“All it would have taken was having you—and them—in the same space,” Jay confessed. “And you would’ve figured it out without me having to say anything. And that was a little white lie that I could tell, and she would believe.”
Devesh glanced at the towering structure of the hotel, taking in the families making their way inside the glass doors. “Well, it took a lot more than that when I ran into your mother and the twins in Cali. I just couldn’t fathom that Reign would do such a thing. My family probably thought I was a little … slow.”
Jay chuckled. “Yeah? Well, I’m not going to tell you what I thought.”
“So what would’ve happened if I came to Chicago?”
“Oh, an accidental appearance of you at the same place as the twins,” he replied in a nonchalant tone. “You know, something like that.”
“So much for not getting in grown folks business,” Devesh said sourly.
“I said accidentally, didn’t I?” Jay defended with a laugh. “I’ve been encouraging Mom to tell you for years. That’s been the only issue that brings us to a straight up argument.”
Devesh was saddened to hear that news. That the issue had driven a wedge between mother and son.
“I haven’t been in a whole lot of relationships myself,” Jay continued. “But I’m going to say this—you have the upper hand here. Use it. You love her. Use that to drive your efforts in doing what’s best for both of you. Even if she doesn’t agree. At first, you were the one backing away; now she’ll be the one trying to do the same. Buy yourself some time to let her see how you two can work.”
Jay was right. Devesh had let other things get in the way. Minor things. “Did you ever consider that your telling me would be about the children, and not about her—or me?”
Jay didn’t have a response to that question.
“So why are you helping me now?” Devesh asked, glancing at the Marriott’s towering glass structure as he pulled into valet.
“I know what it’s like to grow up without a father,” he confessed. “I never wanted that for my brother and sister. When she came back from Atlanta, I thought things would be different. But she was so sad, so quiet. I wasn’t sure what happened. Truthfully, I didn’t want to ask.”
“I apologize for not listening to you,” Devesh said, sliding from behind the wheel and dropping the keys in the portly valet’s hand. “For not honoring your request. I let family issues cloud my judgment. It won’t happen again.”
“It’s alright. Weren’t you the one who said everything in its time?”
“Yes,” Devesh answered with a laugh. “There is that. It is definitely time.”
Devesh had the red-haired woman at Marriott’s front desk announce he was on the way up to Reign’s suite. The lobby seemed to stretch a mile wide before he reached the glass elevators that would take him to the 19th floor.
So many thoughts were running track in his mind. He had loved Reign from the first moment he laid eyes on her at the advertising convention in Vegas. A few exchanges became long talks about things they both loved—Indian foods, Indian movies, and novels. If there was such a thing as instant, mind-blowing, life-altering attraction, he had experienced it right then and there. All of that later transformed into him opening up to tell her about experiences that weighed heavily on his soul. She gave him encouragement and inspiration at his lowest moments. Just saying her name brought him an immense pleasure that he couldn’t explain. He wanted more, so much more, despite the difference in their ages and the fact that they came from different worlds.
The only problem was that his family had not understood his choice when he had first brought it before them seven years ago when he first met Reign, then again two years later after coming back from Atlanta and rekindling the friendship, this time hoping for more. They still wanted him with an Indian woman. Hell, even a White woman was acceptable in their eyes and given the tumultuous history between the British and East Indians, that was truly a stretch. Admitting that he loved a Black woman who was older than him became such an intense issue when he broached the subject that he eventually backed down. Then when they reconnected in Atlanta after not being in contact for those two years, he was fired up and was ready to give anyone hell who didn’t see things his way. What he hadn’t been prepared for was the fact that fate wasn’t seeing things his way. This time, after Atlanta, Reign was the one to disappear.
Now that he had the opportunity to have the unconventional love and family in a way that the Maharajs had no choice but to accept, he’d let his ego screw it up.
Standing in front of the door to Reign’s room, he took a deep breath to collect himself before knocking. The door swung open, and he said, “Reign.”
“Why are you here?” she practically growled, peering behind him, and frowning when she didn’t see the children.
“My mother’s watching them for a short while,” he said to her unspoken question. “Because we need to talk where their little ears can’t overhear,” he assured her, stepping over the threshold when she moved aside. “I went about this all wrong.”
“Ya think?” She left the space in front of him and slammed one of the children’s garments into the suitcase that had been tossed across the bed. She was leaving California? The twins had mentioned some type of starlight train trip that should have kept them in the area for a few more days.
“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching for her hand and extracting her from the task of packing their things. “I’m sorry for making the demand of you in that way.”
Reign put some instant distance between them. He felt the loss immediately.
“I missed out on so much,” he said, perching on the end of the bed. “First words. First steps. First smiles.”
She put her back to him in a defiant move that was so much like the children had done earlier, it pained him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Reign turned to focus on him a moment; then she broke eye contact with him to study the muted figures on television screen.
He tried to resist the pull that her obvious pain had on him, and the need to comfort her.
“The morning after we were together, you didn’t seem to remember anything,” she said, dropping the cosmetic case into one of the side pockets of the suitcase. “How was I going to get you to believe I was pregnant with your child? What conversation would that have been?”
“A DNA test would’ve solved everything.”
“And exactly how would I have gotten to that point?” she said with a bitter laugh. “You would’ve thought I was crazy.” She folded a tiny shirt and tucked it into the suitcase. “I don’t know what hurts worse. That I enjoyed being with you so much or that it meant so little to you.”
“That’s not true,” Devesh said, standing so he could take her in his arms. “I remembered everything. But you seemed so distant that next morning. For a minute, I thought I had dreamed the whole thing. But I definitely remembered how good it felt to lay next to you; to hold you; to be inside you, connected that way.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “With everything I was going through back then, nothing made me feel as good as being with you.” Devesh stroked his fingers along the smooth expanse of her caramel skin, down her cheek and to the soft curves of her neck. “Reign, I have always loved you.”
She moved out of his reach.
“We had a deep affection for one another. Can’t we…” He moved until he blocked her path to the closet. “Can’t we build something from that?”
“What are you saying?”
Devesh moved in, took her in his arms. “We should marry.”
Reign nearly slipped out of his grip and straight to the floor. Was the idea of being with him so repulsive?
“What did you just say?”
“The children,” he said, grasping at a reasonable counter to any misgivings she may have. “Our children should grow up in a household where their parents are together. We should be as one.”
She hesitated a moment before moving to one side, a
nice little distance away from him. “You have lost your ever-loving mind. Marriage was never part of my plans—ever. To you or anyone.”
“Marriage provides them with some protections,” he shot back, stung that she could say such a thing. “And you too.”
“How so?” she asked, almost shrugging as if what he said was of no consequence. “You don’t even have a job, just hopes of reviving your acting career, and that always comes first.”
“I’ll be putting my career aside,” he replied, sharing the decision he’d come into as he drove the several miles to the hotel. He’d already placed a few calls on the way and had some serious leads. “I’ll have something before the end of this week. Trust me. I have a family to support now. No time for dreams that only halfway came true. I’m done with that part of my life.”
Several emotions flickered across her face, and he wasn’t sure what any of them meant. “So from wanting me to leave my children with you and disappear to wanting me to marry you and live with you in Chicago.”
“Actually, it’s best that you move here.”
She stumbled backward. “What?! You expect me to uproot from everything I have in Chicago and move to—”
“California. With me,” he chimed in.
Reign lifted her chin and glared at him. “Now I know you’ve lost touch with reality,” she countered. “No way am I giving up a stable job, a house that’s nearly paid for, and my family.”
“What family, Reign?” he demanded. “Your only family is Jay, and he’s a grown man.”
“And how will it look for me to marry a man who’s the same age as my son?”
“What does that have to do with anything?” he shot back, trying to keep his anger in check. “This is about the children, Reign. Our children. They don’t care how old we are. We are their parents.”
She looked away, closing her eyes as though summoning some type of strength before opening them again.
“Parents who will make decisions together,” he continued, noticing her gaze had shifted from his eyes to his lips. “Eat together, grow together, and give them a stable home. We’ll be a family. More family than they’ll have in Chicago.”
“A family that does not accept me—or them.”
“They will,” he said, taking her in his arms again, relishing the feel of her next to him.
“Your people are not that evolved and you know it.”
“This isn’t about them. It’s about us.”
Reign shook her head, tried to push him away. Devesh stood his ground. Finally, her shoulders relaxed and all of the fight seemed to ease out of her body. She allowed him to lead her to the bed, and when she sat down beside him, he pulled her closer.
His eyes returned to her mouth, and he rested there for several moments before finally reaching out and cupping her face in his hands.
Speaking of us,” she began, placing a hand on his chest to stop any further movement. “How much of myself am I supposed to sacrifice for this belief of yours? This idea of marital bliss you’re offering?”
“What do you mean?” he said, almost insulted by the disdain in her tone.
“I’m a woman,” she replied. “I have needs. I’ve been dating a guy for several months now, and I just told him I’m ready to take things to the next level. I was supposed to be with him, fully commit, when I return to Chicago.”
Something akin to jealousy flared in Devesh’s heart. So there was someone else? Why didn’t he think to ask? And why had she only mentioned it now?
“The only kind of marriage that would work for me is an open one,” she admitted.
Where did that come from? Devesh had no words to respond to those hurtful terms. She hadn’t considered—not even once—that he could be all the things she’d need?
“That way, it’s a marriage in name only,” she said, driving a stake through his heart. “And we both still have options.”
“Open … marriage?” The two damning words practically stuck in his throat.
“That way both of us can find happiness at some point,” she offered. “I’ll stay married to you for eight years.”
“Why only eight?”
“The twins will have reached the age of accountability by then. They’ll have enough of a foundation where they can understand how things work.”
Devesh stared into her eyes, saw the determination within and realized he could argue the point and lose her altogether or he could concede and that would give him time to win her trust and her heart. Because evidently, she didn’t love him as much as he loved her. “These are your terms?”
“Yes. Open marriage. Eight years in bondage.”
“Bondage,” he spat.
“Marriage has never been fair to women,” she confessed. “Ever. And I never understood why so many of them race through life to get down the aisle or the ones who feel incomplete without a husband. I have married friends, and I was on the receiving end of hearing all the crap they put up with. Why would I sign up for that program when the only one who benefits is the man? She cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids, runs the household and still has to work a 9-to-5, and he wears the crown of head of household? All so I won’t have an empty bed or get a little pickle tickle now and then? No, thank you.”
Marriage did not have to be the bondage that she believed it would be. The kind he desired was two people who were compatible in a number of areas, soul mates.
Devesh had his work cut out for him on so many levels.
“We’ll get married right away,” he said, trying to release the pain in his heart. “And you don’t have to worry about our financial situation. I’ll break my trust fund.”
Her head tilted and she blinked her surprise. “Trust fund? Your family has that kind of money?”
“I wish.” Devesh laughed. “I put most of the money toward something else, but a little of what I’ve made over the years in a trust just in case something happened to me while I was working overseas. Something you mentioned that I should do several years ago.”
She studied the rest of the clothes strewn about the bed awaiting their trip into the suitcases. “I guess I’ll unpack.”
“No, continue. I own a building not too far from where my parents live. It’s being gutted and rehabbed over the next few months. Until the contractors are done, we’ll stay with my parents.”
“Absolutely not,” she said as her entire body tensed. “I’m a grown woman. I don’t live with anyone’s parents. Since I was fourteen, I haven’t lived with my own.”
Inhaling a calming breath, he said, “Reign, they need time to get to know Leena and Kamran.”
“I can bring them over every day.”
“That’s foolishness,” he said, taking the hanger from her hands, guiding her until she was in front of him once again. “It’s only temporary. Think of the children.”
“I am,” she replied. “Your parents will get to see the children. And I’ll get to keep my sanity.”
Devesh vowed in his mind that he would find a way to change her stance. Having the woman he loved and his children close to him would be better for everyone involved.
Reign mulled over what had transpired and wondered if she should have done things differently. She was tired of working at a job that showed at every turn how disposable the employees were. Like the time she’d been forced to transcribe tapes for an attorney who had a severe flatulence problem, and her complaints were blown off. Or the fact that the company had a no-asshole rule when it came to attorneys, but they let two employees bully the legal assistants and paralegals. Only when one of the bullies pissed off an attorney, was any action taken. The other one was still on a campaign of making Reign’s life miserable.
Reign had thought of retiring early, moving to Atlanta or Texas, maybe. Now that she had two young ones, she needed the benefits and was preparing to buy a bigger place to accommodate their growing needs. Retirement was going to be a long time coming. So were the dreams she had of taking that Starlight Amtrak trip, the EuroRail
through London, France, Spain, Italy, and Switzerland, and a tour of Northern and Southern India.
Marrying Devesh meant the children would have a two-parent home, which is something neither she, nor Jay, had growing up. Also, it would prevent a custody battle for the moment. If she left years later, one would probably be in the offing, but she could tough it out if the conditions were even slightly bearable.
Marry him for her children’s sake? She could do a lot worse. She already knew he adored his nieces and nephews. Maybe loving his own would not be the problem she feared it would be. Roberto had blatantly told her that he “wasn’t raising no mixed kids.” To which she had shot back, “Even a child knows that when you put chocolate and vanilla ice cream on the same cone, that there’s going to be a swirl of coloring. What did you think would happen?” He had replied, “That you were smart enough not to get yourself knocked up.” In tears, she responded, “Right. I’m fourteen. You’re twenty-one. Which one of us was supposed to be the grownup here?”
Roberto rarely saw his son after he was born. Most times, it was better if he didn’t because the pain caused by his appearance was worse than his absence. She never wanted that for her son. And definitely didn’t want that for her twins whose father was from a family who tightly held to Indian customs and culture.
Loving her had never factored into the equation, so keeping Devesh at arm’s length shouldn’t be a problem, either.
She would never give him a chance to reject her again.
Chapter 6
When Devesh returned to the Shoreview Drive home, the children immediately ran to him and Reign. The delight of holding them was second only to having their mother in that same space. His children. His beautiful children. And the woman who held his heart in her hands.
Only after a few moments did he put them down, and they ran off to his parents, who welcomed them with open arms. Anaya moved close to Mumma, and Leena leaned in for Anaya to take her from Mumma’s arms. Aunt Kavya stroked a hand across Leena’s face, bringing a smile to the little girl’s face. The sight of his family bonding with his children did his heart a world of good.
Loving Me for Me Page 4
