by Jasmine Walt
“Er, sorry.” I scratched the back of my head and gave her a sheepish smile. “I was, ah, simply wondering what was taking our food so long.”
“Well, you can stop banging on the table now,” she said frostily as the waitress showed up. “It’s here.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I muttered, ducking my head and focusing on my food. Christ, I was acting like a whipped dog! How did the tables turn so fast that I was suddenly in the wrong, even though I’d taken the high road last night? I’d done the gentlemanly thing and kept my hands off her even though my shaft had stood up and begged me to do otherwise. And I’d done it so I could ensure she remained protected. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. This wasn’t right, the way the lass was treating me. Not after all I’d done for her.
“Arabella,” I growled, and she paused with her fork midway to her mouth. Those golden eyes widened at the anger simmering in my voice. “I ken that yer upset with me, but we cannae go on like this. Ye need to hear me out, to let me explain my reasons for last night.”
“I already know your reasons—”
“No.” I cut her off, pitching my voice low so that the other patrons couldn’t hear. “No, ye dinnae ken why I did what I did. Walking away from ye was one of the hardest things I’d ever done in my life, but I did it because it’s the only way to keep ye safe.”
Her eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”
I breathed in deep, thankful that she seemed to be listening. “Gaia’s visions are finicky. As I said to ye before, she bestows them rarely, and ’tis said that when a Druid—”
“Belle!” a female voice exclaimed before I had a chance to finish. After exchanging a startled glance, we both looked up to see that a slim redhead in a leather jacket and jeans had stopped by our booth. Her top was low cut, and my mouth dropped open at the sight of silver wings branded across her collarbone. A Sentinel. “You’re supposed to be dead!”
15
Arabella
“Lass! Lass, are ye there?”
I blinked at the sound of Brodie’s concerned voice, then jumped. Sitting next to him was the redheaded Sentinel—the one who’d been standing next to our booth just a second ago…
“Shit,” I groaned, pressing a hand to my temple. “I had another seizure, didn’t I?”
“Does that happen a lot?” the woman demanded, leaning forward. She had intense blue eyes, the color of the Caribbean Sea, and sharply elegant features. Her full mouth was pressed into a thin line as she studied me with a laser-like gaze, and I felt a strong urge to squirm in my seat like a naughty child. “What the hell has happened to you, Bells? Why are you looking at me like you don’t know me?”
“Because she doesna know you,” Brodie said tersely, his own features set into rigid lines of disapproval. I noticed for the first time that his broad shoulders were smashed up against the side of the booth, as if he couldn’t sit far enough away from the woman. “And I dinnae either, so an introduction would be nice.”
The redhead shot him a withering look. “My name is Jax Brennan, and I’m Arabella’s best friend. Who are you?”
“Brodie MacTaggert, Druid extraordinaire and the lass’s protector.” His brilliant eyes narrowed. “And ye’ll excuse me if I dinnae take yer word that yer her best friend.”
“Whoa, whoa.” I held up one hand, then used the other to pinch the bridge of my nose—my head was starting to hurt. “Let’s slow down a minute here. How do you know me?”
“We were partners, Belle.” Those intense blue eyes filled with worry as they returned to my face. “We trained at the academy together, and we were partnered up the moment we were assigned to the LA Watchtower. We were wing mates for seven years, Arabella. How could you forget that?” A hurt look crossed her face, and my insides twisted with guilt.
“I’m sorry.” I shook my head, as if that might help dislodge the memories that seemed to be hiding from me. “I don’t remember anything about my life as a Sentinel. I didn’t even know that I was one until a few days ago.”
“How could you not know?” she demanded, her gaze switching to my chest. The edges of my angel wings peeked out from beneath the neckline of my blouse, and I resisted the urge to cover it. It wasn’t an unsightly birthmark now—it was a badge of honor. Or so I figured, anyway. “You have your brand, which means you have your powers. Why would you think you were anything other than a Sentinel?”
“I don’t know.” I growled, frustration simmering in my veins. For Christ’s sake, I’d only just gotten my powers back the other night! “And I’d really like it if you could stop looking at me as if I just killed your cat or something. This isn’t my fault.”
“Sorry.” To her credit, Jax looked contrite. “It’s just… you’re supposed to be dead. We buried you. And we were tight, you and me, so I don’t understand why you wouldn’t have told me you were alive.”
“I really don’t know,” I said. “Maybe I couldn’t. If you really were my best friend, I don’t think I would have willfully let you think I was dead.”
Unless it was to keep you safe, a voice in the back of my mind whispered, and I paused. Would knowledge of my survival have put her in danger? Would it put all the Sentinels in danger if I returned to the Watchtower? How would they react when I showed up, if they all thought I was supposed to be dead?
“How did I die?” I asked, starting with what I figured was the most important question of all.
“Your fiancée killed you. Lucas,” she added at my nonplussed look, and my face went cold. “The bastard was trying to get you to give up the Infinity Key, and when you wouldn’t, he ended your life. Or so we were told.” Her eyes narrowed. “I’d like to know what the hell really happened that day, since, apparently, that was all a lie.”
“You and me both,” I agreed fervently. The headache at my temples grew worse, and I wished I had an aspirin handy. “I… I just don’t understand him. The last time I saw him, he said that he loved me, and that the two of us were going to be together again. Why would he say that after he tried to kill me?”
Jax’s face paled. “Wait, you saw Lucas? When? How?”
“He sent some demon-possessed thugs to kidnap me, and they brought me to some weird warehouse.” I gave her a brief rundown of what had transpired. Part of me wondered if I should be telling her any of this, but she was a Sentinel, and she seemed to know more about me than I did. Besides… I’d had another seizure when I’d first seen her. Judging by the pattern, that probably meant she was connected to me somehow. Every time I’d had a seizure in the past few days, it was because of something related to my past, or my identity as a Sentinel. Somehow, my illness was wrapped up in all of this. I was sure of it.
“So this motherless spawn used to be the lass’s intended?” Brodie demanded. He looked absolutely outraged at the very idea. I was tempted to tell him it was none of his business—after the way he’d treated me last night, he had no right to have feelings about my love life. But it wasn’t worth bickering over, and besides, I wasn’t so thrilled about the revelation that Lucas had been my fiancée, either.
“Who are you, anyway?” Jax asked, ignoring his question. “Druids and Sentinels don’t usually work together, so I don’t understand what your involvement in this is.”
“I’m here on Gaia’s orders,” Brodie growled. “She’s charged me with protecting the lass, specifically from this Lucas character.”
“It was very nice of your earth goddess to send one of her worshippers, but you can go now,” Jax said so dismissively that I almost laughed. “I’ve got it covered.”
“I’ll be doing no such thing!” Brodie thundered, drawing attention from the other patrons again.
“Guys, guys!” I hissed, making shushing motions with my hands. God, was I the only sane one in this room? That was a scary thought, considering I was missing so many of my memories. “I’m not getting rid of Brodie,” I said sternly. “He’s a pain in the ass sometimes, but he’s proven himself to me. I trust him with my life. No o
ffense, Jax, but I can’t say the same of you. I’d like to believe you’re my best friend, but the fact is, I don’t remember. Any memories I had from my Sentinel life are gone.”
Jax stared. “They must have wiped you,” she said, her voice rife with disbelief. “I’ve heard of it happening to Sentinels before, but it’s so rare. I don’t think it’s been done in a couple of hundred years.”
I swallowed as a bad feeling settled into my gut. “What do you mean, they ‘wiped’” me?”
Jax let out a harsh breath. “Wiping is something we do when a human accidentally learns too much about our world. It’s a specific spell that erases the memories and implants a command into the brain to fabricate new ones to take their place. Usually when we wipe a human, it only takes away a few hours’ worth of memories at the most. Sometimes days, in extreme cases. It all depends on how much they were exposed to.”
“We Druids do something similar,” Brodie said grudgingly. “It saves the humans from having to deal with traumatic experiences for the rest of their lives when no one would believe them.”
I nodded. “So you’re saying that this happened to me?”
“That’s the only explanation I can think of,” Jax said heavily. “We only wipe Sentinels if they’ve experienced extreme trauma that can’t be reversed, Bell. Mental trauma,” she explained when I frowned. “Lucas must have fucked up your mind if the council decided that the only way to deal with you was to wipe your memories and give you a new life.”
“So my memories are gone?” I asked, tears stinging at my eyes. “Not just buried, but actually gone?”
Jax nodded sadly. “Yeah. They’ve been wiped from your brain, and filled in with new ones. You probably have some neat explanations written in there as to why you don’t have any family or friends. And those seizures you’re experiencing… well, I’ve never heard of that because we don’t monitor those that we wipe, but if I were to guess, I’d say they’re triggered whenever you run into something from your past.”
“Yeah.” An epiphany struck me, and my jaw dropped. “It’s like when you see something or someone that reminds you of your past… but when your mind searches for the memory, there’s nothing there.” Relief crashed through me, so potent and sweet that I nearly sagged. God, that had to be it! So simple! And yet…
“Jesus,” I muttered as despair engulfed me. “This means my seizures will never go away, will they? As long as my memories are missing, the seizures will keep happening.” My throat swelled with unshed tears. Would I ever catch a fucking break? Every time I thought I was getting closer, it turned out that my dream was just as far out of reach as it had been before. No, maybe even farther. Because there was no cure for this. I would have to give up hope that I’d ever be well again.
“Bells.” Jax reached for my hand, compassion softening those intense blue eyes. “Please, don’t be sad. There’s a way around this.”
“How?” I blinked fast, holding back the tears. “How is there a way? Can you give me my memories back?”
“No. But I can give you the next best thing.”
16
Arabella
“I dinnae like this, lass,” Brodie grumbled as we followed Jax back to her hotel room. She was riding ahead of us in a sporty little Hyundai Genesis—a rental, she’d said. She hadn’t felt like taking her motorcycle all the way up to Bakersfield to handle the demonic possession she’d been sent out to deal with, she’d told me, as if such a thing were all in a day’s work for her.
I guess it is, I thought to myself. Apparently, it used to be for me, too.
“I get it,” I said, trying not to let my exasperation show. “But I need answers, Brodie. No offense, but Jax has offered me what could be the first real solution to my epilepsy, and I’m not going to let it slip away just because it hurts your male pride.”
“My pride?” Brodie scoffed as if the idea were ridiculous, but his cheeks colored ever so slightly, telling me that I’d hit my mark. “This isn’t about pride, lass. This is about my concern for yer safety.”
“And what about this is unsafe?” I demanded, twisting in my seat to face him. “She’s a Sentinel, isn’t she? That means she’s on our side.”
“No, it means she’s on her side,” Brodie argued, his knuckles growing white against the steering wheel. “I’m not a Sentinel, remember? I’m a Druid, and an outcast one at that. I belong to no clan, and if I’m honest, I’m not sure I ever want to. If yer friend is right, yer own kin tossed ye out into the cold and stripped yer memories. What good are they?” he demanded.
His words sent an ice pick of agony through my chest. Sucking in a breath, I gripped the armrests of my seat tightly and fought for composure. But his point hit home, and I found myself blinking back tears. Why had my fellow Sentinels abandoned me? Was I really so completely traumatized by whatever Lucas had done that casting me out had been the only option? It didn’t seem right that they’d wiped and then just completely forgotten about me. I wasn’t sure if my parents were even dead like I always thought. If they were still alive, did they know the truth about what happened to me? I wondered if my trust fund had been set up by them.
“Oh, lass.” Brodie slid a thumb across my cheek, wiping a tear I hadn’t realized was there. “Dinnae cry, please. ’Twas not my intention to upset ye so. I’m just trying to look out for ye.”
“I know.” My lower lip trembled, and I sniffed back tears. God, it seemed like the past few days had reduced me to a crybaby. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried so much. I prided myself on being tough, on keeping my chin up and my eye on the prize. But the last few days had ripped the roots of everything I thought I’d known out of the ground and tossed them into the swirling storm around me. I needed to find my center again. I needed to ground myself.
“Look, Brodie,” I said, gently removing his hand from my face. I wanted to hold it tight, to cling to the comfort and strength it offered like a lifeline, but he’d made his feelings about me crystal clear. I set his hand on the gearshift, then cleared my throat. “I appreciate everything you’ve done, but it’s time for me to start making some decisions. This is my future we’re talking about, and I can’t face it without knowing something about my past. Jax is my only option, and you know it.”
Brodie sighed. “I ken, lass. I do. It’s just hard for me to trust her.”
I smiled. “Then trust me, all right? This is a two-way street. If you want me to put my faith in you, then you’ve got to do the same for me. I’m not some damsel in distress, you know.” I stuck out my tongue.
Brodie laughed. “No, yer not,” he agreed, shaking his head. “Ye’ve got far too much fire in that bonny heart of yours to be anything but a warrior.”
“So how does this work?” I asked Jax as we settled onto the bed. The two of us sat cross-legged in the middle of the full-sized mattress, while Brodie leaned against the wall behind Jax. I knew he was trying not to glower, but his normally easygoing face was set into harsh lines, and he was close enough that he could reach out and snap Jax’s neck if he thought the situation warranted it.
I really hoped we didn’t get to that point.
“It’s pretty straightforward, actually,” Jax said. She held out her hands, palms up. “We join hands, and I let you into my head. Usually there’s a little more to it than that, but since you and I had such a close bond—” her voice tightened briefly, and I wondered if she was still resentful that she’d been left out of the loop about my death, “—there’s no need for additional fanfare. Our friendship should be enough to spark the connection.”
“Okay.” I placed my hands in hers, then met Brodie’s eyes over the top of her head. “It’s okay. You don’t need to look at me as if I’m going off to war.”
“Aye.” Brodie cracked a smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. I didn’t see why this bothered him so much. “I have every confidence in ye, lass. Go forth and conquer.”
I rolled my eyes at his theatrics, but a smile twitched at my lips all
the same. Satisfied that he wasn’t going to freak out on me, I locked eyes with Jax. “All right, now what?”
“Close your eyes and relax.”
I did as she said, letting my shoulders drop and my muscles loosen as much as I could while remaining upright. “Just take deep breaths,” she said, her voice low and soothing. “Let the energy flow through you.”
Was that a Star Wars pun? I wondered, and I almost asked before I remembered I was supposed to be focusing. Pushing the thought out of my mind, I took deep, calming breaths, in through my nose and out through my mouth. In. Out. In. Out.
I expected to feel some sort of gradual trickle of power. But it hit me like a tidal wave—a rush of energy that shot straight from Jax’s body into mine. I gasped as images began to flit through my head—images of me. I was a little girl, running through a courtyard surrounded by walls that towered above me. There were more children darting around as well, playing tag or engaging in mock sword fights, all wearing school uniforms with hunter green and black, with the celestial brand stamped onto the breast like a logo. Knowledge soaked into me along with the memory—this was the academy Lucas had mentioned. Where Watchers sent their children to train as Sentinels.
The scene vanished, replaced by another, and then another. I watched myself grow up, through Jax’s eyes. We’d been raised together, she and I—not the closest of friends in the beginning, but female Sentinels were rare, and we both lived in the Los Angeles area, so our families knew each other. My throat tightened with tears as I watched us play outside in the front yard of a grand-looking house. Just beyond my shoulder, sitting on the porch, was my mother, sitting in a wicker chair and reading a book. She was just as beautiful as I’d remembered, wearing a rose-colored dress, her dark hair up in a bun, and faint laugh lines on her otherwise smooth, tanned face. A smile tugged at her lips as she glanced toward us, and my chest ached with longing. I missed that smile more than words could describe. But Jax’s memories told me she was alive, at least as far as she knew. My mother wasn’t a Sentinel—she was just a loving mother, steel tempered by sunshine, and one of the wisest women I’d ever known.
