by Leah Atwood
“Oh honey, I never realized.” Mom clasped a hand over hers. “Hunter’s DWI shocked all of us, and we were just trying to keep afloat. I should have done a better job of watching over each of you.”
“No, Mama, I wasn’t putting the blame on you at all, but giving an explanation of what happened. I and I alone am responsible for my choices.” Her fingers curled tightly around the mug’s handle. “You and Dad have been amazing, the best parents a girl could ask for. And had I been thinking clearly, I would have realized you wouldn’t abandon me. You would have stood beside me like you did with Hunter, and like you have with me now.”
“That’s what a parent does. Nothing can strip the love a parent has for their child," Mom grinned and gave her a pointed look. “Even when they give us a full head of gray hair.”
A baby’s cry emitted from the monitor. Trixie looked at the screen and saw Alice rolling in the crib. “Duty calls.”
“I’ll get her. Sit and enjoy your hot chocolate while you can.” Mom stood and kissed her cheek. “I can’t get enough of my little girl.”
Trixie didn’t argue. Mom and Alice had formed a strong bond over the last month, and Trixie would take the extra minutes of serenity.
Three hours later, she sat in the rocker wishing to have that peaceful moment back. Alice’s breakfast of bananas and sweet potatoes hadn’t agreed with her and made her a gassy, uncomfortable baby constantly crying. Trixie gave her a few of the liquid drops that were supposed to ease the bubbles in her, but it hadn’t helped.
After trying every trick she knew, she sat down with her and tried to rock her to sleep for a nap. Her heart hurt watching her normally happy baby scrunch her face in preparation for a scream. Rocking her didn’t help, so she tried laying her down in the crib and turned on the lullaby bear.
She left the bedroom she shared with Alice and went to the living room for her phone and to text Jessa. Considering the way Alice acted today, going out to lunch with Jessa would have to wait. She squelched her disappointment as she sent the text. Jessa and Phoebe had taken her into their lives without hesitation, but the relationship wasn’t the same. Not because of them—her sisters had been nothing short of wonderful—but she held back, struggled with feelings of unworthiness.
Her phone vibrated with an incoming text. —Not a problem. I’ll swing by town and pick up something from the diner and bring it to you.
—I love you! That would be amazing.
—Any special requests? Are Mom and Dad home? I’ll bring them lunch too.
Jessa’s generosity and flexibility awed her. She prayed one day she’d become more like her. —They went to see Hunter, and whatever’s cheapest.
Months of living frugally had changed her. Even if someone else paid, she had trouble splurging. When her parents offered to buy a crib, she’d picked out the cheapest one that had high reviews. She’d taken a gift card to a department store and shopped off the clearance racks.
She needed a job. Her parents had stepped in and been a tremendous help, but she couldn’t sponge off them forever. Unfortunately, winter in Jasper Lake wasn’t prime hiring time. If she didn’t find something soon, she’d have to look in Farthington, which meant a longer drive and more time away from Alice.
Speaking of… Alice hadn’t made a peep in several minutes. Trixie tiptoed into the bedroom and saw Alice asleep with her arm cuddling her blankie. She smiled, relieved to see her daughter comfortable at last, even if in sleep. She grabbed the monitor and quietly left the room. After a half hour, she started watching for Jessa so she could meet her at the door before the bell rang.
When she spotted Jessa’s car coming up the driveway, she went to the door and waited several seconds to open it in order to keep the cold air out.
Jessa held up a large brown paper bag. “Your gourmet lunch awaits.”
She laughed. “I wouldn’t call it gourmet, but there’s no better comfort food than Tippy’s.”
“Ain’t that the truth.” Jessa came inside and closed the door with her hip. “How’s Alice?”
“Fell asleep soon after I texted you. Hopefully whatever’s making her cranky works itself out while she naps.”
“Aww. Poor girl.” Jessa walked to the kitchen and dropped the bag on the counter. “I got you a grilled chicken club with French fries. Is that good?”
The most expensive sandwich, but oh so delicious. “That’s perfect. Thank you.” Biting down on her lip, she dug in her purse and grabbed a ten. “Here you go.”
Jessa pushed it away. “I told you it’s my treat.”
“You’ve done too much already.”
“Whatever.” Jessa rolled her eyes. “You’re doing me a favor. Landon had a weekend run, and I haven’t spent a day alone in our house yet. I was really dreading it, so lunch with you keeps me busy.”
“A flimsy excuse, but thank you.” She slid the money in her pocket. “Landon is nice. Whenever he’s around you, you smile more.”
“He’s a keeper.” Her sister continued unloading the bag. “I’m glad you finally got to meet him.”
“Me too.” She stopped herself from apologizing again for missing the wedding. Jessa had freely offered forgiveness, and Trixie was trying hard to accept it.
“Hey, the diner is hiring. I saw the sign while I was there.”
“Really? Who left?”
Jessa’s grin stretched ear to ear. “Tilly.”
“No way.” Her eyes widened. “Who’d she find that wasn’t scared off by her forwardness?”
“A realtor from New Jersey. Apparently they met online, but the few people from here who’ve met him all seem impressed. They say he’s good for her.”
“Interesting.” She grabbed the black takeout tray from the counter. “I wish them the best. I always did like Tilly even if she came off a little brash.”
“She has a good heart.” Jessa handed her a Styrofoam cup. “It’s tea, and there are packets of sugar in the bag.”
“Thanks.” She carried her food to the table and sat down.
Jessa followed a second later and opened the container. “I’m so hungry. I overslept this morning and had just gotten out of the shower when you sent that message.”
“Oversleep? What’s that?”
“Alice is a good sleeper, though, isn’t she?”
“Most of the time, but my days of sleeping in are over for now.” On instinct, she checked the monitor. “However, she is a great napper.”
Jessa wiggled her brows. “She is her mother’s daughter.”
“Hey, naps are wonderful things.”
Their conversation drifted off while they ate. Trixie savored each bite, knowing she couldn’t afford the meal on her own. The seasoned fries dipped in ketchup complemented the sandwich. She gathered up the trash when the doorbell rang.
“Expecting anyone?” Jessa glanced in the direction of the front door.
“No, and Mom didn’t mention anything.” She held a breath, waiting to see if it woke up Alice but her daughter didn’t make a peep. She rushed to the door before whoever it was could press the doorbell again.
A peek through the peephole invoked a groan. What did he want? She saw him lift his hand to the bell, and she quickly opened the door to stop him. “Can I help you?”
“Hi, to you too.”
So her tone hadn’t been very welcoming. Could anyone blame her? “Hi.”
He held out a package. “I come with a peace offering.”
“Oh?” She accepted the small box and lifted the lid, let out a laugh. “Bread pudding from the diner. Jessa and I just finished our lunch from Tippy’s.”
“I didn’t know what you liked, but their bread pudding passes this Southern boy’s taste test.” He shifted his weight. “May I come in?”
“You’re not afraid for your reputation?” The snarky tone slipped into her question unannounced, yet she didn’t regret it.
Elijah cringed. “I deserved that.”
Yes, you did. She stepped aside and gestured. “Come
in.”
She closed the door, wishing she could shut out the awkwardness with it.
Jessa walked in—saved by the sister. Her wide eyes registered surprise. “Pastor Eli, I didn’t expect to see you.”
Trixie hated hearing him called Pastor Eli. In her admittedly biased mind, he didn’t deserve the title.
“I came to ask a favor of Trixie.” His gaze darted between them.
“I’ll leave the two of you to talk.” Jessa looked at Trixie. “I’m sorry to eat and run, but Phoebe got stuck in the snow. I told her I’d get Landon’s pickup and pull her out.”
She cast her sister a pleading stare. Don’t leave me. “Since when do you know how to do that?”
“I’m full of surprises.” Jessa shrugged, but smiled and gathered her belongings. “I’m sorry. I’ll come back when I’m done—I need my auntie time with Alice.”
Although Trixie believed Jessa told the truth—she’d never been a good liar—she couldn’t believe the timing. Jessa knew how Elijah had treated her, and that he was the reason she hadn’t returned to church. Surely she wouldn’t have left her alone with him unless necessary.
Once Jessa had left, Trixie stared—glared—at Elijah. Hurt feelings died hard.
Reluctantly, she led him to the family room, and sat in the far recliner. She crossed her arms, waiting for him to speak.
Sitting on the edge of the sofa, he appeared as uncomfortable as she felt. “First, I want to apologize for how I treated you. I’m ashamed it took so long, but now I realize what a judgmental pig I was.”
She broke a hesitant smile. “At least you recognize it now.”
“I’ve lived a sheltered life. It’s no excuse for how I treated you, but I was raised in church a different way.” He took a breath and continued. “I followed the rules to a T all my life and saw everything in terms of black and white. Everything was absolute to me, including consequences.”
“For a long time, I was like that as well. I pushed my limits, but always stayed one toe-length behind the line. Right was right and wrong was wrong.” She swallowed, apprehensive to go on. “I think the problem is, especially with a lot of Christians, is we’re afraid to admit there can be gray areas.”
Elijah nodded. “It’s true. I know I am at times, because if there can be a gray area, what does that say about absolute truth?”
“They aren’t mutually exclusive. That’s what I had to learn.” She sat up with her back straight. “I was wrong to be with a man outside of marriage. There’s no getting around that, but what next? Once I got pregnant, did I stay with Alice’s father and try to make it work even though that would have been a horrible mistake, or did I venture on my own? It’s not always clear, although her dad made it easy to choose.”
“He’s not in the picture?”
She clenched her jaw and shook her head with force. “He has no legal claim on her.”
“I’m sorry.” The statement came out as a question, and curiosity glimmered on his face. To his credit, he didn’t ask.
Because he showed that respect, and seemed to be trying to understand, she decided to give him the short version. “Tanner, Alice’s father, freaked out when I told him I was pregnant. He kept insisting on an abortion, but I wouldn’t budge. Rather than fight with him and try to force him into her life, I gave him an out, and he took it. He signed over all rights.”
“What a scum.”
Her lips curled at the corner. “I think we finally found something to agree on.”
“I’m sorry it’s about that.”
“Don’t be. I knew he was no good when I got involved with him, but I was young, dumb, and didn’t care.” She heard Alice waking up. “Excuse me a minute. I have to take care of her.”
“Take your time. Is there anything I can do to help?”
The offer surprised her, and she tested him. “There’s a bottle pre-made in the fridge. Would you mind running it under warm water while I change her diaper? At her age, I just take the chill off.”
“No problem.”
She pointed him in the right direction then went upstairs to the bedroom. Had she misjudged Elijah? Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. He’d made a mistake, but he admitted to it. A month later. She’d rather not think about him at all. Pushing him out of her thoughts for a few minutes, she entered the bedroom.
Alice stood up when she saw her and put her hands in the air. “Up.”
“Did you have a good nap, princess? You seem much happier than a few hours ago.” She lifted Alice from the crib and kissed her nose. “Uh oh. Someone needs a change.”
Balancing Alice on her hip with an arm around her, Trixie pulled out a change of clothes and a fresh diaper. “We have a visitor,” she said as she undressed Alice. “Pastor Elijah Brewer. You know, the person who thinks less of your mommy because I made a mistake.”
She slipped on the new diaper and secured it before putting a onesie on her. “He did apologize, and I think he meant it. Maybe there’s hope for him yet.” After she slid dry pants on Alice, she stood her daughter upright and pulled them up the rest of the way. “It’s not a good feeling being judged, even if I deserved it. I pray every day that you’ll make better decisions than I did.”
Alice smiled and babbled.
“I know, I know. You don’t have a clue what Mommy is saying, and for that I’m glad. The longer you stay innocent, the better for you.”
“Mama.”
Trixie smiled. For all she’d done wrong in her life, she’d given birth to an adorable and loveable daughter. She took her in her arms again and carried her downstairs.
Elijah met her at the bottoms of the stairs and handed her the bottle. “I tested it on my wrist. It’s not cold anymore.”
The added gesture spoke to an empty spot in her. “Thank you.”
She took the bottle from him and sat down on the recliner.
He followed her, stopped several feet away with his hands in his pocket. Cleared his throat. “For the record, I don’t think less of you.”
“I thought we’d moved passed that.” She sat Alice on her lap and let her hold her own bottle.
“I, uh, heard you tell Alice I did.”
“Huh?” From the corner of her eye, she spotted the monitor on the end table where she’d left it. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment. “How much did you hear?”
“Enough.” He sat down on the sofa’s edge closest to her. “For what it’s worth, I really am sorry.”
“Okay.” Compassion touched her, and she remembered the forgiveness her family had freely offered her. “Apology accepted.”
“Thank you.”
“I sense you didn’t come only for that.”
He shook his head. “I have a favor to ask, and before you can think it, no, my apology wasn’t made in an effort to sway your answer.”
An unexpected chuckle bubbled from her. “You’re like my sister—your expressions give you away, so I would have known if that was the case.”
“Glad to know you have a little faith in me.” His wry grin tapped into a modicum of humor. Alice dropped the bottle, and before Trixie could bend over, Elijah caught it. “Here you go.”
“Thanks.” She pulled Alice further back on her lap in a proactive attempt to stop more bottle drops. “What’s this favor?”
“Lara and Aiden stopped by my office yesterday.”
“Are they okay?”
“They will be, I think.” He sat back and laid an arm on the armrest. “They were confused and needed an ear to vent their feelings. Aiden’s parents threatened to kick him out and cut off his college fund if Lara didn’t have an abortion.”
“That’s horrible.” Her stomach knotted, saddened for the families.
“Very, but my gut told me they didn’t mean it. I visited with them this morning and had a nice talk.”
“What did they say? If you can tell me without breaking confidences.”
A discreet nod showed respect for her consideration. “They’re scared for their so
n’s future and acted out of that fear. They still think Lara and Aiden shouldn’t keep the baby, but are now advocating for adoption.”
“And if they want to raise the baby themselves?”
“They didn’t give a direct answer, but said they wouldn’t put their son on the streets.” Elijah sighed. “It doesn’t make sense. They’re so worried about their son’s future, but aren’t willing to help him succeed when he would need it the most.”
A sharp retort rose to her lips, but she blocked it in and chose the gracious route. “It goes back to those gray areas. Life is messy, but ultimately, our actions should reflect grace as did Jesus’s, time and time again.”
“Agree, and after my conversation with Lara and Aiden yesterday, I began to understand your situation more. Choosing not to help an unwed mom out of a sense of moral high ground creates a no-win situation.”
“Exactly.”
“That leads me to my favor. I believe Lara would benefit from talking to someone who had a similar situation. I know yours aren’t identical, but she’d be able to relate to you in ways she wouldn’t to others.” He leaned forward a degree. “Would you be willing to speak with her, mentor her in a way and encourage her?”
“I can do that.” She held back her enthusiasm, but she burst with excitement inside. If she could help anyone from her experience, those trials wouldn’t have been in vain.
“Great. I’ll give you her number, and I’ll tell her you’re agreeable to it. I trust you to arrange it in whatever way is best for both of you.”
She set Alice’s empty bottle on the end table. Her heart softened toward him. “Thank you for thinking of this. It’s those mindsets and actions that will make a real difference in people’s lives.”
“I owe you much of that credit.” He stood to his feet. “One more thing…”
“Yes?”
“Please don’t stay away from church on my account.”
She didn’t have a ready response and drew a breath then steadily exhaled. “It’s less drama this way. Even if you had a change of heart, others haven’t.”
