by Ami Urban
"Jack."
He turned to face me. "What is it?"
I took a second or two to formulate my words. "Why do you keep saving us?"
He tilted his head to the side and came toward me. "Why wouldn't I?" His arms slipped around my waist. He was warm and inviting. I felt my blood run hot.
"You've put yourself in mortal danger every time I get stuck. And I've gotten stuck quite a bit."
His brow furrowed. "Okay"
My gaze dropped to his chest. "I'm the epitome of natural selection. I should have died a thousand times already."
"Have I rescued you that many times?" He was joking. There was a smile on his face. "What are you getting at?"
"You should be looking out for yourself."
He scrunched up his face. "What...are you talking about right now?" It was the same voice he'd used in the car ride to Utah. I found my stomach in knots when he spoke that way.
Before I could say anything else, he picked me up and set me on the dresser. And that was when I felt his warm touch under my shirt. He placed a soft kiss on my forehead.
"Natural Selection has nothing on you." His words were mumbled as he continued to plant kisses on my mouth, cheeks and neck. "You kick Natural Selection"s ass."
A soft moan escaped me when he pressed his hips into mine. I allowed my hands to wander down to his waist, barely believing I had that much of a craving for him.
"You beat a guy to death with a stick because he was threatening to hurt your son. You underestimate your own worth."
"Let's not talk about that right now."
"Mm-hm. And what should we talk about?"
I undid the button of his jeans. "Let's talk about how much I want you."
He snatched my wrists with one hand then used the other to wiggle an index finger at me. "Nuh-uh. Remember what we talked about?"
Frustration burned through my veins. That was odd. I'd never been frustrated that someone wouldn't allow me to have sex with them. He must have sensed this as his grip on me eased.
"But..." He pulled me off the dresser and toward the bed. "There are other things we can do."
That night, we helped each other ease our sexual tensions. It wasn't what I'd wanted nor what I'd expected, but in my tired state of mind, I was confident his teasing wouldn't last. When we'd satiated each other enough, we went to bed together.
"Where have you been all my life?" My whisper cut through the silent darkness of the bedroom.
He chuckled. "Apparently across the street from your best friend."
November 10
Days melted into one another at the Huntington Mansion. People came and went surprisingly often. Lisa and I met folks from all over the United States. From them, we'd learned the outbreak had completely devoured our country. There were no businesses left. No homes. Entire families had been lost. Lisa took these conversations harder than I imagined she would've. She'd pretend like nothing was wrong, but I knew her being stuck in that house and not helping people was wearing her down.
One day about three weeks after we'd arrived, a mob of people came tearing in. A group of six popped up one day. They all looked tired, dirty and hungry. Ms. Huntington decided to throw a party in their honor and we were all to dress up in our best clothes for dinner.
A couple who had come in with the group became quick friends with us. They travelled all the way from British Columbia in search of a place to stay. Brian and Cheree. Even their names were cute.
"Almost ready?" I knocked on the door to Rex and Alex's room. From behind the wood frame, I could hear Rex in a fit. His screams almost drown out my voice. The door popped open with a very well-dressed Alex behind it. The screaming intensified.
"Is 'no' a good answer?"
"Bad?" I stepped in to see Lisa struggling to put her son into his dress pants. In the time since we'd met, I noticed he was getting bigger. With that, came strength.
"Rex, please. Just let me—"
"No!" He kicked his feet, allowing one leg to escape. He flipped over onto his stomach, squirming to get away. But Lisa grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back. Frustration was beginning to show in her face.
"Rex, please."
"No!" His next kick landed square on her jaw. She let go completely and he scrambled back toward the bed, his face red and pinched.
"Are you all right?" I started to approach her, but she held out her hand. After clearing her throat, I could see the glisten in her eyes. She was holding back tears.
"I used to have such a good handle of him." She put her hands to her face and took a deep breath. Alex and I watched quietly while she composed herself. After a few moments, she scooted closer to her son. "Rex." Her voice was soft as she reached out to him.
But he swatted at her hand and screamed. "No!"
Lisa went stiff. I'd never seen her stand so quickly. "Then you won't go! You'll be alone all night!" With that, she stormed off into the other room and slammed the door.
"Sheesh. Is that normal?" I asked Alex as she went over to a sniffling Rex.
"Not for Aunt Lisa, no." Alex tried to get Rex's attention, but he was busy staring at the door his mother had slammed. "I've never even seen her yell."
Alex was about to help Rex to his feet when the boy jumped up and ran toward the door. With small clenched fists he began pounding on it. But instead of the screaming I'd expected, he was calling out for Lisa.
Alex and I exchanged glances, wherein she gave a shrug, so I opened the door. Rex ran to the bed, but she wasn't there. I could see the tears start to gather in his eyes until the bathroom door opened and Lisa came out. There were stress lines creased into her face, but I could tell she hand't been crying.
"Momma! Momma!" Rex ran to her with his arms outstretched. She knelt down and her brow furrowed when he jumped into her arms. "I wear pants, momma."
Lisa pulled back and looked at her son. It seemed as though she wanted to say something, but only nodded.
"I love you, momma. No mad." Rex gave her one last hug and ran back into the adjoining room. Lisa just knelt there. Then, she looked up at Alex.
"Did you tell him to do that?"
Alex shook her head. Lisa looked to me, but I also affirmed a "no." Once again, she put her face in her hands. Neither Alex nor I were sure what to do, so we just watched her. And when she looked up again, she was smiling. A genuine smile. It was beautiful.
"He's never said that before. He's never hugged me like that before." She shook her head as if she thought she was dreaming. She bounced to her feet and ran to the door. Touching my shoulder, she said, "I'll meet you downstairs."
***
She was the last one to come down. And she looked off the charts gorgeous. She'd straightened her normally wavy hair and put on a sparkling white dress that hugged her frame. But the most beautiful thing she was wearing that night was her smile. Everyone seemed to notice when she entered the parlor. She literally brightened the room.
She spoke to Cheree for a brief moment until Rex found me. "Hey, kid. You learn all of Shakespeare, yet?"
Lisa moved toward me, a smile still on her lips. "I bet he could, because he's smart. Aren't you?"
"Yes!" Rex bobbed his head and ran off to find Alex.
"Can I speak to you for a moment?"
"Uh oh." I grimaced. "Did I do something wrong?"
She pulled me around a corner to an isolated spot under the staircase next to the broken restroom no one ever used. And then she kissed me. It was a hungry kiss; I could feel it. And she tasted like cherries.
"No," she said when she stopped. "You didn't do anything wrong."
"Good." I pulled her close to me. "Because you look so fucking hot right now."
She giggled for once and we continued to fool around like teenagers until she pulled me into the bathroom and locked the door. Then, she pushed me down onto the closed toilet seat and straddled me. If I hand't been aroused before, I sure as hell was then.
"What has gotten into you?" I was barely able to get t
he sentence out between her kissing me. "I mean...not that I don't like it... I really like it." I caught her hands before they reached for my zipper. I almost didn't make it. She was driving me crazy. But I was going to get her to say yes to my proposal.
"I'm excited."
"Yeah...I can tell."
"Rex is starting to notice patterns in social behaviors. That's a huge step." For some reason, she pushed her chest into my face, then reached for my zipper again.
"You know the rules."
My statement was meant to be teasing, but it must have come out a bit ruder than I'd intended, because her smile just melted away.
She stood up after making a frustrated noise. "You're making decisions for me again, and frankly, I'm quite annoyed by it."
I gave a shrug. "Hey, I stick to my guns." After pausing, I added, "Sometimes literally."
"Jack, I'm not in the mood for jokes."
I stood up. "Point taken. But rules are rules."
"These are not rules I agreed to."
Another shrug seemed to come automatically. "I know what I want, and I'm pretty sure I know I can get it."
"By playing games with me." Her voice dropped low.
In defense, I put up my hands. "No games, Foxtrot. I'm serious."
"You can't be."
"I'm dead serious."
She let out a sigh that reminded me of the ones my mother used to give me whenever I ate a cookie before dinner. "A relationship cannot survive without sexual intercourse."
"Tell that to high school Jack Reynolds."
"Please stop joking."
"That wasn't a joke."
"Jack." Ugh. She even said my name like I'd spoiled my dinner.
"All right, if we're putting all joking aside, can we stop treating me like a kid, too?"
"I'm treating you exactly how you're treating me."
Jesus Christ, her monotony was driving me up the wall. My muscles were starting to tense and the blood began rushing in my ears.
"I'm just trying to get you to see my point. that's all."
"You're not doing it like an adult would."
That was it. I had to shut my eyes and bite my tongue to keep the anger in place. I didn't want to say something I'd regret.
"Look..." I stepped toward her. She didn't move. "I love you, okay? Like...a lot. I think it's fair to have a discussion about getting married."
"And you believe frustrating me to the point of becoming angry is the way to do it."
My fists clenched. "You just know everything, don't you?"
"Well, I know quite a lot, yes. That's not a fair statement."
"Fair? Nothing about our relationship is fair."
She crossed her arms. "I see we're on the same page now."
I counted to ten in my head. Some of the numbers were replaced with derogatory rhyming words, sure, but it helped.
"What...do I have to do to get you to marry me?"
"You can't do anything. I won't do something I don't want to do."
I let her words sink in. "So, you've changed your mind?"
"I'm getting quite close to it, yes."
Raw anger settled into the pit of my stomach. I was tired of being rejected and unwanted. "So what you're saying is that my feelings don't matter to you?"
"Jack, please."
"I'm never going to be good enough for you to marry, am I?" I could feel my fists clenching into tighter balls.
Lisa sighed. "Jack."
"I need to know if our relationship is going anywhere."
She tilted her head to the side. "I don't understand why we have to get married for you to see that."
"Then you don't understand me." It was a harsh statement, and I could see it in her eyes, but I didn't care. I was tired of taking a backseat. "If this isn't going anywhere, then it's over."
I didn't even pause to give her time to react. My whole body was heated from the exchange. She'd humiliated me. Rather than respect me, she chose to break my heart. I was done. There was nothing more I could do to save our relationship. And Lisa only had herself to blame.
From the Desk of Dr. Lisa James
November 20
He looked so distraught. Every time we bumped into each other at breakfast or lunch. Every time we'd run into each other around a corner. And every time we saw each other in the closed garden, it was torture. The kids loved spending time with him and it was already starting to feel more like shared custody than anything else. My mother would have called me stubborn. I called it resourceful. When I made decisions, I stuck with them. It was the easiest way to keep things in a rhythmic order.
"Where's Uncle Jack going?" Alex stood up from playing in the pond with Rex. I followed her gaze through the window to the image of Jack with a backpack over his shoulder, saying goodbye to some of the house guests.
"I don't know."
"Uncle Jack!"
Before I could catch her, Alex fled into the house closely followed by Rex. A dull ache pulsed at my side as I stood. It was almost as if I were getting older by the day. I followed them in slowly, carrying my empty tea cup with me. Tea was the only caffeine I could get.
When I entered the parlor, our gazes met. His instantly petered out into a dark sadness. I felt it in my heart, but I would not acknowledge it. No matter how much it hurt, I wasn't going to back down.
"Uncle Jack! Where are you going?" Alex looked up at him as the remaining house guests filtered back to their tasks.
"Where go?" My son repeated her question.
Jack knelt down and put a hand on each of their heads. "I'm headed out to explore the world, kiddos."
I leaned against the wall and gripped my cup tighter. He was leaving us.
"When will you be back?" Alex already knew what was happening, but the hope in her voice nearly broke me.
Jack paused as if he were trying to construct a proper sentence. "Well, Juliet...I won't be."
"Huh?" Rex's face suddenly turned downward. He knew what going away meant. His own father had done it and now his best friend was doing it too. Everyone was leaving.
"I want to go with you." Alex's little voice — filled with sorrow — felt like a knife in my side. But I was tired of being made to feel guilty for a rational decision. I approached them and took hold of Lexi's hand.
"You can't go, honey. You have to stay with me." I met Jack's gaze however difficult it was. There was enough pain behind it to render anyone speechless.
"But I don't wanna! I want to go with Jack!" Tears began to form in Alex's eyes. Rex had no idea what was happening, but he began to react as well. And I was too tired to deal with it.
"Kids. Enough. Let's go and let Jack on his way."
He stood up. "Guys, go play in the other room for a second, okay?"
Why was he undermining my authority? He was being ridiculous and the kids were actually listening to him. They skittered off to the parlor.
"You have absolutely no right to do this." I lowered my voice to a harsh whisper.
"Do what, Lisa?" His voice was as tired as his face looked.
"Just pick up and leave them like this. They love you. They love spending time with you. You can't just roll into their lives and then back out again like it means nothing to you."
Jack closed his eyes and breathed a heavy sigh. "I'm not obligated to do anything for them, Lisa. they're not my kids."
His words stung. But he was correct. "You can't just leave because I won't agree to marry you."
"Is that why you think I'm leaving?"
"Well, it is."
"No, it isn't."
"It absolutely is."
Without warning, Jack grabbed my upper arm and pushed me into the wall. It was a gentle push, but there was force behind it. He closed in on me until I could smell him.
"Would you stop acting like you know everything? It drives me crazy."
I looked into his eyes. "But that's what this is about."
Defeat flooded him. "Even if it was, would it matter?"
I stayed silent.
"If I said I'd leave unless you agreed to marry me, would you say yes?" He was searching my face hard for answers.
"No."
November 22
Empty boxes of soda crackers. Unopened cans of fruit cocktail. A very old, very moldy potato. A packet of instant coffee. I pocketed that one. Just in case. On my left there was nothing but a dusty old bar. On my right were empty shelves with clean circles every few inches.
"There used to be booze here."
My own voice surprised me. I hand't heard it since I'd sat in the car, hitting the steering wheel and yelling every obscenity I could. That was twenty hours ago. Twenty hours. it'd felt like a lifetime without her. In that time, I couldn't even go a mile past the hotel we'd stayed in before finding the house. I just couldn't fathom being too far.
"Ah-ha!" I noticed the glint of some glass between the open door of a cabinet below me. Fishing inside, I knew I'd found something good. And what I brought out didn't disappoint.
"Holy shit. Red Label." My teeth tore into the cork someone had stopped it with. There was about three-quarters left. Enough to do the trick.
"Bottoms up." I spat the cork onto the dirty counter and downed a quarter of the liquor. A cough and a hiccup later, my stomach was on fire. But at least I was warm.
"Man, that is sad."
I jumped onto the counter for a comfortable seat. "Who the fuck invited you?"
Silas stared right through me. There was not a quip or a joke. "Your stupid ass."
"Oh, so now I'm stupid?" I took another swig of whiskey. "You're the one who's got half his face falling off."
My dead friend touched the skin around his jaw that had begun to tear. He was even paler than before. "I'm worried about you, bud."
I laughed, nearly spitting liquor on him. "You? Why?"
"I don't scare you anymore."
"So?"
"I don't give you headaches anymore."
"And?"
"You've gone full circle."
"Meaning...?"
"You're fucking insane." He stared me down for a few silent seconds. "Look at you... You should change your last name to Torrance."
"Oh, ha ha." My reply was sarcastic. I hopped of the counter and turned in a circle with my arms spread. "Here"s Johnny!" My shout was muted by the heavy carpets in the bar.
