Deadly Desperados

by Lily Harper Hart

  “I think that … I’m going to let you guys argue this one out as brother and sister and stay out of it,” Jake said, causing Mary and Ben to chuckle as they watched the display.

  “Wimp,” Ally hissed before turning back to James. “I’ll have you know that I DVR things all the time and I never miss a show.”

  “And that’s the same thing as putting security cameras on a fence and logging them into our computer system how?” James challenged.

  “I hate you,” Ally muttered.

  “You’ll live,” James said, sidling over to Mandy and rubbing her back. “How mad are you?”

  “I’m not mad at all.”

  Mandy’s clipped tone told James exactly the opposite. “Baby, you said it yourself, this is a big place,” James said, his tone soothing. “I would feel better if you were here. I promise to take you out on a horse … or to see the chickens … or even to run through a meadow tomorrow. It’s just … .”

  Ben furrowed his brow. “Run through a meadow?”

  “They’re infatuated with Little House on the Prairie,” Jake explained.

  “Oh, that’s why you didn’t want them to know that we have neighbors with the last name of Ingalls,” Ben mused.

  Mandy and Ally exchanged excited glances.

  “Are they related to the real Ingalls?” Ally asked.

  “Thank you for that,” Jake said, rolling his neck until it cracked. “No. Ingalls is actually a common name.”

  Ally was disappointed. “Well, that sucks.”

  “I have an idea,” Mary interjected. “Ally mentioned wanting to learn how to cook some of Jake’s favorite meals. Now would be a good time to give her a few lessons. We can make a nice dinner for you guys for when you get back. How does that sound?”

  Ally considered the suggestion. “Okay, but I don’t want to kill any animals,” she said. “I draw the line at chopping a chicken’s head off.”

  “Duly noted,” Mary said, smirking before turning to Mandy. “What about you, dear?”

  “Um … .” Mandy looked conflicted.

  “You wanted to learn how to cook, baby,” James prodded. “Mary will be a better instructor and hopefully she won’t want to kill you when she’s done. I … please?”

  Mandy sighed, resigned. “Fine. I want to learn to make something cool, though.”

  “I think I can manage that,” Mary said, smiling.

  James cupped Mandy’s chin and smacked his lips against hers, holding her there until she relaxed in his arms. When he pulled back, he shot her a wry grin. “Is it wrong that I’m excited to do a full day of manly work while my woman stays home and fixes me supper?”

  Mandy’s blue eyes shifted into dangerous slits. “Do you really want to say things like that when I have the opportunity to spit in your food?”

  James shrugged and kissed his wife a second time. “I love you. Be good.”

  He paused at Mary’s side before leaving, lowering his voice so only she could hear. “You’re going to need to watch her. She can burn boiling water … and she’s accident prone.”

  “She can’t possibly be that bad,” Mary chided.

  “Keep a fire extinguisher handy.”

  “THIS is so much fun,” Ally enthused two hours later, flour clinging to the side of her nose as she used a rolling pin on dough. “I’ve never made a pie crust before.”

  “Have you ever made pie?” Mary asked, gingerly taking the knife Mandy was trying to use to cut apples from her because she was worried the blonde was about to hack off a thumb. “Why don’t you help Ally with the crust, dear? I’ll handle the slicing.”

  Mandy made a face. “I know what you’re doing,” she said. “I’m a menace in the kitchen. You’re not the first person to point this out to me.”

  Mary kindly patted Mandy’s shoulder. “I’m sure you’re good at other things,” she said. “Your husband doesn’t seem to care that you can’t cook. Maybe you should take it as a … sign.”

  “A sign of what?”

  “That you shouldn’t cook,” Mary said, pursing her lips. Since they’d started food preparations, Mandy dropped the roast on the stove burner’s open flame, lost three onions somewhere in the kitchen they still couldn’t find, balked at peeling potatoes because they smelled, and dropped two eggs on the floor. Mary considered herself a patient woman, but she was at her limit. “What else can you do?”

  “She’s an awesome painter,” Ally supplied, happily rolling away at the crust dough. “She took a photograph I gave her and turned it into a painting. It’s of Jake and me. It’s beautiful. We hung it over the fireplace.”

  “You paint?” Mary was relieved Mandy had something going for her besides an adorable pout and a husband who doted on her. “That’s good. That means you’re artistic. Your mind might be too advanced for cooking.”

  “Don’t placate me,” Mandy chided. “I tried to take a cooking class because I thought James deserved a wife who could make him a home-cooked meal. I turned soup green and almost got killed. I think you’re right about me staying away from the kitchen.”

  “James doesn’t care if you cook,” Ally pointed out. “He’s happy with takeout and nudity. He’s really happy when those two things overlap.” Her cheeks colored when she realized what she said in front of Mary. “I mean … .”

  “I know exactly what you mean,” Mary said, grinning. “I’m not so old I don’t remember what it was like to be young and in love. Mandy and James clearly aren’t having any problems in their relationship because she can’t cook. They seem blissfully happy.”

  “When he’s not treating me like a child,” Mandy grumbled. “Do your clucking in the house, hens,” she said, mimicking James’ voice to perfection.

  “Oh, please tell me you’ve done that impersonation for him,” Ally chortled. “That will drive him crazy.”

  Mandy merely shrugged. “You know what? You guys should do the cooking and have a chance to talk when it’s just the two of you. I’m going to run over to the cabin and grab James’ camera. I packed it. I would like to take some photos of the property so I can paint them when I get back home.”

  “That’s a great idea,” Ally said, her eyes sparkling. “Can you do one of the house so I can give it to Jake as a gift? He loves this house. It might make him feel better after all of those ‘whipped Jake’ jokes Grady lobbed at him because of my painting.”

  Mandy nodded.

  “I don’t know,” Mary hedged. “James was adamant about you staying in the house.”

  “Oh, please. If James had his way Mandy would be cuffed to his side twenty-four hours a day,” Ally countered. “The cabin is close and it’s daylight. What could possibly happen?”

  JAMES studied his laptop screen, the sun dipping low in the sky to signify that it was almost time for dinner. He didn’t need the sky to tell him what his rumbling stomach was already complaining about.

  “It looks like we have thirty cameras in place and they’re all reporting back,” James said, stretching his back. It had been a long day. All he wanted now was dinner and his wife.

  They stood in the driveway of the Harrison’s massive home, the laptop propped up on the hood of Jake’s rental as they pinged all the cameras.

  “This seems like a lot of technology I don’t understand,” Ben admitted. He was fascinated with the process, keen to learn as Jake and James moved from one farm location to another. Still, looking at James’ busy screen now seemed daunting. “What are we expecting this to show us?”

  “We obviously can’t catch everything because there’s too much ground to cover,” Jake explained. “We have covered the main house area and the barns, though. If someone wants to do real damage, those are the areas they’ll target.”

  “If we’re lucky, we’ll have anyone on camera who doesn’t belong here,” James added. “If we get really lucky, the footage will be good enough to identify whoever it is.

  “Speaking of that, I need to call Grady before dinner,” he continued. “He’s running
that check on Mark Nixon and I want to see what he’s come up with. Plus, Maverick is going to be monitoring these cameras for us and I want to make sure everything is transferring correctly.”

  “Who is Maverick?” Ben asked.

  “He’s our computer guru.” James snapped the top of the laptop down. “That’s all we can do for right now. Let’s go inside and see what the hens cooked for dinner. I’m starving.”

  “You know that women don’t like being referred to as farm animals, right?” Ben asked, following James up the front porch steps. “You’re not going to be married very long if you keep that up.”

  “Oh, I’m going to be married forever,” James argued. “My baby knows I’m just playing around.”

  “She didn’t seem to know it this morning.”

  “Yes, well … she’s not a morning person. She knows I love her more than anything. She’s fine when I call her a hen. I … .” He broke off, glancing at Jake. “She’s fine with it, right?”

  “Don’t ask me,” Jake replied, glancing around the empty living room for a sign of the women. “I have no idea how you two haven’t killed each other during a fight or the making up that follows one of your infamous throw-downs.”

  “Something smells delicious,” Ben said, pressing a kiss to Mary’s cheek as the men moved into the kitchen. “Is that pot roast?”

  “It is,” Mary said, her eyes sparkling. “We made pot roast, potatoes, potato salad, fresh bread, and Ally made homemade pie.”

  “Apple and blueberry,” Ally said, doing a little dance behind the counter. “I even made pie crust from scratch.”

  Jake smiled as he thumbed a splotch of flour from Ally’s nose. “It sounds like you had fun, Angel.”

  “I did.”

  “She was a great apprentice,” Mary said. “She’s a natural in the kitchen.”

  “Make sure you keep her if she’s good in the kitchen, Jake,” Ben teased. “Those are the kind of women you never want to let go of.”

  “I think I’ll keep her whether she’s good in the kitchen or not,” Jake said, planting a soft kiss on Ally’s mouth. “Where’s the other chef?”

  Mary pressed her lips together as she decided how to answer.

  “Mandy dropped the pot roast, some eggs, and almost chopped her fingers off when she was cutting apples so Mary took the knife away from her,” Ally explained. “She didn’t last very long in the helping department.”

  James smirked. “Where is my little culinary menace?”

  “Well, it’s the weirdest thing,” Mary said. “She said she was going back to your cabin to get a camera she wanted because she wanted to take photos right around the house. I didn’t think it would be a big deal, but that was hours ago. She never came back. I think she’s out taking photos.”

  James frowned. “I told her to stay here,” he said. “I … I’m going to kill her.”

  “She’s probably just around the back of the house,” Ally said, rolling her eyes. “With the sun setting, she’ll get some really cool pictures.”

  “I’m still going to kill her,” James said, moving to leave the kitchen. “If anyone hears screaming, don’t worry, it’s just Mandy and me … having a talk.”

  As if on cue, a phone started ringing.

  “That’s me.” James dug his cell phone out of his pocket, frowning when Mandy’s number popped onto the screen. “Why is she calling?” He pressed the phone to his ear, but before he got a chance to offer an annoyed greeting, Mandy started talking.

  “James? You have to come to the cabin. I … hurry. Please. Help me!” Mandy followed up the terse statement with a scream right before the phone disconnected.

  James broke into a run, racing out of the house and across the field that separated the main house from the cabin.

  “What’s going on?” Jake asked, hurrying out the door after him.

  James didn’t bother responding. His wife was in trouble … again.

  Ten

  James’ heart pounded as he pushed open the screen door and skidded to a stop on the hardwood floor. He opened his mouth to call for Mandy, terrified he was too late and something truly awful had happened to his wife when his eyes landed on her.

  She sat on the small kitchen counter, her legs pressed to her chest and her face white. Her blue eyes latched onto his, offering a silent plea as she opened her mouth and no sound came out.

  “Baby, you scared the life out of me,” James said, striding toward her. “What’s wrong?”

  “I … .”

  “Baby, it’s okay,” James prodded, reaching for her. His heart flipped as he hugged her, stunned by the tremors wracking her body. “I’m here. No one can hurt you. Baby … baby … .” He ran his hands up and down her back, trying to calm her. “Tell me what happened. I’m here. I won’t let anyone touch you.”

  “I came to get your camera.” Mandy’s voice was hollow.

  “Mary told me,” James said, pushing his wife’s flaxen hair way from her face. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. He’d never seen her like this. “You’ve been gone for hours. Have you been here the whole time?”

  “I tried to call you,” Mandy said, nodding. “I tried so many times my phone is about to go dead.” Mandy held her iPhone up by way of proof, the battery symbol in the upper right corner blinking a dangerous red. “I only had one more shot … and you finally answered.”

  “I’m sorry, baby,” James said. He was still confused. “The cell reception is spotty out here. I … you still haven’t told me what happened and I’m about to have a heart attack. Did someone come after you?” James’ eyes traveled to Mandy’s legs, frowning at the new bruise on her inner thigh right below the hem of her cutoff shorts. That wasn’t there before. He knew because he kissed her in that exact spot a couple of times the previous evening. “Baby, did someone … touch you?”

  Mandy’s eyes flashed, showing the first true signs of life since James found her on the counter. “No. I did that when I dropped the roast on the burner and the pot fell over and crashed into my leg. It’s nothing like that. It’s … there’s a bug.”

  James stilled, his concern shifting to irritation. “A bug?”

  “James, you don’t understand,” Mandy explained hurriedly. “It’s the biggest bug you’ve ever seen. It’s the size of those monsters in Alien before they get really big. It was just wandering around.”

  “So you decided to hide from it on the counter?”

  Mandy nodded.

  “And where is this bug now?”

  “It’s hiding. It keeps coming back, though. I tried to jump down once, but it ran toward me again and … it’s horrible.”

  “I see.” James didn’t want to make a big deal about Mandy’s meltdown. He’d trained her to call whenever she needed him. He still wanted to shake her. “Well, I think it’s gone. I … oh, holy hell, what is that?”

  “That’s the bug.”

  James considered himself a brave man. He would die for his wife in an instant, never giving it a second thought. The horror of the beast shuffling across the floor in his direction had him momentarily considering fleeing outside without her, though. Instead, James did the only thing he could do. He pushed Mandy’s legs closer to her chest and hopped onto the counter next to her, lifting his own legs so the huge insect couldn’t grab them.

  That’s where Jake found them a minute later as he raced into the cabin. “What’s going on?”

  James didn’t know how to answer. Right now, he looked like a coward. He was also a coward without a bug eating his intestines while he was still alive to bear witness to the carnage.

  “There’s a really big bug,” Mandy offered, her chin resting on her knees as she pointed.

  Jake knit his eyebrows together. “A bug? Are you both hiding from it on the counter?”

  “I’m just resting,” James offered lamely. “I was just about to go and … .”

  “What?” Mandy prodded. “You were about to go and do what? You’re just as scared of it as I am.”<
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  “I’m not scared of a bug,” James protested.

  “This must be one hell of a bug,” Jake muttered, moving around the chair blocking his view so he could see what they were referring to. When his eyes landed on the creature on the floor, he couldn’t stop himself from laughing. In fact, he was laughing so hard he bent over at the waist.

  “What’s going on?” Ben asked, gasping as he appeared in the doorway. “Mary said there was some sort of trouble out here.”

  “There’s a really big bug,” Mandy said, not embarrassed about her terror in the slightest now that James had the same reaction. “I’m afraid it’s going to eat me.”

  “Bug?” Ben was confused.

  “It’s not a bug,” Jake said, leaning over to gather the creature up and lift it for his uncle’s inspection.

  “Oh,” Ben said, chuckling when he caught sight of the animal. “That’s Floyd.”

  Mandy was horrified. “You named the bug? It’s not a cat. You can’t pet it. It’s not even a fish. It’s … horrible.”

  “It’s not a bug, Mandy,” Jake said, eyeing James for a moment. “Are you going to sleep up there, boss?”

  James sighed and hopped down, flustered that Jake was carrying around a huge monstrosity that made his skin crawl while he opted to hide on the counter with his trembling wife. “If that’s not a bug, what is it?”

  “It’s an armadillo.”

  “Oh,” Mandy and James said in unison, realization dawning. James started to move forward so he could study the armadillo but turned around and gathered Mandy so he could pull her off the counter first.

  “Are you okay, baby?” James asked, his expression rueful. “I … I’m not going to lie. I was terrified when I ran over here and then I was mad when you said it was a bug.”

  “And then you hopped up on the counter with me when you saw it,” Mandy pointed out.

  “I’m never going to live that down, am I?”

  “No,” Mandy said, rolling up to the balls of her feet and planting a kiss on James’ cheek. “Thank you for coming for me, though.”

  “I’ll always come for you, baby,” James said, tugging on a strand of her hair. “Sadly, I would rather face down an armed crazy person than … that thing, though.”