the people who might die if you did.” She had to get the rest of it out quickly, “And you did the right thing, the patriotic thing, the thing that would save the most lives. So how can I condemn you?” She shook her head. “I can’t do it. But I also can’t forget that every time I was beaten or raped, I was told that it was your fault it was happening. I can’t stand to face that memory every single day.” She said shakily, “So I won’t be going home with you, Daddy.”
“Dear God.” He was silent. His face had turned white. “Do you hate me?”
“No. I don’t know how I feel right now. I think … I still love you. I just can’t look at you right now without remembering. And I don’t want to ever live in the violent world you do. All my life I’ve watched you dealing with dirt and scum. There has to be something better, and I’ll find it.” She tried to shrug. “It might take a while. Hu Chang says it’s going to take me time to heal. Maybe he’s right.”
“Of course he’s right. I just want to be there to help.” His face was twisted with agony. “And, God, I hope you’re wrong about me. I hope I wasn’t careless of you because it meant so much, because everything was so very personal to me this time.” He closed his eyes. “But it doesn’t matter what the reason. I let it happen.” His eyes were moist whe
n his lids lifted. “I’ll give you that time,” he said hoarsely. “I won’t give up, Rachel.”
“Mom used to say that you never gave up.” Her lips were trembling, and she just wanted this to be over. “That’s why you’re so good at your job.”
“How long, Rachel?”
She helplessly shook her head.
“You don’t know. How could you?” He nodded and took a deep breath. “That’s okay. I’ll make it happen.” He turned to go. “You’re my daughter. You were always more like me than either of the boys. I won’t let you go. If you or Hu Chang need me, let me know.”
She watched him walk out of the room. She felt a terrible emptiness and sadness and bewilderment. She knew she could not have done anything else, but she suddenly wanted him back again.
But she couldn’t have him back. She had to move forward. She started toward the door. She had to leave what had happened to her here and begin to see what was out there in the world.
Hu Chang was waiting.
CHAPTER
5
PRESENT DAY
Dammit, stop crying, she told herself.
Life was life, and she and her father had made decisions that had caused them both pain. None of that could be changed now. She couldn’t keep breaking down when she had to function. Brandon had just unloaded an entire scenario with which she’d have to deal. And then he’d tied her hands and left her alone with only him to help her handle it all.
Or maybe not.
She’d made a promise not to call Catherine Ling yet. She’d not said anything about Hu Chang.
She quickly dialed Hu Chang.
“I only have a few minutes to talk,” she said shakily when he picked up. “And I’m not being very coherent at the moment. But I knew you should know as soon as possible.” She paused, then said, “My father is dead, Hu Chang.”
Silence. “I find that both sad and unbelievable. Venable has been … unconquerable all the many years I’ve known him. How do you know this?”
“Brandon told me he saw him die. He was shot by one of Huber’s men.”
“You believe Brandon?”
“I believe him. I didn’t want to believe him. But, yes, he was telling me the truth.”
“And I trust your judgment.” Silence. “You must be in a great deal of pain. I feel your sorrow, and it is mine.”
“I didn’t think I’d feel like this,” she whispered. “He hurt me, Hu Chang.”
“Yes, but not with intent. He always loved you. It was just that destiny placed the two of you in a position where you were bound to conflict considering who you are.”
“Screw destiny. I want my life back. I want his life back.”
“What do you wish me to say to that?”
“I don’t know. I’m not thinking clearly. I just wanted to talk to you. You were his friend. You took his part when he wanted me to come back to him.”
“How could I do anything else? I was stealing someone very precious from him. It was not important that you were also very precious to me.” He paused. “But I think you must call Catherine now. She must not know yet, or she would have told me. She’s known your father almost as long as I have. She was only fourteen when he hired her as an agent in Hong Kong. He changed her life.”
“Yes, she told me. I wasn’t sure whether she became my friend because of you or my father.”
“Neither. It was because you are who you are. Now call her.”
“I can’t. I promised Brandon I wouldn’t. I told him it was ridiculous. He wants to set up a safe house in San Francisco for me and didn’t want anyone to know we were going to—”
“Safe house? It appears that there is more going on than you’re telling me. What is it?”
“I have no idea yet. Something’s supposed to happen in San Francisco. It has to be Huber because my father was supposed to meet with an informant, Nemesis, who told him something was on Huber’s radar in that city.”
“So you’re going to step into the lion’s mouth where he’s planning his next 9/11? Not clever, Rachel.”
“Dear God, I hope it’s not that bad. But it might be, Hu Chang. Why else would Claire Warren set up that meeting in San Francisco?”
“I believe I’d better pursue an answer to that question. I’m not at all pleased that Catherine was brought into that city without being given warning.”
“Then give her warning,” Rachel said bluntly. “I made a promise, but you didn’t. Call her.”
“I shall,” Hu Chang said. “Just as you intended me to do when you phoned me.”
“I admit I wanted that to happen. But that wasn’t the only reason.” She paused. “I needed to hear your voice.”
“And now you’ve heard it and know that I feel as you feel. When do you leave for San Francisco?”
“Probably in the next few hours. As soon as we can get out of Trinidad. Tell Catherine I’ll contact her as soon as I get there.”
“I imagine she will be quite busy until that time,” he said dryly. “She will not be pleased about any of this. Not only has she lost a great friend, but it seems strange that his death has not been reported by Langley. You said two days?”
“More than that now.”
“And Brandon is certain of his death.”
“I told you. He didn’t want to tell me. He said he saw it.”
“Then there’s some reason why they don’t want it revealed. Curious…”
“Not really. The CIA always has agendas they keep hidden. Need to know is their byword.”
“You’ve certainly been privy to the effects of that philosophy. Well, I guarantee that Catherine will know in short order. And I’m just as happy that Brandon is keeping you isolated so that you won’t bump into Huber while he’s trying to cause destruction and havoc. Now I must call Catherine, so I bid you good-bye.” He hung up.
And Catherine would be just as upset as Hu Chang had been, Rachel thought. Catherine genuinely cared about Venable, he had been part of her life since she’d been a child collecting information on the streets of Hong Kong. Of half-American heritage mixed with Russian and Korean, she had been beautiful and exotic even then, and she had made the decision to ignore the obvious path and use her mind and ingenuity instead. Over the years, she had grown in strength and knowledge until she was one of the most respected agents in the CIA. She balanced raising her son, Luke, with her profession and did a superb job with both of them. There was no one Rachel trusted more, and she knew Venable had felt the same way.
Past tense. Even that small thing hurt when applied to her father.
And it would hurt Catherine, also. Rachel had wanted to share the pain and sorrow with the two people who had cared so much about him. Now, she wondered if she should have waited and given Catherine a few more hours before the shock and pain attacked.
No, Catherine would not have thanked her. She always faced problems head-on and confronted sorrow with equal courage. Besides, this problem looming on the horizon could literally be earth-shattering. She did not have the right to hesitate for kindness’ sake. She could only share whatever burden was to come.
And leave Catherine to handle the loss of Venable on her own.
HYATT HOTEL
SAN FRANCISCO
“Dead?” Catherine whispered. Her hand tightened on her phone. “It’s not true, Hu Chang. It can’t be true.”
“I felt the same way when Rachel told me,” Hu Chang said. “He seemed unconquerable, yet all men have to cross that final threshold. But Venable reminded me of the North Star that was always there for us.”
“You sent me to him that day in Hong Kong. You said I would be safe with him. I thought it strange because I knew what the CIA was and did on occasion.”
“One must always take a man for what he is. Venable had a sense of honor that was unusual in any profession. I knew you were strong enough to make your way in his world, and he would let you learn at your own pace.”
And he had done that, Catherine thought. Venable had thr
own her into danger any number of times but had never been reckless with her life. “I could trust him.”
“Which is rare in the world you both lived in.” He added, “And why death should not have come to him by the hands of men who care nothing for trust and honor.”
“It was Huber?”
“So Jude Brandon told Rachel. I cannot be certain. I’m sure you will verify this. However, I find it curious that you did not know of his death. I realize that you weren’t in constant communication with Venable, but the CIA does not let one of their premier operatives be killed without being aware of it.” He paused. “And they do not set up a meeting in a city across the country from Langley immediately after Venable found it could be threatened. I do not like that you are there, Catherine. You told me that Claire Warren set up that meeting. What do you know about her?”
“Not as much as I will after I hang up,” Catherine said grimly. “I know she has a sterling reputation as a case officer, she’s smart as a whip, and she goes strictly by the book, which I sometimes have trouble doing. Venable had a few problems with her for the same reason, but he respected her. He said she was in line to become the next Deputy Director at Langley. If she knew Venable was dead, then I can’t see her not telling me. But sometimes people who go by the book have it written by someone else higher up.” She drew a shaky breath. “Since she’s only two floors down from me at this hotel, I think I’ll go and ask her.”
“Excellent. And Rachel asks that no one knows that she will be arriving in San Francisco shortly. Brandon seems to be rather adamant on the subject. But since so far he’s kept her alive, I believe we should go along with her on this.”
“I don’t want her in San Francisco at all,” Catherine said flatly. “Not if Huber is after her. What the hell can Brandon be thinking?”
“You will probably be able to ask him yourself soon,” he said. “But you will not be able to keep her from doing as he asks. She said she owed him a debt, and you’re aware of what that means.”
Yes, Catherine knew very well, she thought in frustration. “Being the best she can be. Sometimes those philosophies of yours can be very irritating. They can certainly get in the way.”
Vendetta Page 9
