by Peter McLean
“Oh,” I said.
I must admit I had thought we were a bit past the blind obedience stage, but perhaps I had been wrong about that. Blind obedience to God Almighty was one thing, I supposed, but I was convinced there had been something wrong about that Dominion this time. If there was a war brewing in Heaven then I wasn’t at all sure which side that thing was on. And I wasn’t the only one. Papa Armand had certainly thought the same thing, and I knew I could trust him.
Couldn’t I?
Oh I was buggered if I knew. It was late and I was pissed and everything was starting to just do my head in, if I’m perfectly honest about it.
“Yeah, fair enough,” I conceded. “Look, let’s just get home, shall we?”
Trixie gave me another look, then nodded. “Yes,” she said.
We got back to mine just after four in the morning, and I felt awkward all over again. It had been a fucking long day, to put it mildly, and I really didn’t want to sleep in the sodding office again but, well, after last night, I wasn’t sure where we were with anything any more.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” Trixie said. “Don’t be too long coming to bed.”
Oh. OK, I suppose that was where we were then. I mean, yes, obviously I wanted to share a bed with her – I had wanted that almost since I had first laid eyes on her, but if that was all we were going to do then I was going to struggle a bit if you know what I mean. Oh fuck it, I’m not that proud. I’d take what I could get.
I took my turn in the bathroom after her and came through to the bedroom to find her already in bed, the covers bunched around her waist. She was wearing that white nightdress again, but then of course I was trying not to notice that. I slipped in beside her and turned the light off.
“Night Trixie,” I said.
“Yes,” she murmured into her pillow, already half asleep. “It is.”
I sighed and turned onto my back, and stared at the ceiling.
It really was, wasn’t it?
Chapter 19
She only screamed once in the night, and this time I held off waking her until she stopped by herself. Eventually she settled back into a fitful sleep, and I lay back on my pillows and closed my eyes again. So many things weren’t right I hardly even knew where to start. Me sharing a bed with the woman of my dreams and not being able to touch her seemed at the time to be pretty much top of the list, if I’m totally honest about it. Still, when you compared that minor frustration to the fact that I had accidentally got myself possessed by an archdemon I now couldn’t get rid of, I supposed it paled into insignificance, all things considered. Then there was the small matter of the threat of war in Heaven, Lucifer himself walking around London, a highly dodgy Dominion and an iffy hippy shaman, and the apparently imminent arrival of a goddess called She Who Massacres.
Who’d have my life, honestly?
You there? I thought at the Burned Man.
Always, it replied. I ain’t going to go to sleep when I might miss the chance of you and Blondie getting it on, am I?
Not going to happen, I thought sadly. Sorry mate, I wish it was.
So do I, it said. You’re fucking useless with women, you know that?
Of course I knew that, but oh how grateful I was to have the Burned Man point that out to me. Not. I sighed and turned over. It was light outside now and I didn’t feel like I was going to be getting back to sleep any time soon. Might as well just face the day, I thought.
I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could and pulled a robe on over the boxers and T-shirt I had slept in. I eased the bedroom door open and shut it as quietly as I could behind me, letting Trixie have her sleep. I had a feeling she needed it.
I took a piss then went through to the kitchen and put the kettle on. The clock on the cooker said it was eight thirty so I’d had a grand total of maybe three hours actual sleep if I was lucky, and my head was banging from all the booze I had drunk last night. Today was going to be a pleasure then. I made coffee and sat at the table with it, staring out into Mr Chowdhury’s back yard. For a moment there I wished I smoked. It would have been something to do, at least.
“Bloody hell,” I muttered.
I blew the steam off my coffee and watched a pigeon stalk along the top of the wall, its head bobbing back and forth as it walked. Stupid-looking thing. There was a flash of ginger fur as something hurtled over the wall from the other side, followed by a squawk and a shower of feathers as the pigeon went down.
Morning Rashid, I thought. Enjoy your breakfast.
I went through to the office and noticed the light was flashing on the answer machine. I turned the volume right down before pressing play, not wanting to disturb Trixie. The old-fashioned mechanism clicked and rattled as it came to life, playing the tiny cassette tape.
“It’s Adam,” he said, his voice cutting through my sleep-deprived morning fuzz like a cold knife. “I need to talk to you. Call me.”
He read out a mobile phone number and hung up. The machine beeped and rewound its tape with a harsh rattle. I grabbed a pen and paper and replayed the message, jotting down his number this time. Lucifer’s mobile number for fucksake – I couldn’t help but wonder what that would be worth to some of the idiots on the stupid bloody Internet. Whatever was the world coming to?
Did I really want to call him back though, that was the question. Had things got so fucking bad that I was making common cause with Lucifer of all people? Better the devil you know. Well, he was the fucking only devil I knew, unless you counted the Burned Man. I really had to get their hierarchy straight in my head before much longer. It might be bloody important soon. Experience told me that the Burned Man had outranked Bianakith, in raw power if nothing else, but then they were both archdemons. Where Adam fitted into that as both a fallen angel and a duke of Hell, I had no bloody idea. Still, he was being awfully polite to me since the Burned Man and I had our little meeting of minds, as he had put it. That had to mean something, didn’t it?
I picked up the phone and dialled.
“Adam,” he said when he answered.
“It’s Don,” I said. “Don Drake.”
“Ah, yes,” he said. “Thank you for calling me back, Don. I wasn’t at all sure that you would.”
“I nearly didn’t,” I said.
“Yes well, there we are,” he replied. “Strange times make for strange bedfellows, I’m sure you will agree.”
Strange bedfellows – Rashid had used that same expression, and I liked it even less coming from Adam than I had from him. If either of them thought we were going to be getting that close then they were sadly mistaken. An uneasy alliance was the best anyone could hope for at this point, as far as I was concerned. And I still wasn’t even sure about that.
“Something like that,” I said. “Question for you – if I said ‘Menhit’ to you, would you know who I meant?”
There was a long pause. “I would,” he said at last.
“Thought you might,” I said. “And if I said ‘cat statue’, how would that grab you?”
“No, now you’ve lost me I’m afraid,” he said. “Did you say cat statue?”
“Yeah, as in ‘a statue of a cat’. A really fucking old one, buried deep under London. Bronze age, maybe. Possibly Egyptian, from what I can gather.”
“Have you started drinking already, or are you still drunk from last night?” he asked me. “How do you suppose there would be a bronze age Egyptian statue of anything buried underneath London of all places?”
“Buggered if I know,” I said. “Rashid says he put it there, a long time ago. To keep this Menhit in her box, apparently. Well now it’s knackered and she’s on her way over here, according to him.”
“Rashid,” Adam echoed. “Tell me, Don, how did Meselandrarasatrixiel take to your friend Rashid?”
“There wasn’t a lot of love at first sight,” I admitted. “What’s that got to do with it?”
“I’m interested, that’s all,” Adam said.
I had to remind myself just how
little I could trust this posh prick. Adam had set up Charlie Page and his zombie wife to kill me just because he had been interested to see what I’d do about it, after all. I knew that even if Adam wasn’t exactly my enemy any more, and I still wasn’t completely convinced that was the case, he was still a fucking long way from being on my side.
“I bet you are,” I said. “You’re far too interested in Trixie in general for my liking.”
He laughed, the sound like shards of glass flying down the telephone wires to imbed themselves painfully in my eardrum.
“Oh Don, are you jealous? Truly?”
Yeah I fucking am as it happens. Not that I’d have ever have admitted it to that smug wanker of course, but it was true all the same. I knew Trixie was still more than a little bit in love with him, and I hated it. Oh God, how I hated it.
“No I ain’t,” I said. “Don’t be fucking stupid, we’re not even the same sodding species.”
I blinked. That had to have been the Burned Man speaking up suddenly – I had never even thought of it like that, to be honest about it. But I mean we weren’t, were we?
“I see,” Adam said in a dry tone that made me think he didn’t believe a word of it.
Fuck him, he could believe what he wanted.
“Never mind what you see,” I said. “What are you going to do, more to the point? About Menhit, I mean?”
“What makes you think I would do anything about Menhit?” he asked.
Oh for the love of God, nothing was straightforward with him, was it?
“You’re recruiting soldiers for the coming war, Trixie told me,” I said. “If a rising war goddess isn’t a coming war then I don’t fucking know what is.”
“Hmmm,” he said. “I’m not sure that’s exactly what she told you now, is it?”
I supposed it probably wasn’t, but I’m afraid I couldn’t remember her precise words from a conversation we’d had half a year ago.
“What then?”
“Oh, I believe in being prepared, I have to admit,” he said, “although my concern is the war in Heaven, not whatever may transpire on Earth. I am very invested in the status quo, you understand – a status quo that has left me free to pursue my own interests for a long time now. A regime change Upstairs would not be at all in my best interests, and there may be a very great change afoot indeed unless I can prevent it. If the voices of dissent above can prevail upon Menhit to take their side then that change may become inevitable. She would be a great and terrible weapon indeed, in the wrong hands.”
I had to admit it sounded like he had a point there.
“So the cold war might be about to go hot,” I said. “You’re recruiting soldiers to fucking keep Heaven safe, according to you. Papa Armand is trying to get me to choose a path to walk but he won’t tell me which is which. Bianakith was summoned by God-only-knows-who to undo whatever Rashid did to keep Menhit away from Earth. Bianakith beat the snot out of Trixie and I killed it too late and now Rashid has appeared out of nowhere spreading his tales of fucking woe. Trixie’s Dominion is lying out of its holy arse whatever she wants to think, and she’s gradually going batshit crazy on me again. For pity’s sake Adam, what for the love of God am I supposed to fucking do?”
“I am not,” she said quietly from behind me, “going crazy.”
I slammed the phone down so hard it’s a wonder I didn’t break it. The sudden hostile tension in the room was so electric I could feel it making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I must admit I was cringing, waiting for the blow that had yet to fall. Oh fuck me, how much of that had she heard?
“Trixie…” I started, but it was way too late for that now and I knew it.
“No!” she screamed at me. “No, don’t you dare! Don’t you dare Trixie me Don, not now!”
I made myself turn around and face her. She was standing there barefoot in her nightdress, a length of white silk that barely covered her thighs. The expression on her face was pure bloody murder.
“Oh God I’m sorry,” I said. “Don’t….”
Don’t hurt me, I was thinking, and I hated myself for it. I loved her, and I wanted her, and she still scared the fucking life out of me just the same.
It’ll never happen again, she had said, but I wasn’t too sure how much I believed that.
She glared at me for a moment longer then suddenly sank onto the sofa and put her head in her hands. All the tension drained out of the room at once and I felt myself sag with relief. I wasn’t getting a beating then, that was something. I looked at her, and realised just how broken and defeated she looked right then. Her hard, brittle shell had well and truly cracked, hadn’t it? I got up and went to her.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “Oh Trixie, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it.”
She looked up at me, her long blonde hair falling loose over her eyes.
“You killed Bianakith,” she said in a soft voice. “I have no idea how you managed it but you did, didn’t you? It beat me.”
There didn’t seem to be any point in denying it any more.
“Yeah,” I admitted.
“I lost,” she said.
“Just that one time,” I said.
“I never lose,” she said, and put her head back in her hands again. “I’m a soldier of Heaven. I am a Sword of the Word. I never lose.”
She was crying, I realised. Oh dear God, she was crying, right there in front of me. I couldn’t cope with that. I knelt down in front of her and reached out to take her in my arms. She let me hug her for a moment, then tossed her hair back out of her face and met my eyes.
“Mate with me,” she said suddenly.
I almost died.
“What?” I managed to croak.
“You heard me. I know you want to. Come back to bed and mate with me.”
“I… um…” I said.
Mate with me had to be the least alluring chat up line in history but all the same, this was Trixie for God’s sake. Yes, of course I wanted to. Bloody hell, I wanted to so very much. But all the same… I looked at her then, at the blinding white lie of her aura, and my heart sank.
“Show me your real aura,” I said softly. “Please, just show me. Just for a moment.”
A single tear ran down her cheek. The white illusion disappeared and I looked at her in utter horror. She was more than half gone now. Her beautiful golden glow was a corrupted monstrosity of black streaks and green and purple rot. The black threads were writhing even as I watched, spreading and growing, enveloping the remaining patches of gold as though strangling them. I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tight.
“Oh Trixie,” I said, my face buried in her hair. “Oh my poor darling.”
This was her bloody Dominion’s doing, I was sure it was. I was convinced that thing was teetering on the brink and it was dragging her down with it.
I wasn’t fucking having that, but I had absolutely no idea what I could do to stop it.
“I’m all right,” she said, that waspish tone creeping back into her voice. “Do you want me or not?”
“Yes,” I said at once. “Yes I do, of course I do. You know I do Trixie, but…”
But not like this. She wasn’t in her right mind, I knew that. Not even a little bit she wasn’t. I’d be taking advantage of that, and that would make it basically rape.
Fuck her! the Burned Man urged in my head. What’s fucking wrong with you Drake? Drag her into bed before she changes her fucking mind again.
Yeah, well, it would say that wouldn’t it? The Burned Man had the libido of an alley cat at the best of times, and no morals whatsoever. She was offering herself up on a plate, but it just wasn’t as simple as that, was it? Nothing ever fucking was.
“But what?” she demanded, her voice turning chilly.
Oh shit, I was on thin ice now, I knew I was. If I spurned her now, if I left her feeling scorned and unwanted, I dread to think what would happen. Fucking chivalry. I might not be any sort of white knight, but all the same it seemed to keep getting me i
n hot water.
“I love you,” I said at last.
That knocked her right off her guard, and I have to admit I surprised myself a bit with that one. I mean of course I loved her, but I hadn’t exactly been planning to say so. I’m not that brave, as a rule. She blinked at me in open astonishment.
“You do?”
“Yes,” I confessed, and it really was true. “Yes I do. And I do want you, Trixie, more than I can say. But not… not like this. Not when you’re just trying to make a point, not when you’re upset and hurt and trying to pretend you aren’t. When you want me, I’ll be here.”
There was a long pause.
“What if I never do?” she asked.
Ouch. I blinked and swallowed the hurt like bitter medicine.
“I’ll be here beside you anyway,” I said.
It was true, as well. I would. Pathetic I know, but there we were.
Fucking idiot, the Burned Man said in the back of my head.
“I see,” she said. She pulled away from me then, sat back and pulled her nightdress down to cover her legs as much as it would allow. “Well. Perhaps you’d be good enough to find my cigarettes for me?”
“Sure,” I muttered.
I rounded them up for her and left her sitting on the sofa smoking while I went to take a shower. A long, cold one. After I was done and dressed I came back through into the office to look for her. She had got dressed too, in pale blue jeans and a tight white jumper that almost undid all the good work my cold shower had done. She didn’t seem to have any clothes she didn’t look sexy in.
She was drinking coffee, and I saw she had made one for me as well and left it on the desk. She was hiding her aura again, I noticed.
“Thanks,” I said as I picked it up.
“You’re welcome,” she said, without meeting my eyes.
Oh good, we were back to bloody awkward again then. All the same, I couldn’t even imagine the level of awkwardness we would be at now if I actually had taken her to bed. I was sure that wouldn’t have ended well, for all that I desperately wished it would have. Ah well, such was life.
