by Jamie Pope
She needed him to finish this case. And then they could go their separate ways.
He had reached for her hand a few times as they drove to Hope. Briefly locking his fingers with hers at traffic lights. She let him hold it. She didn’t squeeze back. She didn’t look at him. She just let the silence envelope them as they drove along.
“Are you hungry? We can stop before we check out this address that the investigator found.”
“No. I would like to get this over with so we can get back to our lives. I know this was a lot to ask of you.”
“You didn’t ask this of me. It was my idea.”
“Right,” she said and turned back to the window and looked at the sweet little town that they were entering.
It looked familiar. Sunny sat straight up. It could be her mind playing tricks on her, but the place looked eerily familiar. In a word, it was charming. There were gorgeous historical buildings lining the streets and a beautiful town green that led right up to city hall. She looked out of the driver’s side window to see a little park. She remembered playing there as a child.
She knew this place. This is where she had come from. This was what she thought of when she remembered home. It had been twenty-five years but she could feel it in her blood that this was her home. This was the last place she had been happy.
Well . . . This was the last place she had been happy before these past couple of weeks.
“You’re excited,” Julian commented.
“This reminds me of the town I used to live in before my mama moved us away.”
“It’s beautiful here. You must have been sad to leave it.”
“You have no idea.”
He turned down a street that had large stately homes. The wealthy lived here. It made sense. All the money that was being sent to Soren had to come from somewhere.
He stopped at the very end of the block at perhaps the sweetest looking house.
There was a porch with four white rocking chairs lined up in a row.
Sunny sat there paralyzed just looking out the window at the house they had tracked Grace to.
“Are you ready?”
“No.” She took a deep breath and opened the door. “I don’t think I’ll ever be.”
She got out of the car and began walking up to the front door, Julian was behind her but she could barely focus on him because her heart was pounding too fast.
She didn’t give herself a moment to think as she reached the door. She rang the bell before her feet turned her body around and took her away from there.
There was a muffled voice coming from inside and then a woman appeared. Pretty. Not much older than Sunny. She was African American with short, curly black hair and large round eyes. Sunny swallowed hard, finding her voice.
“Hi, I’m Sunny Gibson. This is Julian King. We’re looking for Grace.”
A worried look crossed the woman’s face and she took a step back. “I’m Grace.”
“You’re Grace?” Sunny asked. Her voice barely audible.
Julian stepped forward. “You’re Soren’s biological mother?”
“I am.” She nodded.
The words hit Sunny like a physical blow. She didn’t find her mother. It had been a crazy thought. A crazy obsession for the past few months. She felt so stupid. She had taken a coincidence and let it run her life. She had made Soren’s case all about herself and in the process she had lost her objectivity.
Out of all the questions she had asked Soren, the one she never asked, was what does your mother look like. She would have learned that this Grace’s skin was brown not white, that her hair was black not blond. That she was far too young to be Sunny’s mother.
Sunny stood there. Her mind spinning. Her chest hurting. She wasn’t going to find her mother. She needed to stop. To forget about that kind of closure. She needed to think of her as dead and move on with her life.
It was the logical thing to do, but the devastation that ran through her was powerful. She was finding it hard to breathe, to not weep with sadness. But this trip was not about her. It was about Soren.
Soren who could get closure.
Soren who could have a lovely home and a happy family.
Soren who had all the chances Sunny couldn’t have.
Sunny forgot about herself and focused on Julian. His face was twisted with anger. His body was tight. He was in high-powered attorney mode. He was terrifying to regular folks.
“Did you or did you not realize the psychological harm you put the child through when you kept contacting her? Are you unaware of the impact of your abandonment? That she didn’t speak for an entire year? That she suffers from trauma? That she doesn’t trust easily? And you want to take her from her parents? From the only stability that she has ever known? It won’t happen. I work for the most powerful law firm in New York. I have every resource available to me for this family. You’ll never win in court. You’re unfit but just in case you want to try me, I’ll keep you so twisted up in legal briefs that you’ll be bankrupt by next year. As it stands right now, I should have you charged with stalking.”
Grace looked terrified, but she held her head high. “I will not be threatened in my own home.”
Sunny stepped in front of Julian. They had come too far to let this all fail now.
“I’m Soren’s social worker. I was there from the very beginning. I have been with her through multiple foster homes and therapists. I found her this family. And Grace, they love her. She has thrived with them. I’ve seen her blossom into this bright, loving child. I know you never meant to hurt her, Grace, but you did. And if you try to force this relationship, she’s going to resent you. It’s not going to be the happy reunion you had in your mind.”
“But I can take care of her now,” she said with tears in her eyes.
“She needed you to take care of her then. You broke her trust. That’s something that you have to regain.”
“How?”
“Slowly and over time. And the worst thing you can do is threaten her security with her new family. She’ll never forgive you for that. You have to meet her on her terms.”
“What if she never wants to see me again?” Grace asked and Sunny could feel her heartbreak. She felt sorry for the woman, but not sorry enough to allow her to continue down this road.
“She still loves you. Eventually she will.”
“I was a drug addict. I am an addict, and I hit a really hard patch when Soren’s father died. But I’m clean and I’ve been clean for well over a year.”
“How are we supposed to know that you’ll stay clean? Last time you had her, you abandoned her. This time she might end up dead,” Julian spat out. “What happened to your other daughter? I’ve read your letters. I know you did something to her.”
Grace recoiled as Julian’s words punched her. “She drowned. I turned my back for a second and she drowned in a pool. I didn’t mean for it to happen.”
“Were you too high to pay attention?”
“Julian, stop it right now,” Sunny warned. She turned back to Grace and grabbed her hands before the woman got hysterical. “I think I’ll be able to eventually get you some contact with your daughter, but not if you go about it this way. The family needs to be in agreement. Mr. King may be rude, but he is correct. You won’t win this court case. Your rights were correctly and legally terminated,” she said gently. “There are other ways to try to regain a relationship. But the first thing you have to do is let Soren make the decision. And you’re going to have to respect whatever she decides.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Please do.” Sunny pulled her card out of her pocket and handed it to her. “If you need anything, please call me. I’m not your enemy. I’m here to help.”
Sunny turned and walked away. There was nothing else to say. Grace needed to process this and hopefully make the right decision because if she didn’t, she would have a huge fight on her hands. Julian would destroy her.
They got back in the car and Sunny
sat there silently. She felt like all the air had been let out of her. Like a little bit of her life had been drained.
“That woman is full of shit. She acts like she’s so innocent. She had to know she was terrifying that whole family.”
“You didn’t have to go so hard. This isn’t court. We were there to have a conversation. To hear her side of things. You could have made her more persistent in getting Soren back.”
“I had to say something. You just stood there frozen. You knew what we were coming here to do. Why the hell did you look so shocked?”
She sat there for a moment, debating whether she should tell him or not. It wasn’t something she was going to shake immediately. It wasn’t one of those disappointments she was going to bounce back from.
And she had wanted to tell him. For months she wanted to tell someone, tell anyone about everything that was churning in her head. “I had thought that Soren’s mother could be my mother too,” she said in a voice that was barely above a whisper.
“What?”
She pulled the letters out of her pocket. Her letters. The ones that were so dear to her. She had placed them there this morning before they left. She had taken them when she left New York, feeling like this trip would finally give her the answers she needed. “Her mother’s letters were so similar to mine. I used to live in this town. I remember it. I have a younger sister somewhere. I needed to know if Soren was it.”
He went deadly silent and she felt him grow tight beside her. “You have been lying to me the entire time we have known each other.”
“I haven’t.”
“A lie of omission is still a lie. Did you even want to help Soren or was this all about you?”
“You know I wanted to help her! I would have done the same thing for her even if I didn’t have the suspicion. The Earls are who she should be with and I will do everything in my power to ensure that she will stay with that family. You know me better than that.”
“I feel like I don’t know you at all. You could have told me. There were a million times you could have told me.”
“I didn’t tell you because I thought it was too crazy to be true. And it was. I was wrong.”
“What else haven’t you told me? God damn it, Sunny! I changed my entire life because of you. My career. My goals. My future. And you can’t even tell me the truth? What does that say about us? I feel like everything was a lie.”
“You’ve been trying to push me away for this past week. You’re looking for a reason to end this. Just end it now. Don’t wait till we get back to New York. Don’t try to let me down easy. Just do it. You’re not going to break me.”
Confusion poked through his anger. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Just face it, Julian. I’m not who or what you want. I’m not polished and sophisticated. I’m not enough for you. And instead of telling me that like a man, you have been pushing me away. Going silent on me. Making me feel like shit.”
“Don’t change the subject. This is about you lying to me. This is about our whole relationship being based on a lie. I can’t even look at you right now.”
“What was the lie? I didn’t tell you that I was curious to find my mother? It sounded too crazy. It was too crazy. I didn’t trick you into any of this. I still needed help for Soren. You can turn away from me, but if you have any kind of decency, you’ll still help that family. I may have been wrong for keeping that part of the story away from you, but there was never anything that I have done that was malicious or dishonest. I fell in love with you. I gave you my body. I let you into my heart. But it’s clear you don’t feel the same way. You’ve been looking for your escape path.” She opened the door and stepped out. “I’m not going to wait for you to let me down. This is over.”
She slammed the door and started walking down the street. Her eyes were so filled with tears she couldn’t see. But somehow she knew where she was going. The town still smelled the same. It sounded the same. The breeze felt the same on her skin. This was her home. This was the place where she once felt the safest in the world. This is where her mother had been.
There was a little cottage not far from the other Grace’s home. It was adorable, white, with blue shutters and a pretty garden on the side of the house. There was also a sign that said vacancy. This is where her mother had worked. It was coming back to her now. It was a bed and breakfast. The owners had let her and Mama live upstairs for free in return for Mama’s work as the cook and caretaker there. It was all coming back to her.
She knew her mama wasn’t there, that she wasn’t in this town anymore, that she had been gone for years. But she needed to be here right now. She needed to be where she last remembered her mama well. Sunny needed to be where she was last truly innocent and happy.
She knocked on the door and a few moments later an older woman answered.
“I saw the vacancy sign,” she said, her voice broken with tears. “I was hoping I would be able to stay here for a little while.”
The woman’s eyes passed over her, seeing that she had no luggage, that she was completely alone, just nodded, reached for her hand, and pulled her inside. There were no words exchanged and no questions asked. It was exactly what she needed in that moment.
* * *
Julian shut his eyes after Sunny slammed the door. He knew he should have gone after her immediately. But he was too mad. He had always been so good with words. He was good in the courtroom. He never lost a case; he was that convincing, but he couldn’t talk to Sunny then. He couldn’t express himself. He couldn’t explain to her why he was so angry.
She knew everything about him. All of his pain. His fears. His history. She had seen a side of him no one had and she had kept this part of herself from him.
He would have helped her find her mother. He would have gone to the ends of the earth to make sure Sunny was completely happy. But she held that back from him and it made him doubt her. Made him doubt her trust of him.
She showed him how much she loved him in a thousand ways every day. And he had heard her say it that day in the shed. He believed her. He felt her love. But he didn’t say it back. He didn’t say anything because he had never told a woman that he loved her before. He didn’t know how to express the scope of his feelings in words. So he figured he would say nothing and try to show her instead. But instead of making her feel like he wanted her, he made her feel the exact opposite. He had to let her know that he was in love with her. That he wasn’t trying to push her away. That he wanted, no needed, her by his side because life wasn’t full without her.
He got out of the car and walked down the street. She couldn’t have gotten far. Not even five minutes had passed. But he didn’t see her in either direction. And when he got in his car and drove around the sweet small town, he couldn’t spot her either. So he called her, and called her and called her until her voicemail was full. But she never picked up. He got a single text, though.
I’m safe. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.
Anymore.
There was finality in that word.
It hit him square in the chest. He had taken hard hits before, but this one was the worse. He had let her go. Sunny was somewhere out there in the world thinking she was unloved.
He had to do everything in his power to change that.
* * *
It had been nearly a month since Sunny had seen Julian. She knew the split would be hard for her, but she didn’t anticipate the low level of misery that never lifted. She had gone back to work, tried her best to be present. In fact, she threw herself into her job, but the fulfillment wasn’t there. She found no joy in it anymore. She missed Julian too much and the warm, humid air of South Carolina and the sand between her toes.
She had been disappointed before. She had been hurt before, but she had learned to shield herself, to bounce back. But this time she couldn’t, and she was angry at herself for not being able to pull herself out of her misery. She had been alone before. She had felt deep loneline
ss before but this time it was too deep to describe.
But today was a happy day. It was adoption day for Soren. Grace had agreed to back off. Sunny was able to set up a phone call between Grace and Soren with Soren’s permission. It had broken Sunny’s heart. She watched Soren cry silently while she listened to her mother’s voice for the first time since the day she left her. This child had been so hurt, so traumatized, but she had made her wishes very clear. She wasn’t ready to see her biological mother and she never wanted to go back.
Grace had to accept that. It would take time for Soren to forgive. To finish healing and maybe one day there would be enough space in her heart to welcome Grace back in.
Sunny had met the Earls at their home. They were all packed up and ready for their move upstate. Soren greeted her at the front door wearing a simple pink dress, her hair blown out straight for the special occasion. She looked like a little adult. She had come so far from the filthy, bruised, half-starved child she had been when Sunny found her.
Tears sprung from her eyes and continued to roll down her face the entire time she was in their apartment. It was the end of a chapter for this family. They were starting a new life in a new place. Happiness for them peeked through the mess Sunny was feeling along with a little pride. She had helped these people. She had made a difference in their lives. It was why she became a social worker.
They had gone to the courthouse. There was no Grace in sight. No last minute attempts to stop the adoption. Sunny let out a slow breath of relief, but her breath immediately caught again when she saw Julian walk into the courtroom. He introduced himself to the judge as the Earls’ lawyer who raised her eyebrows at his presence. She obviously recognized his name. He was one of the most powerful lawyers in the city. He didn’t make appearances in family court.
