by Holly Jacobs
Laura got up from the couch, hurried to the doorway and threw her arms around Jay’s father. “Do you mind if I call you Dad now?”
He hugged her back fiercely. “I’d be honored, Laura.”
Laura had a headache from all the crying, but her heart felt lighter, so she didn’t mind. They planned the baptism, and had to get a new box of tissues.
“I asked Seth to be the godfather.”
Both Martins nodded, but Mrs. Martin gave her a see-I-was-right look.
It was close to seven when Laura bundled up Jamie again. Mr. Martin insisted on going out and starting up her car. That left her and Jay’s mother alone in the hall.
Mrs. Martin said, “My son gave me so many happy memories, and he gave me you. You can’t shake us, Laura.”
“I wouldn’t want to…Mom.”
As she stood at the window and watched Mr. Martin brushing the snow from the car’s windshield, she knew she wasn’t alone.
She had Jamie and the Martins. She had friends. She had students. Then there was JT. And finally there was Seth.
She didn’t lump him in with friends. He was more than that.
The question was, how much more?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
LOVE.
The word kept coming into Laura’s mind the next day. She couldn’t shake it. She wanted to talk to Seth—with her best friend—but couldn’t. Not yet. She knew she had one more thing to do.
She considered going alone, but in the end, she dressed Jamie and loaded him into the car seat.
They drove west on Twenty-Sixth Street. She went past the funeral home, her favorite restaurants, the park, even the church where Jamie would be baptized.
She drove to Laurel Hill Cemetery on the west side of town. Jay’s parents had a plot next to his grandparents’, and that’s where they’d buried him. Laura hadn’t visited the grave since the day of Jay’s funeral. Seeing his name on the headstone had seemed too daunting.
But today, she needed to see it.
She remembered being here for the internment. Walking up the slight hill, across the pristine green lawn and canopied by branches of leaves. Now, the ground was covered by a foot of snow, and the trees’ branches were barren.
She made her way up the hill, careful of her footing as she held the baby. There was Jay’s grandparents’ headstone. Alexander Martin and Louisa Bently Martin. Next to it was a smaller headstone that read, Jameson “Jay” Alexander Martin, Jr.
Beloved son, husband and father.
Husband.
They’d never officially married, but his parents had acknowledged what she’d known in her heart—if love and commitment meant anything, Jay had been her husband.
She’d loved him.
“I don’t believe you’re here, but I do believe you can hear me, Jay. I wanted—no needed—to say goodbye. I needed you to know I loved you and that I’ll tell our son about you. He will know that even though you never met him, you loved him. I’ll look after your parents, too, Jay. You left me a family. Thank you for that. I needed to come here and say goodbye.”
She reached in her pocket and took out a small piece of beach glass. Jay had found it on their first date when they’d gone to the peninsula to watch the sunset.
It felt right to leave some tangible sign of her visit, and of her farewell.
She brushed off the headstone with her gloved hand and set the glass token there.
“Goodbye, Jay.”
LAURA WENT RIGHT BACK HOME and put Jamie down for his nap. JT arrived after school, and they worked on her homework together at the kitchen counter, just like always. It was the same things she’d done for so many days, but today, everything felt different.
“Ms. Watson?” JT asked.
“Sorry. I was woolgathering.”
“Huh?” JT asked.
“Zoning?” Laura tried.
JT laughed. “You do work at growing my vocabulary.”
“That’s nicer than saying I’m so old I speak an entirely different form of English.”
“Well…” JT grinned.
“Okay, I’m back, so let’s get to work.”
“Actually, I have something to show you, if I can use your laptop.”
Curious, Laura got the laptop and booted it up, then slid it toward JT.
JT tapped at the keyboard and slid it back to Laura, who immediately recognized the school’s homepage and more specifically, the grading feature. Teachers were urged to enter students’ grades within a week of a test or graded homework assignment. The idea was that keeping up on grades allowed the students and faculty to more readily step in if action was needed.
She looked at JT’s current grades.
“They’re all strong C’s, except for math and art class, which are both B’s.”
“Math’s a high B,” Laura corrected.
“Yeah. There’s a big test in humanities, and I’ve been studying. I thought we could concentrate on that, and if I can do well on it, I might be able to get that to a B, too.”
“JT, this is amazing.” Laura looked at the girl. JT still had numerous piercings, and her hair was still super short, but beneath all that was a girl with newfound confidence. “You’ve worked so hard, and it shows.”
JT smiled. “Is the lieutenant coming today? I wanna show him, too.”
“I’m not sure—”
“Oh.” JT’s face fell.
“Let me text him and see.” Laura texted Seth, JT really wants to show you something, if you can stop by.
B there soon, was his almost immediate reply.
“He’s coming.”
Meanwhile, they reviewed JT’s humanities work. JT read the chapter out loud, and Laura noticed how much easier she found it. She did struggle a bit, but not as much as she had in the fall. Soon, she’d be cruising.
Laura liked to think her art classes gave her students the foundation for expressing themselves. Reading was akin to that.
She and JT made flashcards for the upcoming test. Picking out important facts in the chapter, they then ran through them once.
“I missed less than half without really studying.”
“So, just imagine what you’ll be able to do if you study?”
“Thanks, Ms. Watson. I know I have a lot of work left, but for the first time ever, I feel like I can do it. I feel like I’m not stupid anymore.”
“JT, you never were. With all your moving around when you were little, it’s like…it’s like someone gave you a canvas, but no paint. You didn’t have all the tools you needed. Now you do.”
“Well, not quite. I think maybe I have some of the paint, but I want the rest and I’ll still need some brushes.”
It was anything but the best analogy on either of their parts, but they both laughed.
Seth came into the room, dressed in his uniform, a small bag in his hand. “Sorry. I knocked, but no one answered so I let myself in. I knew you were expecting me.” He yawned. “I was on my way home. I hate having to appear in court when I’m third shift. It throws off my sleep schedule.”
“No problem, Seth. We’re just happy to see you. JT has something to show you.”
He glanced at the flashcards and JT followed his line of sight. “Not those. This.”
She toggled the laptop’s mouse and the grades popped back on to the screen. “Look.”
Seth leaned in between them.
Laura was overwhelmed by his scent. It was spicy and warm. She wasn’t sure what the name of his cologne was, or if it was simply his soap…or if it was just him. But she missed it. She missed so much about him.
She missed their talks.
She missed sharing her day with him, and missed him sharing his with her.
She missed the feel of him.
She missed seeing him hold Jamie.
She simply missed Seth Keller.
It had only been a few days of him playing the hero and staying away for her sake, but…
“JT, this is terrific,” Seth said encouragingly.
How could she not miss someone who reveled in the success of a girl he’d taken under his wing? A man who stayed with a woman giving birth, even though it must have reminded him of what he lost? A man who set up Skype accounts for star-crossed young lovers?
How could she not love him?
“Yeah, it is terrific.” JT glowed. “The flashcards are for my humanities test. If I do well on it, that C+ could be a B–. I know they’re not Ivy League grades, but—”
“Don’t. Don’t you belittle what you’ve accomplished. You’ve come so far since I met you. You’ve done so much. You can do anything. Absolutely anything, JT.”
“Sometimes, I believe that.”
“Anytime you forget, you let me know and I’ll remind you. But looking at those grades, you’re starting to believe in yourself, too. Soon you won’t need us.” He glanced at his watch. “I said I’d come in early tonight, so I’ve got to run or I’ll be late.” He started toward the door.
“Be right back, JT,” Laura said as she rushed after him. “Seth.”
He stopped and turned around.
Now that she had his attention, she didn’t know what to say. “Could we get together when you have a day off, or in the morning after your shift?”
He glanced at his watch again. “I’ll call you.” He started to leave, but Laura didn’t want him to. She gripped his arm and stood on tiptoe to kiss him. It wasn’t nearly as hot as some of the kisses they’d shared. Rather, it was a simple reminder that he mattered to her.
He turned back to the door. “Tomorrow. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Laura watched Seth through the window. He got in his truck and sat there, staring at the house.
She wondered what he was thinking.
Hell, she wondered what she was thinking.
She’d said goodbye to Jay and made amends with the Martins. All that was left was admitting what she wanted. She didn’t need to figure it out, because she knew. What she wanted had just walked out the door.
JT came into the foyer. “Ms. Watson, Jamie’s gurgling on the baby monitor. Can I go get him?”
“Sure. Thanks, JT.”
Soon, JT was with the laughing baby. “He really likes me.”
“Of course he does.”
“Do you think, sometime, if you need someone to watch him, I could? I’ll be fifteen in a few months, and I—”
“JT, you don’t have to sell me on the idea. There are only a handful of people I could leave Jamie with comfortably, and you are one of them.”
“Thanks, Ms. Watson. I mean it. Can I show you something else?”
“Anything, JT.”
They went back into the kitchen and JT reached, one-handed, into her bag and thrust a piece of paper at Laura. “I wrote this on the computer, like you said, and the spell-check helped, like you said it would. Of course, there were a few times even it couldn’t figure out what word I was trying for.”
“It will get easier.” Laura unfolded the piece of paper and remembered that night at the police station when JT had handed her the drawing for Jamie’s mural.
She didn’t know it at the time, but that night was the start of all this. Of the new life she was building for herself. A new life that included Seth Keller.
She read the words on the paper.
Belief
JT Thomas
I always thought I was stupid. The other kids got what the teachers said, but me, I didn’t. They could copy their homework from the blackboard, but I couldn’t because I didn’t know how to read the words. I could read some. I knew the girl’s bathroom from the boy’s. I could read small words. But I couldn’t read a book, or even my homework. And every year, I felt dumber and the teachers thought I was dumber, too. Then I had a teacher who figured out I couldn’t read well. Her and this cop. I told them to leave me alone, but they wouldn’t. They kept bugging me and saying I wasn’t stupid and they believed in me. And I started to believe in me, too. Sometimes when it’s too hard to believe in yourself, it’s good to have someone else believe for you.
“JT, that’s wonderful.”
“Will you check it and give it back to me so I can fix it? I had to do an essay for Mrs. Lutz on myself and I want to make sure it’s right before she gets it.”
“Sure.”
“Thanks, Ms. Watson.”
“That’s my job, JT.” Laura read the essay again, marking it as she went along.
“Glad it’s someone’s. My mom never cared.”
“I’m sure—”
“You’ve met my mom. She cares about herself more than she’ll ever care about me. I wish it was different, but I’ve decided that’s her problem, not mine. Same with Mrs. Lutz. I can’t change anyone, but me. You showed me that.”
“JT—”
“I went and talked to my guidance counselor. If I work hard and my reading gets better, I’ll be able to pass this year, even with the bad first term. But I want more than passing. I want to get my GPA up enough to get into college. Something I never thought I’d do. I figured once I was done with high school, that would be it. But he’s looking for programs for me, things I can take over the summer. He said he liked my initiative.”
“I do, too.”
“Well, I wanted to say thank you for believing in me. You and the lieutenant, you make a good team.” JT smiled and added, “You’re both big nags.”
“Hmm.”
There was the sound of a horn in the driveway.
“That’s my mom. Gotta run. I got tons of homework to do tonight, and when I’m done, I have this new idea for a mixed-medium collage I want to do.”
Laura handed her the corrected essay. “Call if you run into any snags.”
“I will.”
JT ran to the door and called out, “Hey, Ms. Watson, you got company.”
What on earth? Her house had become Grand Central Station.
Eli’s friend Tucker was here. Despite the snow, she was still only wearing a hooded sweatshirt. This one proclaimed, I Deal With Dipsticks For a Living…And I Work With Them, Too.
Laura laughed. “Great sweatshirt.”
Tucker looked down and laughed. “Yeah, I had it made for Christmas. Then I had sweatshirts that simply said, Dipstick, made for all the guys in the shop.”
“I’m sure they appreciated that.” She motioned Tucker to the living room. “Come on in.”
“When you’re the only woman in a shop full of men, you have to have a sense of humor. I probably shouldn’t have just dropped in, but I was making a part run and had this—” she thrust a bag out “—for Jamie. It has nontoxic paint, so even if he gnaws on it, it’s okay. Bart had a ton, and loved them.”
Laura looked in the paper bag and found a wooden car painted with an intricate design. Jammin’ Jamie, it read.
Laura sniffed, fighting back tears.
“Laura, is anything wrong?”
“Wrong? What could be wrong? One year ago, I had my whole life planned. And then everything went nuts. I found out I was pregnant. We moved up the wedding. Jay died. I lost his parents. And then there’s Seth. Seth who was as lost without Allie as I was without Jay. He was my friend when I needed a friend—someone who didn’t know me and Jay together. Someone who didn’t give me those pitying looks. Seth understood what I was going through. And then he turns everything around on me.”
“What did he do?” Tucker asked, looking as if things might go badly for Seth if she didn’t like the answer.
“He said he loved me. That he knew I was still mourning and he’d wait until I was ready.”
“Seth’s right.”
“What?”
“You need to take your time and mourn Jay, but he wouldn’t expect you to be alone.”
“How can I love someone else so soon?”
“How can you not? If I know anything about the Keller family it’s that they’re impossible to resist. They Kellerize you and before you even know what’s happening, you find you can’t live without them.”
“Did you ever have feelings for one of them?”
Tucker cut her off with a bark of laughter. “Oh, no. I mean, I love the Kellers—all the Kellers, but not any of the guys like that. You, on the other hand, have been in love with Seth for a long time. Eli tells me I’m the most obtuse person in the world when it comes to reading people, so if I can see that, how can you not?”
“Maybe it’s not the seeing it. Maybe it’s the admitting it.”
“Hey, when I was pregnant, I knew I was pregnant, but I couldn’t admit it. I was scared to death. I went to Eli and told her what I thought. Saying the words made a difference—they made it real. Once I’d said, ‘I’m pregnant,’ I could deal with it. So, Laura, are you in love with Seth?”
Laura didn’t say anything for a moment. Then she nodded. “Yes.” And with that one word, it was as if everything got clearer. “Yes. I love Seth.”
“Nice. But maybe you should tell him, not me?”
She nodded. “You’re right.”
“Yeah, like I tell the guys at the shop, always being right is a curse, but one I’ve learned to live with.” Tucker shrugged. “Hey, I’ll leave and let you decide what to do next.”
What to do next? Find Seth and tell him.
He was still on third shift, so he had hours before he reported back to the station. If she was lucky she could catch him before he went in, because she wasn’t sure she could wait until tomorrow to tell him.
Now that she’d said the words out loud, she was impatient to say them again, this time to Seth. She called Mrs. Martin, who came and got Jamie for the evening. She didn’t even ask what Laura had to do. She just patted her hand and said, “Take your time, honey.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Laura had responded. It came easier this time. Mom. She had a family.
Laura knew that this confession would need something special, and with sudden surety, she knew just what it required. It took an hour and a half of prep time, but as Laura got organized she caught herself singing JoJo’s “Coming for You,” and when she realized that she was not only singing, but what she was singing, she laughed with the sheer joy of it.
