by Jamie Pope
“He’s going to study international business. I’m sure he would love to talk to you. I know your firm has offices in London.”
“I don’t know much about the London office. Most of my clients are celebrities.”
“Still I’m sure he would like to speak to you. He’s approaching manhood.”
“His father can talk to him about those things, don’t you think?”
“Well, I would like to talk to you, Julian.”
“We’re talking right now.”
“I mean in person. I would like to see you. I haven’t seen you since your sister’s wedding. It’s been too long.”
“It’s been a year. We’ve gone much longer without seeing each other.”
“And that was wrong. I don’t know you. I would like to get to know you.”
“You know me as well as I expect you to know me.”
“I hear more about you from your sister than I ever do from you.”
“Then you have all the information you need to know.”
“I don’t. I’m trying, honey. Can’t you meet me halfway?”
“I have to go. I’m not alone.”
“Are you with Regina?”
“No, we’re not together. I’m with Sunny now.” He had meant he was with her in that moment, but the way he said it made it sound like they were a couple. And anyone who saw them in bed together would probably think the same thing.
“Sunny?”
“I’ve got to go. Good night.” He disconnected and looked down at Sunny who was staring at him with a raised eyebrow.
“I think I need to get more blankets.”
“Why?” He frowned at her.
“It just got very cold in here.”
He shook his head and lay back down. “We’re not close.”
“I can tell. And yet you text your father and your sister all day.”
“You’re not the only one whose mother abandoned them. She was supposed to pick me up one day and never showed up. She had disappeared for a year and the next time we saw her she was asking my father for a divorce, so yes I’m much closer to my father and sister than I am to my mother.”
“She seems like she wants to change that.”
“I don’t want to change things. I’m thirty-five years old. I sure as hell don’t need a mother now.”
She let out a deep sigh, grabbed his iPad and started scrolling through the apps. “I’m going to miss my laptop. How else am I going to binge on Orange Is the New Black?”
“If you have something more to say about my mother, then say it. There are few people in my life who are totally honest with me and I need you to be one of them.”
“It just makes me sad. You have someone else in your life who is trying hard to love you and you won’t let her.”
“You do the same thing. Anytime someone tries to take care of you, you shy away from it. You act as if you don’t deserve to be loved.”
“I was shuffled around to so many foster homes. I lived with people who had taken me in just for the paycheck. I had to learn to take care of myself because I’ve been disappointed so many times before.”
“What about Detective Rodgers? If anyone has shown you that they will always be there for you, I think it was him. It’s been over twenty years. He’s been by your side longer than your mother.”
“I know. I didn’t know what it was like to be loved, but you did. You grew up with it. You know who your family is and where you came from. You know that there will always be people you can go to, who share the same history. And now you have someone who is making the effort to try to connect with you and you won’t budge an inch.”
“I take her phone calls. I send her a birthday present. I could have completely iced her out.”
“And yet you haven’t. That tells me something. It might be easier for you both if you did. You’re punishing her. You hurt her every time you make her think that there is a crack in the door for her to slide through and then slam it in her face.”
“Galen cried for her every night for two months after she left. She was four. She was heartbroken. I’m supposed to forgive that? I’m supposed to pretend that shit didn’t affect us.”
“No. But Galen seems to be trying. She talks to your mother fairly frequently, it seems.”
“Galen is different than me. Galen is hopeful.”
“And you always foresee the worst?”
“Maybe I do.” He shook his head. “Are you telling me that if your mother reappeared after all this time, you would forgive her?”
“I would love to see her again. There’s a hole inside of me that I don’t think will ever go away unless I know what happened to her. It only hurts me to be mad at her. Why would I want to hurt anymore?”
He leaned down and kissed her cheek, feeling something for her in that moment that he couldn’t name.
“I’m not suggesting that you spend every holiday together. I’m not telling you that you’re not allowed to be mad, but I’m asking to reconsider your relationship with her. You might be happier if it changed.”
“I’ll think about it.”
She lifted her hand to run her fingers through his hair. He wanted to press his mouth to hers but he resisted. He was in a dangerous position in her bed and he knew if he started he wouldn’t be able to stop.
“Good night, Sunny.”
“Good night, Jules. Thank you for being here.”
Chapter 10
Mama was mad at her but for the first time, Sunny didn’t care because she was mad at Mama too. Nothing was fun anymore or good or happy. They had been without electricity for so long, and the apartment felt hot like an oven and sometimes it seemed like it was getting smaller in there and it was hard for her to breathe. The blankets covering the windows blocked out the light and the air and the view of the kids across the street who played at the school. Sunny wanted to go back to the days when her mama was happy and used to take her to the beach, when they used to take off their shoes and play in the sand and run in the ocean. There was nothing to look forward to.
Sunny had begun to imagine things during those long, dark, hot hours of the day. She would imagine her and her mama living any place else but this noisy, dirty city, maybe a house in the country somewhere with a garden. In her dream, her mama wouldn’t have her crazy eyes, her skin would be golden instead of pasty, and her face would be full instead of deflated. They would laugh and be happy and free instead of scared and miserable. If dreams were wishes.... Her mama could take away many things but not her dreams. She was mad at her now, so angry that she wasn’t speaking to Sunny. It was the only punishment she could give because Sunny had nothing left to take away. She wasn’t talking to Mama either. She was mad too. She didn’t feel bad for leaving the apartment after Mama left to go to work.
Her neighbor was an older lady who lived with no one except a cat she called Perrito. She only spoke to Sunny in Spanish and would squeeze her cheeks when she saw her. The lady would always let her in when she knocked. She never asked her about her mama or why she never went to school or why she always smelled of staleness and sweat. She gave her a bath with lots of bubbles and feed her arroz con pollo or empanadas stuffed with delicious meat. They would listen to old music while the lady knitted and hummed along. It was the best part of the day. The lady liked her, and Sunny desperately needed to escape the life Mama had made for them.
But Mama had found out because Sunny got too comfortable one evening in the lady’s air-conditioned apartment and fell asleep. She was usually so careful. She would only spend a few hours with the lady and sneak off when the lady fell asleep in her chair. But this time she didn’t make it home before her mama, and Mama had been furious.
“You left! You left this place!” her mama screamed and for a second she was shocked because her mama had never raised her voice to her. “I thought they took you. I-I thought they took you away.” Her eyes went wilder. “I can’t let anything bad happen to you. Safe . . . you have to be safe.”
&nbs
p; Sunny felt her cheeks burn red, not with embarrassment but with anger.
“I don’t want to be safe with you anymore. I want to have lights and food and sunshine. I hate it here. I hate you. I don’t want to live with you anymore.”
Her mama had recoiled as if she had been kicked in the stomach, and hadn’t spoken a word to Sunny since that moment. But Sunny was still mad. Her stomach was still burning.
She got up and began to pull the heavy blankets off the windows and pushed them open so she could breathe in something other than stale air. The sunlight hit her face for the first time in weeks and she almost felt as if something inside her had been set free.
“Sunny, no!” Her mama yelled and scrambled to try and replace the blanket but Sunny held on to it tightly, and her mother gave up and started to weep.
“Sunshine baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She tried to pull Sunny into a hug but she pulled away, unable to stand the smell of her mother’s sweat and sickness. “Don’t you love me anymore? Don’t you love your mama?”
She didn’t answer her because she couldn’t. It was too hard.
“Tell Mama what she needs to do to make you love her again. I’ll do anything. Please, baby, tell me.”
Sunny backed up and studied her mama and felt sad for her. She wasn’t like everyone else. She wanted to tell her mama she wanted to move to the country; that she wanted to go to school every day to hear something besides the sounds of her own thoughts. She didn’t know if her mama could manage that, so she asked for the one thing that she knew she could give her.
“I want light.”
* * *
Sunny woke up the next morning feeling disoriented. There was a heavy arm wrapped around her and a warm hard body pressed against hers. She felt disoriented but she also felt safe. Completely safe and she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so secure.
“Are you awake?” he asked her.
“Yes.”
“Are you okay?” He turned her toward him and looked into her eyes. There was concern in his.
“What were you dreaming about? You were shaking.”
“Was I?” She rolled away from him and got out of bed. “I’m going to get dressed and then I’ll head down to the bodega and get us some breakfast sandwiches. I think I have the menu in my drawer. I have a coffeemaker here but they make way better coffee than I do. Do you want some?”
“Sunny . . .”
“Think about it. I’ll be in the shower.”
She showered quickly and got dressed in her bathroom. She needed a moment away from him. She had tried to block those memories. She had felt guilty for saying those words to her mother because soon after that she was gone.
It had been for the best. She had been hurt once before because of her mama. She could have died; as an adult she realized that. Her mother had been dangerous but she had told her that she hated her. She shouldn’t have said it. She would never forget the look on her mother’s face when she did.
She left her bathroom to find Julian in her tiny kitchen, washing the glasses in her sink. The coffeepot had been started and just by the smell she could tell it was better than anything she had ever made.
He was so sexy. She liked having him in her apartment. She had liked his nearness. She didn’t want to think about how empty she would feel when he left her today.
“Have you decided what you wanted?”
“I can go with you to get it. I might want to pick up some other things. Is there a supermarket around here?”
“There’s one about six blocks away.”
“We can take my car. That’s too far to carry all that stuff.”
“I have a little cart.” She raised her eyebrow. “What could you possibly need to get?”
“Your refrigerator is empty.”
“You’ve seen the size of my behind? Do you think I’m in danger of starving?”
“No, but if I’m going to be staying here, we have to have actual food. Do you own a blender?”
“No and you’re not staying here.”
“I am. Especially after last night. There were two drunk assholes fighting below your window. There were people in the hallway at all hours. This building isn’t safe for you to live in alone. So I’m going to stay with you until you move out.”
“Julian . . .” She walked over to him and hugged him. “I appreciate you trying to take care of me, but we both know that you can’t stay here for long and as soon as you walk out of here without me, I’m going to lock the door and not let you back in.”
“You can try.” He smoothed his hands down her back. “I told the locksmith that I was your husband and he gave me the keys. You can’t keep me out.”
“I’ll call the cops and have you arrested.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“You’re right. I wouldn’t.” She was silent for a moment. “But you can’t stay here, Jules.” She slid her hands beneath his T-shirt to feel his hard back and soft skin. “Because I’ll want to do this.” She kissed his throat. “And this.”
“Don’t play dirty. It’s not going to work anyway.” He closed his eyes and she continued to kiss him. Her nipples tightened, being this close to him, smelling his warm smell, feeling this safe turned her on.
“I’m not playing. I’m not trying to seduce you. I’m doing this because it makes me feel good.”
“You shouldn’t be doing this.”
“No, I shouldn’t be doing this.” Her hands slid down to his butt. It was like stone, but round enough that made it perfect for touching. “This is a beautiful thing.” She said to him. “I love your thighs too. Your arms and chest are perfect as well, but I love your lower body. You must do thousands of squats.”
“Damn it, Sunny. Why are you doing this to me? I only have so much self-control.”
“You touched me. You stripped me naked and you touched me all over. It’s not fair if I can’t do it to you.”
“What if I don’t want you to do it to me?”
“You don’t?”
He wrapped his arms around her a little tighter. “I have to give my consent for this to happen. I still haven’t decided yet.”
His words made her smile. “Say yes, Julian. I will make you feel very good right here in this kitchen.” Her hand traveled to his front and she ran her palm over this thick erection. “Please, say yes.”
He groaned deeply and then opened his eyes to look at her. The arousal was undeniable. It made her throb painfully between her legs. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
“Say yes.” She locked eyes with him. “Please say yes.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Yes.”
Her heart beat faster and she went to her knees before him, but a loud banging on her door startled her.
“Sunny, it’s Detective Rodgers.”
“And Arden and Danny,” she heard another voice say.
“Let us in.”
“Seriously?” she asked in a furious whisper. She stood up. “Go get dressed.”
“The timing is incredible,” he grumbled as he grabbed his clothes and headed to the bathroom.
“I’m coming,” she called as soon as the bathroom door closed behind Julian.
She opened the door to see Detective Rodgers standing directly in front of the door with his arms folded across his chest. “You can’t live here. I would never let my kids live here. You’re not living here. Your apartment got robbed and destroyed and you didn’t even tell me.”
“Excuse me? I’m an adult. I can live wherever I want. You can’t make me move and how did you find out anyway?”
She heard the bathroom door creak open and Julian stood there looking slightly guilty. “I called him to ask him to talk some sense into you. I didn’t tell him to come here.”
“Sunny . . .” Arden appeared from behind Detective Rodgers and waddled toward her. “He’s right. You can’t stay here.”
“What are you doing up? You’re supposed to be on bedrest! Sit down right now.”
> Arden’s husband shook his head and guided his heavily pregnant wife to the couch. “I told her to call, but she insisted on coming along and threatened to give birth in our living room if I didn’t comply with her wishes.”
“I’m fine. The doctor told me that I could start to take walks around the neighborhood.”
“Yes, you can go to the store to get milk. Not travel twenty damn blocks to confront your friend.”
“We drove. Stop being dramatic. I’m going to pop any day anyway and I’m ready to get this kid out of me.” She looked at Sunny. “But seriously if you don’t move out of this place, I’m going to give birth right here. You’ll never get it out of this fabric.”
Sunny shook her head in frustration. “I’m fine. I do not want to leave my apartment.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to worry you.” She went over to Arden and rubbed her belly.
“You didn’t have to go through this alone.”
“I wasn’t alone. Julian was with me the entire time.” She glanced back at Julian who was now only a few feet away from her.
“Julian doesn’t want you to stay here,” he said. “Julian doesn’t like the thought of you going home alone at night. Julian will be here as long as you are here.”
“You’re being ridiculous. Where the hell am I supposed to go?”
“You can come stay with us,” Detective Rodgers said.
“Or us,” Arden spoke up.
“You are both getting ready to move. There is no way that would work.”
“There’s another option,” Julian said softly.
“I can’t live with you. That would be absolutely insane.” It would be, but that didn’t mean a little part of her didn’t want to be with him as much as possible. They had been together for three days. She didn’t want space from him. She didn’t want to be alone, but that was her life.
“Not with me but in my building. My brother-in-law has a place there too. It was his bachelor pad before he married my sister. They haven’t been back in almost two years. You could stay as long as you want. You can bring all your stuff.”
“Are you sure that would be okay?”
