by Dixon, Ruby
"He just tried to kill me!" Cass touches her throat again, astonished. "How can you possibly defend that?"
Vaan nips at my jaw, his hand sliding along my back. I feel a shiver of excitement at his touch, which is really, really awkward considering everyone's staring at us. So not an appropriate moment, but my body doesn't care, and my dragon doesn't seem to, either. "He only acted out when you touched me. He's very…uh, protective of me." I don't know where to put my hands, so I lightly place them on his shoulders and try to peer at the others from around him. "He won't hurt anyone. Mara's been traveling with us for days. Ask her."
"Yeah, he only tried to eat me twice," Mara adds dryly. At my shocked look, she adds, "Kidding. Bad joke."
I like that she's coming out of her shell, but does she have to do it right now?
When Cass and Becka continue to watch us warily, I give Mara a look and she speaks up again. "Seriously, I've been around him for days and he's not dangerous. He's in love with her. Just no one bug her and he'll be fine." She shrugs her backpack's weight on her shoulders and looks at Cass. "I'm not familiar with this fort, but Gwen tells me we'll be safe here."
"You will," Cass says, rubbing her throat again. "You can trust her."
"Well, Gwen also told me that he won't hurt anyone." And she gives Cass an innocent smile. “I imagine we should trust her on that, too.”
That clever minx. I'm starting to think I underestimated Mara.
"We shouldn't be standing at the gate anyhow," I add, sliding out of Vaan's grip. I catch his hand as I pull away and tug him behind me, both to hide his nakedness (and erection) and to touch him in order to keep him grounded. "Not when there's a fire."
"The fire's mostly out," Cass says, moving to the gate and removing the padlock and chain. "Just a few outbuildings smoking and a couple of plants."
"Plants?" I echo, depressed at that. "Not the corn, I hope?"
"Sunflowers," Cass says.
It hits me in the gut. Sunflower seeds are just about the only thing that keeps my birds fed. "Oh."
She gives me a sympathetic look and rolls the gate back. "You should talk to Andrea, hon. She can catch you up with what's going on."
"Was anyone hurt?" I ask as she lets us in. "Any wounded? My sister?"
"Everyone's okay," Cass reassures me. "We're managing."
But managing isn't thriving, and I feel responsible once more. I'm the mayor. It's my duty to protect everyone and I can't if I'm not here.
* * *
I find Andrea squatting over the charred remains of my sunflowers, chatting in a low voice with a man in a baseball cap, both of them with their backs turned to us. "Andi?"
Andrea jumps to her feet in surprise, her face bright red as she straightens. The person next to her straightens, too, and I'm a little surprised to see it's Liam. I knew he was back in the fort, but to see him here with Andrea is startling, because I didn’t think they were close. The way they crouch together, though, their shoulders are practically touching, and their posture is that of something more than friends, something less than lovers.
Seeing Liam here, I can't help but compare him to Vaan. My dragon's lean and long where Liam seems to be all thick muscle. I think Vaan's older and his hair is shorter, his color deeper. Vaan's also completely naked to Liam's white T-shirt, baseball cap and jeans. When I see Liam like this, I don't feel so silly for thinking he was human. He always wore long, concealing clothes around us and covered his head. Today, the arm spikes are out, but I would still have to look twice to think he's something other than a cocky, handsome man. It's in the way he carries himself—he looks human. He doesn't have that twitchy feralness, the lurking ferocity that Vaan does.
Andrea steps forward, smoothing her fat blonde braid. "You're back," she exclaims.
"I could say the same for Liam," I say tartly, and then refocus. "Daniela? Is she okay? Is everyone okay?"
"Dee's fine," Andrea says, sliding over a bit closer to Liam. "She's resting in our room. And no one was hurt, I promise. We were just caught a little off-guard."
"How can you be caught off-guard if Liam's here? Aren't you a dragon?" I shake my head at him, not understanding. I'm trying to keep the accusing tone out of my voice, but it's difficult. "Can't you hear each other?"
"Drakoni," Liam corrects with a fanged smile. "And it's…complicated to explain."
"Complicated or not, I still think we deserve answers." I look over at Vaan to see how my dragon-man is reacting to the sight of the other. His gaze is locked on Liam, his brow furrowed as if he can't figure him out. I wish I knew what he was thinking. I would if we had the mental bond, but that's another problem.
"He can't hear me," Liam says, as if reading my mind.
I look over at him, frowning.
Liam taps on his pale gold brow. "Here. You're wondering why he can't sense me. My smell's covered in human clothing and masked by the scent of dozens of you. He can smell me now that I'm in front of him, but I've taken pains to change my scent over time. I eat what you eat so I smell like you, I use your toothpaste and your soaps so I can blend."
I just stare at him, then give a slow shake of my head. This doesn't add up. "But…you're not like him."
"Crazy?" Liam gives me another boyish smile and Andrea fusses with the tip of her braid, averting her eyes. "I know. It was a choice I made. I came through the Rift a prisoner of war, forced by Salorian overlords to remain in this form. I don't think they realized they were doing me a favor because when we arrived, everyone went mad except for me." He glances over at Andrea. "I realized it had something to do with the psychic link our people have with each other and closed myself off from it entirely. As long as I refrain from anything that would bring out the drakoni side in myself, I can survive like this."
"So you're not overtaken by the mating lust that’s making the others crazy?"
Andrea coughs and turns away. "Did I mention we lost all the sunflowers, Gwen? I don't know what you're going to want to do with your birds. I've been feeding them while you've been gone, but you're low on seed."
Why are we talking about my birds right now? It seems a bizarre conversation change, and I glance over at Liam. He's watching Andrea closely, and Vaan steps forward, nostrils flaring as he breathes in Liam's scent, inches away from the other man's face. Liam turns back to him and for a moment, they gaze at each other.
"I miss it," Liam says after a moment, his gaze on Vaan. "You don't know how isolating it is to be alone after you've always been connected to others of your kind. It'd be smarter for me to stay out of the forts entirely, but I need company of some kind. People to speak to. No male can do this alone."
For a moment, I swear envy crosses his face as he watches Vaan. Then, he glances over at Andrea again and moves to her side.
"We were caught off-guard," Andrea says. "That's why the plants weren't in when we were attacked. It was off schedule, and no dragon's been spotted in the area for forever, and then boom, he was right on top of us. Big male." She glances over her shoulder at me. "I thought it was you guys at first."
Vaan moves toward Liam's side and plucks the baseball cap off of his head, revealing Liam's horns and short hair. My dragon-man sniffs the cap and then tries to put it on his own head. It looks ridiculous with him standing there, buck naked except for a hat.
Ridiculous and yet it somehow makes my heart flutter. I move forward and retrieve the cap, handing it back to Liam.
"Who are you?" Andi says, her attention behind me.
"Mara. Don't mind me." The filthy woman moves past us and sits down on an overturned bucket. She arranges her muddy skirts around her as if she’s at a garden party. "Just absorbing everything."
Andrea shoots me a curious look.
"The fort was attacked by a dragon?" I prompt. We can talk about Mara later in private, when things have settled down, because I know I'm going to have questions about Liam for her, too. It seems we both have a lot to catch up on.
"Yes. So we didn't panic at first. Li
ke I said, we thought it was you." She shrugs and plucks at one long, burned stalk, tossing it aside. "He swooped in and flamed the sunflowers, though, and we went onto red alert. Everyone started pulling in the plants and locking down the doors. You'd be proud at how quickly we responded."
"If all we lost are the sunflowers, you guys did amazing," I admit.
"That's the weird thing." She looks over at me. "We should have lost more, but he did one round and then just up and left."
"Up and left?"
"Yeah. Like he heard something. Stopped mid-flame, wheeled around, and just flew west. It was weird as shit. Liam thinks someone was talking to him up here." She taps her forehead and then moves another burned stalk aside.
"Do you think it was Amy and Rast?"
Andrea shakes her head. "He flew close enough that we saw no saddle."
"He had a torn-up face. Lots of scars, with a big tear along one nostril," Liam says, indicating with a touch to his own face. "Old one."
That's not Rast, then. "Then who called him away? And why?"
"That's the question," Andrea says, dusting her hands off on her jeans. "We were hoping when you and Vaan returned, you might have the answers."
She looks at me pointedly. From off to the side somewhere, Mara snorts.
"Things are, ah, moving slowly on that front," I manage. "No mental link yet. Vaan's picking up some English, but like I said, it's slow. He thinks differently than we do."
"Evident by the wardrobe choices," Mara murmurs.
Andrea giggles and I just shake my head. She's not wrong. "Any sign of Amy or Rast?" I ask, changing tactics. "It's been a few days, so they should be back soon."
"Nothing," Andrea says. "We've locked down the fort, and so now all there is to do is wait and see what tomorrow brings."
Sounds sensible. Sensible, but frustrating. "Tomorrow, then."
30
GWEN
The loss of the sunflowers means I'll have nothing to feed my birds in the fall, and the seed I have is nearly gone. Once we finish talking to Andrea, instead of heading to my room and checking in on my sister, I head to my birds instead.
Cowardly? Maybe. But I know Daniela won't be happy with me for what she'll perceive as abandonment. Andrea's frustrated with me for not sealing the deal with Vaan, when I know she would have cheerfully jumped into his arms if he'd chosen her that fateful night. I know I'm supposed to be helping the fort by sacrificing myself, but…it's not quite that easy. Vaan's struggling, too, because he needs a mate and I'm dragging my feet.
Really, I'm not making anyone happy right now, and I feel it rather acutely. Time's up, and I need to make decisions and move ahead with my life—in all matters. That means making choices even when they're difficult ones.
Mara left with Andi and Liam, so I'm alone with Vaan as I head to the room that houses my birds. I smell them—hard not to smell the acrid bird poop that pervades their room, but it's kind of comforting to me. Makes things feel like home, in an odd sense. Not because I love the poop, but because it signifies routine to me, a return to normalcy.
Normalcy might be the most underrated thing in the world. I'd love a nice, mundane life.
The soft cooing of my doves sounds musical in the quiet of the room. I light a candle and head in to the darkness, and the birds flutter around in their cage, moving toward the door. They expect food, and I don't have much to give. Vaan looks at me curiously, waiting to see what I'm up to.
I set the candle down and open the cage, reaching for the closest bird. They're so tame that they sit patiently while I touch them, stroking the soft feathers and then pulling one out and tucking him against my shirt. He's unoriginally named Petey, and he's secretly my favorite. I tried not to name them since they're supposed to be useful only, and pets are a bad call when daily life is a struggle but…his name is Petey and he's the smartest of all of them, and the tamest.
And I'm terribly, terribly attached.
I stroke Petey's head and glance at Vaan. "These are my birds. I raised them ever since they were little and just barely out of the nest. I know what I have to do and yet I'm stalling, because the thought makes me heartsick. When I started taming the birds, it was just with the idea that they'd carry messages for us, the start of a possible carrier pigeon network for long-distance communication. I expected a lot of them to never come back. I expected to have to release them one day. I just didn't want it to be today.”
Vaan's watching me with an odd look on his face.
I hold the bird out to him, my hands carefully clasped around it to prevent Petey from flying away. "You can touch him. It's all right." I know from experience that Vaan can be amazingly gentle despite the size of his hands.
He carefully takes the bird from my hands and holds it awkwardly. The dove coos with contentment, used to being handled, and Vaan gives me another look. It's clear he doesn't quite know what to do with it and is waiting for a cue from me. When I smile encouragingly, he raises it toward his mouth and bares his fangs, about to bite down on the small head. Then, he looks at me.
Eeep. "No! Not a snack!" I shake my head and reach out, petting Petey's tiny head. "Just pet."
Vaan makes a disgruntled sound and watches me.
"I know," I tell him in a low voice. "Pets are stupid when food's at a premium. It's just…I've lost so much already, you know? They don't judge me." I think of the disappointment in Andrea's face when she realized Vaan and I weren't mated. I know she thinks I'm squandering the opportunity. I can't imagine what Daniela's going to tell me, but I know it's going to be full of anger and even more disappointment. "Birds are easy. They love me just because I bring food. And if I let them go, I worry they won't survive because they're tame…but I can't keep them. I don't have the supplies."
In a way, the birds remind me of the people at Fort Shreveport. Didn't we set off from Fort Tulsa declaring that we'd make our own fort and be safe? Didn't I promise everyone that we could do this on our own? Look at how terrible I've been at leadership.
Vaan moves to put the bird back in the cage and I open the door for him. He releases it back inside, and I move to close the cage…and then think better of it and leave the door wide open. I move to one of the metal-covered windows and pry the shutters open. Cool night air wafts in, and I glance back to the cage. The birds just flutter their wings and settle down. They'll probably sit there, waiting for a handout, until they starve.
I sigh. Even when I try to do the right thing, I'm thwarted.
Vaan grabs me and pulls me against his chest, tucking my head under his chin and stroking my hair. For a brief moment, I feel like crying. I cling to him, full of frustration and despair. I know they're just birds. I do. They're symbolic of my good intentions and how fucked up they are, though, and I can't help but think about that, over and over again. I let Vaan hold me and pet my hair, because I've come to really love these impulsive, strange caresses. It's like he knows just when I need to be touched, and it always makes me feel better.
"Thank you," I murmur to him and rest my cheek against his shoulder. "I don't deserve you."
He just caresses my back as I stare at the birds in the cage, waiting for something that'll never come.
VAAN
My Gwen's eyes do not sweat, but I can still sense her unhappiness. Her movements are defeated, even though we are in the hive of her humans, just as she wanted. The tidbits of food she keeps caged she does not eat, and indicates that I should not eat them either. Her thoughts are as much of a mystery as always, but it is clear she is displeased about something.
I try to connect my thoughts with hers, but as always, there is nothing. I bite back my growl of frustration. I can be patient for a bit longer. I can. I push back against the storm clouds that hover at the edge of consciousness. Now is not the time.
Gwen pulls away and smiles up at me. She takes my hand and leads me out of the foul-smelling bird room and farther into the hive, the tiny stick of flame in her free hand. We pass a few people who stare at me,
some females with young carried in their arms but no mating scent in their blood. Odd. Perhaps the young in their arms are orphans and the parents have been killed or enslaved. I do not scent many males here, mostly females.
None of them smell half as pleasant as my mate. Her scent is like sweetness itself. The others make my nose twitch and I have to fight the urge to shift forms and chase them off. Only the knowledge that my Gwen would not want that stops me.
We pass down a long, dark hallway and then pause at a door. Different smells assault my senses, but I catch a whiff of Gwen's scent here, faded. Was this her nest before? She snuffs out the tiny flame in her free hand and sets it down on a table outside the door, then gestures for quiet, her finger touching her lips.
I cannot resist touching her; I put my finger on her lips and her eyes are luminous as she looks up at me. The faint scent of her arousal threads through the overwhelming chaos of other scents, and as I gaze down at her, I wonder if she brings me to her nest so we can mate.
Finally.
Pleased, I pull her against me and lock an arm around her waist. I feel the urge to rub my hard cock against her soft belly and show her just how much I want her, but I don't. I know she starts with mouth matings, so I cup her chin with my claws and tilt her face up to mine. "Ksme."
She looks torn, then after a moment, bites her lip. "Ntyt, nthrr," she whispers, glancing around. "Msistrsinsid."
So much babbling of human words. Is she telling me to be gentle with her when I push into her? I will go slow, I promise. I will wait until your cunt is hot with nectar before I take you. This, I promise. You will enjoy it.
Gwen gives me a little smile, pats me on the chest, and then opens the door to her nest. It is a large cave-like room, and across the way, someone sits up in a nest. Another female, with dark skin similar to Gwen's and an unmated scent.
"Gwen?" the female murmurs, and then turns on a small fire beside her bed. The female's gaze moves to me and she gasps, staring at my two-legged form. "Eeznkkid! Whtdefuk!"
