She squealed and flung the spider away, jumping back in an awkward retreat from the box. She stumbled and would have fallen had Andrew not jumped up to catch her from behind.
His reflexes were impressive, and his arms around her were strong and unyielding. She gasped for a moment, trying to orient herself.
She was acutely conscious of how big he was. How masculine in his jeans and black t-shirt. How fluttery she felt when he held her this way.
Realizing what she was feeling, she pulled out of his arms. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “Thanks. Big spider.”
She was too shy to look him in the eye, but she managed to shape a smile. When Andrew calmly volunteered to check the box for any more lurking spiders, she agreed gratefully.
Andrew didn’t appear to be affected by their close encounter, and she shouldn’t be surprised or disappointed by that fact. She was getting very silly ideas, so she started to give herself a firm lecture on being sensible and realistic.
Life wasn’t a fairytale. Her whole life, she’d been overlooked by any man she’d ever been interested in.
A prince—even one as burdened and conflicted as Andrew—would never, ever choose her.
Chapter Six
Andrew went upstairs to check on Melissa before he left the house on Sunday morning. His sister was reading her Bible in the window seat, which had turned out to be her favorite spot.
She looked up when he entered, her eyes scanning over his neat clothes and the Bible he carried. “Hey. I’m so glad you’re going to church this morning.”
He’d made the decision last night, and he’d told Melissa—mostly so he couldn’t back out at the last moment. With a fond smile, he said, “No need to make a big deal.”
Despite his words, it felt like a big deal. He’d been to church regularly for the last couple of years, but he’d visited different churches around the D.C. area and he’d never settled into one for real.
It wasn’t because he hadn’t been able to find churches he was comfortable in. Rather, he still felt skittish about making a public commitment, after having forsaken his faith for so long and still lacking that peace he needed.
He knew going to First Church this morning was significant. He’d been feeling the inner prompting to go for the two weeks he’d been in Cane, but he was nervous about it. He was used to being in control—of his business, of the details of his life, of the social circles he moved in—and he was having trouble dealing with his anxiety.
He refused to be a coward, though, especially about something so important. So he wasn’t going to change his mind this morning.
“I don’t know why you’re so hesitant,” Melissa said, studying him closely.
He gave a half-shrug, having trouble explaining it to himself, much less his sister. “I don’t know either. It just feels like a big step.”
“You never used to be afraid of expressing your faith.”
She was right. “It’s different now. So much has changed. I’m so many years from what I was then.”
Melissa gave him a tentative smile. “Well, I’m sure they’ll be glad to see you.”
Andrew figured she was right. While they might be curious about his reappearance, no one would look at him askance or condemn him for falling away as he had.
“So you’ll bring Helen home with you for lunch?” Melissa prompted.
“I’ll ask her. I can’t promise she’ll come.”
“Well, don’t let her make up an excuse, just because she feels awkward about the manuscript.”
“I said I would ask her.”
Andrew felt rather awkward too, and he wished he hadn’t agreed to invite Helen over to lunch for his sister.
Melissa sniffed. “Just because she’s mad at you doesn’t mean she and I can’t be friends.”
“She’s not mad at me,” he said, immediately bristling. When Melissa looked like she wanted to giggle, he added sheepishly, “At least, not always.”
He and Helen had argued again as they’d finished sorting through the documents in the Harrison attic—a task that had turned up nothing of interest to either one of them. She’d brought up the library collection again, which naturally led to a terse debate about a suitable home for Shadow Past.
Andrew found the whole encounter confusing and disorienting—to clash so vigorously with her even after he’d opened up to her more than he had with anyone else in years.
But the truth was he wanted to see Helen again, even if all they did was fight.
***
“I’m not saying I like him now,” Helen insisted as she and Lorraine filed into the pew she always sat in near the front of the First Church sanctuary. “Just that there’s more to him than I originally thought.”
Lorraine arched her eyebrows and sat down, smoothing out her stylish gray slacks. “I see.”
“I don’t think you do. You’re making it sound like I really like him.” Helen frowned at her friend sternly. They were speaking in low voices so they wouldn’t be overheard and so they wouldn’t disturb the other church members who had arrived early to Sunday morning worship.
“Don’t you?”
“Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous. He’s stubborn and obnoxious.”
“Well, at least he’s no longer snotty.”
Despite her defensiveness, Helen couldn’t help but smile too. There was no sense in getting riled up at Lorraine. She teased a lot, but it all was grounded in genuine affection. “Yeah, I guess he’s not. He’s not really arrogant like I thought at first. He’s just reserved with his feelings. Like he holds himself back. He’s under a ton of pressure, so he’s probably not able to relax much—emotionally, I mean.”
“You seem to know him pretty well. And you still claim not to like him?”
To Helen’s annoyance, she felt herself blushing slightly, but she stuck out her chin to show her resolve. “Not that way. He’s stubborn and obnoxious.”
Lorraine appeared to be hiding a smile. “You already said that.”
“Well, it bears repeating. And I can’t figure out why he still insists on buying the manuscript when it obviously belongs at the library.”
“Maybe he has good reason to want the manuscript. Have you ever asked him?”
Helen wanted to, but the idea made her very uncomfortable. She wasn’t sure why. “It just seems so pushy and presumptuous, since we’re on opposite sides of the issue. Besides, the manuscript isn’t the only problem. I’d be a sorry fool if I let myself dream of Andrew Cane.”
“Why?” Lorraine looked genuinely curious, as if she didn’t see the obvious obstacles.
“Just think about him,” Helen said, conjuring up a mental image of handsome, successful, extraordinary Andrew Cane. “He can have any woman he wants.”
Lorraine shrugged. “So why wouldn’t he want you?”
Helen had no good answer to that question. She was just sure that he wouldn’t.
It wasn’t that she was unworthy. She knew herself to be smart, generally good-natured, interesting, and fairly attractive. But she was also used to men not recognizing whatever appeal she possessed.
At least, not the men she wanted.
She hadn’t dated in four years. She’d never dated very much, and it wasn’t because she wasn’t interested in dating, marrying, and starting a family. For whatever reason, men had simply never beaten down her door to offer her those things, so she’d learned not to expect any man she was interested in to return the feeling.
In the past, she’d entertained daydreams about strong, handsome, captivating Christian men falling in love with her, and she’d been hurt and disappointed over and over again when she was overlooked or ignored.
She knew better now.
“Helen?” Lorraine prompted softly. More people were filing into the pews, although the prelude hadn’t yet started.
Helen shook off her sober thoughts. “All of it this is irrelevant anyway,” she murmured. “He’s shown me no interest at all. He spends half the time glaring at me as
if he wants to give me a good shake.”
“And the other half of the time?”
She suddenly pictured the appealing softness she’d seen in Andrew’s eyes at times. The warm humor. The endearing wistfulness. She felt herself blushing again.
“Ah ha!”
“Don’t you dare. I’m telling you. We’ve known each other for two weeks, and he’s made not the slightest advance. He’s not interested.”
“All right,” Lorraine said, raising her hands as if in surrender. “I believe you. But two weeks isn’t that long. Maybe he’s still figuring things out.”
Helen couldn’t let herself hope. She’d been down that road before, and she already knew that Andrew had the potential to hurt her. A lot.
As the pianist began the prelude, she tried to clear her mind of the clutter of worries and distractions and prepare herself for worship.
A few minutes later, she felt Lorraine’s hand on her arm. When Helen opened her eyes, Lorraine nodded over toward the far side of the sanctuary.
Helen experienced a deep swelling of excited confusion.
Andrew was striding down the side aisle, his expression calm, almost stoic. When the gathering congregation broke into a quiet flurry of interest at his appearance, he made no show of noticing. He wore black trousers and a green dress shirt, and he looked both masculine and sophisticated. As she fought against her jittery exhilaration, she thought maybe he also looked a little stiff.
She wondered if he was nervous about being here after so many years.
Her fluttery confusion settled into a peace shaped by joy. Her own feelings—as unsettling as they were—were not nearly as important as the significance of his presence here today. She knew it was important, an obvious step in the right direction.
She looked forward before he caught her staring at him. Then closed her eyes again and thanked God.
***
Attending church wasn’t as awkward as Andrew was afraid it would be.
While he was aware of quite a few stares as he arrived, he didn’t let it concern him. Cane was a small town, and most people knew everyone else.
A member of the Cane family simply couldn’t walk into First Church out of the blue without causing a bit of a stir.
Once the service began, he relaxed and tried to focus, reminded of how he’d felt when he sat in this sanctuary as a boy.
Pastor Jack was an articulate and engaging preacher, and Andrew enjoyed the sermon. Every now and then, however, something about the way Jack framed an issue or told a joke reminded Andrew vividly of the man’s daughter.
Helen was across the sanctuary, seated a few rows in front of him. He made himself not stare at her, but he was occasionally conscious of a pair of blue eyes glancing back to look at him.
He wondered what she thought of his appearance here this morning.
The final hymn was an old favorite, “Great is Thy Faithfulness.” For some reason, he felt his throat close as he tried to sing through the first verse.
He had not been faithful. For too many years, he’d tried to act as if God didn’t exist, as if He had no claim or power over his life. He’d done things he never should have done.
But, with God, there was no shadow of turning.
Andrew had to stop singing. He stared down at the page of the hymnal.
He was stuck. He knew it. He desperately wanted the peace and bright hope promised in the last verse of the hymn, but he couldn’t bring himself to claim it completely, couldn’t believe he was worthy.
On the final chorus, he lowered the hymnal and raised his head. Instinctively, he glanced over toward Helen and caught her gazing at him.
There was something tender and understanding in her expression that cracked the clenched fist of his heart. He wondered if she was praying for him. Wondered how he could possibly deserve it.
By the time Pastor Jack spoke the benediction, Andrew had basically recovered his composure.
He obviously had a long way to go, but he was glad he’d made the effort to come here today.
He stood in his row as the congregation was dismissed. He greeted some people he knew but didn’t linger for any long conversations. He knew Helen was talking to a few friends across the aisle. He should go over and ask her to lunch with his sister, but he couldn’t bring himself to move yet.
With relief, he saw Pastor Jack make his way over toward him with a welcoming smile. “Andrew. Good to see you.”
“It’s good to be here.”
“How does it feel to be back?” Jack asked. His expression was friendly but his eyes were astute and observant.
“Kind of weird, if you want to know the truth.”
“It’s never easy—coming back. But it’s always worth it.”
Andrew knew Jack wasn’t talking about returning to his hometown or even his childhood church. “I know you’re right,” he admitted, “I just can’t seem to…to get there all the way.”
Jack smiled, an expression almost as warm and compassionate as his daughter’s. “Come talk to me sometime. Maybe I can offer you a hand.”
“Thanks.” As always, conversation that was too private, too deeply about his own heart, left Andrew feeling rather uncomfortable. But, to his own surprise, he intended to take Pastor Jack up on the invitation.
He didn’t want to live his life in a holding pattern, too afraid to take the final step back to God.
Suddenly, he was conscious of a presence behind him. Even before he looked over his shoulder, he knew Helen was back there, waiting at a distance so as not to intrude on a private conversation.
Jack gave his daughter a broad smile. “Helen, come on over. You know Andrew.” He turned amused eyes back to him. “She has the worst habit of lurking in the shadows.”
“I do not lurk,” Helen argued, her outrage so exaggerated it was obvious she was teasing. “There are things called discretion and sensitivity which you would do well to cultivate.”
Jack laughed heartily, and Andrew couldn’t help but smile.
But he also thought about Jack’s words. In some ways, Helen did like to linger in the shadows, avoiding the center of attention, letting very few people see how creative and clever and passionate she really was.
Andrew remembered the first time he’d seen her, radiant in the vibrant, slanting light of the late afternoon.
Helen didn’t belong in the shadows. She belonged in the sun.
***
Helen was surprised when Andrew asked her to lunch, even though he quickly clarified that the invitation had come from Melissa.
Not for a moment had Helen suspected he was asking her on a date, but she still felt kind of fluttery at the request.
It was so hard to be sensible and realistic about romantic notions regarding Andrew when he was standing beside her, looking so adorably grave and asking her to come home with him for lunch.
Since she’d walked to church this morning, he offered to drive her over to his house, and Helen couldn’t help but wonder what her friends and acquaintances thought when she climbed into Andrew’s expensive SUV.
They’d all get the wrong idea. No question about that. But what could Helen do about it?
The ride across town was quiet. Andrew made a few comments about the weather, Melissa, and the dog that still lacked a name, but he was obviously in a reflective mood.
She’d seen him in church. He hid his feelings well, but she was starting to be able to read even the tiniest signals in his expression. The way his jaw clenched and his eyes lowered in the final hymn told her he’d been dealing with some sort of strong emotion.
She’d prayed for him. She wasn’t sure exactly what was holding him back in his faith, but she knew he was almost there.
Figuring he was still dealing with his response to the worship service, she didn’t press him into conversation. She just relaxed against the soft leather seat and listened to him breathe.
When he pulled into the drive at the Cane house, he glanced over at her with a look that was
almost questioning.
Feeling ridiculously shy, she managed to give him a smile. “So are you glad you came to church today?”
He didn’t smile, but the gray eyes were softer than normal. “Yes. I’m glad.”
That was all he said, but it was enough. She slid out of the SUV and followed Andrew into the house, feeling happy and excited.
He took her up to Melissa’s garret suite, and then left them together so he could bring up their lunch, since Sunday was Trish and Jenson’s day off.
Melissa looked much more comfortable today than she had at dinner last Wednesday. She greeted Helen warmly and inquired about church.
“Did Andrew get to talk to some people?” she asked, after Helen gave a brief rundown on the service.
“Yeah. I think so. He said hi to a bunch of folks and talked to my dad a little.”
“Good.” Melissa’s eyes—so like Andrew’s—rested on Helen’s face with a flicker of worry. “He’s got a lot of friends, but they’re all mostly casual. He likes to pretend he’s strong and self-sufficient, but he really needs some support.”
“Yeah.” Helen couldn’t help but feel another pang of sympathy for Andrew and an intense desire to help him, to care for him.
“You know he’s not as cool and professional as he puts on, don’t you?” Melissa asked, reaching over to grab Helen’s arm in her urgency. “He’s used to being an unflappable businessman, and that’s the image he likes to project. It’s gotten really hard for him to open up about his feelings. He’s spent so long trying to take on the responsibilities of those he loves that he doesn’t feel like he can make himself vulnerable. But you know he’s not really unfeeling, don’t you? He loves so deeply, feels things so deeply—he just doesn’t always know how to put it into words.”
Helen stared at Melissa in shock and bewilderment. She had no idea why Melissa was asking her all this. No idea why it mattered so much at the moment. “Of course, I know,” she said, as soothingly as she could. “I can see that. I know he’s not unfeeling.”
No Shadow (Prodigal Sons of Cane) Page 7
