by Andy McNab
It's incredible how much children seem to change if you don't see them every day. Kelly's hair was cut much shorter than when I'd last seen her, and it made her look about five years older. Her eyes and nose seemed more defined somehow, and her mouth a bit larger, like a young Julia Roberts. She was going to be the spitting image of her mother.
I put on my smiley face, moving baby toys out of the way to sit down in the row in front of her.
"Hello, how are you?" Nothing exuberant, nothing over the top as I sat between two strapped-in baby seats and looked back at her. The reality of it was, I just wanted to throw my arms around her and give her the world's biggest hug, but didn't dare risk it. She might not want me to; maybe it felt strange and new to her as well.
Something the size of a Jumbo was taxiing upwind of us. I could hardly hear myself think and stuck my finger in my ear and made a funny face. At least I got a smile from her.
Josh's sister had left the engine ticking over, and I could feel the air conditioning working overtime as I pulled myself over the back rest and kissed her cheek. There wasn't any coldness in her reaction, but nothing in the way of exhilaration either. I understood: why get excited, only to be let down?
"It's great to see you. How are you?"
"Fine ... what are those lumps on your face?"
"I got stung by some wasps. Anyway, what are you up to?"
"I'm on a vacation with Monica are you going to stay with us? You said you were coming to see me last week."
"I know, I know, it's just that... Kelly, I... Listen, I'm sorry for not doing all the things I said I would with you. You know, call, come visit when I said I would. I always wanted to do those things, it was just, well, stuff, you know."
She nodded as if she knew. I was glad one of us did.
"And now I've mucked it up again and have to go away for a while today .. . but I really wanted to see you, even if it was only for a few minutes."
There was a roar that almost made the Voyager shake as the jumbo thundered down the runway and lifted into the sky. I waited, frustrated that I couldn't say what I wanted to until the noise died.
"Look, maybe I was jealous of Josh when you started to live with him, but now I know it's the right thing, the best thing. You need to be with his gang, having fun, going to Monica's for a holiday. So what I've worked out with Josh is, once I come back from sorting some stuff out, I'll be able to do things you know, coming to see you, calling, going on holiday. I want to do all those things with you, because I miss you so much and think about you all the time. But it has to be like this now, you have to live with Josh. That make sense?"
She just looked and nodded as I carried on, barely taking breath.
"But just now I've got to make sure I finish stuff so that I can do those things with you.
That OK?"
"We will go on vacation? You said we would one day."
"Absolutely. It might not be immediately, though. After you get back from Monica's you'll be going to a teacher for a while, and I have to sort out... well..."
"Stuff?"
We smiled. That's right. Stuff."
Monica opened her door with a wide smile for Kelly.
"We gotta go, honey."
Kelly looked at me with an expression that I couldn't read, and for one terrible moment I thought she was going to cry.
"Can I talk with Dr. Hughes?"
Concern must have been written all over my face.
"Why? Why's that?"
Her face conjured up an enormous grin.
"Well, my dad just divorced my other dad.
I got issues."
Even Monica laughed.
"You been watching too much Ricki Lake, honey!"
She closed the door on a smiling Kelly and Monica drove out.
Josh spoke through his window as I walked back, watching his sister leave.
"You'll get the transportation for the train station outside Arrivals."
I nodded and turned towards the lift with a small wave, but he wanted to say more.
"Look, man, maybe you ain't quite the dwarf I thought you were. But you still gotta sort your shit out, then we get to sort our shit. You gotta get a grip of your life, man, get some religion, anything."
I nodded as he drove out, two vehicles behind the Voyager, and leant against a concrete support as another aircraft thundered overhead on finals.
She was fucked up enough and the way I acted made it worse. But I was no longer going to sign her over to Josh and walk away. That was the easy way out. She not only needed but deserved two parents, even if they were divorced. I hoped that me being there, if only a little, was better than not at all. Besides, I wanted to be there.
So that was the plan. Once I had sorted out the 'stuff, I'd come back here and we'd do it correctly. Sort out visitation rights, and a system that gave Kelly what she needed, structure to her life and the knowledge that the people around her were there for her.
However, the 'stuff wasn't going to be easy. Two obstacles had to be overcome if I wanted to stop me, Kelly, and even Josh and his lot, from being targets now and for ever.
George and the Yes Man.
The long-term solution to this problem had to be through George. He'd be able to call off the dogs. And the way to contact him would be through Carrie. How I was going to do this I hadn't a clue, because George was going to be severely pissed off. That was a whole new world that I hadn't even started to work out yet.
First I needed to get to Marblehead, and the two trains I was taking would get me there by six tomorrow morning. It shouldn't be hard to find Carrie, or her mother. The place wasn't that big.
As for the short-term problem of the Yes Man, he had to be dealt with quickly, just in case Sundance and Trainers were already on their way. I still had the security blanket, which I'd tell George about, and Kelly was safe. The Left Luggage ticket was valid for three months and hidden behind one of the pay phones at Waterloo. I would have to go and get it before then and put it somewhere else.
No way was I going to call him yet, though. The call would be traced. I'd do that tomorrow, when the train got me into Boston South. Or maybe I'd call once I got into Union Station in Washington, before getting the connection north.
Then I thought, Why bother going back to the UK at all? What was there waiting for me apart from the sports bag?
I started to fantasize and thought that maybe, if I played my cards right, George could even fix me up with a US passport. After all, I had stopped the system getting into PARC's hands and maybe sticking out of the top of an aircraft carrier. I'd say that was pretty Stars and Stripes.
I pushed away from the concrete and reached the lift as the doors opened and a couple pushed out a luggage trolley carrying far too many suitcases.
Who knows? Maybe while I was sorting stuff out, Carrie would let me sleep on her mother's couch.
The Author
Andy McNab joined the infantry as a boy soldier. In 1984 he was 'badged' as a member of 22 SAS Regiment and was involved in both covert and overt special operations worldwide During the Gulf War he commanded Bravo Two Zero, a patrol that, in the words of his commanding officer, 'will remain regimental history for ever'. Awarded both the Distinguished Conduct Medal (DCM) and the Military Medal (MM), McNab was the British Army's most highly decorated serving soldier when he finally left the SAS in February 1993 He wrote about his experiences in two phenomenal bestsellers, Bravo Two Zero, which was filmed in 1998 starring Scan Bean, and Immediate Action.
His novels, Remote Control, Crisis Four and Firewall, were all bestsellers.
Besides his writing work, he lectures to security and intelligence agencies in both the USA and the UK.
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