So everyone left and we stayed on the beach in a different spot, hoping to avoid getting kicked off. This night the energy shifted a little more and got even more intense. His kisses felt different. He was completely opening up to me. I remember hugging him and feeling his energy so strong that my whole body was shaking and then source energy flowed through me and tears poured down my face. I told him that the energy was just sooo intense for me. He agreed.
He then kept saying that he hadn't expected all of this and that he'd always longed to meet someone with whom he could connect in this way but things were complicated for him. I knew at that moment it was because he had a girlfriend. I asked him and he confirmed it but the weird thing was that I wasn't upset since I had just been in a similar situation with Alex. I could somewhat empathize even though I wasn't officially in a relationship with my last dilemma. We briefly talked about his relationship but at that point I didn't feel like it was my place to tell him how to be happy or judge him for getting close to me. I was a little disappointed but it was all a whirlwind, just like with Patrick, because he was leaving for home in the morning, which was really far from me. I lived in California and he was on the other side of Canada. I just wanted to soak up all of the energy that I could from that night with him. This had been the most passionate soul-mate experience thus far, on top of the unconditional love energy that comes with that connection.
We walked back in the early morning with the sun so bright in our eyes, holding each other so tight that you would think our circulation would be cut off. It was all so surreal and I couldn't believe that I was going to have to part from another soul-mate.
We stopped on the steps in front of my hotel as people were just waking up and the hotel staff start to hustle about. I remember the door man standing there as we came up obviously looking like we were up all night AGAIN. I kept telling Tommy that he needed to go because I didn't want him to miss his flight but we just kept standing there for about a half an hour staring into each other's eyes. At that moment, instead of seeing into his soul like I have described before, I not only could see that but I saw my own eyes as I looked into his. It was like I was looking at my own soul. It's really hard to explain. Anyway, I finally was able to pull away and walk up the steps only to turn around and see him standing in the same place with a sad, longing look in his eyes. After walking a little further, I turned around again, and seeing him still there with the same look that I am sure that I had on my face, I quickly turned and sprinted into the hotel as I cried all of the way to my room. Tears were streaming down my face as everyone walked by. I hadn't expected it to be so hard to say good-bye.
~After Returning Home~
I heard from Tommy the first few days after I returned and he was texting me that he'd never connected with anyone the way that he connected with me, and he was thinking about the situation a lot. I really hadn't felt comfortable texting him much because I knew he still had a girlfriend and the situation on his part was never brought up to see me if he left his girl. I basically just told him that I hoped he would do what's best for him and not stay with her only because he didn't want to hurt her. Eventually, the texts and emails became somewhat superficial on his end and I just tried to forget him.
I found out later that he had broken up with his girlfriend but I guess the fact that he didn't reach out to me to see me kind of annoyed me, even though we did live so far away. I guess it would have been pointless, but in my eyes I would've made every attempt to be with someone with whom you have that bond with, no matter how far away they are. I guess I think with my heart more than my head when it comes to that kind of unconditional love.
In the few months that followed, I fell into a depression, but not really because of Tommy. I wished him well and had gotten over him. It was more so because this was further proof to me that I couldn't trust my intuition OR my Guides! I wondered if I heard them telling me that he was the one because I wanted it to be so, or if he had switched up the universal plan because his free will changed afterwards. I just couldn't fathom that the universe could orchestrate all of those events for us to meet at that time when I had asked for no more short term soul-mates. I hadn't specifically asked for a life partner when I did my mock up on the plane though. My mind was reeling with confusion and bewilderment. My intuition was telling me that he was sooo right for me and my Guides were telling me that he was the one! It all seemed like another cruel joke to me. I was grateful for all of the experiences but not for the pain afterwards or the repeated mistrust in my guidance system.
This is taken from my diary. "I don't think I would've written this into my life plan. It just doesn't make any sense at all! I highly doubt I'm supposed to have four soul-mates. Most people don't even get one! I can't even imagine another coming. I'm not trying to set a record here! "
I wanted so badly to believe that my Guides had the best of intentions and that I was following a path that was put in place for me with a divine purpose, but this was my last straw. I just couldn't see much of a positive side to my repeated path with soul-mates and feeling like I was being misled by God and my guides. It was such a huge thing for me to feel a betrayal and resentment towards my guidance system. It's a horrible feeling to not feel like you can trust your higher self, God, or your spiritual path to have your best interest. After all, what else is there if you can’t believe in that?
Because of this depression and feeling like I was out of my body most of the time, I ended up having a terrifying experience that will be engrained in my mind forever!
One night, I was lying in bed and was about to fall asleep, when a spirit came to me. Now this was not out of the ordinary for me once I started my spiritual journey, and I usually welcomed any beings that were visiting me if they were vibrating on a high frequency. In fact, I had only had positive encounters with spirits up until that point because I was matching their positive frequency. However, that was not the case on this particular night. A spirit came from behind me while I was laying on my side and had at first enveloped me in a loving embrace. Since I was halfway awake and half asleep, I had a hard time discerning if the being was of the flesh or was in spirit form. It didn’t matter to me though because the energy felt so welcoming and it felt just like the soul-mate energy I had experienced many times. It was buzzing all around me and filled up my body with a love vibration. I turned around to face this being. This was NOT a dream, by the way. I was awake and physically turned my body around. I ended up looking into the eyes of a man who told me that he had finally found me and we were supposed to be together. I knew that he was a spirit at that point but he felt like a solid body. He began to kiss me and I felt the surge of amazing energy go through my lips. It was all so confusing and wonderful at the same time. At that point, I was assuming that he was someone in my soul-group who cared about me and had come to let me know that everything was going to be ok. I fully embraced this energy...until in a split second, EVERYTHING switched. I opened my eyes and this man had turned into something evil looking. I can only describe it as a demon. The energy completely changed to one of a heavy, sickening feeling. The being began to lunge at me and I was literally fighting with it as I was laying on my side in my bed. It was holding me and I began screaming and telling it to leave. This did not work and it was holding me while I tried to push it away. I then remembered to ask for help, so I started calling for my angels and guides to help me. As I did so, the evil being vanished and I saw what appeared to be an angel hovering high in the air above the foot of my bed. It was life-size and was showing him/herself as a glowing white energy with huge white wings. It also disappeared shortly after showing itself to me.
I was very confused for months after this incident because I couldn’t understand how I had attracted that. I came to the conclusion that because I was in such a state of depression and vibrating so low, that I was a magnet for spirits who were also vibrating on that level. It’s like tuning into a radio dial where they can reach you. It obviously used my weakness and
desire to try to drain my energy. I still don’t know that I believe in demons, but I do believe that my mind was showing me what I could comprehend at the time. The angel was there for obvious reasons as well, which was to calm me down and get rid of the spirit. I suppose the experience helped me somewhat to release part of the distrust I had in a higher power.
~Chapter 6~
Can This Really Be Happening Again?
About a year and a half later and having been in two relationships with wonderful guys, I still longed for that soul-connection with someone. I felt that no one would ever compare to that feeling and I would never be completely happy with anyone unless I had that extreme connection. I tried not to compare anyone to my experiences but I couldn't help it. It was a deep yearning that consumed me. It felt like a blessing and a curse to me that I would only settle for that kind of love. I was soooo wanting the all-consuming connection with a life partner, even though I tried not to want it because I knew that was cutting me off from receiving it. I was aware of the law of attraction and simply could not stop the strong desire for something I didn't have. Nevertheless, I still was a reasonably happy person in general, which I think is how I was able to keep manifesting miracles. This next miracle happened close to home though.
One night I went out with a friend of mine to a party on Treasure Island in the San Francisco Bay Area. We were in a rather large room or hall that had a DJ playing. My friend introduced me to some of his friends and among them was a guy that I had recognized from a TV show from several years back. It's funny because I had always thought he was cute on the show but I definitely wasn't star-struck or anything. It wasn't love at first sight, but once we met we were pretty much stuck together talking for a HUGE portion of the night and continually smiling. I felt an emotional pull towards him that was very compelling and I was really enjoying his company. That changed the second we kissed. It was just a very nice lingering kiss on the lips but as my lips touched his that electric energy shot into his lips and body and vice-versa into mine. After a few seconds of holding this lip lock, I pulled away and looked at him. His mouth had dropped wide open and he had a look on his face as if he couldn't believe what had just happened. It was hilarious because this was not new to me but obviously was to him. I think he said something like, "What was that!?" Haha! I asked him what he felt and he explained it as I just had. He said that he'd never felt anything like it before. He looked even more shocked when I told him that I'd felt it before. I was just thinking, "Oh boy, here we go again." haha...
Even though I wanted another connection like this again, I was working on using more discernment with my guidance system AND with getting to know the person instead of just falling into the amazing soul energy that made me want to melt into that person. I knew from previous experiences that even though they are in my soul group, it doesn't mean they are right for me. I had questioned myself and my path so much, and I thought one of the reasons I was experiencing all of this with so many people was because it was something I agreed to do before I incarnated into this body, in order to open others up to this energy. I thought that maybe it was a job of mine to do and that's why I had this power. I basically rationalized everything in that manner to try to make sense of it. I really hoped that wasn't the case though because I wanted them to come into my life to share and enjoy it with me. So my guard was up, but not up so much that it blocked the energy connection with this next one, whose name is Malik.
The few times we spent together were similar to the other experiences but different as well. The similarity was that there was the whole eye staring episodes and the wanting to be close to him, but this time there was an energy that I'd never felt before. A few times, there was a huge energy bubble surrounding us when I was standing against him. It was super heavy around us and when our hands came close to touching each other we would keep getting shocked.
After a few weeks of staying in contact, I think we both realized that we probably weren't right for each other. One of the main reasons being that he wanted kids and I do not.
However, we are still friends and almost every time we run into each other, there remains a strong connection.
~Chapter 7~
Wish Upon a Star in Mexico
About a month later, I went to Playa Del Carmen, Mexico for another ten-day music festival called BPM. Miracles tend to happen for me at these festivals, as I've mentioned, because of the good energy surrounding the events and also spending time in a beautiful paradise.
I had a lot of fun going to all of the parties and even meeting a few guys that I had a great time with, who were gorgeous and really sweet and attentive but there wasn't a strong soul connection or anything.
I was actually somewhat surprised that there was only one night left of the festival and I hadn't met a soul-mate again. (Haha) I know it was only a month after the last one but I felt like my energy was still vibrating the same and I was on a roll, so I figured there was another coming soon. In fact, after Alex, I could sense when a soul-mate was coming.
This was no exception, which explains why I was confused on the last night when it hadn't happened. Around 9 pm, I went up to our private rooftop of the condo and was relaxing on the lounge chair. The weather was perfectly warm and the sky was clear with extraordinary bright stars. I sat there, appreciating the moment and enjoyed the beauty of Playa.
I thought it would be fun to do another mock up, just like the one I had used to meet Tommy. I had become really good at controlling my destiny by utilizing different manifesting techniques and I had actually got a kick out of seeing what I had the power to do.
This time, I thought that I would tweak the mock-up slightly. Normally, I would send my desire with all of the specifics out into the Universe but this time I sent it up to a really bright star that was flashing at me. When I was doing the mock-up I saw a vision of the guy that fit my type. I didn't try to imagine what I wanted physically in a guy. It was just a vision that was coming to me from my higher self or some higher source and I vividly saw someone. I KNEW after I sent it up to the star that I had done something magical but I had no expectation of meeting anyone because the mock-ups work best if you have no attachments to the outcome. I did, however, put specifics into the mock up, one being that I would meet him between 10 pm that night and 8 am the next morning.
So, I went to the closing party with a friend and I knew that I was radiating a special energy. Let's just call it the soul-mate magnetizer energy (haha).
Around 10:30 pm we were standing on the dance floor and I saw a VERY attractive Mexican guy standing with his friends. HIS FACE WAS THE ONE THAT I HAD SEEN IN MY VISION!!! I’m not exaggerating! We both kept looking at each other and I could sense that he had a special energy about him. I had to meet him!
I was perhaps ten feet away and even though he kept looking at me, he didn't attempt to come to me. One of his friends come up to me and a friend of mine to offer us a drink, since they had bottle service. We accepted and then I was introduced to the person I had manifested. His name was Marco and he had the same large, dreamy, brown eyes that most of the others had. He was also tall, dark, and handsome, just like I had always imagined as my perfect type, physically.
The odd thing was that I found out he had not approached me because he thought that his English wasn't very good. He sounded fine to me with the exception of me having to repeat things sometimes. We talked among our friends and eventually ended up dancing by ourselves, and as per my request through my mock-up, with the first kiss there was a strong pull and we were stuck together the whole night. His eyes wouldn't leave mine and there was intense passion between us, probably the most intense out of all of the previous experiences. Passion, of course, being different than love.
We decided to leave the party and go sit on the beach, which was directly behind the club. We kissed passionately for hours and stared into each other's eyes. We were close to the water and could hear the waves crashing against the sand. Again, I heard what I interpreted as my Gui
de speaking to me. It was a voice that was REALLY loud and it was telling me over and over that he was my future husband. It was so loud and repetitive that I told it telepathically, "OK, I hear you. Please stop already!" Marcos kept asking me if I had something to tell him. Oh, the similarities of my past experiences! Ha! I told him that I didn't have anything to tell him, even though I had this voice telling me he was my future husband. I definitely wasn't going to tell someone that when I had just met him. He then said that he knew I had something to tell him and he asked me what I was feeling. I really just said nothing because I was scared to express anything after the past disappointments. He then said, "It feels like love," as he looked deeply into my eyes. He was so serious and intense. I got teary eyed and replied that it did feel like love and then I buried my head in his embrace because of the overwhelming wave of emotions I was feeling at that moment.
We eventually left the beach and walked back to my condo in the early morning daylight. My place had people sleeping everywhere, so we went up to the rooftop and spent our last hour together on the same lounge chair where I had made the “wish upon a star” to meet him.
He ended up leaving around 8 am because he needed to catch his flight. Thinking back, 8 am was the ending time I programmed the mock up for...there was an intense goodbye at the door and even though he lived in central Mexico, he said that he would keep in touch with me.
The Boss Page 41
