A dark brown lock of hair fell over her forehead and her pale pink lips were slightly pouted in sleep. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on, and she was mine. That fact would never cease to amaze me.
I bent down and lightly brushed my lips against hers. She stirred in her sleep, making a content humming noise in her throat. Her lashes fluttered against her cheeks and she settled once more.
I slowly backed out of the room, careful to keep my movements silent.
I eased the door closed and let out the breath I’d been holding.
I headed to my office and collapsed in the chair behind my desk. This house, this life, it didn’t seem like mine. I’d accepted my dad’s death and the responsibility that came with it. But there was so much more to being Alpha that you couldn’t comprehend until you were living it.
I swallowed thickly, replaying the events of summer and the wolves we lost. I cared for them all, but losing Logan had hit me the hardest, obviously. We’d grown up together and I’d never thought I could lose him or any of them. That had been immature of me. We were shifters but we weren’t invincible. Our hearts beat and blood ran through our veins. We were alive and life can be snuffed out in an instant. I knew Soph still beat herself up over Logan’s death and I did too. I didn’t think there would ever be a day that I didn’t think of Logan. At least I hoped not. I never wanted to forget him—any of them—and the sacrifice he made. I missed him, but he saved my she-wolf, and I’d be lost without her. I owed him everything. I hoped that wherever he was, he knew how grateful I was.
The door to my office creaked open and my head snapped up. I didn’t like being caught off guard. I looked up, expecting to see Sophie, but instead my eyes met Nolan’s.
“What are you doing?” He asked. “Meditating or something? That’s really a pussy thing to do.”
I leaned back in my chair and glared at him. Sometimes Nolan got on my nerves as much as Bryce did. “No,” I drew out the word, “I was thinking.”
“About what?” He prodded with his beefy arms crossed over his chest. For anyone that didn’t know Nolan, he looked like an intimidating guy, but he wasn’t.
“Don’t you have someone else to bug?” I snapped.
I was sick and tired of everyone asking me so many questions. I wanted to be left alone and that didn’t seem like a lot to ask for.
“No, you’re my victim of choice tonight,” Nolan swaggered further into my office with a gleam in his eyes. Great, I’d just given him a challenge.
“Yeah, well, without me you don’t have a roof over your head,” I lifted my arms in the air.
Nolan narrowed his eyes. “Cay-berry, you’re smart enough to know that threats don’t work with me.”
“It was worth a shot,” I shrugged, my sigh echoing around the room.
“So,” Nolan plopped in the chair in front of my desk and rubbed his hands on his jeans, “talk Cay-berry.”
I growled at the ridiculous name.
“I have all night,” Nolan looked around, “and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next—”
“I get it,” I held up a hand to shut him up. Honestly, the dude needed to come with an off switch or a button that switched him from annoying to tolerable. “I was just thinking about Logan.”
“Logan? Why?” Nolan’s brows furrowed together until they looked like a hairy caterpillar sitting on his face.
“I don’t know,” I said sarcastically, “maybe because he’s dead.”
“Dude, that was a while ago,” Nolan relaxed in the chair.
“A while ago?” I couldn’t believe him. “It was only this past summer!”
He gave a small shrug and the movement only made me want to reach across and punch him in the face. “Caeden,” I was shocked he used my real name, “we’re shifters. Tragic deaths is part of the card we’re dealt,” he rubbed his jaw. “You’ve read the legends, you know that packs used to fight to the death over minor disagreements. All shifters are volatile by nature. You might think you’re a nice guy, Cay-berry, but under that sweet exterior,” he looked me up and down, “you’re a beast. We all are. Some of us are just worse than others, like Travis.”
I ground my teeth together. I didn’t like it when Nolan made sense.
“I’m nothing like Travis.”
“You’ve killed, haven’t you?” Nolan countered.
I felt sweat bead on my forehead. “In self defense! I haven’t gone out and killed innocent people like he has! There’s a big difference!”
“Is there?” He threaded his fingers together and suddenly I felt like I was being analyzed by a psychologist or something. “A life is a life, no matter whose life it is.”
A life is a life, no matter whose life it is. I replayed his words over again in my head. He was right. I was a killer, like Travis. Travis had gotten what he wanted. He’d made me into him. I was tainted now.
And I knew I’d kill him and whoever stood in my way to keep my family and pack safe.
If that made me a bad person, I didn’t care.
“I did what I had to do,” I finally said.
Nolan shrugged. “So was the mutant that killed Logan. We all have a role to play in this world. Some of us get to be the good guys, but most of us our bad guys. You and me,” Nolan stood and looked down at me, “we’re bad guys, Caeden. But not for the reason you think.”
“Explain then,” I growled.
“We’re bad,” he said slowly so I heard every word clearly, “because we’ll protect what belongs to us, no matter the cost. We don’t care who gets hurt and who stands in our way. We’re loyal to a fault, Caeden. Why do you think I’m here?”
“I-I-don’t know,” I shook my head. “To help us?” It came out as a question.
“That’s part of it,” he shrugged, “but it all boys down to loyalty, Caeden. I know if I needed your help you’d be there in a heartbeat and I’d do the same for you.”
“Yeah, but you’ve been gone for years, Nolan!” I cried.
He looked at me sadly. “I know. And I’m sorry for that.”
“Are you ever going to tell me what happened?”
I was desperate to know what had sent Nolan running from our lives. Nolan was a tough guy so it had to be something bad. I could speculate about his reasons all I wanted, but until he told me I’d never know for sure.
“Let’s put it this way,” he started towards the door, “I was given a choice and I made the wrong one. Running was the only way to survive.”
Nine.
Sophie
“Everything looks excellent,” Dr. James rolled the wand over my stomach. “The baby’s growing at the perfect pace and its heart sounds strong. I’m very pleased with how things are coming along. But how are you feeling?” He asked, removing the wand and returning it to the station.
“Tired,” I shrugged. I couldn’t go into details with him of everything I was experiencing.
He tilted his head and studied me for a moment. “You’re young, so your body should be better equipped to handle a pregnancy. Tiredness is normal but if this is an ongoing problem…” He trailed off, waiting for me to reply.
“No, no, it just happens occasionally,” I lied, using the paper sheet to wipe the goo off my belly.
“Sophie, I’m your doctor, I need you to be completely honest with me. If you’re not, I can’t help you.”
“I am being honest. I told you I was tired…occasionally.”
He sighed and I knew he wasn’t buying what I was saying. “You need to get plenty of rest, and if you continue to feel tired I want you to make an emergency appointment, because it might mean something is wrong.”
I nodded as he continued to stare at me. Satisfied with what he saw, he turned and grabbed the newest sonogram. “Here’s your baby.”
I stared down at the grainy image. The baby no longer looked like a misshapen gray blob. It was obviously a baby. My baby. I ran my finger over the cute bump of its nose and the curve of its pouty lips. It was the most
perfect baby I’d ever seen and I hadn’t even technically laid eyes on it.
“Thank you, Dr. James,” Caeden stood and shook his hand.
The doctor left the room and I hopped down to put my pants back on.
“Can we please go somewhere for a little bit?” I begged. “We don’t have to be gone long. I’m just not ready to go home yet.”
Caeden sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. I knew he was caving to my pleas. I was going stir crazy and if I didn’t get to do something fun soon, I might kill someone.
“Why don’t we go to Target and look at baby things?” He suggested. “You get out and we’re doing something productive.”
“Sounds perfect,” I grinned, resisting the urge to jump up and down.
“But we can only look for thirty minutes, any longer than that is too long for you to be on your feet,” he warned.
“Thirty minutes is fine with me,” I pulled my jacket on.
Caeden shook his head and grumbled under his breath. “What have I gotten myself into?”
“Oh, come on, it won’t be that bad,” I patted his scruffy cheek in a loving manner. “Don’t you want to help me pick out baby stuff?”
“Of course,” he shrugged. “I just don’t want you to wear yourself out.”
I didn’t either. But I needed to get out and breathe in fresh air and see something other than the inside of my house.
“I’ll be fine,” I kissed him before opening the door.
We walked out of the doctor’s office and Caeden held open the Jeep’s passenger door for me. He held out his hand as I climbed into the high vehicle. I had never had trouble getting in and out of his Jeep before, but right now it was a struggle.
“To Target we go,” Caeden sighed as he pulled out of the parking lot.
It took us a good twenty minutes to get to the store and I rode with the window cracked slightly so that the cool air could blow in and tickle my face. There were so many things I had taken for granted before I was trapped in my own house. I knew I was doing what was best for the baby and me by limiting my activity, but that didn’t make it any easier. Everyone wants to get out now and then.
“You okay?” Caeden asked as I rolled the window up before he turned off the car.
“Yeah,” I replied, wondering how many more times he was going to ask me that before we made it home.
“I’m not sure this is a good idea,” he looked at the store and back at me, nervously chewing on his bottom lip.
I chose to ignore him and got out of the car.
“Soph,” he grumbled as we walked towards the entrance, “you should have waited for me to help you.”
“It sounded to me like you were talking yourself out of letting me go in. I wasn’t going to risk you racing out of the parking lot like a crazy person,” I glared at him as I wrapped my arms around my body. I was so cold. I hated it.
Inside the store, Caeden grabbed one of the red shopping carts and headed straight for the baby department. It wasn’t hard to find since it was right in front of the store.
I picked up a little onesie with yellow ducks and marveled at the small size of it. Would our baby really be that tiny? What if I broke it? I mean, something that small had to be incredibly delicate.
I suddenly wished I was like other girls and had experience with babysitting. At least then I’d know what I was doing. Instead, I was going to have a baby and be absolutely clueless. You know, nothing they taught you in school ever turned out to be useful in real life. I really hoped ‘motherly instinct’ was a real thing and I’d be fine, because all this tiny stuff everywhere was really scaring the crap out of me.
“Hey, Sophie! Look at this!” Caeden held up a small hat that was made to look like a wolf. “The baby has to have this.”
“I thought the baby was a girl,” I taunted him. “That looks like something a boy would wear.”
He frowned down at the hat. “I don’t care. I’m buying it.”
I ran my fingers over more of the clothes as I passed by. I saw strollers and carseats ahead of me and that didn’t seem as scary as the clothes.
I began reading the descriptions of the various carriers and decided that these were as scary as the clothes, if not more. How on earth did you decide which one was the safest for your child?
I was beginning to regret agreeing to come here. All of this stuff was frightening me. I looked down the aisle at Caeden who was checking out a stroller. He seemed completely at ease. How unfair was that? Wasn’t it the man that was supposed to freak out over baby stuff, not the woman? Leave it to me to go against the grain.
“Soph, I think this is a good one,” Caeden called, removing his black baseball cap and ruffling his hair before replacing it backwards.
I made my way towards him and shrugged at the stroller. “Why?”
“Well, it’s sturdy for one,” he pointed, “it comes with a carrier and you can convert it when the baby gets too big for a carrier. It’s also unisex, just in case Lucy turns out to be Beau.”
My eyes watered. That was the first time, since the day we discussed names, that either of us had mentioned them. I felt a rush of emotion pour over me that was unlike anything I’d ever felt. Baby, wasn’t just baby, it was either Lucy or Beau.
“Soph…” Caeden said my name slowly. “You okay?”
I nodded, wiping away the one tear that had managed to escape. “Yeah, sorry.”
“Are you sure you’re okay? Why are you crying?”
“Just overly emotional,” I shrugged, taking a deep breath to calm myself.
He frowned and a wrinkle marred his forehead. Finally, he said, “If it’s about the stroller, we don’t have to get this one. You can pick the one you want.”
“This one is perfect,” I told him.
He grinned and pulled the large box off the shelf. It dropped into the cart with a bang.
“Caeden!” I scolded.
He chuckled. “Sorry.”
Since my thirty minutes were almost up I scanned all the aisles. I picked up a set of assorted onesies that would work for a boy or girl, a pale green blanket, and a pack of little socks. I knew it wasn’t much, but it felt good to buy stuff for the baby. I couldn’t wait to find out the gender so I could buy more clothes and decorate the nursery. I admired the couples who could wait to find out the gender. I had to know. It was killing me to wait and we still had a good month to go.
Which reminded me…
“What are we doing for Thanksgiving?” I questioned Caeden as we headed for a checkout line. Unfortunately everyone seemed to be checking out at the same time. This was going to take forever. “Are we going to your mom’s?”
He shrugged and scratched his stubbled chin. “I haven’t thought about it. I assume we’re going to my mom’s but…oh, crap.”
“What?”
“It’s pack tradition to gather at the Alpha’s house for Thanksgiving,” he swallowed thickly.
This was definitely crap-worthy news.
“Caeden, I can’t stand and cook all day.”
“I know that,” he sighed. “I’m sure mom won’t mind cooking it, but it’ll look bad if we don’t have it at our house.”
“Great,” I rolled my eyes. This was exactly what I didn’t need. Having the whole pack over would mean a full house and me having to act like everything was fine. Caeden didn’t want anyone knowing about how difficult my pregnancy was. Only Gram, Nolan, Caeden’s mom, and Chris knew about it…and even Chris hadn’t been told the whole truth. I hated keeping things from my friends and family. It didn’t make me feel good.
“It’ll be okay,” Caeden cupped my cheek.
“That’s easy for you to say,” I countered. “You don’t have anything to hide.” I frowned, looking around so I didn’t have to meet his gaze.
“I have everything to hide,” he growled quietly. “I have to go on and act like I have everything under control—like I don’t believe there’s a target on my back,” his voice was fierce.
&nb
sp; I took a deep breath and pushed my hair out of my eyes. “You’re right. We’re both stuck in this predicament together. I hate this.”
“I know you do, and I don’t like it either. But for now, I don’t have proof that the elders want me dead and I don’t know what Travis is up to. But I still have to act level-headed and not like I’m afraid of my own shadow,” he hissed through gritted teeth.
“Are you?”
“Am I what?” His brows furrowed together.
“Afraid of your own shadow?”
“Right now, I am,” he answered honestly. “I don’t know who trust.”
And that right there was what everything boiled down to. Anyone could be an enemy, and that was a really scary thought.
Ten.
Sophie
I stared out the bedroom window. Crinkly brown leaves blew in the wind, swirling around before settling until another breeze came along. I wished I could blow away and pretend this whole nightmare was over.
Pack members were arriving for Thanksgiving dinner and I wanted nothing more to hide here for the rest of the evening. Normally, I couldn’t wait to leave this bedroom. It had become my prison. But right now, I’d gladly be trapped here then have to smile and act like everything was okay when it definitely wasn’t. I was no actress and I wasn’t sure I could do it. I’d helped Amy cook several of the dishes but I excused myself over an hour ago with the excuse that I’d needed to get ready. Had I done that? No. Instead I’d laid down, paced the room, and stared out the window for the last sixty minutes. I was a productive person like that…not. I was surprised Caeden hadn’t come up here and hunted me down yet. I guess he was too busy greeting everyone. I knew the responsible thing to do was be by his side, but I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t cut out for this life. I didn’t grow up knowing I was a shifter and I hadn’t been prepared to lead a pack. Caeden had grown up fully aware of his responsibilities and even he had trouble accepting it. But he was better at this than I was. If I was down there right now I’d just be standing beside him uncomfortably, most likely not saying a word. I didn’t really know our pack that well. I was only close with our generation pack. I’d been introduced to our friends parents, and met them a few times, but I still didn’t feel comfortable around them…especially since it felt like one of them should be Alpha not Caeden and I. I had accepted our responsibility and I was an Alpha. Power ran through my veins and it wasn’t a position I could just give up. But sometimes it felt like we weren’t ready for this. We’d already made so many mistakes and lives had been lost because of it.
Avenger (Outsider Series) Page 7
