His eyes found Cass. His beautiful Cass was sitting in the middle of them all smiling up at him with love in her eyes. His heart felt like bursting out of his chest. He had felt happy before, but realised it was a muted kind of happiness. A happiness filled with work and just surviving day to day. His work and the power and money that went with it, the manic need to win had consumed him. Until there was little room for anything else. Anything real.
Now he was living and loving and it felt damn good. He had been scared of allowing someone into his heart. Afraid that with love came the potential for loss. As he looked at Cass, her beautiful face so open, so giving, he was hit with the realisation that love was the only thing that was eternal. The money and the power were all transitory. Sure, they made life easier, on a comfort level, but they were only things. It was people that were the real key to fulfilment. It was love that gave all the answers, love that made all emotions real. The anger and regret, the loss and pain. They were all necessary in order to feel the joy and the happiness.
Their love was new, but felt like it had been there forever. The feelings were the same, for everyone. Everyone who has ever loved has felt the same passion and pain, through time infinite. We are all connected through our capacity to accept love and to give it. Love has no time frame, no number and no limit to when or how it happens. It just does. It just is. But, when it happens, you need to make it for keeps. And he was keeping Cass, if she would have him. He would ask her to marry him later. He would ask her to spend her life with him. He looked at Harry’s seat, empty but for a memory of what once was. Life was short and he wanted to live his with Cass.
“Jaysus Rory, will you come on and carve the bloody turkey for feck sake.”
Rory looked up to find Annie and the rest of the family looking at him.
“Half-wit,” Annie laughed and punched him on the arm. The group laughed and clapped Annie.
“Food! Food! Food!” Annie started banging her cutlery on the table to the delight of Kate and Junie who eagerly joined in.
“The stuffing’s on the counter Cass will you get it for me,” Louisa asked placing her small warm palm over Cass’ hand
“Of course,” Cass smiled at her. She was fast becoming a fan of Rory’s mum. A quiet woman who loved her family fiercely.
Rory rolled his eyes at Annie and began to carve. Cass walked over to the counter to get the stuffing and whispered into Rory’s ear as she passed.
“I forgot to tell you. I have no underwear on. Maybe you can take a look later.”
Rory dropped the carving life on the floor and stared at Cass as she sashayed back to her seat. Damn that girl she was going to be the death of him and he would enjoy every minute of it. He spent the whole of the dinner with a hard on and shot Cass little longing looks until it was over.
After the clean-up, which was made even longer by Rian and Annie grumbling the whole way through it, Cass and Rory went outside for a walk. They wandered through the fields for an hour and stopped for a rest in a wooded area a few miles from the farm house. Cass lay down on the grass and Rory lay with his legs across hers. He ran his fingers through her hair and moved his face above hers. He leaned in and kissed her nipping at her lips.
“Will you stay with me, Cass?”
Cass moved him off her and stood up. He followed her until her back was against a big old beech tree. He put his hands on either side of her head and forced her to meet his eyes.
“I need more time, Rory. I have to make things right in my head. You hurt me Rory, you lied to me.”
“Look, I'm gonna level with you here, Cass. Every part of my body comes alive when you are around. I want to fuck you, Jesus, that's no surprise! I want to be inside you all the time. I've spent the last few months as hard as a rock,” he licked his lips and bent his head, cocked it sideways and moved in toward her. His gaze rested on her lips which suddenly felt exposed, and were still swollen from his last kiss. Cass raised up her hand and rested her palm on his chest feeling the thump, thump, of his heart. He spoke softly to her.
“I want you Cass, and I know you can feel that want and energy building up inside me, when you are around. But more than that, I want to feel every pulse and quiver, here.” He mirrored her gesture and rested his palm flat against her heart.
“Every time your breath catches in your throat, I want to feel it.” He pressed his lips to her neck and she felt the blood rush to the spot where their skin touched.
“I need you Cass, all of you. I want your body and soul. Not for a day, or a week or a year. I want your life and mine to be one entity. One kiss and one fleeting moment in time.” He put his other hand on her knee and with a feather-like touch ran his forefinger and thumb, up the length of her inner thigh. Cass felt her breath hitch in her throat. “And that,” he said.
“That sound, that passion, I want that too. You were mine, from the moment my eyes saw your face. You were mine. Before that. Before we met, before and before and before. I can't even explain it. You were born for me Cass, created just for me. A precious gift of one good thing in my life, to make up for all the bad. A salve, a life-line. I thought I would be alone forever, that the darkness and pain inside me was all I could cling to and control. Then, you came into my life and something shifted, you know, something changed in me. You have my heart and my soul and for the first time in my life, I am laid bare and it terrifies me. You terrify me. But, damn it! I am willing to let you fuck with me, and fuck me up, if that's what it takes to get close to you. To be with you.”
Cass turned her face to his and looked into his eyes; they shone brightly with love and something else. Vulnerability and emotions buried so deep that they made the ice around her heart crack and fracture. She felt each piece of it fall away and rocked backward on her feet with the brutal force of it. Rory dropped his hands and put them through his hair lacing them together on his head. Her eyes followed the end of his t-shirt as it rose up above his belt. Cass couldn't stop looking at the tautness of his belly where his tattoo dropped into his jeans. She focused on the colours of it to stop herself from breaking down.
“Talk to me Cassidy. I need you to say it, if you want me to walk away, say it. I need to hear it now. Because if you don't, I will take it that you want this as much as I do. When that happens, mo stóirín, my darlin’, you are mine. Forever and always. I will hurt anyone or anything that tries to come between us. So, think hard on it, my love. I want you to be really sure that these lips are the only ones you will ever want, that all this is yours and yours alone. I play for keeps Cass, and I play hard. Are you ready to take me? To take all of me?”
She shook her head and looked away from him. He rubbed his hands through his black hair again and backed away from her, walking backwards and shaking his head as if it had drained him to say it. Cass felt the hot tears that were burning the backs of her eyes and refused to let them fall. When he had gone from her view, she crumpled to the ground and sat cross legged and cried. It was too much, too hard to let him in. She loved him, there was no doubt about that, her heart was full of him. Every part of her body responded to him as though it had been made only for his touch, his caress, his lips, his body and soul. He would not lie down and give in easily. It was a matter of pride and ownership for him. Cass felt as though her mind was exploding with all he had said, all he had bled out from his very soul. She sat and thought about it, and knew what her answer would be; she knew that she would always be his. There was no other direction for her heart but to make a home for itself beside his, forever.
(Cass)
A man loves his sweetheart the most,
His wife the best,
But his mother the longest.
Irish proverb
She found him outside the back cutting wood. She looked at his back, strong and taut and watched as he swung the axe over and over again. He stilted suddenly, as if sensing her presence and turned around to look at her. She smiled softly at him before walking toward him and stopping in front of him. He started t
o speak and she put her hand up to his mouth.
“No. Don’t speak.”
She led him by the hand into the nearest stable and shoved him against the wall.
“Fuck me.”
“Here?”
“Here and now.”
He pulled her into his arms and pushed her back against the wall. He lifted up her skirt, and it thrilled him to find out she had been serious about wearing no underwear.
She fumbled with the buckle of his jeans and his breath caught as the air hit him. He lifted her up and without any foreplay slammed into her. She cried out as he fucked her hard. She shouted for him to go harder, faster. The sweat ran down his back as he held her legs and rammed into her, the two of them lost in the ferocity of it. They arched and bucked as one and came together in a shattering climax. He held her tenderly for a few moments and let her down gently and leaned back against the wall beside her, panting.
“Does this mean you’ll stay?” She laughed up at him. “Yes, you big eejit. I’ll stay.”
“Well, good. Good.”
A year later
“Stop fidgeting, Cassidy.”
Her mother was trying to tie the back of her dress. Cass inhaled noisily.
“Oh Jesus, I’m like bloody Scarlet O’Hara trying to get this on. It’s too small and my boobs are being shoved up under my neck.”
Annie popped her head around from Cass’ back and grinned at her.
“I’m sure Ror won’t be complaining about your boobs, considering how much time he spends looking in that general area anyway!”
“Annie O’Malley, you have a tongue that would clip a hedge. Will you stop?!”
Louisa threw her hands in the air.
“Sorry mammy.”
Annie tried her best to look remorseful and failed miserably as usual. She was incorrigible.
“Here let me try,” Annie said as she grabbed the bodice ties and pulled them so hard that Cass felt she might lose her guts by the end of it.
Louisa and Alice wrapped their arms around each other.
“I can’t believe our babies are getting married today.”
“I can,” piped up Aoife.
“Harry brought us all together and with a family as full of testosterone as ours, someone was bound to go crackers for Cass. I’m glad it was Rory, you are so well suited.”
Alice hugged Aoife to her chest.
“We’re all family now Aoife and I for one couldn’t be happier.”
Aoife, rested her head on Alice’s shoulder. Cass smiled to herself. They had become so close over the last year. Aoife and Alice especially, had grown to love and respect each other and were like two peas in a pod. Her mum was good for Aoife and she had watched her soon to be sister-in-law emerge tentatively from her fragile cocoon and blossom into a confident and happy young woman.
Marie came into the room with Mark trailing after her holding baby Hannah, who was pulling his glasses off. He was bobbing his head to the side trying to dodge her little starfish fingers.
“Hey!” granny O’Malley came up to them both and started to protest.
“Mark, what are you doing here lad? No one is supposed to see the bride.”
“That’s okay Mrs O,” Cass laughed.
“Mark is different.”
Mark folded Cass into his arms.
“You look so beautiful Cassidy. I’m so proud of you. And so happy for you too.”
“Thanks Mark. How is he?” Cass asked trying not to sound nervous.
“Excited, nervous, in love,” Mark replied kissing the top of her head.
“He can’t wait to make you, Mrs Cassidy O’Malley.”
Cassidy took a breath and straightened her veil.
“Right ladies. Let’s do this thing!”
The bridesmaids wore black dresses with a sweetheart neckline and a silver sash across the middle. The hem kissed the ground as they walked, and each of them had their hair held high in beautiful twists with red and pink baby rosebuds. Cass linked her fathers arm and they slowly followed Marie, Annie, and Aoife up the aisle.
Cass looked up the aisle to where Rory, Mark, Darragh, and Rian were standing. She wanted to look into his eyes and see what he felt in his heart.
They had decided to get married at Cherry tree farm. Cass had fallen in love with the place the Christmas before and they would be building a house there in the next few months. Like Darragh, they would spend six months of the year in London and six months in Ireland. Cass had insisted they get married in the grounds and Rory had graciously agreed as was his nature when it came to Cass. Gearóid and her own father Brian had worked hard to get the place just right for the ceremony. White chairs were laid out in rows of ten and a white carpet had been cut to make an aisle for her to walk on. The pulpit at the top backed onto the old beech trees to the left of the lane and twinkle lights were dotted around the trees making them look like fairies dancing in the evening winter sun. Caterers had been hired to provide seafood and roast beef platters for after the ceremony. Champagne cocktails were handed to each guest as they entered the estate and waiting staff milled through the guests offering canapés. Granny was engaged in a mammoth conversation with Marcel and Philippe. Marcel was throwing his head back laughing at something she had said. Cass didn’t even want to think about what the old lady was telling him. Rory’s Uncle Pat rang a bell and called all guests to be seated.
Rory tried to stop his legs from shaking as he stood looking down the aisle.
“Be cool, jaysus what’s wrong with you, Rory.”
Rory rolled his eyes at Rian.
“Will you shut the hell up? I’m bad enough without you throwing your oar in.” He looked up to see the priest staring at them.
“Sorry Father,” he whispered.
“Sorry Father,” Rian made a pathetic sign of the cross and turned to Rory pulling a cross eyed face at him.
Rory pursed his lips at him. “You’re going straight to hell, Rian O’Malley.”
“See you there, big brother,” Rian replied grinning.
Darragh clapped Rory on the back.
“Calm brother, don’t mind him. It’s time to get this show on the road.”
Rory adjusted his tie and turned as the wedding march started. He breathed out a long shaky breath and looked down the aisle. He saw the twins first and smiled at them as they walked up the aisle throwing red petals from their baskets. He looked at Annie walking up the aisle behind them and felt proud of them all. They were beautiful and poised, all smiling at him and wishing him well with their eyes. Annie threw him a wink. He winked back and his heart filled with love for his wayward sister. He hoped someday she would find someone to fill the hole left by the death of her husband, James. It would take a strong man to try to tame Annie O’Malley. Next came Aoife, who was wiping tears from her eyes. She looked so healthy and vibrant. She had blossomed since meeting the Evans family and once again he thanked God for Harry and his precious gift.
His breath hitched as his eyes rested on Cass.
She was stunning, her dress a beautiful creation of white lace and silk. She had a silver sash around her waist, matching her bridesmaids. She floated up to him. Her hair was long and loose with white roses threaded through it. Never taking his eyes from hers, he shook Brian’s hand and held his hands out to Cass. She smiled at him and clasped them tightly. She kissed her father on the cheek and Rory’s eyes felt tight and gritty. He watched Brian Evans, a man of few words, nod at them both and pat their joined hands. “A lifetime of happiness to you both.” Rory gave him a swift nod and turned back to Cassidy.
“You look beautiful, my love.”
Cass looked up at him and Rory was struck once again by her beauty and the look of pure love in her eyes.
“I love you Rory.”
“I love you too,” he said simply.
“Are we ready to start folks?”
Rory nodded towards the priest and the ceremony began.
“Okay everyone in for the bouquet throw,” Mar
ie yelled. Cass laughed and twirled around.
“Come on ladies, on your feet. Let’s see who’s going to be caught by the love bug next!”
The crowd counted slowly to ten and jostled each other as Cass flung the bouquet over her left shoulder. She turned around quickly and watched open mouthed as it sailed passed the group of women and into the arms of a mortified looking Rian. He threw it to the floor and walked away as the whole place erupted into fits of laughter.
“Ah for heaven’s sake girls, feck off,” he scowled making the crowd laugh even more. Darragh and Rory clapped him on the back.
“What poor misfortune is going to try her hand at Rian O’Malley,” Annie howled bent over laughing.
“Come on, foods up,” Gearóid said ringing the dinner bell.
“Dig in folks.”
Cass sat at the wedding table and looked around at the crowd of friends and family that surrounded her. She let her eyes rest on the empty seat to her left.
Harry’s place. Never really gone, never forgotten. She touched her hand to the Claddagh ring on her finger. Grá agus Gáire. She said the words to herself. Rory had told her what they meant. Love and laughter.
She whispered a quiet thank you to Harry as she did every time she thought of the love he had shown her and the direction he had led her. She caught Rory’s eye as he walked towards her with two heaped plates of food and marvelled at how her life had changed in the last year. Life was good, she rubbed her hand across her belly. She had a secret too, another life growing inside her. She would tell him later. When they were alone and she could savour the joy of seeing his face fill with happiness. He would make a great dad and their child would be showered with love and affection from all sides.
“What are you dreaming about, wife?” Rory grinned as he sat down beside her, draping his arm loosely around her.
“Ah, just how lucky I am to have you in my life,” she said, turning his face to hers and kissing him softly on the lips.
Juice: The O'Malleys Book 1, contemporary Adult Romance Page 20
