“No thanks, I’m all right.”
“Coffee? Tea? Water? Natalia can bring you anything you like.”
“No thanks,” I said again, smiling and walking around to drop down into the seat beside my mother’s. She sat too.
My mother sat but called Natalia over anyway. The woman who had let me in the house came over, that same sweet smile still playing on her lips, and my mother asked her to bring us coffees and pastries.
Within fifteen minutes, there was a platter of treats in front of us, and I had a hot cup of coffee in hand. It was my second mug of the day, and I knew I’d have caffeine jitters all afternoon. But that was all right. My mother believed in indulgence. I helped myself to a buttery and warm croissant and crossed my legs under myself. “This is so luxurious.”
“Isn’t it?” my mother asked. “Who knew I’d end up in a place like this? I was living in a one-bedroom apartment with your father when I was pregnant with you, for goodness sakes. And we were renting. How much things have changed.”
I nodded and stared out at the waves. “Dad would have loved this place.”
“You’re right. He would have. He’d have complained about the sand, and he never would have let me hire Natalia, but he would have loved it.”
I missed my dad dearly. He had died when I was only six, but my memories of him were vivid. Probably because I refused to let him go. I still had a couple of his shirts vacuum-sealed in bags to preserve his smell. Which was weird, maybe, but I didn’t care. One day, I knew his memory would start to fade, and I would have to do something to bring it all back. And on that day, I would open one of the bags, take a deep breath, and reseal it.
“So how are you doing?” I asked, leaning back in the lounger and crossing my ankles as I licked butter off my fingers. “Obviously, the house is wonderful. But how are you with this whole thing?”
My mother sighed and leaned back too. “It’s been rough, but every day gets easier. I just wish he would have told me he wasn’t happy anymore. Then the anger and the bitterness wouldn’t be there. The betrayal never would have happened, and I think I could have moved on without feeling so… damaged.”
Her words struck a chord in me. It was exactly how I felt about Nick. If he’d gotten to the point where he wanted to sleep with other women, I wished he’d just told me that he didn’t want me. Then I wouldn’t have wasted so much time. I would still have had to grieve the loss of a relationship that I thought would be timeless, but I could have managed.
“But let’s not talk about such things. No more negativity remember?” My mother reached over and patted my hand. She took a sip of her coffee and tipped the brim of her hat down as the sun crept higher in the sky. “How are you doing, sweetheart? How’s Nick? I was hoping he’d come back with you so I could spend a bit more time with him before the big day this fall.”
I swallowed. I knew I was going to have to tell my mom about me and Nick calling it quits, but I wasn’t looking forward to it. She had high hopes for the two of us, just like I did. She’d be blindsided, just like I was.
“Actually, Mom, I have to talk to you about that.”
She lowered her coffee from her lips, and her eyes narrowed on me. She shifted around in her chair so her shoulders were squared and she was facing me directly. “What is it?”
I licked my lips. Just say it, Ash. Just say it. She’ll understand. “Nick cheated on me.”
My mother blinked, and the color drained from her face.
“I walked in on him in our bedroom last month with another girl. She had no idea he was engaged apparently. She grabbed her stuff and had a good yell at him before she left. But she wasn’t the only girl.” I sighed. It wasn’t out of exasperation. It was to stop myself from crying. The hurt of losing this relationship in such a way was still messing with my heart. “He’s been seeing other women for the last year, Mom. Since before we were even engaged.”
My mother looked like she’d just been slapped across the face. She pressed her hand to her chest and put her coffee down on the table between us. “Oh, Ashley. Sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. This all happened a month ago. I should have told you sooner, but when it was fresh, I couldn’t talk about it without breaking down.”
“A month?”
I nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” my mother said. “Promise. I wish he hadn’t done this to you. This is no way to start off a marriage.”
“I know,” I said before I realized what she was saying.
“Was he just scared of the commitment, do you think? He’s a good boy. I know he loves you.”
“Wait. What?”
My mother leaned back on her recliner. “It’s common for men to feel a bit of panic when a wedding is in their future. It’s harder for them to see themselves with one person for the rest of their lives. We women are better at it. We want it, in fact. But Nick is such a good boy. And so well off financially. It’s impossible to get the full package, I suppose. Did he tell you he’s done with those other girls?”
“Mom,” I said, my tone sharp with shock. “I left him.”
My mother sat up straight again. “You what?”
“I left him.”
“But sweetheart, the two of you are engaged—”
“Were engaged.”
“You made a commitment to each other. And he can provide everything you need in life. He can give you security. You can do your art without having to worry about money. He has a good family name. And he treats you well.”
“Treats me well?” I asked incredulously. “He cheated on me! With multiple women for over a year!” I stood, hands balled into fists at my sides, and my knees started to tremble.
My mother stayed where she was looking up at me. She looked genuinely confused. Her eyebrows were drawn together, and I couldn’t help but stare at the lack of wrinkles on her forehead.
“Do you think I deserve that?” I asked.
“Sweetheart, of course I don’t think you deserve that. But sometimes, we have to make sacrifices for the bigger picture. Do you understand what I mean? I wish this hadn’t happened to you.”
“It didn’t happen to me,” I said.
“Darling—”
“He did this to me. Knowingly. He chose to fuck those other girls and—”
“Ashley! Please don’t curse.”
“Mom!” I yelled. And I actually stomped my foot like a fucking child. But I didn’t care. I was so furious, so hurt, and so confused that I couldn’t control it. “He hurt me. And he did it knowing it would hurt me. But that didn’t stop him. And you left Ian for doing the same thing to you. Do you think I don’t deserve to be able to walk away from a man who mistreats me?”
“Ashley,” my mother said as she got slowly to her feet. “You are misunderstanding. I left because, well.” She gestured at the house and at her designer sunglasses.
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“I could support myself and give myself the lifestyle I wanted. You don’t have that luxury right now. But if you stuck it out and put in a bit of time, you could. Think big picture, honey. Sometimes, you have to make sacrifices in order to get what you want.”
“You’re only saying this because your biggest fear has always been me being an artist who never made any money.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is true. And you know it.” I turned on my heel and stormed across the deck. My mother hurried after me, and I whirled back to her, pointing a shaky finger in her direction. “You have no idea who Nick actually is. What my life has actually been like in New York City. And if you did—” I broke off sharply, afraid of saying too much.
I remembered the look in Nick’s eyes when he came home and caught me packing my bags. He’d been enraged, and there had been a solid five minutes where I thought he was going to hurt me. I was sure he wouldn’t let me leave, and I would become one of those battered women on the
front page of a newspaper.
That was not the kind of sacrifice I was going to make for my future. I deserved better than that.
5
Ethan
Jesse and I pulled up out front of the gym at a quarter to six. Dean’s car was already there, as per usual, and we knew we’d find him on the treadmill warming up. He always beat us there to get in some intense cardio before we weight-trained together.
There was a reason he was the most ripped out of the three of us. His dedication and willpower knew no bounds.
I, on the other hand, was a little squishier than Dean and Jesse. I was partial to chocolate bars and chips and sodas. In other words, I wasn’t tied down to the idea that I needed a body that felt like rock. I liked being a bit softer, but my muscles were still more than obvious, and the girls liked the meat on my bones.
Not that I cared what the girls thought. I only cared what one girl thought.
Jesse and I pushed through the front doors. Leah, the check-in clerk, looked up and gave us both a sunny smile. “Morning, guys. Dean is already here. He told me to tell you to be better.”
“Of course he did,” Jesse said as he scanned his membership card.
I did the same and flashed my teeth at Leah. She blushed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She was a pretty girl. She was a bit young, probably twenty-two or so, but she would be my type if I wasn’t so hung up on Ashley.
My card scanned, and I winked at Leah. “Nice pants. They new?”
She blushed a deeper shade of red and giggled. “Yes, actually. They are. I’m surprised you noticed.”
“Oh, I noticed. You should wear them more—”
Jesse elbowed me in the ribs. “How about you don’t harass the staff, hmm?”
“He’s not harassing me,” Leah said.
“Yeah. I’m not harassing her. Just being friendly. Don’t be such a prude, Jesse.”
Jesse rolled his eyes like he always did when he was bored of my antics. “Come on. Dean will give us shit for being late. Thanks, Leah. See you tomorrow.”
“Bye, boys. Have a good workout.”
I walked backward along behind Jesse and waved at her. She waved back, covered her mouth, and giggled again.
Jesse sighed. “You’re such a tease. The girl likes you, and you’re never going to do more than flirt with her. Why can’t you just let things lie sometimes?”
“There’s no harm in having a bit of fun,” I said as we stuffed our bags into our storage lockers. “Maybe one day, my heart will be open to loving someone else, and Leah and I can go on a date.”
“Your heart will be open? You been watching The Notebook again?”
“Fuck off.”
We found Dean on his usual treadmill at the back of the gym. It faced out the window and looked out onto the street. Dean liked to people watch. He could do it silently for hours without getting bored. I had the attention span of a gnat and needed constant stimulation, which was another reason why I loathed the treadmill.
Dean got off, already dripping in sweat, and dabbed at his forehead with his towel. Then he took a long drink of water and asked, “What took the two of you so long?”
Jesse looked accusingly over at me.
I held up my hands defensively. “Hey now, relax. We’re only ten minutes late.”
“Ten minutes is still ten minutes,” Dean said flatly.
“Do you ever get tired of being you, Dean?” I asked.
He cracked a smile. “Being me has its perks.”
Jesse, right on cue, rolled his eyes again. “Oh, for fuck’s sake. Can we just get on with it?”
“I wanna know what some of these perks are.”
Dean threw his towel over his shoulder and took another drink of water. Then he brushed between us, and we followed him toward the weight racks. He grabbed his dumbbells, and we followed suit.
Dean had been leading our workouts for the last six months or so. Sometimes, other guys from the security agency joined us because Dean had pretty high standards in terms of physical fitness for his guys, and there was a lot to learn from him. He wasn’t all about building muscle. Physical appearance meant jack shit to him. He was about building strength, power, and precision. He kicked my ass every single morning, and I’d gotten used to always being in some sort of pain somewhere or another.
But it was a good pain, a satisfying pain. I was stronger than I’d ever been. Even stronger than I was when I was a SEAL. Somehow, I had more endurance, and I owed all my strength, among other things, to Dean..
He had Jesse and me dripping in sweat within minutes. We were squatting with heavy weight, and my thighs screamed with the effort as Dean forced me to get as low as I could on my last set of repetitions. I gritted my teeth, biting down on the pain, and forced my way through it.
I caught Leah watching in the mirror and that gave me the extra push I needed. I was a cocky bastard and would never deny it. At least I was honest.
At the end of the hour, we all grabbed our bags and headed back out to the lobby where Leah made us all protein smoothies. We made our way out to the parking lot after and leaned up against Jesse’s truck as we sipped back our green, thick, not-so-yummy concoctions.
I cleared my throat when conversation about work died down. “So, Jesse and I had a theoretical conversation the other night after driving home from your place.”
“Oh?” Dean asked. He sounded only partly interested. He probably expected me to jump into my usual bullshit like political conspiracies and current science breakthroughs.
“About Ashley,” I said.
That caught his interest. He crossed his ankles and leaned more heavily against the truck. “What about her?”
I glanced at Jesse, who motioned for me to carry on. So I did. “About how, in theory, things might be different now that Dad and Anne are divorced. Or they would be if she wasn’t with Nick.”
“How do you mean?” Dean asked.
“I mean like how would she see us? Would we still be her stepbrothers? Or would she be open to something more?”
Dean looked back and forth between Jesse and me.
Jesse shrugged. “It’s a valid question.”
Dean pushed himself off the truck and went to the garbage can by the front doors of the gym. He threw his empty smoothie cup in it and came back to us, tucking his hands in the pockets of his joggers. “Ash is engaged.”
“That’s why I said theoretical,” I said. “Pay attention, man.”
Dean smirked and shook his head. “Well, then, theoretically, I don’t know how she would see us. The same as she always has, probably. But that’s not the point. It would be everyone else who saw it differently, and that’s what would matter to Ash.”
I nodded. “Fair. Actually, wait, hold up. You think she’s been into us but hasn’t done anything about it because—”
“Of what it would look like to the outside world? Yeah.” Dean leaned back up against the truck.
Jesse sighed. “This is a waste of time, talking about this shit.”
“Not necessarily,” I said.
“Yes, necessarily. Like Dean said, she’s engaged. She picked Nick, and that has nothing to do with us. Dean tried to help her see reason, but maybe she knows a different guy from the one we do. You never know what someone’s relationship is actually like.”
It was my turn to roll my eyes. “There’s no way being with Nick Myles is anything better than subpar.”
Dean chuckled. “Amen.”
I grinned at him. “So, let me rephrase my question then. If Ashley wasn’t with Nick, what do you think things would be like?”
Dean looked away and crossed his arms over his thick chest. “I think she’d be with me.”
I looked at Jesse, who was cracking a smile. He raked his fingers through his black hair and nodded his chin at Dean. “We both feel the same way.”
“Then we wondered if she’d be open to sharing.”
Dean arched an eyebrow. “All three of us? That would r
eally be pushing her out of her comfort zone.”
“But in theory,” I said, knowing I was reaching. “There wouldn’t be anything wrong with it. Poly is in, right? We wouldn’t be her stepbrothers. She wouldn’t be engaged. It’s less taboo.”
“And if there was ever a woman who could handle all three Thomas boys, it would be Ash,” Jesse said.
Dean slid his hands back in his pockets. “In theory, if she couldn’t choose one of us, sharing would be fine.”
I laughed and nudged Jesse in the shoulder. “See? I figured as much. But don’t think too hard on it, Dean. We all know she’d choose me. I check off all the boxes.”
Dean arched an eyebrow. “Please. Elaborate.”
Jesse was laughing beside me, and I was chuckling a bit too. Dean was wearing a grin that didn’t grace his face often. Being moral and just usually meant he was serious, too. And it was fun to goof around with my brothers. I lived for shit like this. “Well, for one, I’m tall, and every woman wants a tall man. And secondly, I’m hilarious. I’m sure you’ve noticed. And I need to share that humor with a woman who deserves that kind of joy in her life.”
“And what else besides height and being able to give everyone a couple good laughs?” Jesse drawled.
“I’m ruggedly handsome,” I said, stroking my chin.
“In order to be rugged, you need to be able to grow a full beard,” Dean said.
Jesse snorted.
“Fuck you guys.” I laughed.
Dean came over and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. He pulled me into his side. “You’re forgetting the most important box.”
“Do I want to know?” I asked, looking up at my brother.
Dean grinned. “You’re related to me.”
6
Ashley
Lulu was, yet again, my saving grace.
Her Independence Day Page 3
