by Ioana Lee
At a certain point I noticed a blond girl with beautiful blue eyes. She was reading a book on psychology in French. I was very surprised to see her and thought that she was either in the wrong location or that it was her first audition and believed that she’d be asked about the difference between anxiety and agoraphobia. After a few moments of staring at her I noticed that she wasn’t trying to be a fake intellectual. After all, the environment we were in had many models that simulated reading and studying. I noticed the same fakeness with several models in Romania who wanted to make sure that everyone knew that they were studying languages or law. I decided to get closer to her… I liked modeling, psychology and French and I was curious to find out what the connection was between them for this angelic being. I stood up and made my way to where she was. When I was right in front of her I said:
“Salut! Ca va? Je te deranje?[xxiv]
“Non, pas du tout.[xxv] Please have a sit next to me. I’m Tina. You?”
“Ioana. I’m from Romania.”
“Oh really? I’m from Belgium.”
“European? How wonderful! I rarely see Europeans in Tokyo.”
“Yes, I know,” she said, smiling.
From our conversation I found out that Tina had lived on her own in Japan for the past five years. She graduated college with an English-Japanese degree just like I did. She confessed to me that she felt old and fat and had no idea why she was there. We both started laughing. When my turn to audition came, we exchanged numbers and said our goodbyes. Castings usually involved the same criteria: being photogenic, telegenic, matching the look with the client’s requests, experience in the industry and the elegant walk.
Tina and I took the audition. We saw each other one week later when we had to do the fitting of the clothes that we had to wear for the presentation. Unfortunately, at the fitting I saw Alessandra, a Brazilian girl, whom I had worked with in the past. She couldn’t stand breathing the same air as me. Alessandra would accept all the jobs that I refused. Oh well, envy and hatred didn’t avoid the world of beauties who looked, at first impression, to not have anything in common with the mundane world. All models carry their character and education, good or bad, everywhere they go, regardless of circumstances. Alessandra and I said hi from a distance and I turned towards Tina.
“Hey, how are you?”
“I’m desperate,” she said.
“Why? What happened?”
“I’m 114 pounds and 5’7”! I’m a big whale!”
“114 pounds? It’s a bit too much but it’s not that obvious,” I told her honestly. “You look good. Have they forced you to get on the scale?”
“How many pounds are you?”
“Not enough… only 99,” I told her.
“99!? That’s fantastic! Especially here, where they consider you obese if you’re 110 pounds.”
Her agent told her to loose 4 pounds before the show started. That meant 10 pounds off in 10 days. She felt like crying.
“I’ll only drink water and eat yogurt.”
“Then you’ll be like me, I told her. I’ve been told not to loose any weight.”
We both laughed at ourselves and the situation we were in.
Tina and I saw each other again the morning before the show. We were in a beautiful hotel in Ginza, the most luxurious area in Tokyo. There was an invasion of people, makeup artists, hair stylists, agents and models. Besides Tina and I, there were two Brazilian girls, one Russian, one Ukrainian, one American and one Australian. Tina was able to lose 6 pounds and was very happy. She looked a little pale and a bit too bony though. We chatted while they did our makeup and hair. She was a joyful and sociable girl who was highly educated and spoke five languages. Her Japanese was very good. Her face looked more interesting than beautiful. In the beauty department, the Russian girls did extremely well. Tina was attractive as a person, yet in spite of all her qualities she was unhappy because she was 28 and wanted desperately to get married.
I personally have never been able to understand those women who want to get married no matter what, or the ones who say: “I’ll get married at XX years old.” It doesn’t make any sense. How could one want to get married when the “object” is missing, when the one that you’re ready to make the big step with and who makes you want to spend the rest of your life with him, doesn’t exist? How can one wish to get married at a certain age? At 30, let’s say? The day you turn 30 years old you look around and say: “Hey, who wants to propose to me?!”... All the things that I’m unable to understand frustrate me, as they suck up my time and energy. I always want to understand everything! But I couldn’t understand Tina’s desire… I tried asking her questions to understand where she was coming from:
“So, you want to get married immediately. What is your problem? You are young, beautiful, educated, attractive and like working. Amongst all your admirers you couldn’t find the one that you had a strong connection with? Wait for him! Don’t rush!”
“No, Ioana. I want a family, a husband and children… No man likes me! I know how to cook, wash, iron and I make enough money to support a family; I have a college degree, speak several languages, and am patient and understanding, yet… nothing. No one! I have a lot of male friends but no one wants me. You are married. How happy you must be! What did you do?”
I started laughing. I didn’t know if she was joking or not. She seemed to be serious when she asked the question.
“Tina, let’s analyze what you said word by word. First of all, let me start by saying something that a famous author once said about marriage, which I fully agree with: Marriage is like a fortress: the ones who are outside want to get in, and the ones who are inside want to get out. I would give anything to avoid being asked where I’m going and where I’m coming from. I’d love to speak the language I desire with whomever I want, whenever I want… to avoid bowing daily. I’d like to be able to say “Kusoo”[xxvi] once in a while.” Tina started laughing out loud.
“Going back to what you said… First of all, I think that you make the mistake of being too accessible, too desirous to marry anyone who comes your way. It is too obvious that you are ready to accept any man, just because you have this aim in your mind—marriage. I believe that you should be honest and relaxed about it. Also, be more discreet with your man search. You shouldn’t try so hard to make a good impression. A man’s negative impressions about you shouldn’t dishearten you; especially of you don’t resonate with him. Trust yourself more and be more detached from the end result, because no man wants to get married right away. You need to really know the person and become close with each other, without being stressed about marriage. If I were a man I would propose to you immediately. You have many wonderful qualities. On top of this, you know the mindset of the men that you are interested in: Americans, Australians or western Europeans. They know how to cook, wash and iron because that’s how they grew up. You know this fairly well. They would marry you for who you are, not for what you know how to do in a house.”
Tina considered what I had said for a moment before responding. “Indeed, but most of them want to find a woman who pleases them.”
“True, but no one wants to marry a doormat. Tina, you give the impression of a desperate doormat on which any man who’s thinking about marriage could clean his feet on. Don’t tell them from the beginning what you know how to do, like some matrimonial want ad. It’s better if you make them laugh, help them discover that you are spiritual, beautiful and presentable in the world. Make them proud to be next to you, to introduce you to their friends and parents. No man wants to go out into the world with a woman who only knows how to do things around the house. He needs her to be that way only at home. If you really want to be a full-time housewife with no life, you’d be better off marrying a Japanese.
I don’t know how to do any of the things that you do and I’m not embarrassed to admit it. I have instead other qualities, for those people who have the patience and curiosity to discover them. If who I was wasn’t enough for a parti
cular person, I moved on and there was always another person who appreciated my qualities.
You approach the whole situation as if you were going to a casting: “I have to look good, be beautiful and know how to do housework.” Try to upgrade your approach: you are the casting director and have daily auditions for single, interesting and attractive males. You have to be the one in control. You’ll soon see that you won’t be able to get rid of them. All you’ll want is to be left alone.”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying, she said. It’s very hard… I’m fat and not that pretty…”
“You are obsessed! I am too, but you are something else. Stop it!”
“Ioana, can you please help me find a man? I can cook for you and show you around. I could even help you with house work if you need it…”
“Can you even hear yourself? You are desperate! You are a doormat… you believe that you are not worthy. You think that you have to sacrifice who you are for a man. Any man. You shouldn’t be a rag in any man’s hands, not even the one who would match your desires, because he’ll get bored with it and… what do you do with a rag when it’s used? You throw it away! You change it. Be a woman, be feminine, but not a doormat. Not a rag!”
“Alright, but…”
“It’s enough! I’m tired of talking about men. They are not even worth our time. There are so many other beautiful things to do in life. I would say, too many…”
Our whole conversation about marriage happened while we got our hair and make up done. Sad to say, I came to the conclusion that the Asian make up artist didn’t know how to apply makeup to a foreigner’s face. After a few hours of having her work on me, it was noticeable that I looked worse than I did before I sat down. My long hair was braded terribly and arranged in such a way that it looked as if a brain tumor grew out of my head. “I’ll leave her alone this time,” I said to myself. There were many moments in which I got upset at the hairstylists who didn’t know how to style my hair in a bun for special occasions, make it curly, or arrange it into other styles.
I wasn’t the only one in that situation. The same thing happened to the other girls. After many hours of work they looked as if nothing happened. The Russians were the exception to the rule. They were so naturally beautiful that it made us all wonder if their faces were real or drawn. I am a big fan of the models coming from the former Soviet countries. They are the most special ones, very serious, talented and professional.
At the end of my conversation with Tina we both agreed to a deal: she promised to teach me how to cook and I promised to help her loose her freedom. After a few days though, I decided to teach her, at no cost, how to become a slave. I believe that I did her more harm than good, of course unintentionally, because my advice only confused her.
She called me up one day and told me that she was very happy. She had followed my advice and met a 48-year-old Australian. She continued:
“He’s divorced and has two children. He’s an English teacher in Tokyo… but I’m not sure… I’m not sure that he likes me. I don’t know what to do to seduce him!”
“To do what? I almost yelled at her. Attract a guy who is 20 years older than you, who already passed through many life experiences and is tired of it all. And you want to make him like you?! Just give me a break!” I said, exasperated.
A month later, after the Australian guy dumped her, she called to tell me that she had met a 20-year-old American. He was a soldier. She said that she liked him a lot.
“You’re either joking or you’re a pedophile” I told her. “What are you going to do with a soldier who is 8 years younger than you? He’s not even at the legal drinking age. He can’t go out in bars and clubs? Do you think that he’ll want children, a family and all the other things that you want?!... Your desires will scare him away.”
She didn’t know what to wear and what to say when she’d go out on dates. I used to tell her:
“Tina, you are a model. Even if you wear sport pants and sneakers during the day, you know how to walk elegantly and wear an evening dress when it’s needed. I don’t have to teach you anything when it comes to this. All I can tell you is that you should trust yourself more. Don’t be so desperate, but at the same time try to find someone, because if you wait for him, in a crazy city like Tokyo…it’s going to be very hard.”
After a while, she told me that she posted an ad in English in a magazine called Tokyo Classified, which was for the expat community…
“This is an idea...” I told her without being able to stop laughing.
“Why are you laughing now?”
“Sorry Tina! I think it’s a good idea and I like the fact that you are doing something so that the Prince can find you. The reality is that a city with 15 million people, who are all in a continuous rush, won’t respond well to the stories with Princes that we have embedded in our memory since childhood. It may happen in a smaller and quieter city; I don’t know… You have to be careful who you cross paths with.”
In order for me to understand what she had gotten herself into I looked for the magazine. It came out every Friday and contained a lot of advertisements about events, businesses, things for sale and to buy, etc. The funniest and most bizarre section of the magazine was of course the “matrimonial” section. I read them all: women looking for men, men looking for women, women looking for women, men looking for men or couples looking for other couples. The way these advertisements were written was very funny… “Superb, young and educated business man, 59 years old. Looking for soul mate—beautiful woman between 18 and 38 years old.” I thought to myself: no one says that a 59-year-old man is old but unfortunately he’s not young either. To me being with an 18 year old girl was way different than being with a 38 year old woman. Let alone looking for a young girl, as his soul mate, considering that she was just starting fresh in life while he has passed through it alone. Even if their aura matches it’s still very different.
Other advertisements were more direct: “Very beautiful woman, 26 years old, single, looking for older man to support me financially.” At least this message was honest, short and to the point!
“American sex machine, looking for unsatisfied men and women. I am very virile, handsome and sexually restless.” How altruistic on his part! A man who wants the best for those “unsatisfied,” regardless of sex, race and nationality, etc. Everything he did was for the sake of pleasure. That guy seemed to have found his meaning in life: general ecstasy at the cost of his continuous restlessness. I wondered if there were people who actually replied to these ads, especially to the ones with such a “broad area of action.” All the advertisements were so diverse and colorful. There was everything for everyone. My fear for Tina was confirmed after reading the magazine. She was too naïve and was risking too much. Her love life was relying on those three pages of “matrimonies,” which were far from what they promised to be.
Over time I lost touch with Tina. Last time we saw each other she was going on vacation with an Australian guy that she had met online. I felt that it was a dangerous decision but I didn’t say anything. She seemed excited. She had already booked her flight and had planned the whole trip… I wished her well, with all my best intentions.
My culinary achievements
Adrian was just 11 years old when I first met him in Romania. He was an educated and well-mannered boy, who spoke Japanese perfectly despite his young age. At that time I was still scrambling to find my words in Japanese. While in Romania, Adrian’s parents asked Ken to talk to him in Japanese so that he could learn the language faster. During our time together we enjoyed playing with each other. His conversations with Ken in Japanese were intriguing as I was trying to decipher what they were saying. Adrian was extremely amiable and helpful, often helping me with translation. His parents were very welcoming and his mother was an excellent cook. “She cooks almost as well as my mom,” I thought to myself, smiling, while enjoying her food. Due to his father’s diplomatic mission, Adrian had the chance to live in Japan a few
years later. His whole family moved there and I didn’t get to see them for years.
I had just moved to Tokyo for a few months when Ken called to tell me that he spoke to Adrian, who was in Tokyo as well, and that he was going to visit us that evening. He asked me to wait for Adrian at the subway station, because his schedule was very busy and he didn’t know exactly when he’d be able to arrive home. It was polite on our part to meet Adrian at the station, since that was his first time visiting us and he didn’t know where we lived.
I was extremely excited to see him again, and of all things to talk to him in Romanian. I panicked thinking to myself that being a young boy he’d be hungry by the time he’d arrive at our home and that our Romanian traditions commanded me to prepare some Romanian food for him. On top of this his parents always treated me nicely whenever I visited them. There was just one problem: I had no idea how to cook and also had a real phobia towards spending time in the kitchen. I was embarrassed though at the thought that his parents would eventually find out that he came to visit me and that I, a 26 year old married woman, didn’t prepare anything for him. I had to think of something easy to make. Boeuf salad, I thought to myself, since I had seen my mother prepare it a couple of times and it only took her 20 minutes to prepare it. I also thought of making a vegetable soup. “It can’t be that hard,” I encouraged myself.
