by Trina M. Lee
“You need to be with me right now, Alexa. The longer you run from that truth, the worse you make this for both of us.” He reached for me but dropped his hand before touching me. “I’ve been there. I know how easy it is to fuck the pain away. All it does is prolong the inevitable. You can’t run forever.”
The anguish surrounding him was tempting. If I hadn’t just feasted on Falon’s power, I would be climbing all over Arys to take it from him instead. That was how it should be. I knew that. But Falon was right. I was afraid.
“That’s the thing,” I said, holding his gaze, hoping he would see what I couldn’t put into words. “I don’t think about that. Right now I don’t care.”
Arys made a frustrated noise and slammed a fist against the side of my car, ignoring my protests. “Dammit, Alexa. I did this to you, and it kills me, but you’re making your own choices. Everything you do now is all on you. I can make this transition easier if you would just let me.”
Brow furrowed, I stared at the spot he’d hit, inspecting for dents. “It doesn’t mean anything. I’ll get it out of my system. Eventually.”
“You think it doesn’t mean anything, but it changes you. One day the regret will catch up with you.” Arys sighed and his shoulders slumped. “Look, I know this is about power and escape. I get it. You know I do. I’m as power hungry as vampires come. But this is angel power you’re chasing. Have you considered how dangerous that is?”
Ignoring his question, because I knew he had me on that one, I focused instead on his rare mention of regret. “Do you have a lot of regrets, Arys?”
The storm in his eyes had grown into a full-blown hurricane. Savage waves crashed and rolled in his midnight stare. “The only thing I regret is letting you run to Sinclair. I should’ve gone after you that night.”
Considering everything that had happened since then, he was probably right. “Yeah, maybe you should have, but you didn’t. You let me go to him, and then you got rid of him. And here we are.”
My tone was flat. I couldn’t muster the emotion that fit my words. There was no point in being angry anymore. Kale was gone. Hell, he’d wanted to go. And as much as I hated it, I knew it was better this way.
“Yes, here we are.” Arys turned away, heading around the Charger to the passenger side. “Get in the car. We’re going to be late.”
* * * *
The drive was tense, so much so that I chewed my lip as I drove in an attempt to keep from screaming. Arys spoke only to give me the address of our destination. Then he stared in silence out the window.
This rollercoaster ride that was our fucked up relationship was careening around another twist in the track. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would take to send us over the edge. Again I thought of Lilah and Salem, a demon and an angel, twin flames. They’d been bound together for several lifetimes over, and now one of them had imprisoned the other in a desperate attempt to control the madness they each suffered.
I’d foolishly believed that things would get better as time passed. Instead, it was getting harder. The passion and longing between Arys and me grew with each moment, but along with it the conflict, fire, and pain also grew. How would we overcome each obstacle when the next proved even greater?
A chill stole over me when I stopped at the address Arys gave me, the mental institution on the east side of the city. “For real? This is the place?” I stared at the hospital, unable to shake the bad vibes.
“This is it.” Arys grabbed my hand then, holding so tight it almost hurt. “I don’t want us to end up like so many others. From what I’m discovering, not many twins make it through unscathed. The odds will always be against us. We have to fight, Alexa. We have to persevere.”
The tension dissolved, replaced by a shared desperation. Arys was not alone in his concern. Seeing what had happened to Lilah and Salem scared me. The more I learned about twin flames, the more unsettled I became.
“I know. I’m not giving up.” His touch reminded me of how badly I craved him. I could never escape him, nor did I want to. I desired only to learn how to live with him, with what we were now. “How exactly did you find these twins?”
“Gabriel found them. With my blood he was able to locate the dark twin.”
We strode up the front walk to the intimidating building. Though we walked side by side, we were worlds apart, lost in our own mess. As soon as we walked through the door, we were met by a woman in a serious power suit, her hair perfectly pulled up into a large bun.
“You’re Arys Knight?” she inquired, her sharp gaze sliding over us each in turn. She didn’t offer either of us her hand. “I’m Rachel. Lovely to meet you.” The way she said it indicated that she deemed nothing about this to be lovely.
Her actions were robotic, forced, as if she were used to going through the motions when interacting with others. Right away I could tell she had about as much humanity as I did on a bad day. Strange.
She barely let me introduce myself before spinning on a heel and heading down the hall. “This way. We must hurry. Ozzie doesn’t always do so well after dark. He gets a little…hard to handle.”
“Ozzie?” I echoed, feeling overwhelmed by the sterile cold of the building. It was quiet, the kind of quiet filled with suspicion and unseen movement. The kind of quiet that couldn’t be trusted.
“Oswald is my twin flame. I assume you know why you’re here.” Rachel’s expression was blank, as if she suspected I might be too stupid to bother with. She glanced at Arys and shrugged.
I realized fast that Rachel was the dark half of her twin flame union. She was human and felt very much like it, but something in her eyes gave her away. It was the total lack of emotion. She’d shut down long ago. I suspected she might be a sociopath of sorts.
We followed her through several twists and turns, passing closed doors, each housing someone unbalanced, unwell, or just plain crazy. The energy was fractured, broken shards of many people that got inside my head, stabbing my brain like an ice pick.
Rachel stopped in front of a door, pausing to say, “I’m not sure what kind of mood he’s in today. Hopefully he’ll speak with us.”
I was tense, sure that I was unprepared for this but just as sure that I needed to meet both twins. They were human, so how bad could it be? Stupid question.
The room we stepped into was stifling, a prison of anxiety-riddled energy that echoed despair. It stopped me short in the doorway, battering my senses. Arys gripped my elbow, pulling me along. Despite the many years of experience he had shielding against such potent energy, he moved with a stiff gait, as if bracing himself.
Rachel closed the door behind us and moved to a figure slumped in a chair facing a small TV in the corner. A bed and large window lined the opposite wall, an attempt at giving the room a less prison-like feel. The only other door in the room led to a tiny bathroom. Home sweet hell.
“Ozzie, baby. How’ve you been?” Rachel crouched down next to the chair and spoke in a tone that was supposed to be soothing but struck me as obviously full of shit. “I’m sorry I haven’t come by in a while. Work has been crazy.”
Arys and I exchanged a quick, apprehensive look. My curiosity was on overdrive, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I would leave here somehow changed.
For a few tense moments, it seemed that Ozzie was lost in his own world. He stared unblinking at the television. Thin and pale, he clenched the arm of the chair with both hands, knuckles white.
All of a sudden he snapped out of the strange spell and turned to us with pleasant surprise. “Visitors! How nice. I was wondering when you would arrive.” The maniacal smile he turned on us melted away as fast as it had come. “Where’ve you been, Rachel? I was starting to think you weren’t coming back.”
What in the fuck? It appeared that Rachel and Ozzie weren’t your typical humans after all. How did he know we were coming?
“I just needed some space, my love. I told you I would come back. I always do, don’t I?” In an absent motion Rachel brushed a chunk of
dark hair off his forehead. “Meet Arys and Alexa, Oz. They’re like us. They’ve been looking for others.”
Ozzie stared at us like a little kid meeting strange adults for the first time. He was all at once shy and withdrawn. Looking to Rachel for reassurance, he whispered, “Not human.”
She stiffened, but her brittle smile stayed in place. “Don’t say such things, baby.”
“No, it’s fine,” Arys said, taking the lead, which I was happy to let him do. “He’s right. We’re not human.”
Rachel’s heart began to beat faster. It thundered in my head, taunting me. Lucky for her, the power I’d happily taken from Falon increased my own inner strength, and I was able to shut down any thought of harming either of them.
“Is that right?” Her smile widened before dissolving altogether. She thought we were as crazy as poor Ozzie.
Arys smiled, revealing fangs. “We’re not here to harm you in any way. We just want to ask you a few questions.”
A high-pitched laugh of disbelief came from Rachel, and she pressed closer to Ozzie. Pointing at the bed, she said, “Sit there. You can stay as long as you don’t upset him.”
I perched on the edge of the bed, awkward in the room that lacked any sensation of home or comfort. Arys sat beside me. He was calm and relaxed, everything I wasn’t.
“What brought you two together?” he asked, his attention focused more on Ozzie than Rachel.
She’s the one who answered though, before Ozzie could open his mouth. “A drunken night at the bar. I thought it was a one-night stand. At least, it was supposed to be. I went in to work on Monday morning at the law office I used to work for, and there was Ozzie, my first client of the day. He had no idea I worked there. It was a coincidence, though we learned fast that, as far as twin flames are concerned, there is no such thing as coincidence.”
Ozzie smiled up at her, love shining in his crazed eyes. The adoration that poured from him was so tangible I could’ve reached out and touched it. I knew that feeling. It lived in me too.
“I loved her before I saw her. I didn’t know it until I did.” He shook his head and blinked a few times, like he was trying to focus his thoughts. “I’m not sure if that makes sense.”
“It does.” I smiled, finding him endearing. “It makes perfect sense.”
“And when did you know there was more to it?” Arys jumped in, keeping the conversation rolling.
Rachel’s gaze dropped. She sat on the arm of Ozzie’s chair, content to let him field this one. The shift in her demeanor captured my attention. She rubbed her hands together before trying to inconspicuously rub them on her pants. She’d started calm and cool but was now nervous and perspiring.
“The night we talked a jumper off the High Level Bridge. We weren’t even supposed to be there, but our ride ditched us, and we thought, ‘What the hell, let’s walk the bridge.’ I felt something that night. I knew what we had was a gift.” Ozzie smiled at the memory.
His crooked grin and faraway expression brought a joy to his face that echoed within me: light connecting with light. We were the same in so many ways, he and I.
Rachel continued to stare down at the floor. Ozzie took her silence to mean he should continue. After looking at her with uncertainty, he went on. “It started to happen a lot. We would be there when someone choked at a restaurant or be first on the scene after a car accident. It was always by chance. We just happened to be in the right place at the right time. We saved twenty-three lives before…before I ended up in here.”
Arys and I waited for one of them to elaborate. It felt rude to push such a sensitive subject, but we needed to know. One of them was in a mental hospital, and I was identifying with him on a level that was starting to scare me. Where would one lock up a crazy vampire?
My thoughts went to the FPA lockup, and I repressed a shudder. Arys wouldn’t stick me in a place like that if my mental stability continued to decline, would he? The separation would hurt both of us just as it was clearly hurting Rachel.
She had made this choice. Perhaps she was more composed than Ozzie, but that didn’t make her sane.
Feeling my gaze upon her, she met my eyes and shrugged. “Things started to change. Saving lives became taking lives. Like before, we were always together when it happened. The first one was an accident. At least, it seemed that way at the time. A mugger with a gun on the street one night. It was self defense. I kept a switchblade in my purse.”
Her voice changed, growing distant, but her gaze locked with mine, refusing to let me break eye contact. “It was a rush to fight for our lives. We enjoyed it. So we started to seek out such encounters. Things went bad pretty fast. It started to break Ozzie. He started to have panic attacks. Hallucinations. He cracked. Tried to kill himself. I had to put him somewhere he’d be safe. Watched over. I had no choice.”
I nodded, not because I empathized with her but because I was starting to understand. A veil had been lifted, and it all started to make more sense. We were here to save lives. The curse of our gift was that we also longed to take them. Human. Vampire. Irrelevant. It was a double-edged sword.
“You do realize you’re a sociopath, right?” With a raised brow Arys gestured to Ozzie. “His psychotic break may be more obvious, but you are far from sane, Rachel. Did you both just give up?”
My tongue felt heavy in my mouth. I was overcome with the sudden urge to flee. I’d had about as much as I could handle already. Arys and I were so obviously reflected in Ozzie and Rachel. It terrified me.
“Never!” Ozzie’s hands trembled as he reached for Rachel. Their energy grew substantially with that touch. It felt warm, like a blazing fire on a cold day. “I’m nothing without Rachel, and I know there’s good left in us. I’m here so I don’t hurt anyone. It won’t always be this way. It’s got to get better.”
The hope in his eyes hurt to look at. My experience with twin flames was limited, yet I’d learned that it doesn’t get better. It gets worse.
“I’m sure it will, baby.” Rachel bent to kiss his forehead before running a hand over his hair. She reeked with the lie.
Ozzie began to shut down immediately. He withdrew into himself as fast as he’d come out. Sinking into the easy chair, he pulled his hand from hers and crossed his arms. “Lies. Always lies.”
He turned his face away, pressing it against the back of the chair as if he could wish us all away by refusing to acknowledge us. Once he curled his knees up tight against his chest and began anxiously chewing his nails, I knew he wasn’t coming back to us.
Rachel stood, absently patting his head. He swatted her hand away, growling something that was more mumble than words.
“You’ll have to go now,” she said, motioning to the door. “I’m sorry you didn’t get much out of him, but that tends to be the norm these days. He’s coherent in short bursts and then…” Her gaze passed over Ozzie, lingering until her aura filled with pain.
Arys nodded and sighed. His expression mirrored hers as he stared at Ozzie, seeing me in that chair. In this room. Imprisoned because I was a danger to myself and everyone else. I didn’t need a peek into his mind to know he was envisioning me in Ozzie’s place. I was too. And it was horrifying.
“Walk us out?” Arys headed for the door without waiting to see if she’d follow.
After promising an unresponsive Ozzie that she would be right back, Rachel accompanied us back to the front entry. When there was nobody within earshot, Arys abandoned any semblance of forced pleasantries.
“So how are you keeping your shit together?” It was a demand rather than a mere question. “You’ve got to be doing something to appease the need to kill, and somehow you’ve managed to keep yourself out of this place. So, tell us.”
Rachel’s lips pressed tight together. “How do I know I can trust you? I believe you’re both twins; I can feel it, otherwise I never would have let you in here. But that doesn’t make you trustworthy.”
“I can force you to tell us, but I’d rather not have to. We’re th
e same in many ways. We should be trying to help each other.” Arys didn’t touch her. He merely held her gaze, and the power danced around him, reaching for her.
Like an unseen hand it caressed her. She shook her head and took an unsteady step backward, as if she might run. As fast as Arys had called the power, he let it fall away. It had been just enough to make her see what we were capable of.
Rachel’s cheeks were flushed with unbidden desire, and she sucked in a few deep breaths before speaking. “I’m an assassin, ok? I kill people in order to save others. That’s how I manage. That’s how I save lives while taking them. I’d hoped that Ozzie could join me, but his condition hasn’t improved enough. I’m starting to doubt it ever will.”
The careful composure, which she’d managed since we’d arrived, cracked, revealing the fear she hid beneath. Her stand-offish detachment around her twin was the lie that covered the truth. Rachel was terrified.
“Who do you work for?” Arys pressed, eager for more information.
With a shake of her head, Rachel murmured, “I can’t tell you that. It’s not relevant anyway.”
“I think it might be.” Arys raised a hand to call forth another manipulative surge.
Rachel stiffened, eyes wide and jaw set in determination.
I caught Arys’s hand and brought it back down to his side, shutting down the force he’d summoned as I did. When he met my eyes, without a word, I implored him to let it go.
“She’s right,” I said. “It’s not relevant, and that’s not why we came here.” To Rachel, I added, “Thank you for meeting us. I know it couldn’t have been easy. I see the two of us in the two of you, and that both reassures and scares me. If you ever need anything from us, don’t hesitate to reach out.”
Only when we were back inside the Charger did I release the many F-bombs I’d been withholding. Arys listened as I cussed up a storm, throwing out rhetorical questions that he could only nod his agreement to.
