* * *
Bentley drove me home to get some clothes and the dogs. I think he was afraid I’d change my mind and not come. Driving me assured that I couldn’t get away and make an excuse. He thought he was sneaky and didn’t know what he was up to, but I wasn’t dumb.
As we drove to Bentley and Christian’s place, I frowned at the melting snow. It signified that spring was fast approaching. So much time had passed since Travis first took Sophie and it made me sick to my stomach to imagine what my she-wolf was going through. Was she chained to a table like she had been before? Locked in a room alone? Beaten? Sore?
“Remember when we were kids and all we could talk about was when we would first shift?” Bentley asked, momentarily distracting me from my thoughts.
“Yeah,” I nodded, watching the trees whip past us.
“I miss those days,” he mused. “We were so innocent to the responsibility that comes with shifting.”
“Tell me about it,” I muttered. I’d been so excited for my first shift. Never in a million years did I think that two years later I’d be taking over my dad’s position as Alpha. I hadn’t been ready for that responsibility, and even now I still felt inadequate for the position. I wondered if there had ever been as shitty of an Alpha as me.
“I think we need to get that back.”
“Get what back?” I shook my head, forcing myself to focus on his words. “The…freedom…the innocence…the desire to be what we are. Let’s go for a run,” his voice had become excited
“Where? I thought you lived in a neighborhood? We can’t exactly run through the streets as wolves, we’d get shot, and while that might not be fatal for us it would be awfully inconvenient.”
Bentley shook his head. “We do live in a neighborhood, but there are woods all around us.” He let go of the wheel to encompass the mountainous area surrounding us.
“I don’t—”
He was already pulling off the road, and since I didn’t feel like arguing, I let him.
He put his truck in park and unbuckled his seatbelt. Looking at me, he said, “Fun. We’re going to have fun. Extra emphasis on the fun, in case you missed it.”
“I got it,” I shook my head, following him out of the truck.
I followed him into the woods, staring up at the glowing orange of the setting sun. It was beautiful, reflecting the promise of hope—of a new day. I wish I could still feel hope, but I’d stopped a while ago. I knew that was wrong of me, but I couldn’t help it. If I could feel Soph, then I might think differently, but right now I was convinced that she was lost to me forever.
“What are you doing?” Bentley asked as he turned around to see me staring at the sunset.
“Nothing,” I shook my head, forcing my feet forward. I stripped off my clothes and folded them into a neat pile, while Bentley did the same. A shiver ran down my spine as I began to shift. I’d always loved shifting—but lately, everything had made me hate what we are. I fell to the ground on four paws, blinking my eyes as everything came into focus. Seeing, as a wolf, was so different than seeing as a human. Colors were more muted, but somehow sharper. The outlines of the leaves on trees caught my eye, their jagged edges something you couldn’t see with human eyes.
Come on, Caeden! Bentley called, running ahead of me, his black form a blur. Let’s race!
I didn’t feel like racing, but the challenge in the tone of his voice was something I couldn’t resist. My feet soared forward, like they had a mind of their own, carrying me away from all my problems.
Bentley was right. This was freedom and I’d forgotten that. My dad wouldn’t want that for me. He’d want me to embrace what I was. The good, the bad, and the ugly. There were good and bad things about anything you did or were, but being able to shift…there was something magical about that. Everyone believed we were a fairytale. But shifters were real. We were anyone and everyone. And even humans had a little shifter inside them, because we all could identify as something else.
The ground thumped beneath my feet and my tongue lolled out of my mouth. The wind raised my fur and my eyes closed momentarily—relishing in the feel of it.
Do you feel it yet? Bentley’s voice sounded in my head as I approached his dark form.
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
I let everything else disappear, savoring the freedom of the moment. Nothing else mattered in this moment. I just ran, playing like a little kid. I needed this after everything I’d been going through.
It sucked that there was so much out of my control. I was a leader, and it was in my blood to stand up and fight. Sitting back and doing nothing was not sitting well with me.
I jumped over a fallen tree, letting my body fly through the air for a moment. I wished I could pause time and just linger here for a moment, floating through the air. But wishes never come true. My feet touched the ground once more and I surged forward. I’d lost sight of Bentley and I wasn’t sure if he was still in front of me or behind me. I didn’t care though. I wasn’t racing. I was feeling.
I didn’t know how long we were out there, but by the time we headed back to where we’d stashed our clothes, I was exhausted…in a good way. My muscles burned, but I enjoyed the small twinge of pain.
We climbed back into his truck and headed to the apartment. Because I’d been so worried about Sophie, I hadn’t seen their apartment…in fact, I don’t think I’d ever even congratulated them on getting married. I was a horrible friend. But I knew Bentley understood.
I hopped out of the truck and slung my bag over my shoulder. I reached out, stopping Bentley. His questioning gaze met mine.
I swallowed thickly, the apology thick on my tongue. “I-I-want to apologize for being so out of it. Thanks for being there for me and I’m really happy for you and Christian.” A lump formed in my throat. Christian had been with Sophie when Travis took her. And while I knew it was wrong to blame her, a part of me couldn’t help it.
Bentley looked at me for a moment and finally nodded. “You’ve had a lot going on, Caeden. I know that. And I know it’s…” He paused. “I know it has to be hard for you to be happy for me right now.”
“It shouldn’t be hard though,” I whispered, glancing down at the ground, ashamed of myself. “You’re my best friend, and despite all the crap going on in my life right now, I should be able to be happy for you.”
“Stop,” he said sternly, sounding more like a father than a friend. “If the situation was reversed, I know how I’d feel. I understand that right now, you’re more lost in your thoughts than present in the real world. I get it. Okay?”
I nodded. “Now come on,” he slung an arm across my shoulders, pulling me forward, “my hot wife made chili for dinner and I’m starving.”
With a chuckle, I let him lead me up the stairs to the second floor apartment. There wasn’t anything special about it. The walls were standard beige and the furniture was all hand-me-down. In that moment, I silently promised to find them a better place to live with nicer stuff…as soon as Sophie was back in my arms. Until I held my she-wolf again, I wasn’t sure I’d be capable of doing anything.
“Hi, Christian,” I said softly.
The pretty blonde girl smiled at me. She’d been awkward around me ever since Travis took Sophie. I knew she believed that I blamed her—and while a part of me did, it was a very small part. I knew how cunning Travis could be, and the poor girl probably never saw it coming.
“Hi.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
The three of us stood in an awkward triangle, waiting for someone else to do something first.
Finally, I let out a breath and asked, “So, where’s the chili?”
Christian smiled softly and nodded at the small stovetop. “It’s ready. Bowls are in that cabinet,” she pointed. “Spoons are there, and the cornbread should be ready in a few minutes.”
“Good,” I nodded, “because I’m starving.”
She laughed—and the sound of it was slightly forced. “I hope I made enough then. I have a hard enou
gh time keeping this one fed,” she went into Bentley’s arms.
I closed my eyes, my gut clenching. I wanted to hold Sophie like that. I wanted to feel her body pressed against mine. I wanted to soak in her warmth and inhale her delicious smell of cookies. Being without her was slowly eating me alive. This time was worst than the last—not because she’d been gone longer, but because this time we were bound and not having her close felt like something was tugging me in all directions…trying to reach out and find her. But I couldn’t truly feel her, not as long as Beau resided safely inside her.
I slowly opened my eyes, swallowing thickly. I would not break down. I’d been doing too much of that. I needed to keep my head on straight—because if I did, then maybe I’d be able to find Soph, despite Beau interfering with our connection. I had to find her. Them. I had to find them.
I stepped forward, grabbed a bowl, and filled it with chili. I went about my business like I wasn’t freaking out on the inside. Bentley and Christian watched me carefully, like they were waiting for me to snap and throw the bowl of hot chili on them. I hated that my best friend and his wife felt that way. I wasn’t an angry person by nature, but these past weeks—months—had taken a major toll on my mental state. I was beginning to lose sight of the man I’d been, and an angry bitter version was taking his place.
Instead of looking forward to the birth of my son, I was wondering if I’d ever even get to see him. It was painful to think I might lose my son before I even had the chance to meet him and that his mother might be lost with him. What would I do without them? Who would I be? A wolf without his mate isn’t a good thing. I think I’d slowly go crazy without them.
I bit my lip sharply, drawing blood, and looked down at the barely touched bowl of homemade chili. So much for the appetite I’d worked up.
Bentley and Christian sat down across from me, watching me with sharp eyes.
I forced myself to bring the spoon to my mouth and eat the chili. I avoided their wondering gazes, not in the mood to talk. My reprieve from feeling was gone. I wasn’t a wolf anymore. I was back in my human shell, trapped here where I could do nothing but wait. And waiting really sucked.
Nineteen.
Sophie
Travis sat on the end of the bed, staring out the window. This was the first time he’d ever opened the curtains and the sun nearly blinded my eyes. I had grown so weak that I couldn’t even lift my hand to shield my eyes. Not that I’d be able to anyway, being chained up and all.
He’d been sitting there for at least ten minutes. He didn’t say anything. He just sat there, staring into space, lost in his thoughts.
“Sophie?” The sound of my name startled me and I jumped slightly.
“Yes?” I croaked.
“I want to show you something.” He still didn’t turn to look at me, his gaze was fixed firmly on the window. “Come outside?”
“I-I don’t think I can move,” I admitted, even though the thought of getting outside sounded heavenly. I hadn’t felt the sun on my face or breathed in fresh air in months.
He turned to look at me for the first time since he’d opened the curtains.
“I can carry you.”
He was already standing, undoing my bindings, and holding out his arms to gather me against his chest. I cringed, unable to control my reaction. I didn’t want to be that close to Travis.
He pulled me into his arms and my head lolled against his muscular chest. His arms were strong and firm around me. If it weren’t for the fact that he didn’t smell like Caeden, if I closed my eyes I could pretend he was.
I tried to look around as he carried me from the room, but I was too weak to move my head.
My head thumped against his chest and I knew we had to be going down steps. There was a creak and then I felt fresh air touch my cheeks. I inhaled the air greedily, letting it flood my lungs. It felt so good to be outside—to feel the air and to hear the sounds of nature. If only I was strong enough to pull out of his arms and run away from this nightmare.
He carried me further and further away from the house and into the woods. He was surprisingly tender and made sure not to jostle me. The moments like this made me wonder if Travis really was the bad guy. Maybe he was just completely misunderstood and there was more to him than we knew. I guessed I wanted to believe there was good in everyone.
“We’re here,” he whispered in my ear, skimming his lips along my cheek. Ew.
He lowered me to the ground, but held tightly to my waist so that I didn’t teeter back and forth.
I looked around at the mounds of dirt everywhere and felt completely confused. “I’m confused.”
“I need you to understand why we’re doing this, Sophie. I’m not evil—not completely at least,” he shrugged, like it was something he said often and I shouldn’t be completely freaked out.
“What is it that you’re doing?” I asked, my heart racing rapidly in my chest.
“I wasn’t making the mutants to kill you and Caeden, although I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t like to see him dead,” he said quietly. “I got permission to make them.”
“Permission? From who?” I continued to stare at the uneven mounds of dirt.
“From the elders,” he whispered.
“Oh, God.” I was going to throw up. “Why?”
“Because,” his voice was steady and calm, “it’s about time shifters were revealed to the world—that we’re on top.”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying.” That was a lie. I knew what he was saying. But I needed to hear it.
“We’re going to start a war with the humans, Sophie. We can’t just walk out and transform, they’d hunt us down and kill us—or try to at least—but if we start a war, they’ll have no choice but to bow down to our superiority. You and me, we could rule this world.” His fingers skimmed over my collarbone and I shivered at the touch—and not the good kind of shivers that Caeden could produce from me. Anytime he touched me, it made me feel dirty. I didn’t like it at all.
“You can’t just start a war, Travis—”
“We can and we will,” he growled.
“Where do the mutants come into this?” I asked, not wanting to make him angry.
“Well, when the humans see what we can transform them into—if they survive, that is—they’ll obey us without hesitation. The ones that don’t survive the transformation will end up here,” he waved his hand at the mounds, “and honestly, this is probably better than turning into a mutant.”
I pulled away from his hold and dropped to the ground, emptying the meager contents of my stomach. How could he be so calm about this? He was talking about murdering people and taking away their free will if they didn’t comply with his wishes. Not just his wishes, but the wishes of the elders too. Oh, God, was Gram in on this too?
I didn’t know I had anything else left in my stomach, but it came spewing up.
Travis bent down, rubbing my back in soothing circles. I stiffened at the touch, but I knew better than to shake him off.
“One day, you’ll understand why I’m doing this.”
“I will never understand—”
The color drained from my face as I felt a gush between my legs. “No,” I whispered. “No, no, no, no. This can’t be happening!” I looked down to see liquid stained slightly pink with blood. I wasn’t sure that was normal.
But I didn’t have time to ponder that, because my water had broke, and the baby was coming.
I looked up into Travis’ eyes and he looked as shocked as I did.
Then, he smiled slowly. “Our son is coming.”
I almost threw up again right then. “He is not your son,” I spat.
“He will be.”
That sounded entirely too ominous to me. Travis picked me up once more, carrying me away from the mounds of dirt that hid the dead humans. So many lives had already been lost, and I knew it was only going to get worse if we didn’t end this.
I ended up back in the bed only he didn’t chain me u
p this time.
It was suddenly hitting me that I had gone into labor. Beau was coming, and the only person I had to help me was Travis. Holy crap. I’d thought things were bad before, but this took it to a whole new level.
I knew in that moment that Travis was going to deliver my baby. Early, I might add. I knew there had to be at least a month before Beau was due, and Travis couldn’t have any medical experience. What if something was seriously wrong with the baby? Oh. My. God.
I couldn’t worry about the dead humans, mutants, elders, or the war that they wanted to rage against humans. Right now, all I could think about was the fact that Beau was in danger.
I took deep breaths—not to control the pain I was in, but in the hopes of dissipating some of the panic rolling through my body.
I couldn’t believe I was having my baby here with no hospital in case anything went wrong. I didn’t have Caeden by my side. I was alone, and scared to death that something might happen to my son.
The door to the room opened back up and Travis wheeled a metal cart into the room with all kinds of disturbing looking medical instruments. My heart skipped a beat. He’d been prepared for this.
I lay back, wishing I had the energy to crawl away from him.
“Everything will be just fine, Sophie,” he assured me, pulling on scrubs.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. Even though I knew exactly what was going on, it didn’t seem real. I wanted to believe it wasn’t real.
My abdomen clenched and I doubled over. This was awful, unlike anything I’d ever experienced. Tears coursed down my face.
“Shh, Sophie, it will be okay,” Travis smoothed my hair out of my face.
“No, it won’t,” I sobbed, closing my eyes.
He continued going about, preparing the room to bring my son into the world. I just hoped Beau was okay. Although at this point, death might be a better option for him since he wouldn’t be subjected to whatever Travis and the elders had planned. What an awful thing, to wish death for your child, but wouldn’t you if you knew they’d be better off? I didn’t even want to consider the different possibilities of why they’d want Beau.
Avenger (Outsider Series) Page 14
