by Jenny Hale
“Hi, Jake!” Isabella said, running into the room. “Where are we fishing today?”
“Well, my buddy couldn’t come, so it’s just me.” He squatted down to her level. “I’m going to take you to a pier down the road. Does that sound like fun?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never done it,” she said earnestly.
He chuckled. “Well, I hope you will like it, but if you don’t, I’m sure your mom will bring some sand toys and a swimsuit for you and we can go swimming. The water’s really nice today.”
Faith worried about today when she knew she shouldn’t. Casey was just so beautiful and Isabella so adorable. How could anyone not love the two of them? Jake would be the perfect person to make Casey feel at ease, to take her mind off of Scott. And sitting on her chest was the nagging thought that Casey had had no problems dating Scott. What would stop her from dating Jake?
Jake greeted Faith.
“Hi,” she replied, wishing she could say more, but what could she say?
Jake had already opened the door and was heading out. He had his hand on Casey’s back in a guiding way, but their closeness worried Faith. Casey smiled at him, making small talk, but the door was closing. “Have fun!” she said as animatedly as she could.
“Okay!” Casey grabbed the door and said with a smile.
Jake waved one more time and then the door shut and they were gone. Faith tipped her head back and took in a deep breath. She didn’t want to think about how easily Casey would make conversation with him in the car or how Isabella would melt his heart. She didn’t want to ponder whether Casey would delight in his development plans, and welcome his wealth. Casey would talk to him, make him laugh, tell him little stories about herself in a way that made her life seem so interesting. She was good at that. Faith tried not to think about it as she grabbed her handbag. She’d decided to spend the day sorting Nan’s photos and getting them into albums. She needed something to stop her imagination from running wild and to keep her from dwelling on her thoughts. She’d better get a move on if she wanted to spend any time on the beach this afternoon.
On her way out the door, she peeked her head in to her mom’s room. “Need anything from town?” she asked. “I’m going to get photo albums for Nan’s pictures.”
“Why don’t you pick up some party supplies,” her mom said. “That would be great.”
“Party supplies? Like matching paper plates and napkins?”
“Yes. And get some balloons and streamers too.”
Faith giggled. “She’s ninety years old, Mom. Does she want all that for her birthday?”
“Don’t we all want someone to make a fuss over us on our birthday?”
Her mom was good at making a fuss over everyone. She had always tried hard to make the girls feel special, and birthdays were a big deal. She hadn’t been able to lavish them with presents or anything, but she’d given them what she could, and she’d made them feel great on that day. On Faith’s birthday, she would wake to the floor of her room filled with balloons or her door decorated, paper streamers hanging down from the doorway. Then her mom would make a breakfast of her choice, and, waiting at her spot at the table, Faith would find a birthday card to start her day. When she got home, there would always be something special left on her bed—a new book, a nice sweater, something. Then, when Nan could come over, they would all share a big, fancy cake, with candles. As she blew them out, her mom made everyone sing “Happy Birthday,” even when they’d gotten older. They’d eat far too much until their bellies ached, then her mom would tuck her in to bed and ask her how her birthday was. She didn’t want to know what her favorite part was or if she liked the cake. Instead she’d simply asked, “Did you feel special today? You deserve to feel special.”
“Okay, Mom. I’ll get the party supplies. Anything in particular?”
“You of all people know what Nan likes.”
“I’ll see what I can find.”
Faith returned with five shopping bags dangling heavily on her arms as she slid the key into the lock and opened the door. Nan was at the kitchen table. She walked over and dropped her arms, the bags falling to the floor with a thud.
“Those got heavy by the fifth step,” Faith said, nodding toward the front door. She’d lugged them all the way up the stairs by herself.
“Remember how my house had that big staircase in front?” Nan said.
Faith did remember. Nan had an old house—white with black shutters, and windows so tall that entire trees were visible through them. It had a wrap-around front porch, the boards thick with years of gray paint. She’d played there a lot when she was a child, every day in the afternoons when her mother worked and on weekends when they’d all get together as a family. The house faced west, on a hill, so it had a steep staircase going up to the front door, and on summer nights, Casey and Faith would sit on those steps and watch the sky turn orange as the sun slipped below the pines.
“John used to carry things up the steps for me because I could hardly get up them with just myself.” She paused, remembering something. Faith waited, wishing she could read her mind. “Those are the kinds of things I noticed once he was gone. We’d bought that house when we’d gotten married, and I’d lived in it my entire adult life. I remember one particular night after John died when I stood at the bottom of those steps with an armful of herbs in little pots. I was going to put them inside in my kitchen window. They weren’t heavy, but I had quite a few of them—you know how I like rosemary,” she said, smiling. “I remember as clear as if it were yesterday. I turned around to hand one to John because he always walked up on my left side. I don’t know why he did that, and I hadn’t realized it until that moment. I turned, waiting to see his face, and I was alone. He wasn’t there, of course. My life after John died is made up of a million little moments like those.”
She ached for Nan. She couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for her. Faith felt a heaviness in her chest. She’d never loved anyone like that. She wondered how it would feel to know someone so well that something as simple as walking up a staircase could be anticipated down to the very steps he took. But these stories of her grandpa taught her that that was the sort of love she wanted to have.
Nan had talked a lot about John lately—more than she ever had. In the past, she’d mentioned him in conversation, but she’d never shared her feelings like she was now. She knew that Nan wanted to be with him, but she ached at the thought of losing her.
“What’s in all those bags?” Nan asked.
“Oh. Mom told me to get supplies for your party next week.”
“All of that is for me?”
“You know how Mom is.”
“Yes. I do. I’ll humor her.”
“I can hear y’all,” her mom said through the screen door in the living area that led to the porch. She was sitting in one of the rocking chairs, her back to them. “I hope you bought paper plates.” Faith couldn’t see her face, but she could tell by her mother’s tone that she wasn’t really bothered even though she was pretending to be.
“And matching cups,” Faith said, giggling. “I even got us all birthday paper cone hats. They say ‘Happy Birthday’ in primary colors,” she teased.
Her mom didn’t respond, but Faith was almost certain that if she could see her mother, she’d be smiling.
Faith reached into one of the bags and pulled out a small photo album. “I also got us a bunch of these.” She flipped the pages with her thumb like a deck of cards. “We can start sorting your photos.”
“Let’s wait until everyone’s here.”
“Whatever you want. You’re the birthday girl.” She pulled the bags filled with the albums along the floor until they rested near the box of photos. She’d barely sat down before she heard Isabella’s voice.
“We had so much fun!” Casey nearly sang just after bursting through the door ahead of Isabella. “Jake is a great guy.”
Faith was glad to see her sister rejuvenated and happy, but there was a fee
ling gnawing at the back of her mind, making it hard for her to breathe. It took her a minute to place it. It was fear. She tried not to let it come through, but it was getting bigger and bigger, the words loud in her head as she tried unsuccessfully to ignore them—that she wasn’t good enough. Scott had chosen Casey. Would Jake do the same?
Jake was easy to like, and Casey would be far better suited to his lavish lifestyle. She probably wouldn’t even flinch at it. They’d had a great time together—Casey’d said they had fun, and even if she hadn’t, she could tell by Casey’s face. This wasn’t how Faith had been after her date with Jake. Had Faith been too quiet for him? Had she not shared enough about herself? He’d ended their date with the dreaded, “Let’s be friends” comment.
“We found common ground when we realized we both had broken relationships. He got divorced two years ago.” Casey turned and faced Faith directly. “Did you know that his wife left him because she said he didn’t communicate? Jake? Not communicating? I can’t imagine that!” Isabella ran to find Martha downstairs to show her a piece of driftwood she’d found that Jake had let her bring home.
Faith forced a smile, but this bit about communication didn’t surprise her. It was true that Jake was very open in general conversation, but he’d left her at the end of that night feeling confused and not really understanding what he was thinking, so she could understand why his wife may have felt that way. The problem was, Faith was a listener. She was good at sitting back and letting those around her get out what they needed to say. She was a quiet leader, and she wasn’t sure how she was going to handle things, but she wanted to make Jake communicate.
Seeing Casey so full of life, bright, upbeat after being out with Jake stirred up old emotions in side her, and, unexpectedly, she was angry. Angry at him for not explaining himself more. No. She zeroed in on Casey’s perfectly glossed smiling lips. She was angry with Casey. Casey could go along with her life without ever feeling the kind of fear that she’d created in Faith. She’d betrayed her sister in the very worst way, and now, her every move with Jake rubbed Faith the wrong way. She was still furious with Casey, and Jake’s actions irritated her as well.
“And! He’s invited me to a party tomorrow! A big one!” Casey smiled at Faith, but Faith wasn’t smiling. She was scowling—she could feel it. Casey’s face dropped. “You okay?”
Not only had Jake spent time with Casey today, he’d had so much fun that he’d wanted to see her for a second time. That was more than he’d offered Faith. It was no different now than when they were kids. Why did this kind of thing happen to Faith? Casey always came out on top. And Casey wasn’t doing anything to stop it. What if Jake was the perfect Prince Charming to help Casey get over Scott?
“No.”
Nan excused herself, leaving just the two of them in the living room.
“What’s wrong?”
Faith dared not admit her early feelings for Jake to Casey. It hadn’t ended well the last time she’d tried that. They’d all moved on, but Faith still didn’t feel like she could trust Casey. How terrible to not be able to trust her own sister.
Casey’s face was full of worry now. “I said you and Mom and Nan should come too.”
The idea of crashing Jake’s party didn’t sound appealing at all. If he’d wanted her there, he would’ve asked her to come. Her mouth was dry, and she tried to swallow to alleviate it, but she couldn’t. She was so angry with Casey still that she couldn’t stand it. Again, Casey had stepped on Faith’s toes with a man, and being invited to a party when Faith wasn’t, brought back all her old wounds. Then, she thought, Why do I have to sit back and let Casey’s actions dictate how I feel? She was stronger than that. Maybe she should go. It would get Nan out of the house, and, perhaps, she could even get a little insight out of Nan. Nan was great at reading people. She’d be able to tell all kinds of things about Jake just by watching him and how he interacted with people at the party. It could be interesting.
“Maybe he doesn’t want me there,” she asked quietly, trying to calm herself down. She could hear Isabella telling her mom stories of her fishing fun today through the screen door, and she still felt a tiny pang of jealousy even though she knew it was ridiculous. She’d only just met the guy. Oh, who am I kidding, she thought. I’m smitten. And a little jealous. Okay, a lot jealous.
“He had only wonderful things to say about you. I’m sure it’s fine.”
He had wonderful things to say? She wanted to know what, but dared not ask for fear her sister would see right through her and know what she was feeling. He’d said only nice things about her today; He was having a party tomorrow, and she’d get to see him again. She should go. Maybe she’d even get a chance to pull him aside and talk a little more.
“Nan?” she called. Nan stood up from the kitchen table and walked into the room. She had been very quiet the whole time, and she wondered what her grandmother was thinking. She was looking back and forth between Faith and Casey, a slight curiosity on her face.
“I’d love to go,” she said before Faith had even asked the question, her gaze still darting between them. “I can’t wait to see how you young people throw a party. I hope I can keep up.”
Despite her apprehension, a bolt of excitement shot through Faith at seeing Jake again, overpowering her anger towards Casey. She tried to squelch it. It was silly of her to allow herself to be so eager. The truth was that she hadn’t gotten excited like this in a long time, and it made her happy.
THIRTEEN
They’d spent the whole evening yesterday sorting photos for Nan. Faith had taken one of the albums into her room last night to look through it once more before bed. She’d left it open at the photos of her and Casey, the sun now casting a glare on the plastic pages. In one photo, they were dressed up in their mother’s fancy gowns, wobbling in oversized high heels. In another, they were dangling from the branches of the old maple tree in their back yard, their feet bare, their clothes dirty from playing. It made her think about how much had changed.
Faith thought again about how excited Casey had seemed after seeing Jake. Casey probably wasn’t smitten with Jake like Faith was; she was just truly excited to have found common ground with someone. She loved meeting new people and learning about them. She explained it once: the more people she met who seemed in some way like her, the more normal she felt about her experiences.
Faith, on the other hand, had always surrounded herself with a small but tight group of friends. She preferred to be with those people because they were the ones who knew her best. She felt like she could be honest with them, and their sincere care for her made her feel good. She didn’t connect with strangers like Casey did. She was quiet around them. That was why she’d been so surprised by Jake. He‘d been able to read her, calm her, and bring her out of her comfort zone.
Knowing this fact made her more nervous about seeing him than she should be. It had all hit her pretty hard. She was trying to lessen her fears, not to think the worst. But she worried. She’d go home and never see him again. A long-distance anything would be out of the question, given that she’d only known him for less than a week. She was rational enough to understand all that, but at the same time, she would love to see him again. Then, she thought about this party. Would it be like that restaurant where he’d taken her? Would it make her feel out of place?
Casey came in to borrow Faith’s powder. “What’s this party for?” Faith asked as she fastened her earring. “Who has a party during the day on a Friday?”
Casey shrugged. She didn’t bother to ask, and just dipped right in to Faith’s makeup bag, like she’d done when they were kids. It made Faith smile. “I don’t know. I think it’s pretty big, though. He’s having it catered.”
“Is it at his house?”
“Yeah.” Casey finished powdering her face and dropped the powder back into Faith’s makeup bag. “I can’t wait to see his house,” she said, rooting around for something else.
“Do you not have your own makeup?” Fai
th laughed.
“I do,” she said, not looking up. “I just like your colors.”
Was Casey trying to look nice for Jake? She took a few breaths to steady herself. She was trying not to have these thoughts, but it was hard, especially when she saw Casey looking so great.
“I’m going to try and enjoy myself.” Casey said.
Casey was right. Faith needed to ease up and just let go. “Me too,” Faith said.
The door opened and their mom poked her head in. “Your nan is waiting. She says her hip’s starting to hurt from sitting so long,” she kidded. Then, her face contorted into a look of concern, and she said, “Should we get Jake a bottle of wine? We shouldn’t show up empty-handed.”
“He’s loaded, Mom,” Casey said, swiping Faith’s mascara. “I think he can buy his own wine. He’s probably got a whole cellar full.”
“That’s not the point,” she said in a motherly voice. Faith turned to look at her as if she were commanding her attention. “We should show our appreciation for being invited, and let him know that we are happy to be there. That’s why we buy the wine. I know he can afford it, and truthfully, ours may be too cheap, but it’s a nice gesture. It would be considerate.”
“I’ll help you pick some out,” Faith said. She remembered the taste of the wine Jake had poured, and how the fruitiness and smoothness of it had contrasted with his masculine attributes. But then again, he could be gentle and sweet.
“Great! Now,” her mom pointed at Casey playfully, “hurry up your primping so we can go. Isabella’s antsy, and your Nan’s driving me crazy.”
Faith pressed a little harder on the adhesive tab of the giant curly ribbon she’d bought at the Quick Mart in town. It didn’t want to stick to the glass wine bottle, and she’d been holding it on the whole ride to Jake’s. She’d chosen a white—it was only table wine but at the top of her price range. She knew it probably wouldn’t matter, but she wanted to try and make the best impression that she could. Her hands were a little nervous, so she was glad to have the task of keeping the bow in place.
