by Nicole Shay
Imogen swallowed hard as she turned to find Olivia looking for her. She found the girl’s eyes as she gave her a warning look of run as far away as you can.
Olivia was about to open her mouth to call for Imogen, but stopped dead in her tracks when she found her girlfriend with Allie Long, Chloe and Lilith. When she met Imogen’s eyes, she knew she had to leave before anything else could happen. Slowly, she turned around and made her way out, but were stopped by the sight of her two teammates and friends.
“Olivia!” Maeve screeched, running over to her as she dragged Kerrie along. “What are you doing here?”
Worst timing ever, Olivia thought, wincing a little. “I got bored at home, so uh I came here.”
“Why didn’t you call us?” Kerrie questioned, quirking an eyebrow. “You’re never here alone.”
“Unless she’s with a date!” Maeve pointed out.
Olivia let out an uneasy laugh. “No guys, I’m not on a date. I’m-”
Maeve’s gasp cut her off. “What the hell are they doing here?”
Olivia looked at Maeve and the turned to see Chloe already glaring at her friend. “Oh my god,” she murmured. “Come on guys, let’s go out to eat,” she tried.
Kerrie looked at Maeve. “Yeah...that’s not happening tonight.”
The two helplessly watched as Maeve and Chloe continued to glare at each other, and Olivia didn’t have to turn around to know Allie was glaring daggers at her.
“You here to spill shit on me again?” Maeve asked, advancing towards the four rivals.
“No,” Olivia groaned softly, mostly to herself as she and Kerrie followed Maeve over there.
Imogen began to feel sick to her stomach as the familiar scene began to play out. This was not how the night was supposed to be going at all. Noticing Allie and Chloe already getting ready for a fight she put a hand on both their shoulders. “Come on guys, not tonight. We’re better than this”
Chloe barely seemed to notice Imogen’s presence as she took a step forward to Thenard. “Well no, but since you’re asking..” she snarkily replied with a shit-eating grin on her face.
“You’re so low,” Maeve spat, starting to advance on Chloe.
“Whoa, no no,” Kerrie said suddenly, holding Maeve back. “Hey captain,” she said, aiming her glare at Imogen. “Control your keeper before my friend rips her apart.”
Imogen was all too willing to oblige even though she knew Chloe could probably just as easily rip Maeve apart. “Chloe, seriously! Give it a rest!” Imogen called out as she stepped in between her and Maeve putting herself in yet another situation to get decked again.
“Maeve,” Olivia snapped, glaring at her friend. “It’s not worth it. Let’s go.”
Chloe backed off a little as Imogen got in front of her. She shook her head as she pushed back towards Allie and Lilith listening to her friend for once. She stopped in her tracks as Thenard’s voice filled her ears yet again, this time really hitting hard.
Maeve wasn’t willing to listen to Olivia. “I know one of you wants to hit me. Especially for that jab I took at your little captain that one time. Come on, do it! What are you, weak? Huh Allie?”
“Maeve!” Olivia gaped.
“Maeve, what the hell?” Kerrie glared at her best friend.
“Why not you, Sloane? Make it even,” Maeve smirked.
Olivia tightened her grip on the fellow forward’s arm. “Maeve. Thenard.”
She wasn’t heard at all.
Imogen did her best to keep her emotions out of the situation but she couldn’t help it as much as she told Olivia she could handle it. She figured she’d try one more time just being the ‘bigger person’.
“You’re not worth my time” She sternly stated, her eyes not wavering from Maeve’s eyes.
“Maeve let’s go,” Kerrie begged quietly, trying to get her best friend to listen to her.
“Not worth it or do you just want to run away from your problems?” Maeve challenged. Little did she know, she’d hit home with her comment. But Olivia knew, causing her hand to squeeze tighter on Maeve’s arm. The squeezing proved to be ineffective when Maeve continued. “Some captain you are."
Imogen clenched her jaw even tighter as it felt like her insides were caving in. She couldn’t look at Olivia, she could barely keep looking at Maeve. She knew the comment was most likely to get a reaction from her but nothing felt more real than the pain inside of her. She snapped not knowing how she could ever walk away from a comment like the one aimed at her.
“It’s about time you shut up Thenard, you have no idea who I am or what I’m about so shut your mouth for once and you might learn something” Imogen spat, serious as ever not willing to back down from this one.
“Don’t talk to my player like that,” Olivia warned, trying to get Imogen to stop what she was doing.
“No Olivia,” Maeve said through gritted teeth. “She wants to talk shit? Go ahead Sloane.”
Imogen expected to hear Maeve’s voice come right back at her but her girlfriend’s raspy voice filled her ears instead. She instantly looked to Olivia who gave her a look of warning. Imogen was only intensified by her glare and disregarded the warning as she took Maeve’s offer instead.
“You’re not much of a captain either if you can’t control your teammates. You’re no better than me, Don’t try and be the hero Olivia.” Imogen said, a roughness on her usual smooth voice. She felt the tears threatening to break but she resisted as she stared hard at the others.
Imogen’s words stung Olivia as soon as they’d finished. She knew they had a part to play, but she was almost positive it never was supposed to amount to this. Tears began to sting her eyes, but she did her best to fight them off. It wasn’t time to cry. Not now.
“Don’t you talk about my captain like that!” Maeve yelled.
“I’m right here!” Olivia reminded her, trying to steady her voice. “I can speak for myself if I want to.”
She tried to make eye contact with Imogen and give her a look saying it was time to go, but Imogen was hardly even recognizable at this point. She was fueled by anger and emotions, possibly both her strength and weakness.
The forward didn’t want it to come to this, but she saw no other choice than to look weak. “At least my teammates don’t do crazy when they’re pissed off like yours.” She looked at her two teammates. “Let’s go. Now.”
She spun around before Imogen or any of her teammates could make a comment, quickly walking away. She continued to blink back tears. With a hard tug, Maeve turned around and had Kerrie drag her out of the theater.
The hardest part about everything that just happened was that even if Imogen didn’t mean it, Olivia’s heart still hurt.
Imogen let out an exasperated breath as if she was exhausted from the encounter. She was mad, and unwilling to accept the fact that things were out of control, that she was out of control. She turned back around after a few heavy breaths to face her friends and teammates. Chloe and Allie looked surprised and Lilith was obviously disappointed in her. Imogen felt so riled up from the fight that she wasn’t even sure if what she said was what she really felt or just a way to fight back. She clenched her jaw even tighter as she stormed out of the theater, not bothering to stop as her teammates called after her.
The rush of air instantly chilled her as the sun had set and the darkness of the night surrounded her. She was all alone, and Olivia, her ride, was gone as well. She figured taking a walk home was probably for the best anyways so as to ease her mind. She tried to remember life before she began seeing Olivia as anything more than just her rival but she couldn’t. Was life easier then? Was it more complicated now? she wondered. She didn’t want to fight, she just never imagined a world where her and Olivia didn’t fight.
Olivia asked Maeve to drive her home while Kerrie followed them behind. Although she was off of her crutches, she was still in a boot and it was difficult for her to drive with it on. She didn’t think she could handle driving anyway, the tears were
becoming harder to blink back. The first five minutes of the ride were silent save for the radio’s top 40.
“I can’t believe that,” Olivia finally muttered, looking out her window.
“Me either!” Maeve exclaimed. “Who the hell does Imogen Sloane think she is? I get Allie Long - the girl has no sense in her anyway - but Sloane?”
“Maeve,” Olivia sighed, shaking her head.
“No, I’m serious Olivia,” Maeve went on. “Where does she get off talking all that shit about you?”
Even though Maeve had no idea what was going on behind everything, she still had a point. Where did Imogen get the reason to talk like that? Sure, they had to pretend to be rivals, but that never meant they needed to insult each other directly. Did Imogen actually mean it? Am I a bad captain? she thought, trying to make sense of it all.
“I don’t know,” Olivia shrugged, not looking at her friend. “Maybe she was just pissed…”
“She’s so full of it,” Maeve muttered, glaring at the road.
“Am I a bad captain?” she asked aloud, looking at Maeve for an honest answer.
Maeve looked at her for a second before returning her attention to the road. “What? No! Olivia, you’re crazy! You’re a great captain! You’ve grown up and become a leader. You should see Elaine sometimes. She’s so proud of you, Ollie. We all are. There’s no one else any of us would rather have as captain.”
Olivia managed a fake smile, but it quickly faltered as Imogen’s words returned to her. Imogen did have a point - she couldn’t control Maeve at all. And she was hiding a big secret from her team. They both were. Maybe it was better if the secret didn’t exist at all. If they never created it. It would be less pain.
“Ignore Imogen,” Maeve suggested. “She’s a piece of shit that--”
“Maeve!” Olivia scolded, glaring at her. Even if she was mad at Imogen, she didn’t want her best friend talking about her girlfriend like that. “Let’s drop it now, okay?”
Maeve sensed Olivia’s anger and nodded slowly. “Okay.”
Imogen finally reached her house feeling a little more calm but still heated for the most part. She had expected a text from Olivia by that point but no such text had come. She decided to take matters into her own hands as she searched her deep pockets for her phone.
You know it’s true...Thenard just needs to shut up
Olivia stared at her phone for a long moment, Maeve and Kerrie were busy indulging themselves in Chinese take out they’d ordered. She bit the inside of her cheek. Of course Imogen was right, but she wasn’t about to agree with her. Maeve was one of her best friends, it wasn’t right. Slowly, she typed back a response.
Imogen, we need to talk about this. In person.
Imogen knew the conversation wouldn’t be pretty. She needed answers though before she attempted to fix whatever was broken between her and Olivia.
Sometimes you have to let things get out of your control Olivia..it’ll do you and us good.
Imogen hit send being fully honest with the girl.
Olivia read the message and clenched her jaw. She knew Imogen was telling the truth, but she wasn’t even sure what was “good” for her and Imogen. Was there any good for them?
I’ll see you tomorrow Imogen. I’ll come over.
Imogen stared down at the message. She was tense all over. She threw the nearest pillow to the wall as hard as she could in frustration and rolled over digging her head underneath the remaining pillows.
The next day Imogen found herself in the same position she was in before she fell asleep. She lifted her head up from under the pillow to the bright light of the sun shining through her window. She squinted her eyes and blinked slowly as she adjusted to the lightness. She yawned and stretched her arms above her head as she checked the time on her phone. It was 10:30 in the morning, she had gotten over nine hours of sleep yet still felt exhausted from the previous night’s fight. She slowly made her way to the bathroom to wash her face.
On the second splash of water she heard the doorbell ring. She looked at herself in the mirror before making her way downstairs. The scar on her face from Maeve’s punch had finally healed but was still noticeable. She threw her hood up as she opened the door to a tired looking Olivia.
“Hi,” Olivia said quietly.
She’d hardly gotten any sleep last night. After Maeve and Kerrie had gone home, she stayed up in her bed trying to make sense of everything. There had to be some logical way to fix this besides telling everyone the truth. She loved Imogen and she wanted to make it work more than anything, but she wasn’t sure if this love was worth all the snarky comments and false fronts they had to put up when they were around other people.
Imogen remained silent as she stood aside to let Olivia in. She made her way to the living room where she sat in a chair for one and Olivia sat on the couch. Awkwardness settled in the air as Imogen remained quiet and kept her eyes on anything but Olivia.
The forward knew she had to speak or else they’d sit in silence forever. “Imogen, this is a mess.”
Imogen finally looked over to the girl’s fidgety hands and finally to her honest eyes.
“It is a mess...a mess I-you- we chose…. a mess we chose.” She repeated as if fault was to be put on themselves and themselves only.
Olivia nodded slowly, understanding Imogen completely without having to ask for clarification. After thinking for hours, she had come to a decision. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”
“You see, the situation gets a little bit out of your control and then you’re calling it quits!” Imogen said as her voice started to rise again as if she never came down from last night.
“I’m not calling it quits!” Olivia argued, crossing her arms. “And ‘a little bit out of my control’? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You are calling it quits, and you know exactly what that means…” Imogen stated as she looked back at the girl who looked just as vulnerable as she felt in that moment. “If we lost and you won, things would be ..different.”
“You’re being ridiculous,” Olivia shook her head, not wanting to hear anymore of where Imogen’s words were going. “I’m not...no. Just listen to me for a second,” she requested. “I’m not calling it quits, Imogen. I love you, and I need you to know that, but I’m so tired of the fighting. I’m so tired of the hostility. And I’m tired of you saying things you may or may not actually mean when we’re put in those situations.”
Imogen grew quiet again after Olivia’s statement. It was the first time she had heard her say that she loved her. She never imagined it would be under such circumstances.
She let out a frustrated sigh “So what are you saying Olivia? What now?” Imogen asked.
The striker bit her lip, looking down for a moment. She didn’t want it to come to this, but she had no other choice. Slowly, she lifted her head and met Imogen’s soft brown eyes. “It’s time to choose Imogen. We can’t keep this rivalry up forever and deep down you know that. It’s either us or the rivalry. I already know what I’m going to pick.”
Imogen knew this moment was going to come sooner or later, she had just hoped she would know the answer by the time it did. She loved Olivia, she did. She hated the rivalry, always had. The decision seemed easy enough. She could’ve told Olivia right then and there that she loved her, and it wasn’t even a question as to what she would choose. But things were more complicated than that. It was more than just ‘Olivia or the rivalry’. It was risking her friendships, her title as captain, her life as she had known it up till then. Imogen had always been an honest person and she knew she had to be especially honest with herself now.
Was staying with Olivia best for her? Or was breaking things off for the best? Her mind was racing as she blankly stared at Olivia. A slow sadness crept onto the striker’s face as Imogen remained speechless.
Say something, Imogen.. she said to herself as she watched Olivia get up and head towards the door, a silent tear running down the girl’
s face.
The first three seconds after Olivia finished speaking, she knew this wasn’t going to be decided then and there. She’d initially had hope that Imogen would be able to give her answer without hesitation, but she didn’t and it scared Olivia. She was putting everything on the line for the girl in front of her, but it seemed like Imogen wasn’t ready to do the same for her. She knew this wasn’t an easy decision, but for Olivia it was time that everyone got over the rivalry. She was well aware of the consequences that would ensue if Imogen picked her. She could’ve gotten through them with Imogen by her side. But Imogen seemed to be slowly slipping away from her the longer she didn’t speak.
Knowing no answer would come, she stood. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she walked past Imogen to the door. She wanted to tell her she’d wait, that she’d be patient until Imogen gave her an answer, but none of those words came out. Instead, all she said as she reached the door was a closing.
It was like slow motion as Imogen breathed in Olivia’s light perfume one last time. The girl’s light brown hair fell perfectly over her shoulders as she walked away. She still couldn’t manage to say anything but Olivia did. It was all Imogen heard and it was everything she didn’t want to hear.
"Goodbye Imogen."
There was no response.
CHAPTER 12
Olivia was solely running on the small amounts of food she had claimed were meals, coffee and Gatorade. She hadn’t heard from Imogen in three days and had no idea if the girl had made up her mind or not. It was worse than not seeing her girlfriend at all last week because this time there was no promise of still being together when it was all over. It was either yes or no.
Her classes seemed ten times longer as each day passed, but anything that happened in them was a complete blur. Practices were difficult to get through, her performance slipping. Olivia had never hit a point this low. She didn’t even know it was possible. But there she was because she wasn’t sure if she still had a girlfriend.
