by Jennie Adams
Jayne found something inside herself when Alex kissed her like that—something that opened her emotions and let him in, even to parts of her that she didn’t understand.
Jayne’s arms rose. She felt the sturdy muscles in the sides of his neck and knew his strength and wanted to give herself to all of his strength and so she did.
But Alex gave, too. His hand rose to stroke the side of her face from her jaw to her temple and he sighed into her mouth as he kissed her, and Jayne felt as though she’d given him a gift, that she had given him something that he had needed very much.
Just as he had given to her, too. Warning bells were there, but he took her hand and led her to the neat second bedroom with its plain double bed and sparse furnishings.
‘Are we out of our depth, Jayne?’ he asked and in the backs of his eyes the question lingered. Desire for her and so many other emotions lingered. It didn’t matter if she couldn’t name them.
They were all within her, also, each feeling of hers answering all that her senses and emotions found in him—vulnerability, too. Was she wrong to think that was in both of them? Why would Alex—? ‘I don’t know, Alex. All I know is that this feels right for now, for tonight.’ If she didn’t ask for too much, then she wasn’t committing too much of herself.
‘This moment.’ Something in his expression stilled, but then he blinked and whatever it was, was gone. He wrapped his arms around her, all the way around so that they were body to body, heartbeat to heartbeat, and he kissed her again.
Jayne felt filled with need in a way she had never felt before. She felt these things for Alex, with Alex.
Her fingers gripped the hem of his T-shirt and she pushed it up. He reached behind his neck and pulled the T-shirt over his head and threw it onto the floor. His body was beautiful, perfect, and Jayne’s balance tipped from one instant to the next as a surge of fear and inadequacy rose. She hesitated.
‘Let me see you, Jayne. Please—’ his deep voice filled with longing ‘—I’ve wanted so much…’
Jayne let down her guard somewhere in the depth of his gaze. Her shirt followed his and she did think about her softness, the parts of her body that weren’t lean and fit, that matched her age and didn’t match his age.
She had never felt like this. Was that why uncertainty also rose? Or was it because of his perfection? He wasn’t a Drew or a George or any of the older men Jayne had dated. This was a different playing field and Jayne wasn’t totally sure she was safe and secure to play.
Alex’s hands rose to stroke over the indent of her waist, up her sides, and he whispered, ‘You’re so beautiful, Jayne.’
So being older didn’t matter. It didn’t, did it?
The rest of their clothes fell away, a scatter across the floor as Alex learned each part of her, and Jayne learned each part of him.
Jayne lay with her head on the pillow and looked into Alex’s gaze above her. She didn’t remember how they’d got there, but they had and they’d spent aeons in each other’s arms, and moments that weren’t enough, that demanded that they hold each other tighter, linger longer, draw even closer.
They were on the brink of a journey, but the journey had somehow started from the moment they’d met. ‘Make love to me, Alex, because I want…and need to make love to you.’
‘Jayne…’ Alex had no words, only his touch and his embrace as he invested all of himself in this moment with Jayne.
She hadn’t wanted him to see her body. She had hesitated, yet she was so beautiful. How did he show her that? How did he do that and understand the feelings tightening his chest right now, making him feel protective of Jayne and desperate for her, all at once?
Until now, Alex had separated intimacy and emotion. With Jayne, he had blurred that line, disintegrated it. So much emotion in such a short span of time. Getting his answers…and this. Because it was emotion, even if he didn’t understand all of that.
‘Alex,’ she whispered against his neck as he kissed her over and over.
Alex held Jayne against his heart. He offered his body and his emotions were in that offering, even if he didn’t want to fully confront that fact.
He held Jayne and he gave to her and she gave to him and in that moment, when everything was stripped away for both of them, Alex thought that he didn’t ever want to let Jayne go.
How did he feel so deeply for a woman—for Jayne—when he didn’t know how to do that, or what that meant?
Alex brushed damp tendrils of wavy hair from Jayne’s forehead and his fingers brushed over the fine lines that fanned out at the sides of her eyes and crinkled so endearingly when she smiled. He wanted to speak, but still the words wouldn’t come. Alex didn’t have answers to all of this.
Jayne felt Alex’s fingers touch the wrinkles at the sides of her eyes. She was overwhelmed by what they had shared, shattered inside from the sense of having yielded herself so deeply to him. Her emotions were vulnerable, every weakness and fear too willing to surface.
She wanted to turn her head away and not let him touch those parts of her that underlined that she was older—that Alex was more physically appealing and, no matter how much time might pass, that fact would never change because the age gap would always be there.
She’d had silly thoughts about a flirty, older woman/younger man scenario but in those imaginary situations the woman was powerful and confident and the man more than willing to be with her. Attracted to her, attractive to her.
Jayne’s need for Alex had pushed past her uncertainties, but now the balance seemed to tip the other way.
Jayne didn’t turn her head away. Instead, she pressed into Alex’s touch, met his gaze and hoped all he saw was happiness and completion in her eyes because she did feel those things, and they were what she most wanted to feel right now. Jayne couldn’t face the negative emotions.
She swallowed hard and brushed her fingers softly over the side of his jaw and across his neck. They made love again, then, and Jayne let all her thoughts slide away on waves of sensation in Alex’s arms.
Later, they drifted on the edge of slumber. ‘Sleep, Jayne.’ Alex brushed the lightest of kisses over her brow and turned her in his arms so they could sleep spooned with her back against his chest. Maybe he had no idea and, if that was the case, then that was probably best because they’d committed to tonight and that was all, and Jayne would rather he didn’t know any of her fears.
If she slept, then perhaps in the morning Jayne would find the strength to go forward from here without the sense of loss that she had a feeling might come. Jayne closed her eyes…
She woke confused and disoriented in a strange bed. There were voices outside somewhere and—
‘Alex.’ Remembrance washed over her and she came fully awake in a startled, comprehending rush that cut through all her defences before she could stop it.
She’d fallen in love with Alex. That was why last night had meant so much, why her feelings had cut so deep. The pleasure and joy of making love with him, and the corresponding fear and uncertainty afterwards.
Why did you let this happen, Jayne?
Why had she let herself fall in love with him when he’d said he only wanted that night together? She’d set herself up for a fall when she should have known better because Jayne had never managed to hold the love of anyone who mattered, except for Nickie, and her sister had only had Jayne out of a less than stellar bunch of choices, anyway.
‘I can’t do this.’ Panic flooded through Jayne because if she let these feelings rise to the surface she would have to deal with them, and how could she do that when even the thought of having such intense need for Alex terrified her?
Because she was older, and she wasn’t in the prime of her twenties as he was…
And Alex. What were Alex’s feelings after last night? He hadn’t expected this to turn into a love affair. He’d made it clear that it was about the moment. So, Alex wasn’t in love with Jayne. That was clear.
Jayne nodded and a little heavy lump settled som
ewhere in the centre of her chest. But she’d faced tough things before. She could face this down, too. She’d just tell Alex.
What? The question resonated inside Jayne and she swung her feet over the edge of the bed and sat up.
They had to work together. How could she do that and not think about what had happened?
You’ve done the same thing your father did, Jayne. You’ve committed emotionally to someone younger who can’t give you what you need from him.
Jayne had fallen in love with Alex, but Alex hadn’t fallen in love with Jayne.
‘It’s good that you were able to fly back in.’ Alex’s words sounded somewhere not too far away outside the bedroom window.
He was clearly speaking to the pilot, and Jayne couldn’t even hear his voice without aching inside.
Alex went on, ‘And thank you for making your home available to us while you were gone. We appreciated that.’
His voice was morning deep, a little rough. Was he thinking of Jayne—wishing he still had her in his arms? Or wishing he’d never taken last night’s step at all?
A man’s voice responded. ‘That’s the way of things out here. Couldn’t have you both roaming around in a dust storm. It’ll be easy enough to fly you back to Alice Springs this morning. There’s a flight you’ll be able to catch from there.’
So that was done. Dust storm over. They could get their hire vehicle collected from out here, fly back to Alice Springs and then to Sydney. Jayne would put her proposal to her father and she believed he would approve it. Then she’d tell him she wanted her partnership. If he gave it to her, everything would be fine. If not, she would leave Cutter’s. And Alex would go his way.
Jayne gathered up her clothes and hurried towards the bathroom. She hadn’t heard the plane. She didn’t hear the rest of what was said, either, but she’d heard enough.
Now she had to pull herself together and stay pulled together, no matter what. Even though she was in love with Alex.
CHAPTER TEN
‘JAYNE.’ Alex wanted—and needed—to take Jayne into his arms, to feel again the closeness they had shared last night.
Wanted, but couldn’t have. Not now.
The pilot was going over his plane, making sure all systems were go before he boarded them for the trip back to Alice Springs. There was no privacy. There’d been no chance to wake with Jayne and hold her, take time to navigate through what they had shared.
Alex didn’t understand where last night had put him. The tangle of sensation and emotion that had gripped him had put him out of his depth, had taken him by surprise and he hadn’t felt prepared to deal with that, to know himself and understand himself in that. Alex still didn’t understand. The urge to try to buy time with Jayne was strong. He wasn’t ready for the ‘morning after’ but it was here anyway.
Alex had woken as the plane had come in to land. It had killed him to let go of Jayne then, but she’d been sound asleep and he couldn’t leave the pilot to walk in on them.
‘I slept through his landing.’ Jayne didn’t quite meet Alex’s gaze. Her shoulders were tight, her expression set and sombre as she joined him in the shade of an awning over the hangar. Everything was covered in dust but at the moment the air was very still so at least they could see and breathe.
‘Do you regret—?’
‘About last night—’
She broke off and her gaze did meet his then, and there was so much defensiveness and need to protect herself that Alex stood, stunned, because Jayne shouldn’t need to feel like that. Not with…him. And because he had felt like that at times in his life before Brent and Linc had got him out of the orphanage.
What filled Jayne with that kind of fear? What about them, or last night, made Jayne feel this way? Because Alex didn’t think this was about the past for her. But maybe it was, because what did he know about how Jayne felt about that?
‘Last night was…special.’ The words seemed to be wrenched from her.
‘It was for me as well, Jayne.’ He hadn’t had time to come to terms with his feelings about it. Alex knew he didn’t want that to be the end for them. He knew that much as he looked into her eyes.
‘We had…an agreement, and maybe last night wasn’t the smartest idea.’ Jayne seemed to force herself to go on. ‘I won’t apologise for it or try to prove myself, but that was a “once” thing.’
Alex frowned. Prove herself how? Apologise for what? And what did he want? He wanted to continue this intimacy with Jayne, but it was pretty obvious that she was doing all she could to push him back to arm’s length.
The hurt that moved through him sliced deep. Something told him the burn would be a whole lot worse when he’d had time for it to fully register. It shouldn’t hurt like that. They had had an agreement; she was right about that. And…Jayne wasn’t being harsh. She looked upset by her statement, if anything. Alex didn’t know what to think. Alex couldn’t think.
‘Ready, folks?’ the pilot called from beside the plane. ‘I’d like to get moving, make sure I’m on schedule for the landing.’
‘I understand, Jayne.’ Alex understood she was drawing a line. In the end, didn’t it come down to—Alex MacKay wasn’t what Jayne Cutter wanted?
Pride drove him to put their agreement into words that were at least halfway palatable. ‘A working relationship. Don’t worry. I understand the disparities. We wouldn’t work out as more in the long-term.’
‘No. We wouldn’t.’ Jayne tried to maintain a calm, confident expression as she responded. He’d said disparities. No doubt he meant the difference in their ages, in Jayne being older. The concept of the older woman and the ‘toy boy’ that had seemed half thrilling just days ago now cut her to the quick. Well, what had she been thinking to imagine he would want someone who had a decade on him in age, at his young age of twenty-five? That kind of female fantasy was clearly for movies and those silly TV shows that had no relation to reality.
In the broad, unforgiving light of day, Alex was quite clear in what he didn’t want. Jayne had started the conversation, that was true, but he’d been quick to agree with her. ‘All I want is to get back to Sydney now so I can put my proposal to my father. I phoned him just now, before I came out to speak with you. He knows I’ll be bringing you in for the meeting on Monday.’
She thought she did quite well to get the words out in a calm, even tone.
They boarded the plane and started the first leg of the journey out of here and back to Sydney.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘WELL, this is an unexpected turn of events, Jayne. I would have thought you’d realise how wrong it was of you to offer your services to a rival company behind my back,’ Jayne’s father said as she stepped through the doors into the company boardroom. It was Monday morning. Her father stood at the end of the room beside the bay window. Eric stood beside him.
Alex entered the room behind Jayne—close enough to hear her father’s words. It wasn’t the way Jayne had hoped this meeting would begin, and Eric wasn’t helping, standing there looking smug and self-righteous.
‘Dad, Eric, I’d like you to meet Alex MacKay.’ Formalities first. Then explanations. And then her proposal. Jayne didn’t even want Eric here for this but, in his usual way, her father had allowed it. ‘Alex owns and runs an export business here in Sydney that sells a large variety of gift-styled items to a number of wholesale and retail purchasers globally. As I mentioned on the phone, Dad, Alex is here today to add his knowledge base to the presentation I’ll be bringing to you.’
Her father sat down at the head of the boardroom table. Eric sat to his right! Jayne wanted to shake her head, but she kept her thoughts to herself.
Alex’s fingers brushed over the back of her hand briefly as they, too, took seats.
It was just a touch.
But it wasn’t just a touch, was it? It was Alex knowing exactly how tense she was and sitting at her side, ready to jump right into the middle of all this with her, even though her father had just dropped a highly insult
ing bombshell on Jayne. She was embarrassed and upset, but she had to get on with this.
And Alex reacting this way didn’t mean that he loved her. He was a good man—a kind one. That was what it meant.
On the way here, Jayne had asked Alex about his talk with his brothers.
‘I told them everything. They’re going to go out to meet Morgan with me. We’ll probably all take a couple of days once your meeting’s over.’
Get it done straight away. He’d left it at that, and they’d talked more about the meeting with Jayne’s father. She’d done everything she could to prepare for it, but Jayne hadn’t expected her father to attack her the moment she got in the door. What had Dad heard? And from whom? Jayne knew the Lis wouldn’t have spoken with him; she’d asked them to give her time to discuss the situation with her father.
‘Dad, I talked to you about a number of ideas to move the company forward, and—’ Jayne glanced at Alex and quickly away again ‘—make us really cutting edge.’
It was hard to look at Alex, hard to know she had all of his support for this, but there was an invisible line drawn between them now. He didn’t want an older woman, didn’t want those parts of her that were not in his age bracket. Jayne had done what she could to support him while he researched his history but he’d resolved that now, too. He’d got his answers, he was content to get to know Morgan, find out a little more about his past, bring his brothers into that equation, so for him it would all balance out once again and he could move forward. Not all miraculously fixed, but with a resolution, just the same.
Alex had been through enough emotionally just lately. He didn’t need Jayne dumping more of an emotional load on him and what was there to say, anyway? She was the one who’d started ruling that line between them. Alex had merely helped her finish it. She’d drawn it because she’d known she couldn’t hold a man his age, couldn’t hold Alex, hadn’t ever been able to hold—
