“I love you so,” she whispered as his sweater went over his head. He brought her to his chest and held her there, rotating her breasts against the light matting of hair, then wrapping his arms around her and crushing her even closer.
He sighed into her hair, but that wasn’t enough, so he kissed her again and again, then eased her back on the sofa and began to tug at her jeans. When her body was bare, he worshiped it with his mouth, dragging his tongue over her breasts and her navel, taking love bites from her thighs, burying his lips in the heart of her.
Leah’s knuckles were white around the worn upholstery, her eyes closed tight against the sweet torment of his tongue against that ultrasensitive part of her. The world began to spin—this galaxy, another one, she didn’t know—and her thighs tensed on either side of his head.
“Garrick!” she cried.
“Let it come, love,” he whispered, his warm breath as erotic as his thrusting tongue.
Wave after wave of electrical sensation shook her, and she was still in the throes of glory when he opened the fly of his cords, stretched over her and thrust forward. She cried out again. Her knees came up higher. And it was like nothing she’d ever dreamed possible. Her climax went on and on—a second, then a third—while Garrick pumped deeply, reaching and achieving his own spectacular release.
He didn’t leave her, but brought her up from the sofa until she was straddling his lap. And he began again, stroking more slowly this time, kissing her, dipping his head to lave her taut nipples with his tongue, using his hands to add extra sensation to the similarly taut nub between her legs, until it happened again and again and again.
Only when they were dripping with sweat and their bodies were totally drained did they surrender to the quiet after-storm where emotions raged. Leah cried. Damp-eyed himself, Garrick rocked her gently. Then, when she’d quieted, he pressed his lips to her cheek.
“I want to marry you, Leah, but I won’t ask you now. Too much has happened today. It wouldn’t be fair. But I’ll be thinking it constantly, because it’s the one thing that I want in life that I don’t have right now.”
Leah nodded against him, but she didn’t breathe a word. She was sated, exhausted and happy. Yes, too much had happened today. But there was something else, something that went hand in hand with marriage that she hadn’t told him. She had her secrets, too, and the burden of disclosure was now hers.
BUT BURDENS HAD A WAY of falling from shoulders when one least expected them to. Such had been the case with Garrick’s soul baring. Such was the case with Leah’s.
A month had passed since she’d arrived at the cabin, one day blending into the next in a continual span of happiness. With the ebbing of mud season, Garrick’s Cherokee was functional again. They drove into town for supplies, drove to the artists’ colony, where Leah inquired about weaving lessons, drove to Victoria’s cabin and freed the Golf, which Leah drove back to Garrick’s and parked behind the cabin. They took long walks in the woods, often at daybreak when Garrick checked the few traps he’d set for coyotes, and picnicked in groves surrounded by the sweet smell of spring’s rebirth.
Then, one morning, Leah awoke feeling distinctly muzzy. The muzziness passed, and she pushed it from mind, but the next morning it was back, this time accompanied by sharp pangs of nausea. When Garrick, who’d been fixing breakfast, saw her dash for the bathroom, he grew concerned. He followed her and found her hanging over the commode.
“What is it, sweetheart?” he asked, pressing a cool cloth to her beaded forehead.
“Garrick … oh …”
He supported her while she lost the contents of her stomach, then, very gently, closed the commode and eased her down. “What is it?” he repeated as he bathed her face. Her skin was ashen. His own hands shook.
“I didn’t think it would happen … could happen …”
“What, love?”
She looked bewildered. “And I was never sick like this …”
“Leah?”
“Oh, God.” She covered her face with her hands, then removed them to collapse against Garrick. “Hold me,” she whispered tremulously. “Just hold me.”
His arms were around her in an instant. “You’re frightening me, Leah.”
“I know … I’m sorry. … I think I’m going to have a baby.”
For a minute he went very still. Then he began to tremble. Framing her face with his hands, he held her away from him and searched her eyes. “I thought,” he began, “I guess I assumed that you … I shouldn’t have … are you sure?”
“No.”
“But you think so?”
“The nausea. I felt a little yesterday, too. And I haven’t had a period.” She was as bewildered as ever. “I didn’t think … it was never like this.”
“You weren’t using birth control … an IUD?’
Her eyes were brimming with tears. “I’ve never had to worry about it. I always had trouble conceiving.”
“Not now,” Garrick said, pride and excitement surging within him. But something about what she’d said, and her expression, tempered his joy. “Have you conceived before?”
She nodded, then dissolved into tears.
Pressing her face into the warmth of his shoulder, he soothingly stroked her back. “What happened?” he whispered.
It was a while before she could answer, and when she did it was in a voice rife with pain. “Stillborn. I carried for nine months, but the babies were born dead.”
“Babies?”
“Two. Two separate pregnancies. Both babies stillborn.”
“Ahhhh, Leah,” he moaned, holding her closer. “I’m sorry.”
She was crying freely, but her words somehow found exit through her sobs. “I wanted … them so badly … and Richard did. He blamed me … even when the doctors said … I did nothing wrong.”
“Of course you didn’t do anything wrong. What did the doctors say caused it?”
“That was the … worst of it. They didn’t know!”
“Shhhh. It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.” As he held her and rocked her, a slow smile formed on his lips. A baby. Leah was going to have a baby. His baby. “Our baby,” he whispered.
“I don’t … know for sure.”
“Well, we’ll just have to find the nearest doctor and have him tell us for sure.”
“It may be too early.”
“He’ll know.”
“Oh, Garrick,” she wailed, and started crying all over again. “I’m … so … frightened!”
He held her back and dipped his head so that they were on eye level with each other. His thumbs were braced high on her cheekbones, catching her tears. “There’s nothing to be frightened of. I’m here. We’ll be together through it all.”
“You don’t understand! I want your b-baby. I want your baby, and if something happens to it I don’t known wh-what I’ll do!”
“Nothing’s going to happen. I won’t let it.”
“You can’t stop it. No one could last time, or the time before that.”
“Then this time will be different,” he said with conviction. Scooping her into his arms, he carried her from the bathroom and set her gently back on the bed. “I want you to rest now. Later today we’re going out to get a marriage license.”
“No, Garrick.”
“What do you mean, no?”
“I can’t marry you yet.”
“Because you’re not sure if you’re pregnant? I want to marry you anyway. You love me, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“And I love you. So if you’re pregnant, that’ll be the frosting on the cake.”
“But I don’t want to get married yet.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know if I can give birth to a living child. And if I can’t, I’ll always worry that you married me too soon and are stuck with me.”
“That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. I love you, Leah. I told you two weeks ago that I wanted to marry you, and that was befo
re there was any mention of a child.”
“Don’t you want children?”
“Yes, but I’ve never counted on them. Up until a month ago, I’d pretty much reconciled myself to the idea of living out my life alone. Then you came along and changed all that. Don’t you see? Baby or no baby, having you with me is so much more than I’ve ever dreamed of—”
“Please,” she begged. “Please, wait. For me.” She pressed a fist to her heart. “I need to wait to get married. I need to know what’s going to happen. If … if something goes wrong with the baby and you still want me, then I’ll marry you. But I wouldn’t be comfortable doing it now. If I am pregnant, the next eight-plus months are going to be difficult enough for me. If, on top of that, I have to worry about having my marriage destroyed …” Her voice dropped to an aching whisper. “I don’t think I could take that again.”
Garrick closed his eyes against the pain of sudden understanding. He dropped his head back, inhaled through flaring nostrils, then righted his head and very slowly opened his eyes. “That’s what happened with Richard.”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“You mentioned other things—”
“There were. And maybe the marriage would have fallen apart anyway. But the baby—the babies—they were the final straw. Richard expected me to bear him fine children. They were part of the image—the wife, the home, the kids. The first time it happened we called it a fluke. But the second time, after all the waiting and praying and worrying—well, there was no hope left for us as a couple.”
“Then he was a bastard,” Garrick growled. “You could have adopted— No, forget I said that. If you’d done it, you’d probably still be married to him and then I wouldn’t have you. I want you, Leah. If the babies come, I’ll love it. If they don’t and we decide we want children, we’ll adopt. But we can’t adopt a child unless we’re married.”
Leah closed her eyes. She was feeling exhausted, more so emotionally than physically. “I hadn’t planned on getting pregnant.”
“Some of the best things happen that way.”
“I would rather have waited and had a chance to enjoy you more.”
“You’ll have that chance. Marry me, Leah.”
Opening her eyes, Leah reached for his hand and slowly carried it to her lips. She kissed each one of his fingers in turn, then pressed them to her cheek. “I love you so much it hurts, Garrick, but I want to wait. Please. If you love me, bear with me. A piece of paper doesn’t mean anything to me, as long as I know you’re here. But that same piece of paper will put more pressure on me, and if I am pregnant, added pressure is the last thing I’ll need.”
Garrick didn’t agree with her. He didn’t see where their marrying would cause her stress, not given what he’d told her about his feelings. But he knew that she believed what she said, and since that was what counted, he had no choice but to accede.
“My offer still stands. If you’re not pregnant, will you consider it?”
Feeling a wave of relief, she nodded.
“And if you are pregnant, if at any time over the next few months you change your mind, will you tell me?”
Again she nodded.
“If you are pregnant, I want to take a marriage license out before you’re due to deliver. When that baby comes screaming and squalling into the world, it’s going to have to wait for its first dinner until a judge pronounces us man and wife.”
“In a hospital room?” Leah asked with a wobbly smile.
“Yes, ma’am.”
She moved forward into his arms and coiled her own tightly around his neck. She loved the thought of that—a new husband, a healthy baby. She didn’t dare put much stock in it, because she’d been let down on the baby part twice before, but it was a lovely thought. A very lovely thought.
8
LOVELY THOUGHTS HAD A WAY of falling by the wayside when other thoughts took precedence. That was what happened to Leah once the local doctor confirmed that she was pregnant. Her initial reaction was excitement, and it was shared with, even magnified by, Garrick’s. Then the fear set in—and the concern, and the practical matter of how to deal with a new pregnancy after two had gone so awry.
“I’d like to speak to my doctor in New York,” she said one night while she and Garrick were sitting thigh to thigh on the cabin steps. It had been a beautiful May day, marred only by Leah’s preoccupation.
“No problem,” Garrick said easily. “We can drive into town tomorrow to make the call. In fact, I’ve been thinking I’d like to have a phone installed here.” It was something he’d never have dreamed of doing before, but now that Leah was pregnant, concerns lurked behind his optimistic front. Having a phone would mean that help could be summoned in case of emergency.
Timidly she looked up at him. “I’d like to go back to New York.” When he eyed her in alarm, she hurried on. “Just to see John Reiner.”
“Weren’t you comfortable with the doctor you saw here?”
“It’s not that. It’s just that John knows my medical history. If anyone can shed some light on what happened before and how to prevent it from happening again, it’s him.”
“Couldn’t we just have Henderson call him?”
“I’d rather see John in person.”
Garrick felt a compression around his heart, but it wasn’t a totally new feeling. He’d been aware of it a lot lately, particularly when Leah’s eyes clouded and she grew silent. “You’re not thinking of having the baby in New York, are you?” he asked quietly.
“Oh, no,” she answered quickly. “But for my peace of mind, I’d like to see John. Just for an initial checkup. He may be able to suggest something that I can do—diet, exercise, rest, vitamins—anything that will enhance the baby’s chances.”
Put that way, Garrick could hardly refuse. He wanted the baby as much as Leah did—more, perhaps, because he knew how much it meant to her. Still, he didn’t like the idea of her leaving him, even for a few days. He didn’t like the idea of her traveling to New York.
And he couldn’t go with her.
“I don’t want you driving down,” he said. “You can take a plane from Concord. I’ll have Victoria meet you at LaGuardia.”
“You won’t come?” she asked very softly. She had a feeling he wouldn’t. Garrick didn’t seem to dislike the city as much as he feared it. Even here she would have preferred seeing a doctor at a hospital, but that would have meant entering a city, and Garrick shunned even the New Hampshire variety. He’d insisted that she see a local man, though the closest one was a forty minute drive from the cabin. He hadn’t even wanted to stop for dinner until they’d reached the perimeter of the small area in which he felt safe.
His eyes focused on the landscape, but his expression was one of torment. “No,” he finally said. “I can’t come.”
Nodding, she looked down at her lap. “Can’t” was something she’d have to work on. It was a condition in Garrick’s mind and represented a fear that she could understand but not agree with. On the other hand, who was she to argue? Hadn’t she been firm in putting off marriage? Hadn’t Garrick disagreed, but understood and conceded?
“I’ll have to call to make an appointment, but I’m sure he’ll see me within the next week or so. I can make it a day trip.”
That Garrick wouldn’t concede to. “That’s not wise, Leah. Lord only knows I don’t want you gone overnight, but for you to rush would defeat the purpose. I don’t want anything happening. If you have the pressure of flights and appointments, you’ll be running all day. You’ll end up tense and exhausted.”
“Then I’ll sleep when I get back,” she protested. She didn’t want to be away from Garrick any longer than was necessary. “The baby is fine at this stage. Even the fact that I’ve been sick is a good sign. Dr. Henderson said so. I didn’t have any morning sickness with the other two.”
But he was insistent. “Spend the night with Victoria. At least that way I won’t worry quite as much.”
SO THE FOLLOWING WEEK she fl
ew to New York, saw John Reiner, then spent the night at Victoria’s. It should have been a happy reunion, and in many ways it was. Victoria was overjoyed that Leah and Garrick were in love, and she was beside herself when, promptly upon landing and in part to explain her doctor’s appointment, Leah told her about the baby.
But some of the things that the doctor said put a damper on Leah’s own excitement. She was feeling a distinct sense of dread when Garrick met her plane back in Concord the next afternoon.
“How do you feel?” he asked, leading her to the car. He’d called Victoria’s on his newly installed phone the night before and knew that the doctor had pronounced Leah well, and definitely pregnant.
“Tired. You were right. It was a hassle. Hard to believe I used to live in that … and like it.”
He had a firm arm around her shoulder. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”
She was quiet during most of the drive. With her head back and her eyes closed, she was trying to decide the best way to say what she had to. She didn’t find an answer that night, because when they arrived back at the cabin, Garrick presented her with a small table loom and several instruction books on how to weave belts and other simple strips of cloth. She was so touched by his thoughtfulness that she didn’t want to do anything to spoil the moment. Then, later, he made very careful, very sweet love to her, and she could think of nothing but him.
The next morning, though, she knew she had to talk. It didn’t matter that she was dying inside. What mattered was that their baby, hers and Garrick’s, be born alive.
“Tell me, love,” Garrick said softly.
Startled, she caught in her breath. She’d been lying on her back in bed, but at the sound of his voice her head flew around and her eyes met his.
He came up on an elbow. “You’ve been awake for an hour. I’ve been lying here watching you. Something’s wrong.”
She moistened her lips, then bent up an arm and shaped her fingers to his jaw. His beard was a brush-soft cushion; she took warmth from it and strength from the jaw beneath.
“John made a suggestion that I’m not sure you’ll like.”
Crossed Hearts (Matchmaker Trilogy) Page 15
