by Lacey London
‘Talking about the Christmas party, are you looking forward to Wednesday?’ She asks, dodging the snowballs that are being thrown by naughty children across the street.
‘Yeah. I still think that it’s a disaster waiting to happen though.’
‘Me too, but as long as there’s free alcohol I’m there!’
‘Whoa! Hold your horses!’ Janie’s voice pierces my eardrums as she comes running up behind us. ‘Did you just say free alcohol?’
* * *
Bursting through the apartment door, I drop my carrier bags and make a run for the fire. After a long day at work, five hours of intense shopping is the equivalent of a triathlon. OK, that might be a little dramatic, but I am honestly wiped out. Thankfully, my lovely husband called as we made our way home and offered to drive out for pizza. Smiling as the smell of freshly baked dough fills my nostrils, I kick off my heavy boots and prop myself up at the kitchen island.
‘I knew I married you for a reason.’ I nuzzle my face into his warm chest as he grabs a plate and dishes me up a slice. ‘How was your day?’
‘Busy.’ He replies, taking a huge bite of pizza. ‘Luckily, your dad introduced mine to the pub on the corner of Wilson Street so, I have had the entire evening to kick back and relax.’
Feeling a little annoyed that I could have been curled up with a warm Oliver instead of traipsing around the shops when it is below freezing outside, I tuck into my pizza. With having both of our parents here, it has been rather difficult to find time to be alone with each other. Not for anything like that, obviously. I mean, we’re not animals or anything, but still it would be nice to have a cuddle on the sofa without worrying about being disturbed by an angry American searching for alcohol.
‘I miss you.’ Planting a kiss on his nose, I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head on his shoulder.
‘What?’ He laughs. ‘I’m right here.’
‘I know, but I miss it being just the two of us.’
‘Well, it is just the two of us.’ Planting a hand on my swollen stomach, his eyes glint with excitement. ‘Isn’t it?’
‘Oi!’ Almost choking on my pizza, I slap his hand away and suck in my protruding belly. ‘In case you didn’t know, it’s Christmas and that means that you are allowed to gain a few pounds!’
Laughing loudly, he ruffles my hair and takes a gulp of beer. I let out a sound that resembles a disgruntled chipmunk and shoot him a frown. ‘When you married me, you promised for better or for worse.’ Holding my pizza up to emphasise my point, I carry on talking. ‘This is my worse.’
‘I’m kidding. Eat your pizza.’
Suddenly not feeling hungry any more, I push the greasy slice around my plate miserably.
‘Oh, come on.’ Taking my hands in his, he nuzzles his nose against my face. His huge blue eyes stare deep into mine. ‘I loved you yesterday, I love you still. Always have, always will.’
And just like that, I fall in love with him all over again.
How do we know that Santa is a man?
Because absolutely no woman would wear the same outfit year after year.
December 19th
‘Would you like to sit on Santa’s knee and tell me what you would like for Christmas?’ The Asian Santa Clause asks Lianna mischievously as we take our seats in Saffron.
‘You mean... you didn’t get my email?’ Li holds her hand to her forehead in mock panic and rolls her eyes. ‘That guy is a creep.’
‘I know and believe it or not, he is even creepier without the costume.’ Recognising Santa as Ahmed, our overly friendly delivery driver, I offer him a thin smile and pull out a chair.
With the massive over indulgence lately of chocolate, mince pies and anything roasted, we thought it would be a good idea to take everyone out for Indian food for a change. Now, you are probably thinking that this would be a nice occasion, but Janie turned up her nose at the very first mention of curry. Apparently, spicy food plays havoc with her delicate stomach and the turmeric sets off her asthma. Dramatic just doesn’t cover it. Of course none of us took any notice, we all know the real reason she didn’t want to come is that there is a slight possibility she will go over her five hundred calorie a day diet plan. Personally, I find it hilarious that someone who consumes their weight in alcohol before noon could be that bothered about what she eats.
‘Could I get you any drinks while you look over the menu?’ The friendly waiter asks, passing around a glossy black menu.
‘Scotch.’ Janie roars. ‘Straight up.’
Blimey, she really must be annoyed. On a normal day, Janie’s tipple of choice is a scotch on the rocks. In this case, the absence of the ice is noticeable. Perhaps she is trying to give herself a few more calories to play with. Although I wouldn’t like to be the one to tell her that ice is calorie free.
‘I’m starving.’ Oliver declares, licking his lips as he reads through the menu. ‘We are getting starters, right?’
The entire tables nods in response and places their orders with the waiter. Deciding to go all out, I order a starter, main and a selection of sides before turning to Janie.
‘You gotta be kidding me.’ Janie mutters under her breath before begrudgingly reeling off her order.
The waiter nods and rushes off clutching his notepad. I love spicy food. Especially when it’s freezing cold outside and you can feel the chillies warming you up from the inside out. Come to think of it, it has become somewhat of a December tradition for our group to meet up at Saffron more often than what is deemed healthy. I feel a sudden sadness in my stomach as I realise that our friendly gatherings may soon be a distant memory. Glancing over at Lianna, I notice that she also looks a little preoccupied. Perhaps she is thinking the same thing.
‘Are you all right?’ I lean in closer and notice that she is tapping away on her phone. ‘Who are you texting? Is it a boy?’
‘Oh, it’s... err... nothing! No one.’ Plastering a fake smile to her face, she drops her phone into her bag and changes the subject. ‘Doesn’t it look cool in here?’
Too hungry to get to the bottom of her shifty behaviour, I look around the room and nod in agreement. For a tiny, obscure restaurant, they really do go all out for Christmas. Giant baubles hang from the ceiling and artificial snow has been sprayed on all the windows. Tacky? Maybe. But I for one love it.
‘So, did you girls get your shopping sorted yesterday?’ Randy’s asks, resting his elbows on the table. ‘My guess is that we had a pint for every item you bought. Ain’t that right, Henry?’
My dad lets out a half laugh, half cough sound and shakes his head. ‘If you believe that, then you haven’t seen Rosemary shop.’
‘Oh, is that so?’ Mum raises her eyebrows and chooses to ignore the shopping remark. ‘Remember what Doctor Sidebotham said. No more than three units per week.’
I’m about to chip in with the fact that my mum and Janie had drank more than that before they left the house tonight when the waiter returns with our food. The delicious smell of spices and herbs hits my nose as a plate of yummy looking nibbles is placed down in front of me. Not waiting for everyone else, I pick up my fork and dive in greedily. This might seem rude, but I at least want a few bites before Janie starts moaning about the food. The entire table falls into silence as we tuck into our meal. It always makes me laugh how even the loudest of people can be silenced the second they are presented with food.
‘Jesus Christ!’ Janie’s voice thunders across the table.
‘What’s wrong?’ I knew it wouldn’t be long before she started.
‘This is delicious!’ She swoons, licking her lips between bites.
Almost choking on my onion bhaji, I put down my fork and reach for a napkin. ‘Really?’
‘Finally!’ Randy hollers. ‘Something you like that isn’t cold and green.’
Oliver laughs and jabs her plate with his fork. ‘What did you order?’
Janie grabs a menu from an adjacent table and points animatedly at the dish. Squinting my eyes for a bet
ter look, I peer over her shoulder.
‘Special Spinach Puri. I don’t think I have had that one before.’ Taking the menu from her, I look down at the ingredients and feel my stomach flip.
Spinach and mushrooms cooked in our special mix of spices and finely chopped garlic.
Served with our famous keema rice.
Keema? Oh, God! I may not be an expert in Indian food, but I am almost positive that keema is a type of minced meat. I lock eyes with Oliver as he takes a bite of Janie’s food to see what all the fuss is about. Watching the dawning realisation on his face as he swallows, I bite my lip hard. I don’t even need to look at him to know that he isn’t going to say anything. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, I turn back to my own food and stay silent. If experience has taught me anything, it’s that sometimes saying nothing is the only option. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time that Janie has shot the messenger.
Anyone who doesn’t know what to get me for Christmas obviously doesn’t know where to buy wine...
December 20th
The giant pile of papers on my desk seems higher now than it did this morning. Despite my ongoing efforts, I haven’t made more than a pathetic dent in the mammoth task that is sorting out Marc’s mail. To be fair, between typing out email responses and filing away contracts, I have spent a lot of my time procrastinating. Not about anything in particular, it’s just that for some reason I find watching the tiny snowflakes that are falling past the window strangely mesmerising.
With the majority of the office off work until the New Year, it is only myself, Marc, Lianna, Rebecca and a few of the interns that are here. Well, until 7.30pm this evening that is, as tonight is our office Christmas party. Usually I look forward to our annual get-togethers. Free booze and a free meal, who wouldn’t? However, this year I would rather curl up with Oliver and a cheesy chick flick. Not that Oliver watches chick flicks and the odd time he does, he pops on his headphones and plays video games on his phone. Boys will be boys, I suppose.
Letting out a tired yawn, I allow myself a long stretch before flicking off my computer screen. Earlier in the week, I foolishly promised Marc that I would help with the pre party preparations. At the time I was under the influence of extreme tiredness and hunger so I don’t think it would stand up in court, but never one to break a promise I decide to stick to my word. Kicking my chair under my desk, I grab my handbag and wander across the office in search of Lianna. Thankfully, even though I am feeling more Scrooge than Santa today, Li is full of festive frolics.
‘Are you ready to deck the halls with boughs of holly?’ She trills, throwing a bag of tinsel in my direction.
Watching her hammer a piece of mistletoe to the doorway, I have to admit that her Christmas spirit is a little bit contagious. Until now, the only Christmas spirit that I have been having comes in the form of a sneaky shot of brandy in my morning coffee.
‘Don’t you think that we should move some of the expensive equipment before we start to decorate the place?’ I ask, looking around the room dubiously.
‘Expensive?’ Li screws up her nose and blows a piece of hair out of her face. ‘Like what?’
‘Like the computers? The copy machine? The printers?’
She pauses for a second before shaking her head. ‘No, I think it will be fine...’
* * *
‘Rebecca!’ My scream is so loud it can be heard above the pounding music. ‘Be careful!’
Laughing hysterically and totally oblivious to the fact that she has just spilt a glass of red wine over Marc’s new computer, Rebecca stumbles over to the makeshift dance floor like Bambi on ice. I knew this would happen! I just knew it! In an attempt to save the luxury laptop, I whip off my cardigan and frantically try to soak up the spillage. This isn’t the only drunken disaster we have had over the course of this evening. Ever the clumsy drunk, Oliver tripped over a cable wire and crashed into the photocopier, George from HR dropped his egg mayonnaise sandwich on the floor which was inevitably trodden into the carpet and that all happened before one of the interns puked into the bin. Yes, it is safe to say that it is definitely not wise to hold office parties in the actual office.
‘Just leave it.’ Li waves around her glass wildly and collapses into Marc’s plush leather chair. ‘No point crying over spilt wine!’
Listening to her cackle like it is the funniest thing that anyone has ever said, I bite my lip in an attempt to stop myself from laughing. Lianna is my favourite drunk person to be around. Her larger than life laugh is comical at the best of times, but when she has had a drink it is frankly hilarious. Deciding to stop playing the part of mother hen, I kick off my stilettos and drop down into a chair opposite her.
‘So, have you made any New Year’s resolutions yet?’ Lianna slurs, taking a slug of Pino Grigio.
‘Not yet.’ I answer honestly. ‘I haven’t really thought about it much to be honest.’
‘Aren’t you going to ask me if I have made any?’ She stretches out her legs on the table and narrowly misses knocking over Marc’s very expensive desk lamp.
‘OK...’ I reply, slightly bemused at her drunken state. ‘Have you made any?’
‘Well, now that you ask... I have.’ Waving around her glass to emphasise her point, she rests her elbows on the table. ‘I’m going to quit my job.’
‘What?’ My brow creases into a frown as I try to work if she is joking. ‘What the hell are you talking about?’
‘I... am... going... to... quit.... my... job.’ She repeats slowly, as if talking to a naughty three year old.
‘But... why?’ Suddenly worried that she is actually serious, I get up and shut the door.
‘Why? Hmm, maybe because I have worked here for almost ten years? Maybe because now that I am thirty I need to find an actual career? Or maybe because I applied for a job at an Interior Design firm and actually got it!’ Her voice goes so incredibly high as she screeches those last words that I can barely make out what she is saying.
‘No way!’ I slam my hands down on the table as she stamps her feet in excitement. ‘Where?’
‘At East! I was huddled in a sleeping bag feeling all sorry for myself when I filled in the application, but they called the very next day. I only found out last night in Saffron that I had got the job.’ Her mouth stretches into a smile as she speaks. ‘You’re the first person that I have told.’
‘Li! This is fantastic news!’ I knew that she was hiding something in Saffron!
‘Really?’ She reaches across the desk and takes my hand in hers. ‘I was a little worried how you would react.’
‘Why?’
‘Because it means that we wouldn’t see each other every day any more. It means no more lunches in The Bistro, no more Starbucks in the morning, no more after work drinks...’ Lianna’s bottom lip wobbles slightly and I can see that she is trying to hold it together.
‘We could still have after work drinks.’ A lump forms in my throat as I realise just how much I would miss my best friend not being here every day.
Before I have the chance to tear up, Rebecca throws open the office door and allows the thumping music to drift in. ‘It’s time for Secret Santa! Come on!’
Locking eyes with Lianna, I take a deep breath and nod in response as I push myself to my feet. Now is not the time to be getting emotional. As we are dragged onto the dance floor by an inebriated Rebecca, I give Lianna’s hand a little squeeze.
In the space of one week, I have discovered that my two best friends are leaving me. Well, unlike Marc, Lianna is just going across town not to the other side of the world, but for some reason it hurts just the same. Deep down, I know that I should be happy for them. After all, my mother once told me that when all is said and done, we only regret the chances we didn’t take. I guess now it’s my turn to roll the dice and take a chance on my own future, because you never know just how perfect some things can turn out...
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but an extra ten pounds on my
thighs, hips and rear.
December 21st
Thursday morning I find myself alone in the apartment. Luckily I booked today and Friday off months ago so I don’t need to worry about work until after the New Year. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for Oliver and Lianna who are currently battling the rush hour traffic in sub zero temperatures. Feeling rather smug at not being caught in the rat race, I turn up the fire and curl up on the couch with a steaming mug of coffee.
With my parents and the in laws on a trip to Madame Tussauds, I decided to dedicate today to planning our Christmas meal. After weeks of worrying, I am finally going to be proactive about the problem and tackle it head on. Well, if tackling it head on is taking an online cooking course. It was late last night that Lianna emailed me a link to The Idiot’s Guide to Christmas Cooking. At first I laughed it off as a joke, but when I noticed that they promised to turn any cookery clutz into a domesticated goddess in just two hours, I decided to buy into one of their online classes. You see, Li might think she is being funny by making a mockery of my limited skills in the kitchen, but I will have the last laugh when she turns up on Christmas Day to a festive feast to make Heston envious.
Sipping my coffee slowly, I glance over at our huge marble dining table and envisage it dressed for the occasion. I can just see it now, turkey with all the trimmings and enough alcohol to sink the Titanic. Although the food might not be up to much, I am one hundred percent confident in my hosting skills. I was born and raised by Rosemary Andrews after all and with Lianna’s new found love for interior design, I have no doubt that the apartment will be transformed into a wicked winter wonderland. Thinking of Lianna makes my stomach do a little flip. After her drunken babble last night about quitting her job, we didn’t get a chance to talk about it again. Between keeping Rebecca away from the drinks table and trying to get red wine stains out of the carpet, I didn’t have more than two minutes to myself. Hopefully she will have a change of heart now that she doesn’t have a gallon of wine rolling around inside her.
