With deliberate tenderness, she took Rebecca’s hands in her own and gave them a gentle squeeze. “You would make the most precious daughter a mother could have. I couldn’t love you more if you were my very own,” she answered, trying not to crush Rebecca’s hopes while salving Kyle’s concern.
Not knowing what else to say, Evelyn glanced at her father for help.
“Did I ever tell you about my old huntin’ dog, Rebecca?”
Rebecca turned to her grandpa, her face lit with excitement. “You had a dog?” she asked, and Evelyn silently thanked her father for breaking the tension of Kyle’s suspicious glance between her and Radford.
“Not just a dog. Red was the best dog ever born.” He patted his knees. “Come up here and I’ll tell you about the trick I played on him.” When Rebecca was settled in his lap, he continued. “Old Red was the smartest dog I ever owned. If I wanted to go rabbit huntin’, I’d take down my twelve-gauge shotgun and let Red get a look and a sniff, then off he’d go. I never had to wait more than a few minutes before he’d chase up a fat cottontail for me. When it was duck season, I’d let him whiff my ten-gauge and what do you think he’d hunt up for me?”
“What?” Rebecca asked, her eyes bright with curiosity.
“Why, ducks, of course. That old dog knew just by sniffin’ my gun what I wanted him to get for me.”
“How’d he know?”
William knuckled away a grin and winked at Evelyn. Rebecca sat in his lap holding her foot, gazing up in rapt attention while he stretched his story to answer her. “...and if I let Red sniff my twenty-two-caliber rifle,” her father was saying, “he knew we were going squirrel huntin’. But one day I tried to trick him. I brought out my fishin’ pole and let Red sniff it a couple of times. He sat down and scratched behind his ear a bit, then he jumped up and ran off like his tail was on fire.”
“Where’d he go?” Rebecca asked excitedly.
“Well, I didn’t know right away, but I was afraid I might have really confused him. I took my fishin’ pole and headed toward the creek. And guess where I found that darn dog?”
“Where?” Rebecca asked, nearly leaping off his lap in suspense.
“In the garden diggin’ worms to catch the fish with!”
Rebecca giggled and clapped her hands. “He knew! You didn’t trick him one bit, Grandpa!”
Delighted laughter burst from her father, and joy surged through Evelyn’s chest. What a glorious sound from a man who hadn’t had many reasons for laughing since his wife died. It had taken this little girl, this newly proclaimed granddaughter, to make him happy again. Evelyn’s gaze shifted to Radford, whose unrestrained, warm laughter made her eyes tear. To have a precious little girl to sit on her father’s lap and giggle at his silly tales, and a charming husband who would take the time to listen was everything she could ever desire. But when Evelyn looked at Kyle, she was scared to death she would never have that in her life.
Kyle caught her look and stood. “I have to check something at the house. Will you go with me?”
Surprised by his unexpected request, Evelyn nodded dumbly, then went to the livery to get her mare.
“Did you see Rebecca’s face when she saw you today?” Kyle asked as soon as they were away from the house.
Of course she had. Evelyn would never forget the beauty of that joy-filled expression. “Yes, why?”
“She was desperate to get her hands on you.”
Evelyn smiled. “She missed me as much as I missed her.”
“Do you think it’s wise for her to be so dependent on you?”
“She needs a woman in her life,” Evelyn answered.
“I agree, but it should be Radford’s wife.” Kyle reined in his stallion and dismounted in his side yard. “You can’t be her mother. This situation is going to become confusing and painful for Rebecca when you move out.”
“I love that little girl, just as you do,” Evelyn said, understanding it wasn’t Kyle’s jealousy, but his love for Rebecca that prompted his concern. “Rebecca and I will just have to work through the problem of our separation if that becomes necessary.”
“If?” Kyle took Evelyn’s arm and helped her dismount. “You and Rebecca won’t be living together once we’re married.”
“I’ll be moving down the road, not across the country.”
“Well, Radford might. Then what?”
He had a valid point. There was always the possibility that Radford would leave again, still even that risk couldn’t make Evelyn pull away from Rebecca.
Kyle raked his hair back. “Listen, Ev, I’m not telling you to turn away from Rebecca, but give some thought to how you’re handling your relationship with her. I also want you to think about selling the livery and reinvesting in a new mill.”
“What?”
“I’m sure your father will see that it makes more sense to invest in another sawmill that can earn more money with less effort.”
“Don’t you dare talk to Papa about this.” Evelyn pressed a callused fingertip to Kyle’s forehead. “I’ll never let you insult my father by telling him everything he’s sweated for isn’t good enough for you. I’d rather see him penniless and starving than to lose his pride.”
Kyle captured her hand and slowly lowered it to her side, his eyes snapping with unleashed anger. Evelyn flinched as he caught the nape of her neck and drew her forward until their noses were nearly touching. “Don’t ever put your finger in my face again,” he said. “I expect to be treated with the same respect I’ve always given you.”
“You call selling my heritage an act of respect?” She let the question rage between them as seconds ticked by in tense silence.
Slowly, with tightly held control, Kyle eased back and tipped his face heavenward. “Heritage is a set of characteristics that you receive from your parents. It’s the traditions and culture they raise you in.” He lowered his face and drilled her with a meaningful stare. “The livery is just a business with the sole purpose of making money.”
“What would you know of heritage, Kyle?” Evelyn asked, her voice iced with accusation. “You stripped your own brother of his.”
Kyle reared back as though she’d delivered him a vicious blow. Never had Evelyn witnessed such a wounded look in his eyes and she immediately regretted her spiteful tongue. Wishing she could retract her words, she reached for his hand, but he stepped away.
“Don’t be a hypocrite. If you’re going to make allegations, don’t sugarcoat them with apologies.”
His naked pain exposed the vulnerable young man who used to share her heartaches, as well as his own, and it left Evelyn reeling with regret over her reckless words.
“I’m sorry, Kyle.” She touched his arm. “That was cruel.”
His nostrils flared and the familiar mask of control slipped back in place. “I have a ton of work left to finish on the house before our wedding so I’m going to have limited time during the next two weeks to see you.” His gaze locked on hers. “I would like those few occasions to be pleasant.”
“So would I.” And she meant that.
“Then let’s not discuss the livery until the wedding is behind us.”
Evelyn bit her tongue. She had no intention of selling the livery, but Kyle needed to calm down before she tried to reason with him.
“I know I’ve been an ass on occasion, but I had hoped you held me in higher regard.”
Evelyn flushed with shame. “I do.” She slipped her arms around his hard waist. “It just seems we define things differently. You see with your head. I see with my heart.”
“Look at me.” She raised her gaze. A tired softness shone in the brown depths of his eyes. “For your own sake, learn to see with both and save yourself some heartache.”
He kissed her then, and Evelyn tried with all her heart to return the kiss, but it was an act of apology rather than passion that united them.
Chapter Twenty
Radford made his way upstairs, taking care to miss the third step that creaked. At
this late hour, he didn’t want to wake William or the doctor, and especially not Evelyn, whom he’d purposely kept away from all evening. His arms itched to hold her, but after seeing Kyle’s face when Rebecca asked Evelyn to be her mother, Radford knew he’d be encouraging a disaster.
He crossed through his room and entered the nursery, but was stopped by a vision so lovely it took his breath away.
October moonlight slanted through the nursery window and fell like gold dust upon Evelyn and Rebecca, who were sleeping in the rocking chair. Evelyn's cheek rested lightly upon Rebecca’s curls, her arms circling the small bundle in her lap. Rebecca’s ankles peeked from beneath her yellow blanket, her bare feet a miniature work of art against the slender length of Evelyn’s silk-covered thighs.
Evelyn’s hair draped her shoulders and the side of the chair in long, ebony waves. Her legs were bare to the knees and Radford feasted on the sight of her slender calves and thin ankles. Those precious, gentle hands that rested upon Rebecca’s back were responsible for his daughter’s happiness. And his as well.
Dark lashes contrasted with the ivory of Evelyn’s cheekbones and Radford moved closer, wishing he could see the emeralds they concealed. But he didn't wake her. He knelt beside the chair and gathered her hair. Filling his palms, he rubbed the luxuriant strands between his fingers, then raised it to his cheek, reveling in the midnight satin. He loved her hair. He loved her callused hands. He loved...her.
Radford lifted his face and looked at the woman he had unwittingly fallen in love with. How could he not love her? Evelyn had drawn him from the darkness of his lonely world. She’d become his sun. For Radford, it was the first time in years that tomorrow seemed like a promise.
He touched her cheek and her eyes fluttered open. They were sultry with sleep and confusion as she sat forward.
“What’s wrong?”
Radford placed a finger across her lips. “I need to ask you something. Why are you marrying my brother? I’ve never heard you say you love him.”
“We need each other.”
I need you more, he thought, and so does my little girl.
Sadness filled her eyes and she looked away. “Let it go, Radford.”
Searching her face, Radford waited for Evelyn to explain, to make him understand how she could marry his brother when her eyes said she didn’t love him. But Evelyn was silent, the anguish in her expression matching the pain in his chest when he finally understood that she was going to go through with her wedding plans with Kyle.
Resolutely, Radford lifted his daughter from her lap, intentionally filling his arms to keep them from reaching for Evelyn. He stepped away from her. “Go to bed.”
She stood up, but hesitated as if she wanted to say something.
“Go, Evelyn,” he said, turning away from the need in her eyes.
o0o
At five-thirty in the morning, Evelyn poured coffee for herself and the doctor.“How ill is my father?” she asked.
A flicker of discomfort crossed the doctor’s face as he looked into his coffee cup. “If he rests and doesn’t have another attack of apoplexy, he’ll be fine.”
“Is that the truth?”
The doctor glanced up. “Yes, but he needs his rest.” Evelyn nodded and the doctor laid his elbow on the table. “How often does Radford have nightmares?”
The bluntness of the doctor’s statement surprised Evelyn. She knew Radford’s belt of anguish last night had been loud enough to wake everyone from a sound sleep, but she assumed no one would speak of it. She had desperately wanted to go to Radford last night, but after their brief meeting in the nursery, Evelyn knew she would cave in the minute she touched him.
She met the doctor’s concerned gaze and thought maybe she’d finally found someone who could help Radford. Leaning against the sink, Evelyn cradled her cup in her palms. “Radford has nightmares quite often. Do you know of anything that can help him?”
“It depends on whether Radford wants help or not.”
“He doesn’t,” Evelyn answered without hesitation. Radford kept his past shut up like a condemned house.
“Then he may be in for some problems.”
“Like what?” Evelyn asked, a sense of dread filling her.
“Well, other than his nightmares, he could experience anything from unexpected acts of violence to complete insanity.”
Evelyn gasped. “Are you saying it will happen?”
“Not at all.” The doctor smiled like a patient grandfather. “Under the right circumstances, though, any one of us could be pushed beyond our limits. I’ve seen perfectly sane men lose their sanity over an event that seems insignificant until I discover the horrifying events preceding it. People who have suffered traumas seem to be more susceptible.” The doctor drained his cup and set it aside. “Has Radford acted out of character since coming home?”
Evelyn’s first thought was of the day Radford shoved Kyle away from Rebecca in the garden. Radford had overreacted to his own fear, but the feral look in his eyes and the animal snarl that had come from his throat were not normal. She'd had her own experience in Radford's bedroom, but she would never reveal that. “Radford is as sane as I am.”
The doctor studied her, his white brows perplexed. “You've had conversations about his nightmares, though?”
More than that, Evelyn thought, but she merely nodded.
“Then maybe he’ll talk with you when he feels safe.”
“Shouldn’t he be talking with his brothers, or his mother?”
The doctor shrugged. “Maybe Radford can’t bare his soul to his family.” He looked at Evelyn. “I think he needs a friend to talk to. You are friends, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” she said without hesitation, but in her heart, they were much more than that.
“Then he’ll open up when he feels safe, when he believes he can trust you with the truth.”
“Is that the only way to keep him from leaving?”
The doctor wrinkled his forehead. “Hard to say. I think Radford needs to ease his conscience before he can settle down. In my opinion, he won’t find peace until he spits out what’s eating at him.”
Evelyn’s hope flagged. Radford would never talk about something he was trying so hard to bury. “I’m sorry to sound so doubtful, Doctor, but I know Radford. No matter what I say to him, it won’t convince him to tell me about his past.”
“Don’t be so certain. My wife found a way to reach me.” At Evelyn’s look of surprise, the doctor smiled. “It was her love and understanding that encouraged me to talk. I carried grief and shame so deep that I couldn’t stand to look in the mirror. She held me many times while I wept the poison from my soul, and she mended my battered heart with love, time and time again.”
“Radford doesn't have a wife, Dr. Kendall.”
“Then he should find one.”
Chapter Twenty-one
On the last Saturday of October, Evelyn experienced an excruciating attack of nerves while getting ready to attend the neighbor’s wedding. In exactly one week, she would be speaking her own vows with Kyle. She would be promising to love, honor, and obey her husband. She would be consigning herself to a lifetime of friendship rather than love.
“Are you finished yet?” Rebecca asked, squirming on the bench at Evelyn’s dressing table.
“Yes, but I have a present for you.” Evelyn dangled an emerald silk ribbon in front of Rebecca. It was the silk ribbon her mother had given her the day before she died, but Evelyn wanted Rebecca to have it.
Rebecca’s eyes widened and she raised the ribbon to her mouth, rubbing the satin across her lips. Rather than the joy Evelyn expected to feel by giving something so sentimental, she felt a deep sadness for Rebecca. How could this child's mother have given her up? The idea that any woman could abandon her own daughter was simply beyond Evelyn's comprehension.
While Evelyn tied the ribbon in Rebecca’s hair, her heart strained toward the little girl who sat, ankles out, on a ratty old dressing stool with her tattered ye
llow blanket resting in her lap.
“There you go,” Evelyn said, swallowing the lump in her throat as Rebecca climbed off the bench.
Rebecca grinned as she admired herself in the mirror, patting her curls with tiny palms and twirling in a circle to fluff her new dress. “I want to show Grandpa how pretty I am!” she said, then wheeled from the room and barreled downstairs.
Evelyn sat on her bed and pressed her fingers to her eyes to stop the sting behind her lids. How was she going to live without the daily presence of that little girl? How was she going to bear seeing Radford and Rebecca turn to another woman?
More importantly, how was she going to live with her conscience if she married Kyle knowing she could never give him the love he deserved? Despite the promises they’d given each other, it was wrong to mislead Kyle about her feelings. Somehow she would tell him the truth tonight. Though she and her father could use the security Kyle would provide, they would all ultimately suffer if Evelyn took her vows with Kyle. He’d be furious at her for breaking their engagement at the last minute, but Evelyn knew Kyle’s anger would stem from a deep sense of hurt that she had broken a promise he’d invested his heart in. Still, it would be kinder than letting him find out five years from now that she couldn’t love him. Maybe someday he’d forgive her. If not, at least Evelyn’s honesty would allow her to reclaim the integrity she’d lost the night she gave her heart to Radford.
Radford hadn’t spoken privately to Evelyn since the night in the nursery, and despite the ache in her heart, Evelyn respected Radford’s decision to honor his brother. She’d never wanted to come between him and Kyle. She’d never meant to make a promise to one and fall in love with the other.
With resolve, Evelyn drew herself up and turned toward the wardrobe. Kyle would be arriving soon to take her to the wedding and she wouldn’t keep him waiting.
She took out the green silk dress that her father had purchased for her three years ago. The fabric slipped luxuriously beneath her rough fingers, but when Evelyn saw her plain face reflected in the mirror above the shimmering beauty of the gown, she understood why she’d never worn it. She would look ridiculous in anything fancier than britches and work boots. Taking a last, hopeful look at her dismal wardrobe, Evelyn realized nothing else would do for this occasion.
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