That kind of relationship sounded risky, but wouldn’t it be amazing to be loved like that?
Pastor Dan glanced at Lauren and then Wes. “This kind of love is only possible if you are directly connected to Jesus Christ, the source of true love. As we grow in our relationship with Him and experience more of Him in our lives, then we will have a never-ending river of love that can flow through us to our mate, our children, our friends, and all we meet.”
Longing stirred in Jenn’s heart. She looked across the sanctuary at a stained glass window that pictured Jesus as the good shepherd tenderly carrying a lamb in his arms while several other sheep followed Him along the path.
Her throat tightened. How would it feel to be held like that, to be back in His care?
But it had been so long since she had prayed or acknowledged Him. Would He even want her back . . . or was it too late?
A story she had read in the Bible the night before replayed in her mind. It told of the shepherd leaving the ninety-nine sheep and going to look for the one that was lost and needed his help. The memory warmed her heart with a secret knowing. He was searching for her now, calling her home to His arms.
Pastor Dan’s words brought her focus back to the ceremony as he led Wes and Lauren through their vows and the exchange of rings. Then they walked forward and lit a unity candle while a young couple sang a song about climbing the hills together. Pastor Dan prayed the final prayer. Then, with a broad grin, he pronounced them man and wife and invited Wes to kiss his bride.
Jenn bit her lip as she watched them embrace and exchange the sweetest kiss.
Pastor Dan beamed. “Let me be the first to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. Wesley Evans.”
The organist began the triumphant recessional, and everyone clapped and rose to their feet. With smiles wreathing their faces, Lauren took Wes’s arm and they walked up the aisle together.
Julia stepped forward to meet Bill and slipped her arm through his. She smiled up at him, her blue eyes bright. But Bill’s gaze flickered to Jenn. It only lasted a second, and Jenn suspected no one else had seen it. Then he turned and walked away with Julia. People smiled and nodded as they passed.
“Aren’t they a lovely couple,” an elderly woman in the second row said as she watched Bill and Julia pass.
Jenn’s stomach tumbled. She forced a shaky smile, took Toby’s hand, and followed Bill and Julia out of the sanctuary.
* * * *
Jenn sipped sparkling cider from a fluted goblet and glanced up at the big white tent sheltering the reception guests. The Wild River Resort lawn had been transformed into a beautiful reception area. Round tables for eight were set with white china, sparking crystal and blue napkins. Overflowing bouquets of white roses, blue delphiniums, and purple orchids sat in the center of each table.
Soft music played in the background while a roving photographer clicked candid shots of people as they moved through the buffet line. Most of the guests had already filled their plates and returned to their seats to enjoy the delicious dinner.
Jenn set her goblet down and released a soft sigh. A melancholy mood had settled over her now that the ceremony had ended and the reception was winding down. In less than an hour Wes and Lauren would leave for their honeymoon, and she would stay behind to work in the gallery and help Tilley care for Toby.
She was glad she could do it, really she was . . . but somehow she couldn’t help feeling deflated. She toyed with her stuffed chicken breast and pushed her plate aside. Glancing down the long head table past Toby, Lauren and Wes, she focused on Julia and Bill seated together at the other end of the table.
Bill had taken off his jacket and loosened his tie, but he still looked as handsome as ever. He turned to Julia. She flashed a quick smile and then laughed at something he said.
Jenn strained to listen, but with the music and conversation of the other guests swirling around her, she couldn’t make out their words.
Julia leaned closer to Bill, laid her hand on his arm, and whispered in his ear. He nodded and sat back with an amused expression on his face. Then he shifted his gaze to Jenn and sent her a quick smile.
Jenn pulled in a sharp breath. The nerve! Flirting with Julia one second and with her the next.
She scooted her chair back, intending to snatch her purse and make a quick exit to the ladies’ room, but Toby turned and banged into her. His cold cider splashed her shoulder.
Toby gasped and looked at her with wide eyes. “Sorry, Aunty Jenn.”
“It’s okay.” Her cheeks burned as she grabbed a cloth napkin and tried to blot up the mess. She deserved this for watching Bill and not paying attention.
Lauren turned toward them. “What happened?”
“It’s just a little spill.” But Jenn could feel the cider dripping down her arm. She’d have to take off her jacket to wipe up the sticky mess.
“I’m sorry, Jenn.” Sympathy filled Lauren’s voice. “Do you need some more napkins?”
“No, I think I’ll go rinse off.” She reached under the table for her purse, keeping an eye on Toby this time.
Someone began tapping the side of a glass with his spoon. Soon the clinking chorus rose and filled the tent. Wes turned to Lauren and gave her a lingering kiss. The guests clapped and cheered.
Jenn swallowed as she watched them, then turned and slipped away from the tent. When she reached the stone pathway leading to the back entrance to the lodge she heard familiar voices. Looking over her shoulder, she spotted Bill and Julia hurrying from the tent together. Julia had taken off her jacket, and the late afternoon sun splashed across her tanned shoulders. The sound of their laughter floated back to Jenn as they slipped around the side of the building.
Hot irritation flashed through her, quickly followed by a cooling wave of regret. She couldn’t stay angry with them. She liked them both too much. Besides, Bill hadn’t made any promises to her. He was free to take off with whomever he wanted.
Then why was she so upset?
Because she liked him much more than she’d been willing to admit to herself or anyone else. But it was too late to do anything about it now. She’d lost him to Julia.
No, she hadn’t lost him . . . because she’d never had him. He’d always only been her friend, her kind, caring, wonderful friend. But now, even their friendship seemed to be slipping away.
She trudged up the steps and pushed open the heavy glass door. Cool air conditioning sent a shiver up her back as she stepped into the lodge lobby. She followed the signs to the restroom and made her way to a private sink in the shower area, hoping she could avoid anyone else.
As she reached to turn on the water, she heard the bathroom door open. She peeked around the corner and saw two young teens walk in.
The first girl, a short blond who looked about fifteen, pulled a tube of lip-gloss from her purse. “Did you see Brian Shelton hanging out with Mandy by the punch table?”
The other girl nodded and flipped her long dark hair over her shoulder. “I can’t believe she won’t go out with him. What is her problem?”
“I don’t know. Everyone in youth group thinks he is so cool. I’d die if he ever asked me out.”
Jenn slipped back around the corner, remembering her own high school escapades.
“Did you see the way my aunt Julia was hanging out with the best man?”
Jenn froze, her heart hammering.
“You mean Bill Morgan?”
“Yes. Isn’t he a dream?”
The first girl sighed. “I could hardly keep my mind on what he was saying the last time our class went out to the nature center.”
“My mom said my aunt has liked him forever.”
“Really? I wonder why it’s taken them so long to get together. Your aunt is gorgeous.”
“I know. I guess some guys are just clueless.” Both girls laughed.
Perspiration dotted Jenn’s forehead as she rinsed the sticky juice off her arm and hands.
“Hey, remember the way they were squirting each o
ther and goofing around when they helped out at the youth group car wash?”
The other girl gasped. “That’s right. I should’ve guessed what was going on then.”
“They look so cute together. Do you think they’ll get married next?”
“Probably. My mom says my aunt wants a family in the worst way.”
“She lives with your grandpa, right?”
“Yeah, but that’s not the same as having a husband and kids.”
“Especially a cute husband like Bill Morgan. I bet their kids will be adorable.”
Jenn gulped and tried to slow her racing heart. This was not happening. These girls didn’t know what they were talking about. Bill and Julia were not about to get engaged, were they? She tried to force those thoughts away, but painful questions rose and took their place. Was that why Bill never came to see her anymore? Why hadn’t she heard anything about it?
Jenn crossed behind the girls and pulled out a paper towel to dry her hands. The girls exchanged wary glances as they continued to primp and brush their hair.
The bathroom door flew open and another teenage girl leaned in. “You guys better hurry up. Lauren’s going to throw the bouquet any minute.”
The brunette grabbed her purse off the counter. “Let’s go.” The two girls hustled out the door, leaving Jenn staring at her pale reflection in the mirror.
Chapter Twenty-One
Bill stuffed the leftover crape paper streamers in the plastic bag and walked toward the reception tent. Julia had stayed behind to finish attaching the Just Married sign to the rear window of Wes’ car. But he needed to get back. Hopefully, he could catch a few minutes with Jenn. He’d held back and given her plenty of space, but there was something he had to tell her, and it couldn’t wait.
Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a flash of blue. Turning, he saw Jenn hurry down the lodge steps and head toward the parking lot.
His heartbeat kicked up a notch. He took off at a jog and caught up with her near the end of the first row of cars. “Hey, where are you going? The party’s not over yet.”
“I’m not feeling well.” She kept walking. “I’m going back to the house.”
Concern rose and tightened his chest. He moved around in front of her. “I’ll drive you.”
“No, I’m okay. I’m just not in the mood for all this.” She stepped to the right.
He countered and blocked her path. “What happened?” His gaze darted to her shoulder and held. He’d never seen these deeper scars with the square patch of lighter skin grafted over them. He clenched his hands and steeled himself against the response coursing through him. “Did someone say something?”
She looked away. “No, I’m just tired. I want to go home.”
“Come on. You can tell me.” He forced a teasing grin. “I know that’s not it.”
Color flooded her cheeks, and her eyes flashed. “Why should you care? Why don’t you just go back and enjoy the rest of the reception with Julia?”
“What?” Shockwaves rippled through him.
“Look, it’s obvious what’s going on. Every time I turn around someone is talking about you and Julia and how perfect you are together. You go to the same church, you have the same friends, you’re the best man, she’s the maid of honor.” She lifted her hands. “It makes sense.”
“That’s what’s bothering you?” Her jealousy tickled him more than it should have, and he couldn’t keep the smile out of his voice.
“Never mind!” She glared at him and spun away.
“Whoa.” He reached for her arm. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be joking around about this.” He waited until she looked him in the eyes. “There’s nothing between Julia and me.”
“Oh, is that right?” She pulled her arm away. “Then why did you just sneak off with her?”
He stared at her a second, trying to figure out what she meant. Then it dawned on him, and he opened his mouth to explain, but she held up her hand to stop him.
“Don’t deny it. I saw you.” The hurt in her eyes stole all the humor from the situation.
“We were decorating Wes’s car.”
Her eyes widened for a split second, then she narrowed them, distrust settling over her features.
“Jenn, I promise you, I’m not interested in Julia. I never have been. She’s great girl, but she’s just not . . .” How could he explain it? There was no connection, no spark, nothing like what he felt when he was around Jenn.
“Not what?” A hopeful light tinged with longing shone in Jenn’s eyes.
The truth burned in his throat and became a silent plea for help. A cooling breeze blew past, helping him focus, giving him strength. “She’s not the right one for me.”
Jenn searched his face, waiting for him to say more. When he didn’t, she sighed and rubbed her forehead, shielding her eyes from him. “I’m sorry. I’m just so confused. After the fourth of July, I thought . . .”
Pain twisted through him. “Yeah, I’m a little confused myself.” He shoved his hands in his pants pockets, feeling the weight of the next words he would say. “I have something I need to tell you.”
She looked up, a wary look in her eyes. “What?”
He straightened his shoulders, wishing there was some other way, but this was the path he felt called to follow, though it was the last one he would’ve chosen. “I applied for a job in North Carolina. I’m going down for an interview on the twenty-first.”
Her face paled. “Do Wes and Lauren know?”
“I didn’t want to say anything before the wedding. There’ll be plenty of time to talk to them when they get back if it all works out.” But the people at Hawk Mountain were paying for him to fly down for this interview, so he knew they were serious.
“But I don’t understand. Why would you leave?”
He clenched his jaw and looked away. He knew she cared, but he hadn’t realized how much. He had to clear his throat before he could speak. “My parents are getting older. I’d like to be closer so I can help them out a little more.”
With a shaky hand she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “So this is about being closer to home and helping your parents?”
He swallowed and nodded, hating that he had to keep the rest of the truth from her. But she wouldn’t understand. What could he say? She wasn’t spiritual enough? That would be a huge insult and hurt her more than he already had.
She looked up at him with sorrowful, pleading eyes.
Doubt hit and shook him to the core. Had he truly heard from the Lord? Was he making a huge mistake? What if he just took her in his arms right now and told her he loved her? Eventually she’d come around and grow to love the Lord, wouldn’t she?
A cloud passed over the sun, sending a shadow rushing toward them, sealing his choice.
He couldn’t stay. There was no future for them. Love and commitment to God formed the bond that held a relationship together through good times and bad. Praying together, serving together, sharing common goals and values, that was what made a marriage work. He knew it was true, but he’d never known how hard it could be to obey those principles.
“I’m sorry Jenn.” A boulder lodged in his throat, and he had to force out the next words. “I never meant to hurt you.”
A tear slipped down her cheek, and an ocean of pain filled her eyes. Without another word, she turned and walked away.
This time, he let her go.
* * * *
Thunder rumbled overhead and shook the house. Raindrops splattered against Jenn’s bedroom window. A streak of lightning flashed as she reached to lower the blinds. Goose bumps raced up her arms. She dropped the blinds with a snap, rubbed her arms and returned to her cozy spot on the bed.
Twelve days had passed since Wes and Lauren’s wedding. Jenn had spent the time working in the gallery, painting, and helping Tilley keep Toby out of trouble. Most evenings she settled in her room to read a chapter or two in the Bible Lauren had given her. After she finished, she poured out her thoughts and question
s on the pages of her journal.
Picking up the Bible again, she flipped to the fourteenth chapter of John where she’d left off.
Jesus was an amazing man full of purpose and compassion, not a weak pawn as one of her college professors had insisted. His teaching captivated her, and her heart softened each time she read how He healed the sick and handicapped or showed love to the poor and lonely. He appreciated people who asked honest questions and those who demonstrated their faith by their actions. Most of all, He seemed to be looking for those who were willing to follow God with their whole heart.
She lay back on her pillows and closed her eyes. She had been poor and lonely when she came to Vermont almost four months ago. Wes, Lauren and Tilley had welcomed her into their home and family and shown her so much love. She smiled, remembering the way Wes and Lauren thanked her for helping with the wedding before they left for their honeymoon. Wes’s last words were, “You know Lauren and I love you.” Then they’d hugged her and kissed her goodbye.
And Bill . . . her heart ached as she thought of him. Was he still in North Carolina? Had he accepted the job that would take him so far away from her? She hadn’t seen him since the wedding, though she thought of him every day and spent too much time dreaming of ways for them to connect again when he got back.
The last two Sundays she’d gone to church with Tilley, hoping she would run into him there, but for some reason, she hadn’t. The prospect of seeing Bill hadn’t been her only motivation for attending. She’d enjoyed getting to know Pastor Dan and his wife at the wedding, and she liked the way he explained the Bible and made it easy for her to understand. That seemed to ease the ache in her heart and help her feel closer to God.
She’d been surprised to learn so many people she’d met at the wedding attended the church. Rather than feeling out of place, they’d made her feel welcome.
If only Bill had been there.
She shook her head and released a deep sigh. Even though it hadn’t worked out between them, she would always be grateful for his caring friendship, his kindness and acceptance. He looked past the surface into her heart, to who she really was. He had taught her so much by his example and the way he’d lived out his faith in his daily life. Jenn smiled through tears.
Surrendered Hearts Page 14
