Then the man suddenly grew angry. Furious. Something on the court set him off. A foul maybe, a bad call. He screamed at Alex’s team, he screamed at our coach, at the ref. In his rage, he bumped against my father and dropped his soda, spilling it on his shoes. It was his fault but he seemed to blame my father for the mishap. The men got into an argument, though my father soon realized that the man was out of control, consumed by this odd rage, and ushered us back to the bleachers.
After the game I was still troubled but assumed the matter was over. Not so. The man followed us out into the parking lot and, screaming, bizarrely challenged my father to a fight. The man’s wife was crying, pulling him back and apologizing. “He’s never behaved like this, really!”
“Shut up, bitch!” he raged and slapped her.
Shaken, we climbed into the car and drove off. Ten minutes later, driving down I-40, we were sitting in troubled silence when a car veered over three lanes. The man from the game swerved right toward us, driving us off the road.
I remember seeing his face, twisted with anger, over the steering wheel.
In court he tearfully explained that he didn’t know what happened. It was like he was possessed. That defense didn’t get him very far. He was found guilty of three counts of first-degree manslaughter.
After I got out of the hospital following the crash, I couldn’t get out of my head the memory of what had happened to the man. How clear it was to me that he’d changed, in a flash. It was like flipping a light switch.
I began reading about sudden changes in personality and rage and impulse. That research led eventually to the writings of Dr. Pheder and other researchers and therapists. I grew fascinated with the concept of nemes, considered a theory by some, a reality by others.
As to their origin, there are several theories. I subscribe to one I found the most logical. Nemes are vestiges of human instinct. They were an integral part of the psychological makeup of the creatures in the chain that led to Homo sapiens and were necessary for survival. In the early days of humanoids, it was occasionally necessary to behave in ways we would consider bad or criminal now. To commit acts of violence, to be rageful, impulsive, sadistic, greedy. But as societies formed and developed, the need for those darker impulses faded. The governing bodies, the armies, the law enforcers took over the task of our survival. Violence, rage and the other darker impulses became not only unnecessary but were counter to society’s interests.
Somehow—there are several theories on this—the powerful neuro impulses that motivated those dark behaviors separated from humans and came to exist as separate entities, pockets of energy, you could say. In my research I found a precedent for this migration: The same thing happened with telepathy. Many generations ago, psychic communication was common. The advent of modern communication techniques eliminated the need for what we could call extrasensory perception, though many young children still have documented telepathic skills. (However, it’s interesting that with the increased use of cell phones and computers by youngsters, incidents of telepathy among young people are dramatically decreasing.)
But whatever their genealogy, nemes exist and there are millions of them. They float around like flu viruses until they find a vulnerable person and then incorporate themselves into the psyche of their host (“incorporate” is used, rather than a judgmental term like “infest” or “infect,” and never the theologically loaded “possess”). If someone is impulsive, angry, depressed, confused, scared—even physically sick—nemes will sense that and make a beeline for the cerebral cortex, the portion of the brain where emotion is controlled. They usually avoid people who are emotionally stable, strong-willed and who have high degrees of self-control, though not always.
Nemes are invisible, like electromagnetic waves and light at the far end of the spectrum, though it’s sometimes possible to tell they’re nearby if you hear distortion on a cell phone, TV or radio. Usually, the host doesn’t sense the incorporation itself; they only experience a sudden mood swing. Some people can outright sense them, though. I’m one of these, though there’s nothing “special” about me. It’s simply like having acute hearing or good eyesight.
Do nemes think?
They do, in a way. Though “think” is probably the wrong word. More likely they operate like insects, mostly through awareness and instinct. Survival is very strong within them, too. There’s nothing immortal about nemes. When their host passes away, they seem to dissipate as well. I myself don’t believe they communicate with one another, at least not in traditional ways, our ways, since I’ve never seen any evidence that they do.
This isn’t to minimize the damage they can do, of course. It’s significant. The rage and impulsive behavior that arise from incorporation lead to rape, murder, physical and sexual abuse and more subtle harms such as substance overuse and verbal abuse. They also affect the physiology and morphology of the host’s body itself, as a series of autopsies several years ago proved.
After my devastating personal encounter with nemes, I decided I wanted to work in a field that would help minimize the damage they could do.
So I became a therapist.
The thrust of my approach is behavioral. Once you’re under the influence of a neme, you don’t “cast it out,” as a (now former) practitioner unfortunately joked at a psychotherapy conference in Chicago some years ago. You treat the symptoms. I concentrate on working with my patients to achieve self-control, using any number of techniques to avoid or minimize behaviors that are destructive to them or others. In most cases it doesn’t even matter that the patient knows he or she is a host for a neme (some patients are comfortable with the reality and others aren’t). In any case, the methods I use are solid and well established, used by all behavioral therapists, and by and large successful.
There’ve been occasional defeats, of course. It’s the nature of the profession. Two of my patients, in which very potent nemes had incorporated, killed themselves when they were simply unable to resolve the conflict between their goals and the neme-influenced behavior.
There’s also something that’s been in the back of my mind for years: risk to myself. My life has been devoted to minimizing their effectiveness and spread and so I sometimes wonder if a neme senses that I’m a threat. This is probably according them too much credit; you have to guard against personifying them. But I can’t help but think back to an incident several years ago. I was attending a psychology conference in New York City and was nearly mugged. It was curious since the young attacker was a model student at a nice high school near my hotel. He’d never been in trouble with the police. And he was armed with a long knife. An off-duty policeman happened to be nearby and managed to arrest him just as he started after me with the weapon.
It was late at night and I couldn’t see clearly but I believed, from the boy’s eyes, that he was being influenced by a neme, motivated by its own sense of survival to kill me.
Probably not. But even if there was some truth to it, I wasn’t going to be deterred from my mission to save people at risk.
People like Annabelle Young.
* * *
THE DAY AFTER RUNNING into her in Starbucks, I went to North Carolina State University library and did some research. The state licensing agencies’ databases and ever-helpful Google revealed that the woman was thirty years old and worked at Chantelle West Middle School in Wetherby County. Interestingly, she was a widow—her husband had died three years ago—and, yes, she had a nine-year-old son, probably the target of her anger on the phone. According to information about the school where she taught, Annabelle would generally teach large classes, with an average of thirty-five students per year.
This meant that she could have a dramatic and devastating impact on the lives of many young people.
Then, too, was the matter of Annabelle’s own well-being. I was pretty sure that she’d come under the influence of the neme around the time her husband died; a sudden personal loss like that makes you emotionally vulnerable and more susceptibl
e than otherwise. (I noted, too, that she’d gone back to work around that time and I wondered if her neme sensed an opportunity to incorporate within someone who could influence a large number of equally vulnerable individuals, the children in her classes.)
Annabelle was obviously a smart woman and she might very well get into counseling at some point. But there comes a point when the neme is so deeply incorporated that people actually become accustomed or addicted to the inappropriate behaviors nemes cause. They don’t want to change.
My assessment was that she was past this point. And so, since I wasn’t going to hear from her, I did the only thing I could. I went to Wetherby.
I got there early on a Wednesday. The drive was pleasant, along one of those combined highways that traverse central North Carolina. It split somewhere outside of Raleigh and I continued on the increasingly rural branch of the two, taking me through old North Carolina. Tobacco warehouses and small industrial parts plants—most of them closed years ago but still squatting in weeds. Trailer parks, very unclosed. Bungalows and plenty of evidence of a love of NASCAR and Republican party lines.
Wetherby has a redeveloped downtown, but that’s just for show. I noted immediately as I cruised along the two-block stretch that nobody was buying anything in the art galleries and antique stores, and the nearly empty restaurants, I suspected, got new awnings with new names every eight months or so. The real work in places like Wetherby got done in the malls and office parks and housing developments built around new golf courses.
I checked into a motel, showered and began my reconnaissance, checking out Chantelle Middle School. I parked around the time I’d learned classes were dismissed but didn’t catch a glimpse of Annabelle Young.
Later that evening, about seven thirty, I found her house, four miles away, a modest twenty-year-old colonial in need of painting, on a cul-de-sac. There was no car in the drive. I parked under some trees and waited.
Fifteen minutes later a car pulled into the drive. I couldn’t tell if her son was inside or not. The Toyota parked in the garage and the door closed. A few minutes later I got out, slipped into some woods beside the house and glanced into the kitchen. I saw her carting dishes inside. Dirty dishes from lunch or last night, I assumed. She set them in the sink and I saw her pause, staring down. Her face was turned away but her body language, even from this distance, told me that she was angry.
Her son appeared, a skinny boy with longish brown hair. His body language suggested that he was cautious. He said something to his mother. Her head snapped toward him and he nodded quickly. Then retreated. She stayed where she was, staring at the dishes, for a moment. Without even rinsing them she stepped out of the room and swept her hand firmly along the wall, slapping the switch out. I could almost hear the angry gesture from where I was.
I didn’t want to talk to her while her son was present, so I headed back to the motel.
The next day I was up early and cruised back to the school before the teachers arrived. At seven fifteen I caught a glimpse of her car arriving and watched her climb out and stride unsmilingly into the school. Too many people around and she was too harried to have a conversation now.
I returned at three in the afternoon and when Annabelle emerged I followed her to a nearby strip mall, anchored by a Harris Teeter grocery store. She went shopping and came out a half hour later. She dumped the plastic bags in her trunk. I was going to approach her, even though a meeting in the parking lot wasn’t the most conducive to pitching my case, when I saw her lock the car and walk toward a nearby bar and grill.
At three thirty she wouldn’t be eating lunch or dinner and I knew what she had in mind. People influenced by nemes often drink more than they should, to dull the anxiety and anger that come from the incorporation.
Though I would eventually work on getting her to cut down on her alcohol consumption, her being slightly intoxicated and relaxed now could be a big help. I waited five minutes and followed. Inside the dark tavern, which smelled of Lysol and onions, I spotted her at the bar. She was having a mixed drink. Vodka or gin, it seemed, and some kind of juice. She was nearly finished with her first and she waved for a second.
I sat down two stools away and ordered a Diet Coke. I felt her head swivel toward me, tilt slightly as she debated if she’d seen me before and turn to her drink. Then the pieces fell together and she faced me again.
Without looking up I said, “I’m a professional counselor, Ms. Young. I’m here only in that capacity. To help. I’d like to talk to you.”
“You…you followed me here? From Raleigh?”
I made a show of leaving money for the soda to suggest that I wasn’t going to stay longer than necessary, trying to put her at ease.
“I did, yes. But, please, you don’t need to be afraid.”
Finally I turned to look at her. The eyes were just as I expected, narrow, cold, the eyes of somebody else entirely. The neme was even stronger than I’d thought.
“I’m about five seconds away from calling the police.”
“I understand. Please listen. I want to say something to you. And if you want me to leave I’ll head back to Raleigh right now. You can choose whatever you want.”
“Say it and get out.” She took another drink.
“I specialize in treating people who aren’t happy in life. I’m good at it. When I saw you the other day in Starbucks I knew you were exactly the sort of patient who could benefit from my expertise. I would like very much to help you.”
No mention of nemes, of course.
“I don’t need a shrink.”
“I’m actually not a shrink. I’m a psychologist, not a doctor.”
“I don’t care what you are. You can’t…can’t you be reported for this, trying to drum up business?”
“Yes, and you’re free to do that. But I thought it was worth the risk to offer you my services. I don’t care about the money. You can pay me whatever you can afford. I care about helping you. I can give you references and you can call the state licensing board about me.”
“Do you even have a girlfriend who’s a teacher?”
“No. I lied. Which I’ll never do again…It was that important to try to explain how I can help you.”
And then I saw her face soften. She was nodding.
My heart was pounding hard. It had been a risk, trying this, but she was going to come around. The therapy would be hard work. For both of us. But the stakes were too high to let her continue the way she was. I knew we could make significant progress.
I turned away to pull a card from my wallet. “Let me tell you a—”
As I looked back, I took the full tide of her second drink in the face. My eyes on fire from the liquor and stinging juice, I gasped in agony and grabbed bar napkins to dry them.
“Annie, what’s wrong?” the bartender snapped and through my blurred vision I could just make out his grabbing her arm as she started to fling the glass at me. I raised my own arm to protect myself.
“What’d he do?”
“Fuck you, let go of me!” she cried to him.
“Hey, hey, take it easy, Annie. What—?”
Then he ducked as she launched the glass at him. It struck a row of others; half of them shattered. She was out of control. Typical.
“Fuck you both!” Screaming. She dug a bill out of her purse and flung it onto the bar.
“Please, Ms. Young,” I said, “I can help you.”
“If I see you again, I’m calling the police.” She stormed out.
“Listen, mister, what the hell d’you do?”
I didn’t answer him. I grabbed some more napkins and, wiping my face, walked to the window. I saw her stride up to her son, who was standing nearby with a book bag. So this was the rendezvous spot. I wondered how often he’d had to wait outside for Mom, while she was in here getting drunk. I pictured cold January afternoons, the boy huddling and blowing breath into his hands.
She gestured him after her. Apparently there’d been something else on the agen
da for after school, and, disappointed, he lifted his arms and glanced at the nearby sports store. But the shopping was not going to happen today. She stormed up and grabbed him by the arm. He pulled away. She drew back to slap him but he dutifully walked to the car. I could see him clicking on his seat belt and wiping tears.
Without a glance back at the bartender, I, too, left.
I walked to the car to head back to the motel to change. What had happened was discouraging but I’d dealt with more difficult people than Annabelle Young. There were other approaches to take. Over the years I’ve learned what works and what doesn’t; it’s all part of being a therapist.
* * *
THE NEXT MORNING at six I parked behind Etta’s Diner, in a deserted portion of the lot. The restaurant was directly behind Annabelle’s house. I made my way up the hill along a path that led to the sidewalk in her development. I had to take an oblique approach; if she saw me coming she’d never answer the door, and that would be that.
The morning was cool and fragrant with the smells of pine and wet earth. The season being spring, the sky was light even at this early hour and it was easy to make my way along the path. I wondered how different Annabelle’s life had been before her husband died. How soon the neme had incorporated itself into her afterward. I suspected she’d been a vivacious, caring mother and wife, completely different from the enraged out-of-control woman she now was becoming.
I continued to the edge of the woods and waited behind a stand of camellias with exploding red blossoms. At about six thirty her son pushed out the front door, carting a heavy book bag, and strolled to the end of the cul-de-sac, presumably to catch his bus.
When he was gone, I walked to the porch and climbed the stairs.
Was I ready? I asked myself.
Always those moments of self-doubt, even though I’d been a professional therapist for years.
Trouble in Mind: The Collected Stories, Volume 3 Page 28
