He knew it was “healthy” but really that didn’t do a thing to make him feel better. He went to the little fridge in his office and opened it to see it was stocked with mineral and sparkling water and a fruit juice that he kept for Sofia’s office visits. But he wanted something stronger.
He couldn’t drink at work.
He drew the line at that. He’d prided himself on always keeping his head and not turning to any crutches during Gill’s illness or death. And he wasn’t going to start now.
Without thinking, he dialed Iona’s number and she answered on the third ring.
“It’s Mads,” he said by way of greeting.
“Hey. We still haven’t made a decision about the Loughman group.”
“Fair enough. I was calling to see if you’d like to join Sofia and me for dinner instead?”
“I’d love to,” she said, surprised by his invitation.
He gave her their apartment number and she started laughing.
“What?”
“You’re only five doors down from me,” she said.
It was funny to think she’d been living so close to him but they’d never met until he tried to do business with her.
He and Gill had been excited to move into their home in Brooklyn when they’d gotten married, and after she’d died he’d been unable to stay there any longer. He and Sofia had picked out the apartment where they lived now because it was close to her school.
“What time should I come over?” Iona asked.
Just like that, he was reminded again of how life moved on. She was still making plans for tonight while he was mired in the past. He had to do this. For Sofia. He had to figure out life without Gill.
“Six. Jessie is off tonight so we’ll be making spaghetti,” he said.
“Yum. My favorite. Can I bring something?” she asked.
“Nah. Jessie already took care of the shopping,” he said. “See you later.”
He hung up, closing the refrigerator, which he hadn’t realized he’d left open. He went back to his desk, pulling the stack of Christmas cards to him. The cards were custom made, a hand-drawn image of the Common decked out for Christmas while snow fell. He remembered approving the design back in July. He opened the first card and sprawled his signature. He made short work of the cards and then stacked them in the outbox for Lexi to take care of.
Last year he’d completely forgotten about sending personal cards to friends and family and he wondered if he should send something this year. But he had no idea where to start. It was late in the season to be thinking of this.
He leaned forward and put his forehead in his hands. Christmas. How was he going to do this? He’d never been that good at hiding his emotions. He had a quick temper and no real poker face to speak of so everyone usually knew what he felt. But being a father had changed that. Had forced him to learn how to curb his reactions. But this … he realized that he’d been doing okay until this month.
The last month that Gill had been alive. After this she’d be gone a year. There would be no more first holidays without her. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.
He had almost managed to dull the ache he’d felt when he thought of her death but it was back in full force. A stabbing pain in his heart — not literally — but still there. And he’d invited another woman for spaghetti night. He knew he shouldn’t have, but tonight he needed the distraction.
He needed to have something to smile about and no matter what else he felt about Iona, she made him laugh.
“You look like you’re ready for a fight.”
He glanced up to his see his younger brother Piers standing in the doorway. “Is that why you’re here?”
“It wasn’t my original intention but I’m always happy to oblige.”
Mads smiled. He got up and went around his desk to hug his brother. “I’ve got a meeting with the Food Network to possibly use the Los Angeles location for a new show they are doing. It wrapped up early so I thought I’d check in on you.”
“I’m glad you did,” Mads said. “We’ve got the usual odd crap going on at the hotel. A leak over the merchandise shop.”
“I saw the emails about it. Did you get it sorted?” Piers asked.
“Pretty much,” he said. “Are you free for dinner?”
“If it means seeing my favorite niece, then yes,” Piers said.
“She’s your only one,” Mads reminded him. Having his brother at dinner would mean it wasn’t a date with Iona. There would be no chance of anything untoward. Which didn’t explain why he wanted to punch something.
“And my favorite.”
Chapter 7
Iona walked the short distance down the hall to Mads and Sofia’s apartment, carrying a stuffed moose that wore a tee- shirt that proclaimed “Christmas is for Miracles”, and a bottle of Glenlivet she’d been gifted from a client. She didn’t drink scotch, but her gut said that Mads probably did. She knocked on the door; it was opened by Sofia and a man that Iona hadn’t met.
“Hey, Iona. We raced to the door and I won!” Sofia said. She was in her stockinged feet and jeans and a tee-shirt that had some Disney princesses on it.
“I’m not surprised, you’re very fast,” Iona said.
“I am,” Sofia agreed.
“This is for you,” Iona said, handing her the moose.
She took it from Iona and then hugged it to her chest. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Come in,” the man said, holding out his hand. “I’m Piers: Mads’ younger and some say better-looking brother.”
Iona took Piers’ hand and shook it, smiling at him. Now that he’d said they were brothers it was easy to see the resemblance. But while Mads seemed too serious, Piers had an easy smile and open charm that Mads didn’t. She guessed that the strain of his wife’s illness had contributed to that.
“I’ll have to reserve judgment on the last bit until I see you side by side.”
“Iona.”
“Yes?” She glanced down at Sofia.
“Obviously Papa is better-looking. Uncle Piers is just being silly,” Sofia said. “Everyone knows my papa is the best.”
“Everyone does know that, Sof,” Piers said. “Let’s move this party into the kitchen so we can help finish making dinner.”
Iona followed Sofia down the hall, aware that Piers was behind her. She stepped into the kitchen and noticed that Mads was working at the stove, stirring a tomato sauce. He glanced over his shoulder as they entered and smiled at her.
She raised her eyebrows at him. “Hi. This is for you.”
She set the scotch on the counter, out of the way.
“Thanks. Who won the race?”
“Me,” Sofia said.
“Congrats,” he said to his daughter.
“Iona gave me this moose,” Sofia said, holding it up toward Mads. “Want to come to my room while I introduce him to my other stuffies?”
“Unless you need my help?” she asked Mads.
“Nah, Piers is on the garlic bread and Sof already made the salad.”
“Okay, then take me to your room,” Iona said to Sofia.
The little girl skipped out of the kitchen past her uncle, who stood in the doorway, with Iona following her down the hall past a large living room lined with bookcases on one wall and an entertainment center on another one. She stopped at the third door and opened it up.
“This is my room,” she said, stepping inside. It had a single bed in the center of the large room. The bed had a canopy and was loaded with pillows and stuffed animals and dolls. The comforter was a pretty dark-pink colored one. There was a white dust ruffle around the bottom of the bed. And the wall was decorated with princesses and castles. Knights in armor battled against dragons.
It was a fanciful room for a girl who didn’t believe in Santa. “You like knights and princesses?”
“Yes. My mom used to read the stories to me when she was sick. I’d sit in her bed with her.”
“No wonde
r you love them,” Iona said. “My mom used to read to me when I was your age.”
“Did you have a favorite book?”
“I liked The Secret Three,” Iona said. “It’s about three friends who share a secret at the beach. What’s your favorite?”
“Good Night, Good Knight,” she said. “Want to see it?”
“Sure,” Iona said, moving into the room and sitting down on the love seat near the window. Sofia kept the moose with her as she went to her bookcase and brought back the book. The first thing Iona noticed was that someone had tampered with the cover. Where the Knight had clearly been a boy before it was now a girl with a pink tutu and long black braids.
“Mommy and I worked to make the book more for me,” Sofia said.
She found herself feeling a little emotional thinking of Sofia’s mother, knowing she was going to die and trying to give her daughter as much as she could before her time was up. Hayley’s mother had also died when Hayley was eighteen and had left her a bunch of letters to open each year on her birthday. Iona felt so lucky to still have her own mom.
“This is perfect. The knight looks just like you,” Iona said.
“Yes. The dragon looks like Mommy,” Sofia said, climbing up on the love seat next to Iona and opening the book. Sofia read the entire book to her and it was a cute story, but having been doctored by Sofia and her mother it was even more special. When she finished reading it, Sofia left the book on the love seat.
“Do you want to meet all my stuffies?”
“Sure.”
She led Iona to the bed and slowly went through each of the stuffed animals and plush dolls on the bed. Iona knew there was no way she was going to remember any of the names of them. Sofia set the moose, which she’d named Iona, in the middle and that was when Iona noticed the teddy bear sitting in the corner facing the wall.
“What’s going on over there?”
“That’s Mr. Bees and he’s been very bad,” Sofia said.
“What’d he do?”
“Left all the toys out yesterday. I had to clean them up and Jessie wasn’t too happy about it,” Sofia said.
“Wow. That is naughty,” Iona said.
“I know. I gave him a talking to and then a time out,” Sofia said. “He can probably go back up on the bed now.”
She went to get him and told him she still loved him but he needed to follow the rules, which made Iona smile, thinking that this was probably something that Sofia had experienced when she misbehaved.
***
Mads didn’t know what he’d expected but the evening had turned out to be a lot of fun. Sofia was full of beans and after dinner she was running around with a lot of energy. Mads could feel the stress of the day coming back as he had to repeatedly tell her to settle down as she jumped from the sofa to the love seat, and he knew he was about to lose it and stood up.
“Sofia.”
She dropped down on the cushion, her face turning red. “Sorry, Papa.”
“That’s okay,” he said. “Don’t do that again. We don’t jump on furniture.”
“Yes, sir,” Sofia said.
“I should probably head out,” Iona said. “Mads, I wanted to speak to you about the dinner party on Friday.”
“Why don’t you walk her home?” Piers suggested. “I’ll supervise this one getting ready for bed and let her read me a story.”
It all sounded so reasonable. There was no way he could say no, that he didn’t want to be alone with Iona right now. The night had been fun, the kind of evening that they had needed. He and Sofia. He got it. Understood why she had been jumping on the furniture. Tonight, there was no gap in their family. Tonight had felt almost like a normal evening.
And later he might feel guilty, but right now he really just wished he could enjoy it.
“Sounds good,” Mads said. He kissed Sofia on the top of her head and then followed Iona to the door.
She wore a pair of skinny jeans and a tunic thermal top that ended at the tops of her thighs and a pair of ankle boots that gave her another inch of height. But she still only came to his shoulder. She seemed the right height to fit into his arms perfectly. He remembered that one brief brush of their lips and knew that he wanted more.
He needed something that he’d been denying himself for a long time. And it wasn’t sex. It was this kind of quiet intimacy that he felt as they walked down the hall together. She was talking quietly about the event on Friday but he wasn’t paying attention at all.
“So, this is kind of awkward,” she said. “But, umm, do you want to come in?”
“Why is that awkward?” he asked.
“I meant my brother. I have something to tell you,” she said. “Didn’t you hear me?”
He shook his head. “Sorry, Iona, I wasn’t paying attention. Yes, I’ll come in.”
She nodded and he followed her into her place. It was a similar layout to his apartment but was decorated with brighter colors. She led the way into the kitchen breakfast nook and flipped on the light.
“Do you want something to drink?”
“Am I going to need it?” he asked.
Her lips twitched in a half smile. “No. I don’t think so.”
“Then I’m good,” he said, pulling out one of the ladder- back chairs at her table and sitting down. She walked around the table and sat across from him. The light from the pendulum lamp fell on her head, making him notice that her red hair had some gold highlights in it.
“So … I wanted to invite you and Sofia to join me at the New York City Ballet’s Nutcracker event. We’ve always gone and my family has a table.”
“I have already booked a table. Sofia wanted to go. Could you join us instead?” he asked.
“Let me talk to my mom and make sure she won’t be upset.”
“Fair enough,” he said. “I think Sofia would love to have you there. She’s really taken to you.”
“Tonight, she showed me the book she and her mommy made. It was so sweet and special,” Iona said.
Mads loved that storybook but had a hard time when Sofia suggested they read it together. Some days he was okay, but he’d found grief wasn’t always predictable and other times it hit him hard.
But not tonight. The memories of Gill were fond and soft and somehow he thought it might be down to Iona.
“This is the last month of firsts without Gill and then … I don’t know what will happen,” he said. “I promised her I’d keep moving forward, but it’s hard.”
Iona reached over and took his hand gently. “You’re not alone. I think it’s safe to say that you and I are becoming friends.”
“Maybe,” he said. But deep inside he knew he wanted something more than just a friendship with her. He wanted her to show him a way out of the darkness and into the new year. But he wasn’t sure that was something he could actually do.
“Maybe?”
“I might want to be more than friends, though,” he admitted.
***
The day had to be one of her oddest in recent memory. But it had ended well. She’d enjoyed dinner with Mads. His family dynamic was different than hers. Mads and Piers were both strong personalities but they were also close, or at least seemed to be. It sharpened her own guilt about the situation with her brother.
She knew it was her own fault and after talking to her friends earlier and now talking to Mads, it helped her to deal with it. When she expressed her feelings out loud she felt silly. And keeping them inside had made her feel more and more embarrassed.
Mads’ dark eyes were filled with concern and maybe she was projecting but it also seemed to her that he watched her mouth more often than not.
She wanted to know what it would be like to kiss him properly. That brief brush of lips at Rockefeller Center had done nothing to assuage her curiosity; his kiss in front of the building had whetted her appetite for more. His hands were big in hers and she knew that no matter how much he might want to kiss her, there was still that world of firsts he’d mentioned. He was a w
idower and a part of him was still dealing with how to live without his wife. The other part was struggling with raising Sofia on his own.
That little girl who believed in princesses and knights should believe in Santa. She should still have that innocence that Iona knew she’d lost when her mom had died. And Iona knew she couldn’t bring her mom back but she hoped she could help to make this holiday a happy one for them both.
Mads shifted in his chair, pulling his hands from hers, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles and sending a shot of awareness through her. She had the feeling he wanted more than friendship too.
“You’re awfully quiet,” he said.
She shrugged. No way was she telling him that she wanted to know what it would be like to feel his lips against hers again. But then her own lips felt dry and she licked them, shifting in the chair.
He arched one eyebrow at her.
“I’m guessing you’re distracted by the same thing I was in the hallway earlier.”
She doubted it. He’d probably been thinking about his daughter … she hadn’t realized until this moment what a hit to the ego losing Theo had been to her. She hadn’t dated anyone since August, when and he and Nico had gotten together.
Usually she immediately would have moved onto another man but she had felt the need to retreat into herself instead.
“What distracted you?”
“You,” he said. “I was wondering what it would be like to really kiss you again.”
She nibbled at her lower lip. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
He didn’t say anything else. It was clear to her from what she knew of him that Mads was more comfortable with action.
Her heart started to pound in her chest. He got up and came around the table. He stopped and leaned against it, turning so he was facing her. No way was she walking away from him now. She’d been thinking about that snowy kiss he’d given her for days and she wanted more.
She stood up and he put his hand on her waist and his other hand on her upper arm. Lightly holding her, not moving closer to her. But just holding her lightly and letting her decide what happened next. She shifted closer to him, putting both hands on his waist and holding onto him like he was her anchor.
Christmas at the Candied Apple Café Page 7
