by Jenny Hale
After she’d seen Isabella, held her, given her auntie-kisses, and congratulated Casey and Scott, she’d spent the rest of the night in her apartment. It was the loneliest she’d ever been. That whole night, all she could see when she closed her eyes were Scott and Casey—the happiness on their faces. It had been like a double-edged sword: she’d felt terribly guilty at the thought of wishing they hadn’t been that happy, and she felt angry that her sister, who was capable of being so selfish, could have that kind of happiness at Faith’s expense. But then she thought about little Isabella. Isabella deserved to have a family who loved each other.
Faith had grown a lot since those days. She no longer carried around any feelings for Scott—she knew he was good for her sister. What lingered still, however, was the pain of disloyalty. Family had always been the most important thing in Faith’s life. They were the people who, no matter what, should be by her side. They knew her failures and her strengths, and they should love her unconditionally. So, when Casey had betrayed Faith’s trust, it had knocked her sideways. She’d tried to rationalize that at least it had ended in something meaningful. And it had. Casey had created a family, and Faith could see the importance of this. It had helped soften the blow a little. But now, Casey was getting divorced, and she seemed resigned to the fact that the divorce was imminent. That bothered Faith. It made her angry with Casey all over again despite her attempts to feel sorry for her.
Casey finally turned and looked at her sister, her eyes glassy with emotion. “He says he doesn’t feel like he knows me anymore.” Faith had never heard Casey’s voice like this. It was mild, unsure, nothing like the confident, strong voice she’d always had.
“Why?” She could feel her face crumpling with this news. It made no sense.
“I’ve been pulling long nights at the firm. Scott works all the time too. When I do have free time, I spend it with Isabella. She needs me. He’s a grown man; he can take care of himself. I can’t keep him entertained. I don’t have time.”
How had things turned out like this? Everything had seemed so perfect. Where had it gone wrong? Just then, her sister had sounded scared. Faith could tell.
“How’s Isabella handling it?” Faith asked.
Casey took in a long, steadying breath. “He moved out. It’s been just the two of us. She misses him. She cries at night. She says I don’t read her stories the right way. She asks for him.
Faith bit her lip, trying to make sense of it all. “I’ll help you through this,” she said. Even after everything, this was still her big sister and she didn’t want to see her hurting. It was strange to find herself in this position but seeing her sister so scared and lost, she knew she’d do whatever she could to make things better.
“Thank you. You’re the one person I need in all this.”
“Hey, y’all,” Martha said, poking her head out the door. “I’ve got some strawberry margaritas mixed up. I’m thinking frozen. Want me to get the blender going?” Before they could answer, she beckoned them in as she said, “Jake, you’re welcome to one yourself before you leave. We won’t tell if you’re drinking on the job.”
Only their mom would invite the handyman she’d just met to have a drink with the family.
“She brought a blender?” Faith said to Casey, unable to control her grin.
“I guess so. You know how she packs. We’d better get in there and have a drink since she’s gone to all that trouble. I want to catch her anyway before she adds the alcohol. Isabella might want one.”
“Where is Isabella?”
“She’s probably with Nan. She loves that woman. Every time we see her, I can’t pry Isabella away from her.”
The idea of another person understanding Nan like she did filled Faith with happiness. Isabella wasn’t a baby anymore. She was a little girl with her own fears and needs. Why hadn’t Faith been able to get over herself and be a bigger part of this little girl’s life?
She’d thought she could carry on with life and make it just fine without seeing her sister, but that had stolen time away from Isabella as well. Life had moved along regardless of whether she saw Casey, and, although it had never felt comfortable, she’d been able to move along with it. Faith decided that there was no better place to get to know this little girl than this cottage at the beach. It had been her safe haven, the place that had contributed a stockpile of good memories, where nothing could go wrong. And she wanted everything to be right.
Casey walked up beside her. “What do you make of that guy, Jake? I’ve never seen a handyman with a haircut that perfect. He could be in magazines,” Casey pointed out in a whisper as they crossed the porch to the door.
Faith shrugged, befuddled herself by Jake. She thought she’d seen the last of Jake earlier on, but her Nan, or fate, had seen to it that wasn’t the case. And she couldn’t help feel excited by it. She wasn’t about to admit to Casey what she thought about Jake. She was having trouble defining it herself. He had that kind of personality that could pull a person right in, and he had. She was so glad to have the opportunity to go back inside, leave the struggles with her sister behind, and spend some time with him. Being with him eased her away from the burdens of her issues with Casey. She’d only just met him, and yet, he made her feel happy.
“Right. Time for margaritas!”
Faith balanced the remains of her margarita on the uneven step outside. She’d been keeping Isabella busy most of the time that Jake had been there, and she was glad to finally be outside with him. She hadn’t even had a chance to talk to him, so when he excused himself to load the truck once his drink was empty she followed him out.
“Be careful on this pavement,” Jake said, throwing a roll of flooring into the back of his truck. He clapped his hands to rid them of sand. “I haven’t swept up yet, and there could be nails. You’ve got bare feet,” he pointed out.
She held on to the railing and pivoted under the stairs to retrieve a pair of flip-flops that she had left at the bottom for her walks to the beach. With a grin, she held them up before slipping them on. Jake was still loading bits and pieces of construction materials into the back of his truck. She picked up an armful of wood—thin slats like the ones on the porch—and began walking them over to the truck. Jake quickly took them from her as if she were holding a mass of bricks. She wondered if he was just being mannerly or if he thought she wasn’t capable of holding them.
After looking around for something else to help load and finding nothing that she could manage, she opened the latch door to the small closet under the house and retrieved the broom. It was wide-bristled with a very long handle, and she remembered how they always used to have one to push the water off the pavement after big storms. And even if the water retreated, it would still fill the concrete pavement underneath with sand and debris. She pushed the broom across the surface, looking for nails and any other materials that could be dangerous as she walked. Jake’s concern was kind, but it was clear that he had been extra cautious, as there wasn’t a thing on the pavement. She finished sweeping and leaned the broom against one of the stilts as he walked up beside her.
“Do you think your family likes the cottage?” he asked.
She nodded. “It’s perfect in every way. I love everything about it and couldn’t have asked for a better place to spend two weeks.”
He smiled. “I’m glad you like it.”
She was so glad Nan had made them all come. “This is one of those places that I didn’t realize I loved so much until I came back. We haven’t been to the Outer Banks since I was a teenager. It has been a while…” She turned toward the wind, allowing it to push against her face, and, like an old friend, it wrapped around her, embracing her as if to say it had been too long.
The slower pace, the simplicity—it was as if she’d needed it to recharge her batteries, and until that moment, she hadn’t realized they were so low.
“I remember being here as a boy,” he said, and she turned to face him. “There was a time when all I wanted was som
ething else, something different than what I was used to. But then, after I left, I realized that what I really wanted was right here, and I could fill in the gaps in my life myself as long as I was here.”
Faith could understand what he meant completely.
“You and your sister seemed pretty caught up earlier. Everything okay?”
Had he seen them talking? Had he watched Casey cry? At the time, the only thing Faith had focused on was Casey. She hadn’t given a single thought to who may be watching them from inside. How would she explain to Jake all that had gone on between her and Casey? She took in a deep breath as she tried to find something to say. But he’d already figured it out.
“From the look on your face, things aren’t okay.”
Once again, they’d managed to slide into unfamiliar territory. How was she supposed to discuss something this serious with him? He didn’t know her at all. Yet, there was something in his face that showed his concern for her—his head turned to the side as he waited, his brows creased. It seemed genuine, sympathetic, and she was taken aback by the fact that this man could show such worry for a person he’d only just met. The funny thing was, she wanted to tell him. But she was standing outside where anyone could overhear.
“It’s complicated,” she said finally.
He nodded. “Yeah. I could tell.”
“It’s okay, though,” she lied, trying to find a graceful way to move the conversation forward. She really wanted to sit down in the rocking chairs on the porch and pour her heart out to him. There was something about him that made her feel like she could tell him things, and he seemed to really want to know. He didn’t know when he’d asked if she was okay what he was really asking, and she didn’t want to weigh him down with a conversation like that. Not here. Not now.
He seemed to read her mind, nodding again as if he’d heard her internal battle. “You don’t need to tell me, and I don’t want to pry, as long as you are okay. I should probably get going.”
She didn’t want him to go. She knew he wasn’t going to stay all night; that would be imposing. But she wished she could have a little more time to talk. She walked with him to the driver’s side of his truck.
As he got in, Faith said, “I’ll see you later,” hoping that would be true.
He leaned on the open window with his forearms. “You will?” he said with a smile, his eyebrows raised in anticipation. “I hope so.”
She laughed, her stomach a mess of nerves. She’d never felt such a rush of excitement over someone before. She took a step back and he started the engine. As he backed out of the drive, he raised his hand to wave. She turned around and headed toward the house, unable to wipe the smile off her face.
“Nan!” Faith said with a gasp as she walked out onto the porch. “Are you drinking a margarita?”
Nan was sitting on one of two rocking chairs, the pink, frozen drink looking out of place in her withered hands. She’d been wondering where Nan had gone for the last half hour. They’d started a card game inside to keep Isabella busy, and Faith had had a hard time breaking away. She’d been thankful for the card game. It took away the pressure on her and Casey, and it managed to lift the earlier mood. It was also fun to see her niece as she smiled, the way her lips pressed together, her eyes showing surprise every time she had a good hand. But if Faith had known her grandmother was outside, she’d have tried to join her a little sooner.
“Is there an age requirement or something?” Nan asked just before she lifted the glass to her lips and took a long, slow sip. “I asked your mother to make me one, although, it’s so cold, it’s freezing me down to the bone. That’s why I’d come out here in the first place. The new air conditioner is certainly working well.”
Faith pulled the other rocking chair over and sat down next to her nan. She looked past the new-window sticker into the house. Casey, her mom, and Isabella were laughing at something, cards spread across the table.
“Did the carpenter leave?” Nan asked.
“Yes. He only stayed for one drink.”
“Mm.” She looked down at her margarita, swirling the melting ice around in the glass. “I was hoping to catch him. I have some ideas about improvements. Wouldn’t a built-in shelf look just perfect over by the sofa on that wall?” She glanced in through the window. “He could add some cabinets…”
It was good for Jake that he’d left when he had. Faith was sure he didn’t need a ninety-year-old renter telling him what improvements to make. It wasn’t hers to change, and that fact settled heavy in Faith’s chest. She had to keep reminding herself that it wasn’t their cottage.
Nan was never worried about offering her opinion. The good thing about that was that one never had to guess what she was thinking. She’d be more than happy to let everyone know—good or bad. She’d made sure to tell Faith what she thought about her attending college so far away, and she’d let them know when she thought they were being obtuse about the whole Scott issue. Nan didn’t approve of Casey’s behavior—she’d told them both that—but she was determined not to let anything come between the sisters. She’d demanded that Faith come to visit them when Casey had been in town staying with her mother. She looked to find ways to get Faith to drop in, but Faith had conveniently made excuses until the day Casey left to go back to Boston.
“Faith,” she’d said afterwards, that day, “you have to let it go.” It had been easier said than done back then. All her life, Casey had been the center of attention, always getting what she wanted, and Faith had sat in her shadow. Faith hadn’t wanted to be around her sister, but as their separation increased, she realized how much she missed Casey. She could see now just how right her grandmother had been. If only she’d listened and tried sooner. Well, she was going to try now.
“You know, your grandfather didn’t like me to drink alcohol. He said it wasn’t ladylike.”
“And what did you think?”
“I told him that a lady is a lady whether she’s having a drink or not, and how she handles herself is an expression of the type of person she is.”
“What did he say to that?”
“He smiled and shook his head at me. He knew I was right.” She winked at Faith. “But I still never had a drink in front of him.”
“Why?”
“Respect. I loved him. He didn’t like to see me having a drink, clearly. So, I didn’t bother. I respected his wishes.”
“Why are you having one now?” She knew her grandmother’s loyalty to her grandfather, so she was quite curious to hear the answer.
“I figured I’d better, if I want one, because in no time at all I’ll be looking for John, and, once I find him, I won’t be thinking about this drink anymore.” She offered a devious smile.
Faith laughed. She longed to have someone in her life that she loved that much. The type of love Nan had for her grandfather seemed unattainable. Faith had had relationships in the past, but she just didn’t feel like she’d loved anyone like Nan had loved her husband. Scott had been the first of the relationships she’d had that had actually meant something to her, but it was nothing like what Nan seemed to have had. At the time, she’d thought she loved Scott in this way, but once she met Patrick, she realized she’d been wrong. Patrick had been kind, considerate and Faith had cared for him, but she hadn’t wanted to give up her career for him. She’d been heartbroken when their relationship had ended, but now, looking back, she realized that she’d often had to work hard just to make things run smoothly between them. Had Nan had these types of problems with John? If she had, she’d never mentioned them. It made Faith wonder if, perhaps, the problem wasn’t finding the time, it was finding the right person. Maybe one day she’d find someone who would make her so crazy in love that she wouldn’t think about anything else.
“I’m glad I did this,” Nan said, rocking a little in her chair. Faith watched Nan’s eyes as she followed a seagull through the sky. It looked black against the orange sunlight. For the first time, Faith thought about how her grandmother must
have felt losing the cottage. It had been a big part of her life too. What memories did she have of her visits? Had she been there with Faith’s grandfather? The drive had been tough on her—she’d said so. Her legs and ankles were swollen from sitting so long in the car. She could barely make it up all the stairs once she arrived. Faith was sure she was sore and tired just from the journey. But she’d wanted to come. She’d planned it. And now, she sat, drinking a margarita, on the same plot of land she’d run on as a kid. Originally, Faith didn’t understand why she’d put herself through it at ninety years old. But now she did. This might be the last time Nan got to visit this place. A sinking feeling hit Faith in the gut as she thought about life without Nan. She didn’t even want to contemplate that, but there was no escaping the fact that she wouldn’t be around forever. Suddenly, all the drama with Casey seemed a little silly when faced with that.
“I’m glad you did this too,” she said as she put her hand on top of Nan’s.
