by Misti Murphy
When she quiets, clinging to me, I nibble at her lips. “I’m going to fulfil your every need, my sweet, beautiful Allie, your every desire. You’re mine now, and I’m not going to ever let go.”
Chapter Eighteen
Allie
I can’t stop fidgeting on the short ride to the hotel. My hands tremble as I pluck at the hem of my dress for the millionth time. The words Kaiser said as he made me cum swirl through my mind on repeat. My stomach is in my mouth, my heart strangled in my chest. This is our last night together, but when he said he’ll never let me go it felt so real, and I don’t know if he plans on dragging out this thing between us.
He reaches over to squeeze my knee. “We’re almost there.”
I stare out the window, a swarm of nerves in my belly. Something fractured inside me tonight. A landslide of warmth that tumbled from my heart. I squeeze my eyes shut, to try to ease the sting behind them.
I’ve fallen for the fantasy. I didn’t mean to. I thought I could have what I wanted from him without forgetting that it wasn’t real, but I couldn’t. His gaze was so intense, so genuine as he told me I was his, and my heart bleeds for it to be true.
“Allie, are you okay?” He cocks his head to the side, eyes narrowed as he rasps his thumb over my knuckles.
“Yes.” I say, trying to hide the uncertainty that chokes my voice. This was what I wanted. One incredible night with him. And I got so much more. The best orgasms of my life, and what is to follow will surely surpass the pleasure he’s given me so far. And I got to pretend for just a little while that someone could care for me, as I am. Not because they wanted anything from me. Not wanting me to be more or less or different. Only me.
He’s given me more than he could imagine in our short time together. But it can’t go on any longer. Even if he tells me we’re not done. Not only because it wasn’t part of our deal, but because I can’t get swept away by these feelings I’m having. I want to look back on these times and smile over the memory of a man who made me feel like I was the center of his universe, and not feel my heart crack every time I do. It already seems so heavy.
I tell myself I don’t really know him as he ushers me out of the limo and into the hotel. It’s all just a dream, and I’ll wake up tomorrow and go on with my life as though none of this ever happened.
“Allie, I want to tell you something.” He lets me go to press the floor button in the elevator. “About my brother, about me. It’s all going to sound a little crazy, a little far-fetched.”
He plants his hands either side of me, closing me in. My pulse jackrabbits. I don’t want to know any more, don’t want to be drawn to him even more than I am. “Kaiser, please—”
The elevator bumps and the doors slide open. An old man shuffles in with us, and I take an unsteady breath as Kaiser lets me go. It’s better that I don’t know who the real Kaiser is, though part of me begs him to finish what he was going to say. But what good would it do? I already know the man inside him.
The elderly man who enters the elevator clutches his cane with a weathered hand, darting a quick glance of distain in Kaiser’s direction and gets a scowl in return. Then he smiles to himself, the wrinkles on his face deepening as he focuses on me. “You’re the girl who talks to herself.”
“Oh. I remember.” I straighten up, trying to push my painful thoughts away. I’d served him once or twice when I worked at The Den. “How are you this evening?”
“Old and tired.” He shuffles a little closer. “But my time here is nearly concluded. I’m looking forward to returning home.”
He shoots another glance at Kaiser, not that anyone could miss it. I don’t know what he’s thinking, only that he seems intimidated by Kai’s sharpened features, and the way he’s holding himself like a coiled spring. There’s an air of danger to Kai, a roughness I no longer notice, because he’s never been anything but sweet to me. I want to tell the man he’s wrong about him. That he’s not as dangerous as he looks, far from it. Except that I’m not sure that’s true when it comes to my heart any more.
“Well this is my floor.” The elevator stops again, and he shuffles out, leaning heavily on his cane with each slow step. “I hope you have a splendid evening.”
When he wobbles precariously, I dart forward to help him, giving him my arm for support. “Let us help you get to your room.”
He raises one bushy white eyebrow. “All right. Miss?”
“Allie.”
“Bert.” There’s a twinkle in his pale blue eyes as he pats my arm.
“Okay, Bert, which way?”
Kaiser trails behind us as we navigate the length of the hall. I don’t know if he’s ill at ease from the old man’s judgemental looks, or he’s trying not to make the man uncomfortable, but it gives me time to breathe.
“What are you doing with a man like that?” Bert mutters under his breath. “He’s not the type of man a girl like you should get involved with.”
“Are you trying to flatter me?” I smile at him, trying to make light of his prying. “He’s one of the better men I’ve met in my life.”
“That might be.” He glances over his shoulder at Kaiser as we come to a stop in front of a door. Kai hangs back, giving us space, his gaze never leaving me. “Listen, girly.” Bert grasps my hand and squeezes it. “You seem like a sweet girl, and I don’t want to see you get hurt, but that boy over there isn’t what you think he is. Don’t expect too much from Wilhelm.”
“His name is Kaiser. I think you’re confused.” I disentangle my hand from his grip, uncomfortable with the sudden shrewdness of his eyes, and the way his fingers dig into my skin.
“All right.” He taps his temple with a bony finger, indicating he’s still as sharp as a tack. “You ask him if you don’t believe me. Ask him about who he is.”
“Okay.” I glance at Kai, who’s settled against the wall, both hands shoved in the pockets of his pants, his legs crossed loosely at the ankles. He’s Kaiser, my Kai, not whoever this old man says he is. The surety of it settles in my chest. “But you’re wrong.”
Bert swipes his key pass and opens the door. “Wish I was for your sake, girly. You looked so sad last time I talked to you, and now…” He shuffles into the room before giving me one last twinkling smile. “When you get tired of him, you come find me. I have a grandson, you know.”
“Okay.” I laugh. “I’ll do that.”
“Make sure you do.” He turns around in the doorway. “If I was thirty years younger, I’d make you happy. But these old bones don’t do as well as they used to.”
“Are you flirting with me, Bert?”
“Of course.” He winks. “Even at my age a beautiful girl is still a beautiful girl.”
Then he closes the door.
Biting my bottom lip, I wander back to Kaiser. The old man was so adamant that he isn’t who I think he is. But how could he know? Shouldn’t he have acknowledged Kai if he knew him? And Kai didn’t seem to recognize Bert at all. It’s all a little odd. But then I don’t really know Kai, do I? Only what he’s told me. And all of it could be a lie, a part of this fantasy. My steps get heavier the closer I get to him.
“What did he say?” Kai pushes away from the wall.
I wring my hands. Do I ask him? Do I want to know? My world already felt like it was crumbling before we got into the elevator. I can barely breathe. A fantasy so real it feels like reality – that’s what the Vice website had said, and this does feel real. So real, it might break me in two when it comes to its conclusion. “He said your name is Wilhelm.”
“Did he?” He shrugs. “I’ve never met him before. Maybe his mind is going on him.” He gives me this sweet twisted smile as he glances back the way I came.
“Maybe.” I peer at him, but he gives nothing away. His expression is open. A little too unguarded. Almost as though he’s trying to convince me he has no idea what the old man was talking about.
He takes my hand and drags me back to the elevator. By the time we’re moving floors again, I’m
almost certain he knows far more than he’s letting on. I just don’t know what to do about it, because this is supposed to be a game. I knew that from the start, but I still want him and all the wicked, delicious things he said that make my body ache for him. I just wish I knew how to block these feelings for him.
His phone beeps the moment we get to the door of the suite. I wait for him to check it, watching him as he frowns at the screen. Then he pushes it back in his pocket and grasps my chin. “I have to go.”
“What about…” Our night together? Ending this thing? I don’t want to drag it out any longer. Each time I see him it gets harder to remember that it has to end. But I don’t want it to end. I can’t handle the idea that this is the last time I’ll see him. “Will you come back?”
“No.” His thumb caresses my jaw line.
Why does one gentle touch make my chest ache, why does it make my eyes burn? And the sadness in his gaze…
“M-maybe tomorrow?” I clasp his hand, holding it to my face, as though I can tether him to me, as if by doing so I can make it last when it was never meant to. “Perhaps in a couple days? We could have one more night? We could…”
“Allie, my beautiful.” He shakes his head softly, and that hurts more than I ever thought possible. I know he’s going to tell me it’s over before he says the words. It’s hard to breathe, staring into his eyes filled with pain. The silence stretches out, the only sound our breathing, while his fingers gently stroke my cheek. Then he swallows, his mouth a grim line. “I’m so sorry, mina cauere. But you have to know this can’t continue. Tonight was supposed to be the end. You knew that.”
“I did.” But I don’t want it to be. “But maybe—”
“This wasn’t how I planned this night to go. It isn’t how I wanted it to go, but perhaps it’s how it should be.” He leans in to brush his lips over mine. It’s almost chaste, the way he touches me. As though he’s pulling away too. “I will never be able to forget you.”
I don’t know how to let him go. I don’t know how to say goodbye. Words don’t come to me as I cling to him a moment too long. Then, I press my palms to his chest, pushing him back gently. I need a line in the sand right now. A distance that’s uncrossable, if I’m going to hold it together. My chest is tight, my throat closed up.
“The limo will drop you off.” He drops his hands to his side, then scrubs at his hair as he drinks in my face. “Goodbye, Allie.”
I sink against the wall, my palms scraping the plaster, trying to seek purchase that will keep my knees from giving out. I didn’t know watching him skulk away would hurt. I had no idea that it would actually feel like a part of me was going with him. I squeeze my eyes shut when he enters the elevator. “Bye, Kai.”
If that was ever who you were.
Chapter Nineteen
Kaiser
I have no clue who that old bastard was, but he knows me. I could barely keep it together when Allie asked me if my name was Wilhelm. I’ve never outright lied to her about my name, but the hurt on her face almost broke me. I wanted to tell her it was, that I was born Wilhelm Alberto Fredrick Kaiser, Prince of Karovka. That I might have a lot of other names I’m supposed to live up to, but the only one I care about is the one she calls me.
I have a cigarette dangling between my lips before I even hit the pavement. I light it a second later and drag the smoke into my lungs like it’s the first breath of fresh air I’ve had all night.
How the hell did he know who I was?
I glance back once, just in time to see Allie exit the elevator, before I beat it across the street and dial a number into my phone. In the five years I’ve been here not one person has made me. Sure, a lot of it’s probably come down to dumb luck, but why now? Setting a timed message and getting the hell out of there had been the only thing I could think to do. I need to know who he is and whether he’s here because of my father, but it sure as hell stung like a bitch to leave her.
“What do you need?” Saran grumbles when he picks up.
I rub a hand over my jaw. It’s clenched so tight my head feels like it wants to explode. “Someone knows who I am. I need to know who the hell he is and how he knows me. I need to know if he’s here because of my father.”
“Shit.” His voice softens. As much as I’ve given him grief, as incensed as he was when I outed myself to him, Vice is a close-knit family. They’ve been my brothers since the first day I arrived. “What do you know?”
“Room 505 at the Armada Hotel. First name’s Bert, or some derivative of.”
“Okay, Dare has an in there with one of the staff members. I’ll see what we can find out.”
“Thanks.” I hail a cab.
“You owe me.”
“I’ll owe you my kingdom by the time we’re done, no doubt.”
He laughs heartily. “I wouldn’t want it.”
After I hang up with him, I tell the cab driver to take me straight to The Palace. I’m going to get right royally fucked up tonight. With images of Allie there behind the bar, I’m going to drink myself into a stupor.
Only I don’t. I sit at the goddamn bar for hours, Liam pouring me drinks that go down far too easily, but don’t seem to make a dent in my mood. The longer I sit, the more I want to go find her, to hell with the consequences.
I spin the empty shot glass in front of me. There’s no point in denying how much I want her, that I’ve wanted her since the first time I set eyes on her. There’s only the question of what I’m going to do about it.
For weeks, I’ve tried to ignore the warmth in my chest, the way it seems to puff up whenever I’m around her. But I can’t any longer. I don’t know how I’m going to extricate myself from this mess. The only thing I am sure of is, I meant every word I said to her while she was in my arms earlier tonight.
This isn’t fantasy anymore.
I can’t let go. I won’t.
***
I wake on the floor of my apartment. Naked. Nowhere near the bed. Throwing one arm over my face to block out the light, I groan. So much for thinking I stayed sober. My phone blinks at me, and I pick it up, grinding my teeth while I squint at the screen.
There’s a message from Saran. As soon as I see the old man’s full name I know I’m fucked. He’s here to take me back.
I climb off the floor and stagger into the kitchen where I grab the bottle of whisky from the counter and yank off the lid. I might as well stay roaring drunk. I doubt I have more than a few days left before an escort will arrive to haul me home to Karovka.
I consider calling my father, then decide against it. I’d rather deal with him face to face. No doubt, he’ll be displeased. Or more likely, furious. He’ll compare me to my older brother as he always does. Leo certainly would never have shirked his responsibilities the way I have.
But then my father never knew why Leo was where he was the night he died. The king never knew his eldest son died protecting the woman he loved. I swore I’d never tell him, never betray my brother’s perfect image as heir apparent.
But I can’t live up to that image, because as much as it pains me to admit it, I’m not willing to give up Allie for some woman who will never come close to making me feel this way. Sweet Allie, who I want to shove my dick inside bare. Who I want as my own.
I’ve always been careful, in control. I’ve never had the urge to go without a condom. I’m so careful, every time I tie them off and dump them in a bag to dispose of myself. I’m practically paranoid about it, but Allie makes me forget about being careful. With her, all I want is to sink inside her, skin-on-skin, no matter the cost.
Consequences that wouldn’t be so bad if they were realized with her. I put the bottle of whisky down and wipe the back of my hand over my mouth, imagining her round with the next heir to Karovka. It’s so vivid. All this time, I thought I was escaping my life, biding my time until I needed to face my responsibilities, but perhaps I was searching for her. The only woman I want as my princess, my queen.
***
I lean
against the wall in the foyer of the Lux hotel, peering keenly at the door. She’s already five minutes late, and I’m close to stalking out and going to track her down. There was always a chance she wouldn’t show. She hated this place the first time I brought her here and after what happened last night, I’m not sure if she’ll give me the chance to explain.
But I need her to.
I breathe a sigh of relief when I spot her gliding through the door. As much a princess as any actual princess I’ve ever met. Perhaps even more so. I stride toward her before she notices me.
“My beautiful Allie.” Her hazel eyes shine a little, as though she’s been crying. I brush my thumb along her cheek bone when I stop in front of her. She’s broken me. I don’t know how, and I can’t pinpoint when it happened. All I know is that the air of sadness around her stings my chest, and I will do whatever it takes to see her face light up again. “I thought I was going to have to come find you.”
“What am I doing here, Kaiser?” Avoiding my eye, she inclines her face away from me. “I don’t want to play this game anymore. It was supposed to be over.”
“It is, Princess.” I take her hand, twine her fingers with mine. “But I need you to give me tonight. Say you will.”
“I shouldn’t,” she says, but she allows me to lead her through the foyer and the ballroom to a long corridor where we can have a few minutes alone before I introduce her to some of my friends on the Vice team who have been prepped to help me be logical about the woman who takes over my senses. Her hand trembles in mine. “I don’t even know who you are. Is your name even Kaiser?”
“It is. Or at least part of it.” I usher her into a quiet room that holds extra tables, chairs, and other dining paraphernalia.
“How did he know you?” She curls her hands around her waist.
“It’s a long story.” The regal blue silk she’s wearing makes her pale skin look so prettily flushed I can’t help but pull her to me, so I can sink my mouth to hers and nibble her bottom lip. There’s a sense of desperation that punches me in the gut that she might not want the same as I do. To have her with me always.
