by I. A. Dice
“Again,” he murmured, painfully gentle and lusciously demanding.
A mixture of plea and promise played in his voice, but my body took it as an order.
I clung to him as another powerful orgasm introduced black spots in front of my eyes. Thomas pushed me back until I laid flat on the mattress again. He eased himself inside me, sealing my mouth with a kiss. It didn’t hold my moans at bay. He thrusted in and out hard, prolonging the sensation once more.
“You’ll ruin me,” he whispered, pushing in one last time before his body tensed when an orgasm hit him.
I held him as close as my feeble limbs allowed, kissing his neck and jaw until his grip on me loosened. My hands were shaking, my body felt fragile and drained, but I was more fulfilled than ever.
Thomas moved away, rubbed his face, then rested on his elbow to get a better look at me. “I never should have touched you.”
There was no regret in his voice. On the contrary, he looked content.
A dreamy smile spread across my face. “No, you shouldn’t have, but I’m glad you did.”
“So am I, baby doll.”
“And don’t worry. Nick will never know.”
He remained silent for a moment, and then, without a word, he scrambled out of bed, and locked himself in the bathroom.
I shut my eyes, re-living the intimate moments. It was a much different experience to what Adrian had me used to. He was a romantic soul—dimmed lights, candles, and music.
Thomas was like a hurricane--intense, eager, and passionate. He took me as if I were his to take, as if he couldn’t get enough. It was different, new and exciting, and I wanted more: more of him and more of his strength.
The air smelled of sex, betraying what the walls had witnessed. My knees remained weak as did the rest of my body, but my breathing returned to normal. Black, silk bedsheets covered the left side of my exhausted, fragile body.
A small clock on the mirrored bedside table read twenty past four in the morning. Apart from the blue electronic digits, moonlight sneaking in through an open window was the only source of light in the room.
I ordered a taxi and got dressed. I considered waiting for Thomas to say goodnight, but he was taking too long, and I was close to falling asleep. I simply left.
CHAPTER 6
THOMAS
All over her
I wasn’t ready to lose my shit like that. Not now and not ever. When Nadia was within my reach, my brain short-circuited. She was a magnetic field jinxing my wiring, and even worse, knowing I was the only person whose touch didn’t send her into an anxious frenzy. Her hands didn’t tremble when I held her; her eyes didn’t show signs of fear when I kissed her.
All I saw in her dark irises was perfect calmness. And it must have been what drew me to her the most—the knowledge that she trusted me more than anyone else, that she wasn’t afraid of me.
Instead of lying in bed with the only girl I wanted to just lie in bed with, I remained locked in the bathroom, standing under a stream of ice-fucking-cold water.
Nadia wreaked havoc in my currently missing brain. To say it confused me would have been the understatement of the year, but since we were sleeping together, I wasn’t as worried as I should have been.
Time was the answer. The more time we were to spend together, the faster I would get used to the effect she had on me, and the sooner I would riddle out her behaviour. I knew that apart from grief, there was something else tormenting her. I was certain that her ex was the reason.
I had spent the last three years stripping my life of meaning. It was the only way I could think of to fix the mistake fate had made. While I didn’t plan to flush my resolutions down the drain, I discovered a new part of me which wanted to see where this was going. After all, the blooming obsession could simply be a temporary indisposition.
I draped a towel over my hips and returned to the bedroom, ready to crash. The clock on the nightstand showed four fifty-five, and the sky outside, painted by the sunrise, turned blood-orange.
For the first few minutes I laid in bed certain that Nadia was using the master bathroom. The balcony doors were open, letting cool air into the room. The ruffling of the curtains moved by the wind was the only sound in the house.
For another minute I listened closer, trying to make out other sounds, but all I heard was my breathing. I flicked the lights on and walked out to the landing. The door to the master bathroom stood open, and the room was empty. I checked every room upstairs, and then made my way downstairs. She wasn’t there either.
She left. She used me and left.
How fucking rude?
I almost burst out laughing before realising it wasn’t funny. I was losing my shit over that girl and she one-night-standed me.
Truth be told, I had it coming for a while.
Still, how fucking rude? And how fucking insane that it made me want her even more?
If it weren’t for Nadia living under the same roof as Nick, I would have gone after her. She had to know I wasn’t looking for one night, at least not with her.
Was I being needy, or what?
Yes, yes, I was, but I was also too tired to sit around and wonder how to go about this speed bump. It wasn’t like her disappearance changed anything. I couldn’t blame her for walking after all she must have heard from Amelia. The playboy tag she must have pinned to me was a perfect fit until today.
One day. It took Nadia one day to own my ass.
Now I had to tell her this wasn’t the first and last night we would spend together.
***
Due to Amelia’s severe hangover, I had to fill in for Nick at the office on Saturday morning while he stayed at home to nurse his fiancée back to health. He had a meeting scheduled with the manager of our brightest star—Aaron James.
The guy was a golden goose. We signed him two months after setting up the label, and ever since all his singles had topped the charts, and both of his albums had won Grammy’s.
I dragged my ass out of bed and spent the morning and a better part of the afternoon in the office. Gareth, Aaron’s manager, left the meeting pissed off sometime around lunchtime. I refused ninety percent of his idiotic requests. He was bound to call Nick and get him to reconsider, but that one thing about our partnership worked well—if I said no, he backed me up and vice versa.
Gareth was just unlucky that Nick had to stay home. If he would have dealt with Nick first, he would have left the meeting in a much better mood. Nick was softer than me, and he cared more than I did.
At four p.m. I made my way over to Nick’s house. I had a lame excuse for my visit at the ready in case they asked. Admitting that I wanted to see Nadia was equivalent to suicide, and it so wasn’t a good day to die.
Scorpio rang when I was halfway there.
“Morning sunshine, how’s your day going? Fancy a pint or ten later?”
“Morning? More like evening. I’m on my way to see Nick, but–”
“You mean Nadia. Fuck me, mate, you got it bad.”
“But I can drop by yours later.”
“Yeah. Do that. Jane’s at her mother’s and won’t be back until tomorrow. I would tell you to drag Nick over, but you’ve got some Nadia talking to do, mate, and it’s best if he doesn’t bloody hear it.”
Ditto.
The smell of Nadia’s perfumes targeted my nose as soon as I set foot inside Nick’s house ten minutes later. My mind drifted back to last night. Her soft gasps resonated in my head; the image of her body trembling beneath me was etched into my brain. Feeling her come was hands down the best minute of my life, and I wanted to experience it again. And again.
And then some.
Nadia and Nick sat by the table in the kitchen. They both looked at me expecting to hear why I came.
I moved my eyes from gorgeous Nadia to her not so gorgeous brother. “You forgot to give me that demo we talked about.”
Thank God for small favours.
Nick opened his laptop. “I have a few we could check
. Got time?”
“Set it up.” I moved my attention to the true reason behind my visit. Meeting her eyes got me right back in the hot seat. “You coming out for a smoke, Nadia?”
She nodded, taking her cigarettes from the table. I watched her hips sway when she walked outside, visualising my hands touching her the same way they had fourteen hours earlier. Lust started in the pit of my stomach and radiated in all directions like an electric impulse fashioned out of desire. Once we were outside, I was all over her.
In my head, that is.
Nadia sat on the bench and closed her eyes, inhaling a mouthful of smoke. “May I ask why you’re staring?”
“Why did you leave?”
She tried to stifle a laugh but didn’t do a good job of it. “Why? You wanted to cuddle? I was exhausted.”
A satisfied smirk crossed my lips, but Nadia shot me down.
“Not thanks to you though, so lose the grin.”
“Next time–”
“There will be no next time.”
It took me a moment to understand what she said. I didn’t want to let the meaning of her words in. I thought she was kidding, but the look on her face was far from amusement.
What the actual fuck?
I hadn’t once considered that one night might’ve been all she wanted. It seemed as probable as Nick giving me his blessing to fuck her.
How was it that the one girl from whom I wanted more than one night was the one—and only—girl to want one night from me?
Talk about irony.
I clenched my fists staring into her eyes, begging her to take it back, but she remained indifferent, and it didn’t look like she was screwing with me.
Well, she was, but … Oh, fuck it. You know what I mean.
She lowered her voice. “I won't be one of your regulars.”
“I don’t have regulars,” I barked. “So you just wanted one night?”
“I didn’t give it much thought last night. It was a spur of the moment. But today I know that you and I are a bad idea, Thomas.” She dropped her gaze to her hands. “I’m not cut for a purely sexual relationship. To be honest, right now I’m not cut for any relationship. And I want to be friends with you, but we both know that won’t happen if we add benefits to the equation.”
There was more to that decision than she let on. She avoided my gaze like every liar. If I had to guess, I would guess she didn’t want us to have any relationship because she didn’t know why she felt at ease with me.
“I think you’re a decent guy despite all I heard. Last night was fun, it was fulfilling, and it was enough.”
“Fulfilling?” I grasped the last ray of hope. “I’m just getting started. You don’t know the meaning of fulfilled. Not yet.”
She watched me for a moment, her eyes darkening with every passing second. “Tempting, but I’ll pass.”
To stop myself from throwing a tantrum worthy of a spoilt brat, I clenched my jaw so hard my teeth started to crack.
She didn’t want me, and I wanted her even more.
Go figure.
She was turning me into a psychopath with pussy-whipped tattooed across my forehead. The battle was lost, but the war was raging, and it wasn’t time to wave a white flag. It was time to retreat and regroup before hitting again. It was time for a drink and for putting some distance between us. Six miles to be precise.
I was ready to leave when I remembered the letter she wrote to her father was in my jacket pocket.
“By the way,” I said, glad that my voice masked my unstable state. “You left this in my car yesterday.”
Nadia glanced at the piece of paper, her complexion blenching. She snatched it out of my hand, jumping to her feet.
“Did you read it?” her voice filled with panic.
I stared at her alarmed. She pressed a shaking hand to her forehead and then moved it down to cover her mouth as if ready to throw up.
What the hell was happening?
She doubled over, and I remained glued to my seat, failing to comprehend the madness. She took one step forward and seeing her sway on her feet had me jumping forward to catch her. I wrapped my hands around her middle to keep her from falling. Her heart was beating so fast I felt her pulse everywhere. She fisted my jacket, resting her forehead on my chest, breathing in through her mouth and out through her nose.
“Don’t tell Nick. You can’t tell Nick, Thomas. Please. I’ll do whatever you want, just promise you won’t tell him.”
It took mere seconds for her to calm down in my arms and it confused me that much more. Her fragile body stopped trembling, but I wasn’t about to risk letting her go just yet.
“I haven’t read it.” I pressed a kiss to her head.
Her eyes gave nothing away. Not a single clue what those few pages filled with her handwriting held. What secret was she so desperate to keep? What made her so vulnerable?
“I swear. You said it, and you’re right—I have some decency.” Not much, but whatever I had was hers. “Are you okay?”
She nodded, colour returning to her face. “I’m sorry.” She took another cigarette out. “I should have known you hadn’t read it.”
“Because you trust me?”
“Because you wouldn’t look at me the way you do.”
Way to pique my curiosity. She took the Zippo out of my hand and held the letter above the flame. We sat in silence, watching the orange flames consume her secret. Soon, the black, burnt pieces flew away, leaving a burning hole in my stomach—the need to know.
“Have you told anyone apart from your father?”
She frowned, unhappy I dared to ask a question.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
What a shame that was all I wanted to talk about. “It didn’t take long to convince you I hadn’t read it.”
“Don’t.” Instead of the expected anger, sadness echoed in her voice. “I’m grateful you respected my privacy, Thomas. Don’t stop now.”
She threw the cigarette butt into an ashtray and marched back inside. I hung my head low, taking a long drag. I must have been a masochist because the shit I witnessed did nothing to convince me she wasn’t worth the hassle. Whatever her problems were, I wanted to help her forget.
CHAPTER 7
THOMAS
Full of shit
A remote hit my head.
“Time’s up, mate,” Scorpio chirped. “You’ve been eyeing the wall for half an hour. Spill it. Who pissed in your Cheerios?”
I gulped the rest of the beer and opened one more. It looked like I would be taking a taxi home.
“How bad will it look if I smash Ethan’s face?”
“Depends on whether you’ll use your fist or a baseball bat to do so.” Scorpio chuckled. “But seriously, why do you want to smash his face? Is he still all over your girl?”
That wasn’t the first time he called Nadia my girl, but this time the idea of having a girl didn’t make me flinch.
“She doesn’t want me.”
Scorpio narrowed his eyes, touching his index finger to his upper lip. “Right … So you think it’s Ethan’s fault. Am I close?”
“Quit goofing around,” I seethed, massaging my temples. “I’m serious.”
“Okay, okay. Chill.” He brought his hands up. “So? Why do you think it’s Ethan’s fault?”
“Why else wouldn’t she want to sleep with me again? She one-night-standed me. Can you fucking believe it?”
“Whoa!” He straightened up, frowning. “Hold your horses. You nailed her?” He awaited confirmation and once he got it, his face turned red. “You nailed Nadia? How stupid are you? You can have every girl you want but you go after the one you … Wait a minute,” he paused, tapping on the beer bottle he held.
“I swear, if you’ll drum Bohemian Rhapsody I’ll break your finger.”
“Did you say she doesn’t want you? Does that mean you bloody do?”
I threw my head back and closed my eyes. “I don’t know. There’s something about her.�
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“Blimey! You want her? You want to be with her? Hold her hand, kiss her head and all that crap?”
“I didn’t say I want to be with her, but one night doesn’t cut it.”
Who are you trying to fool?
“You never bag them twice, mate. Either she knows Kamasutra off by heart, or you’re full of shit.”
Maybe I was full of shit. Maybe I considered introducing emotions to my life. Hell, maybe I even wanted more than meaningless sex—and I wanted to have it, whatever the fuck it was, with Nadia, despite her obvious issues. When I had her close, I wanted it to last, and since it was a first, I had to act. One more night was the bare minimum required to see if my newfound capability to feel was there to stay.
“I’m not good for her, but I need another night or two, and I’ll be done. I’ll move on. You know I’m right: I’ll get bored as always, it’ll just take longer this time.”
Not what I thought, but Scorpio didn’t need to know that during the last thirty-six hours I lost the plot.
He scoffed, leaning toward me hastily. “And that’s why I want you to stay away from her. And I’m not fucking around, Thomas. This once you’re right—you’re not good for her. For different reasons than you think, but still not good. You’re messed up. Trust me here, I know you.”
That stung.
Somewhere deep I hoped he would object, tell me Nadia and I could make it work, but hey! What are friends for?
“I know you better than you think,” he continued. “I know that even though it’s been three and a half years, you’re still hung up on Adam’s death, and you do everything to detach yourself from life.”
Adam was my best friend, my brother by choice. He had it all figured out, a life planned with the woman he loved. We were three months away from leaving the army when a letter from Claudia arrived with the pregnancy news. It was the happiest moment of Adam’s life, and the happiest I ever was because everything that affected Adam, affected me as strongly.
An hour later, we drove out of the base, armoured. James was with us; we were inseparable ever since the three of us set foot in the Army base twenty-one months earlier. The field was a bloodbath when we got there. James got hit in the head as soon as we jumped out of the truck. My knees gave in, but Adam pulled me out from the open. If it weren’t for him, I would be dead.
