She’d been so pleased he’d decided to bring Lily Grace to see her. A twinkle in his liquid brown eyes, he’d introduced his daughter to his ‘special friend’. He’d seemed so genuinely happy, like a big kid himself, his mouth curving into its gorgeous smile as he’d looked from her to Lily-Grace, who would steal any man’s heart in an instant.
He’d brushed her cheek with a kiss as he’d left, any too-intimate gestures out of the question with her dad looking on. She couldn’t have mentioned anything, not then. It would have been so unfair, giving him her news like a thunderbolt out of the blue. She needed to see him on his own. Oh, how she needed to see him on his own, to look into Adam’s eyes; to see him when she told him. Have him hold her, touch her; bring her to such sweet heights of …
‘He obviously does,’ her dad observed, alarmingly telepathically as he came back into the kitchen.
What? Sienna gulped and immediately censored all thoughts.
‘He looks like he’s quite serious about it.’ Her dad nodded through the window, to where Adam, now kitted out in his vest and track bottoms, leapt athletically over his handrail and set off at a jog.
God, but he was beautiful. He’d be all sweaty when he got back. Sienna closed her eyes, her tongue involuntarily trailing over her lips. ‘Like I said, he’s very fit,’ she squeaked, heading to the stairs to shower, which she doubted would help wash away her lustful thoughts.
‘Think I’ll go with him,’ her dad said behind her.
Oh, no. Was he really going to shadow Adam everywhere? Sienna turned worriedly back.
‘I was going for a run anyway.’
‘Oh, right.’ Sienna nodded as her dad bent to tie the laces of his trainers. Looked like there wasn’t much she could do to dissuade him. ‘Well, I’m sure Adam will be glad of the company.’
Not. Oh, dear. Watching her dad leaving, she immediately texted Adam, wanting to warn him her dad was on his tail as well as his back.
Are you OK? She typed and pressed send.
Excellent. Adam pinged back. Are you sexting me – hopefully?
I need to see you. He immediately texted again, as Sienna was typing in her ‘dad alert’.
Sienna backspaced. Why? She sent apprehensively instead.
2 talk 2 u. Adam sent back.
About? Sienna thumbed worriedly back.
Phoning u. Male. Rubbish at multitasking.
Oh God. To say what? Sienna immediately went into worry overdrive. That he was fed up probably. He’d slept with her twice, and now he had to answer to her father regarding his every move? He was a grown man, for goodness sake, with a child. Yes, and he had another child on the way. She steeled herself to tell him so. He loved her. It was obvious he loved Lily-Grace. He would love this child, want to be part of its life, she was sure.
Hurry up. Sienna jiggled, waiting for him to phone. Her dad was fast. She wanted to give Adam fair warning he was about to be ambushed, but most of all she desperately wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice, to feel reassured. She always did when she saw him. Spoke to him. Saw the undisguised longing in his lustful dark eyes. Impatient, she was selecting his number, when her phone rang. Adam’s tone, thank goodness.
He didn’t wait for her to speak. ‘Why me, Sienna?’ he asked outright.
‘What?’ Sienna said, feeling not at all reassured.
‘Why me? Why did you sleep with me, without knowing me? Why did you ask me?’
Sienna’s tummy flopped down to her toes. ‘Because …’ she faltered ‘… I liked you.’
‘How?’ Adam sounded confused, short even. ‘How could you like me? You didn’t know me.’
‘I did,’ Sienna protested, feeling very confused. ‘We’d talked. I didn’t just knock on your door and ask you—’
‘But you’d already made up your mind.’
It was a statement, not a question. Why was he doing this – Sienna’s eyes filled up – being so blunt? Making her feel like a complete tart? Like she’d thrown herself at him? Because she bloody well had. She swiped at a stupid tear on her cheek. And now she was pregnant. And he was going to hate her. He was bound to think that she’d set out to trap him.
‘I hadn’t made up my mind, actually,’ she said, trying to sound calmer than she felt. ‘I’d thought about … fantasised about you, yes, because I did fancy you and, let’s face it, you weren’t exactly shy, flaunting yourself all over the show.’
‘Flaunting myself?’ Adam laughed.
‘Yes, flaunting your far too tempting torso and your far too distracting shorts. It’s bound to fuel a girl’s fantasy, isn’t it, when—’
‘She fancies me,’ Adam finished, chuckling merrily.
Now she felt silly. Sienna debated whether to hang up. Apart from the fact that he was totally embarrassing her, if he was cross-questioning her now, hinting she’d coerced him, then he’d obviously be less than delighted when she presented him with the consequences of their sexual exploits. ‘I have to go,’ she said. ‘Tobias needs his—’
‘No, don’t,’ Adam said quickly. ‘Don’t go, Sienna, please. Look, I’m sorry. It’s just that I can’t seem to get you on your own, and I needed to know. It was your first time. What the hell did you see in me?’
‘I told you, I fancied you. And, once you’d decided to stop being obnoxious and we talked, I realised I liked you. I felt I could trust you and …’ Sienna stopped, hesitant to impart information that would make her look completely foolish.
‘And?’ Adam coaxed her.
Sienna drew in a breath and scrunched her eyes closed. ‘And I wanted to find out if there was something wrong with me.’
Adam paused. ‘Wrong with you?’ He laughed again, incredulously.
‘I thought someone experienced might know.’
‘Know what, Sienna?’ Adam asked gently.
He waited.
Sienna hesitated.
‘Whether I was frigid!’ she blurted.
‘What?’
Adam slowed his jog to a walk. ‘Why the bloody hell would you think—’
‘Because my last boyfriend told me I was, before he tried to …’ He heard her catch a sob in her throat. ‘I have to go, Adam.’
Before he …? It didn’t take a genius to work out what he’d tried to. ‘Bastard!’ Adam ground to a halt, his jaw clenching.
‘I have to go,’ Sienna repeated, tearfully. ‘I’ll talk to you—’
‘Sienna, there is nothing wrong with you!’ Adam said angrily. ‘For God’s sake, Sienna, you blew me away. You’re the most beautiful, sensual, sexual woman I’ve ever met.’ He stopped talking, panic gripping him as he wondered whether she’d ended the call.
‘Sienna?’
She didn’t speak. He heard her sniffle, though. She was crying. That was down to him. Again! Dammit! He ran a hand furiously through his hair. ‘I fancied you the second I set eyes on you, Sienna,’ he told her, wanting her to know, wanting her to realise how utterly desirable she was. ‘I mean fancied you in a way I really didn’t think I could cope with. I tried to tell myself I didn’t. That’s why I avoided speaking to you, why I was being so obnoxious that day at the marina, because I felt destabilised, out of my depth. I wanted to make love to you more than I had any woman. I enjoyed making love with you more than I have any woman – and when I did, I realised I was in love with you. Does that answer your question?’
‘Um …?’ Sienna emitted a strangulated laugh.
‘That’s better.’ Adam breathed, relieved, and made a mental note to try to find out where the little shit who’d dared lay a finger on her without invitation lived. ‘Do you know what I’d like to do to you, right now? What I’d give to be there with you?’
‘I’m all ears,’ David Meadows said, behind him.
‘Jesus Christ!’ Adam almost died on the spot.
‘No, just me,’ the man assured him, catching up. ‘Anyone interesting?’ He nodded at Adam’s phone.
‘Sienna,’ Adam supplied, with a roll of his eyes.
&nb
sp; Meadows turned to squint mistrustfully at him.
Adam went back to the phone. ‘Your dad says to say hello,’ he said, and then held the phone in Meadows’ direction.
‘Don’t break his legs,’ Sienna shouted down the phone. ‘He needs them for running on.’
Meadows’ mouth tugged briefly up at one corner. ‘He has a temporary reprieve, Sienna,’ he called back. ‘Very temporary,’ he added, more quietly, as Adam pressed the phone back to his own ear.
‘Talk later,’ he assured Sienna, ‘okay?’
‘Sorry,’ she said sheepishly. ‘He insisted.’
‘No problem,’ Adam replied.
‘Liar.’ Sienna laughed. ‘I love you, Adam Hamilton-Shaw, do you know that?’
Adam smiled. ‘Ditto,’ he said, then, glancing sideways at her dad, added, ‘More than words could ever say.’
Meadows didn’t comment once Adam had ended the call. He just set off at a jog, beckoning Adam to do the same. ‘If you’re going to talk dirty to my daughter,’ he said, when Adam caught up, ‘it’s probably better to do it in private.’
‘I, er … ’ thought I was in private, Adam was going to say. ‘Sorry,’ he said instead.
Meadows nodded, and went quiet.
‘You’re going to have to run faster than this, if you’re going to outrun me, Adam,’ he said, after a pause.
‘I’m not trying to outrun you,’ Adam assured him, keeping his eyes fixed forwards and concentrating his efforts on driving through the balls of his feet.
‘Glad to hear it,’ Meadows said, matching his footfalls.
He hadn’t warmed up, Adam reminded himself. Aching muscles and dodgy chest in mind, he should make sure to stick to his run/walk programme. This guy was a marathon runner, he also reminded himself, a determined man, who’d given him two weeks to prove himself. Adam decided to keep going.
‘I’m pleased the visit with the child went well,’ Meadows said, after another lengthy pause.
‘Me too,’ Adam said, not bothering to hide his smile.
Meadows nodded. ‘Will you continue to see her?’
‘I intend to, yes.’ Adam guessed that information wouldn’t hurt.
‘Not knowing whether she is actually yours?’
‘That’s right.’ Adam could feel the burn through his thigh muscles. He kept running.
‘No paternity test?’ Meadows glanced sideways at him.
‘No point.’ Adam kept his eyes front. ‘She’s family. I love her.’
‘Will you try for custody?’
He didn’t give up easily, did he? ‘I don’t intend to do anything that might be detrimental to Lily-Grace’s welfare.’ Adam maintained a steady pace. ‘Certainly not without full discussion with Nicole and her husband. They were there for her when I wasn’t. They’ve loved her, fed her, nurtured her.’ He shrugged and kept running.
Meadows matched him, pace for pace. ‘Commendable,’ he said.
‘You reckon?’ Adam smiled wryly. Commendable would have been acknowledging her existence before now, he personally thought.
‘Are you still in touch with your family?’ Meadows asked, after a short silence.
Adam’s stride faltered. ‘No.’ He tugged in a sharp breath and hoped the man wouldn’t pursue it.
‘Your parents didn’t condone what your brother did, though?’ Meadows ventured, obviously determined to pursue it. For Sienna’s sake, Adam knew, and resisted telling him he’d rather not ‘share’ any more personal stuff.
‘On the contrary.’ He laughed scornfully. ‘My father probably gave him a pat on the back and bought him a new car.’
Meadows glanced curiously at him.
‘Chip off the old block,’ Adam offered, hoping that piece of information might give the guy pause to ponder and leave it alone.
‘Not like you, then?’
Fell into that, didn’t he? Adam sighed, knowing there was no right answer. Telling Meadows his brother’s only interest in women was notching them up on his bedpost made him exactly like him, he supposed.
‘Your father’s well off then, I take it?’ The enquiry was casual, but Adam suspected Meadows was hoping he had at least one redeeming feature, for example a family fortune behind him.
‘Yep.’ Adam ran on. ‘Owns half of Worcestershire; land, property,’ he elaborated only as much as he needed to. ‘And, just so you know, I’d rather starve than touch a penny of his money.’
Meadows fell silent then, but not for long. ‘Your mother?’ he asked, intent on opening up the whole ugly can of worms.
Adam understood why, but he dearly wished he wouldn’t. ‘She left, years before,’ he imparted, reluctantly. His gut twisted every time he remembered her walking out of the door. Aged fifteen, he’d seen enough, understood enough to know why she was going. It didn’t hurt any less, though.
Meadows nodded. ‘Did you blame her?’
‘Nope.’ Adam dragged his forearm across his brow, feeling now very hot and clammy. ‘The only thing I blamed her for was not taking me with her.’
‘Do you see her?’
‘Nope,’ Adam said, tightly again. ‘She didn’t keep in touch. With her oldest son following in his father’s footsteps, assuming I’d be the same, I suppose she’d had enough.’
‘You blamed your dad for her leaving, though, I take it?’
Adam shrugged and focussed on his running. He really didn’t think he needed to answer that one.
Right by his side, Meadows’ step didn’t falter. ‘So you wouldn’t blame Sienna, then, if she walked away from a serial womaniser?’ He finally got to the point.
‘No,’ Adam said quietly. He wouldn’t, if she had cause, but he didn’t intend to give her that cause.
‘Tell me, Adam,’ Meadows went on, after another brief pause, ‘do you feel your fiancée let you down in the same way your mother did?’
‘What?’ Adam shook his head, no idea now what the man was talking about.
‘Well, you obviously felt you loved the girl if you were thinking about lifelong commitment.’
‘I did,’ Adam answered brusquely. Did the guy really need to go down this route? Again.
‘Is it possible you poured all the love unrequited by your mother into her, only to realise it wasn’t enough?’
Adam didn’t answer that. Psychiatrist? The man was a fruitcake.
‘I imagine you felt your mother had abandoned you. Your fiancée abandoning you, too, must have evoked old ghosts. Might that be part of the reason you reacted so badly, blaming yourself, as you probably did as a child, carrying the guilt? Why you haven’t been able to move on?’
Adam drew in a breath. ‘Maybe,’ he conceded, at length. He felt almost as if he was betraying Emily. ‘I never really thought about it that way.’
‘Did you seek professional help, Adam? You’ve obviously been struggling for some time.’
‘I did. It didn’t.’
Meadows nodded slowly. ‘It must have been extremely traumatising, finding her. Forgive my probing, but did she take tablets?’ The question was asked sympathetically, but still Adam felt like screaming at him to stop. He couldn’t say the words. Couldn’t bear the images in his head. He’d slipped trying to lift her out. His clothes had been soaked, a thin, stark red stain, seeping slowly through his clothes right down to his skin. Dear God … Adam squeezed his eyes closed … why wouldn’t the man let it drop?
‘Adam?’
‘No!’ Adam’s answer was short.
‘You’re angry,’ Meadows observed.
Adam was tempted to a facetious comment, but refrained, just. ‘Yes, I’m angry,’ he managed, more moderately.
‘With?’ Meadows just wouldn’t let up.
Adam focussed on the road ahead. ‘Me,’ he supplied, with a shrug. ‘If I’d reached out sooner, arrived earlier …’ He stopped, assuming the man could fill in the gaps.
‘When you sought this help, what conclusion did they come to?’ Meadows changed tack. ‘I assume they gave you a diagnosis?’
Adam sighed inside. He needed that information, he supposed, though he doubted it would do him any favours in the man’s eyes. ‘They told me I was suffering from depression related to post-traumatic stress disorder,’ he gave him what he wanted. So, now it was out there. His whole ugly past. He was a depressive, an alcohol abuser, a womaniser, a loser. Someone Meadows was probably considering couldn’t prove himself in two lifetimes, let alone two weeks.
They went on in merciful silence for a while, Adam hoping the guy had asked all he needed to. Apparently not. ‘This good hiding you took,’ Meadows started up again as they rounded a bend, ‘do you think it taught you a lesson?’
Good hiding? Adam almost laughed. ‘Did it make me see the error of my ways, you mean?’ He blew a trickle of perspiration from his eyelashes. ‘Honestly, no. I already knew the error of my ways, Mr Meadows. Falling in love with your daughter reminded me of that.’
Meadows fell silent again, thankfully. Adam used the time to try to moderate his breathing. He was definitely unfit and this guy was quite plainly fit. Crossing swords with him, Adam realised, would certainly be unwise.
‘I heard about the pub incident,’ Meadows continued, annoyingly.
Which one? Adam cast him a worried look sideways.
‘Wielding chains was pretty low.’
Adam’s jaw tensed. ‘Sienna should never have been involved,’ he grated, angrily.
‘No,’ Meadows agreed, glancing leisurely at him. ‘Right, inquisition over,’ he said suddenly.
Thank God for that, Adam thought, relieved.
‘Come on then, Adam, let’s see if we can push ourselves, shall we?’ Meadows notched up the pace. ‘Make sure next time you can leave the bastards standing.’
You have to be kidding? Adam’s eyes boggled as the guy took off ahead of him. Dammit, pushing him was about right. He’d be too stiff to walk, let alone run, in the morning. Determined to try to prove himself in any way he had to, particularly after what he’d just told him regarding his mental issues, Adam sighed and then sprinted after him. If the man was trying to commit the perfect murder, he thought, now feeling every step through his limbs, death by jogging was probably it.
The Rest of My Life Page 24
