by Komal Kant
His eyes were glazed over as they searched mine, waiting for an answer. Finally, the shock faded and I found the ability to speak. Ignoring his drunken words, I took a step forward, searching the street outside and finding that Vincent’s bike was out front.
I shot him a look of disapproval. “You rode over here like this?”
Vincent gave me a half-shrug, placing an arm around my shoulder. “Did you hear me, Stelle? I’m trying to tell you how I feel about you.”
He didn’t know what he was saying. The alcohol was messing with his head and making him say things that he normally wouldn’t say, so I continued to ignore him as I placed a hand around his firm, muscular arm and dragged him down the stairs to Nate’s car—well, I guess it was my car now.
“I’m not listening to you right now. Not when you’re like this. Get in the car so I can take you home.”
I pulled open the passenger side door and waited for Vincent to get in. He didn’t complain—probably because he was too drunk to think of a reasonable argument—and stayed silent as he watched me walk around to the driver’s side.
“I really do have feelings for you, Stelle,” he said once I started up the car and began heading towards Penthill. “I don’t know what it is about you. Maybe it’s everything. Yeah, I think it’s just everything about you. You light up everything around you and all I want to do is be around that light all the time. I want to be around you.”
Vincent sounded sincere enough, but I’d dealt enough with drunken men in my life to know that you couldn’t believe everything they told you. I maintained a stony silence and focused on the road ahead. Vincent was quiet for a long while, and when I glanced over at him, he’d fallen asleep.
With a sigh, I let my thoughts cloud my mind. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel the same way about Vincent. It wasn’t that at all. But I wanted to hear these things from him when he was sober. And then there was a part of me that he knew nothing about and that I wasn’t ready to tell him about yet.
I realized that I had feelings for Vincent—very strong feelings—but he didn’t need me in his life. I came with too many problems of my own.
* * *
Vincent
If you really liked a girl, don’t be stupid and wait until you’re drunk to tell her how you felt.
I’d woken up to Estella shaking me and telling me that we were home, but all I knew was that I was a little drunk and I’d said stupid, cheesy shit to Estella that I probably wouldn’t normally say.
I guess I’d fallen asleep on the ride over here which was why a little of the alcohol had worn off. My head still felt hazy though, kind of like I was seeing the world through a tangled web.
My feet hit the ground and I staggered a little but managed to stay upright. Estella grabbed onto my arm and helped me up the front steps and through the door. I was trying to focus and pull my thoughts together, but all my mind was fixated on was how close Estella was to me and how desperately I wanted to kiss her.
“Are you gonna say anything?” I asked, pulling my arm from her and watching as she turned on the light in the hall.
“What do you want me to say, Vincent?” Estella’s voice was calm, but there was disappointment laced through it. “I’ve told you before that what you’re doing isn’t right. You need to stop this. If you really care about your brother, you have to change for him.”
“I do want to change for him!” I said, slamming the door shut so loud that the house shook. “What do you think I’ve been trying to do the last few weeks?”
Estella barely flinched as she stared me down. “I don’t know what you’ve been trying to do, Vincent! You’re so drunk right now; I don’t even know what to think!”
Something inside me snapped and I pushed her against the wall, locking her in with my arms. My heart was pumping in my head, and there was a surge in my chest and a thrill from being this close to her.
“Think this.” I brought my mouth close to hers. “I’m trying to change for Dylan. And I’m trying to change for you.”
“For me?” Disbelief flitted across her face. “You’ve been nothing but a complete jerk to me.”
“I don’t know how to act around you,” I admitted. “You’re different.”
“That’s your reasoning.” Anger rose in her voice. “I’m different so you ignore me and avoid me? You know what? I don’t want to hear this right now, Vincent. Maybe tell me all this when the alcohol’s not doing all the talking for you.”
Estella made a move to push me away, but I held my ground, pressing my hands into her cool skin. “I need you, Estella.” The words feel out of my mouth before I even knew I was saying them. “I need you to stay here with me.”
My eyes clashed with hers. There was something raging in hers, like a battle was playing out in her mind about her feelings for me and she didn’t want to let them win.
The surging in my chest rushed through my ears and filled up my head with a strange buzzing. Probably some of it was the alcohol screwing with me, but I knew most of it was the way I felt about Estella.
Yeah, I’d been a total jerk to her for most of the time I’d know her, but I didn’t know any other way. Women had been in and out of my life and screwed it up so completely that it was hard to let her in.
But I wanted to. Desperately. Because she made things better. She made me better. I was a better person for knowing her.
Now I just needed to convince her of that.
I paused, and Estella tensed, ready to bolt the minute I released her. Then I lowered my voice and loosened my hold, gently massaging the place where I’d grabbed her. “Stay with me. Stay with me tonight. Don’t leave me.”
Estella was silent for so long that I was certain she was going to turn around and walk out of my house, leaving me forever. I couldn’t blame her if she did.
Instead, she nodded. “I’ll stay with you.”
Shock hit me hard in the chest. I hadn’t expected her to stay with me. I didn’t know what had made her agree to stay with me—maybe she just didn’t want to argue with a drunken idiot like me—or maybe a part of her was starting to admit that she had feelings for me. Either way, I wasn’t complaining whatever her reasons were.
“Come on.” I took her by the arm gently and led her down the hall, past Dylan’s room, to where mine was located right at the end.
This house wasn’t much to look at, but me and my brothers had done our best to fix it up over the years and had expanded it so that we had a lot more room. My room was one of the new rooms we’d built, and it stretched across almost half the back of the house with a window view of the trees that surrounded the creek.
I didn’t bother turning on the light; I just led Estella right to my bed and pulled back the covers, waiting for her to get in. She hesitated for a few seconds, but finally slid into the bed.
Taking a deep breath and telling my hormones to keep themselves under control, I slid in beside her and pulled the covers over us. It was a cold night and I could feel her shaking beside me, so I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.
When she didn’t fight me and relaxed against me, I let out a breath and planted a kiss on her forehead. We lay there in the silence, both of us wide awake, but neither of us saying anything. It was a comfortable silence; nothing needed to be said. We weren’t going to have sex; I just needed her with me.
It’d been a long time since I’d had a girl in my bed without having sex with her, but that’s not what I wanted to do with Estella right now. All I wanted was to be close to her, so she knew that, yeah, I was drunk; I was stupid, but I cared about her more than she could understand.
Finally, when the silence became too much for me, I spoke. “I meant everything I said tonight.”
“I know.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Estella
Even though Vincent and I hadn’t had sex last night, I felt like I was doing the walk of shame when I left his bedroom the next morning and walked to the kitchen.
If you
asked me why I’d decided to stay the night with him and sleep in the same bed, I honestly couldn’t tell you. Maybe it was because I did have strong feelings for him, or maybe it was because he had sounded completely genuine about everything he’d said to me last.
Whatever my reasons were, I’d made my choice. I’d chosen to stay with him. And you know what? I’d actually liked it. I’d liked being close to him and holding him, and running my fingers over the taut muscles of his stomach.
I’d liked that he hadn’t tried to make a move on me even though he’d been drunk and could easily overpower me. Most of all, I liked that I could trust him.
The delicious smell of bacon and eggs frying wafted in from the kitchen, and when I stepped inside, I found Vincent and Dylan standing at the stove.
“Um, good morning,” I said, suddenly feeling shy.
Both Vincent and Dylan turned around, and Dylan ran to me and hugged me so tight that my ribs started to hurt.
“Estella! Vin’s cooking up breakfast for us!”
My eyes locked with Vincent’s. His expression was serious as he watched me before turning back to the stove and continuing with his cooking.
“Oh, wow,” I said, not really what to make of Vincent cooking. I didn’t even know he could cook. “Iguess I'm rubbing off on you, huh? Well, I'm pretty hungry so I'mexcited to try Vincent's cooking."
Dylan beamed. “Let me get you a plate.”
He bounded off and started rummaging around in the cupboard. Vincent turned around again and took the pan off the stove and advanced towards me.
“Sit down, darlin’.”
Sill surprised that Vincent had cooked breakfast, I took a seat at the table unsure of how to act around him. Was he still the same guy from last night who'd confessed his feelings for me, or was he someone completely different? Sometimes with Vincent you never knew what you were going to get.
Dylan set the table and sat down across from me, and Vincent walked over with the frying pan and filled my plate with eggs and bacon. There was way too much food for me on the plate, but it smelled delicious.
Vincent sat down across from me and gave me the smallest smile. "Eat up, Stelle."
I didn't want to offend him so I dug into the eggs. They were a little under cooked so I took a bite of bacon instead. It was difficult to bite into so I put it back on the plate and stared around at the table.
There was an awkward silence as we all looked at each other before Dylan burst inti laughter.
“Hey, if it’s that bad, just say it.” Vincent said, scowling back at us.
“It’s really bad,” I blurted out.
“You try and do something nice for someone but no one appreciates it.” Despite the scowl on his face, Vincent’s tone was light and it was pretty clear that he wasn’t actually annoyed. He ate a forkful of eggs and made a face. “Okay, fine, it does taste bad.”
The entire situation got to me and I also started laughing. Vincent tried to glare at me, but as soon as he made eye contact, he burst into laughter too.
“Do we have to eat this?” Dylan asked, picking at his eggs with his fork.
“No, Kid, you don’t have to.” Vincent reached over and tousled his hair. “Why don’t you go eat some cereal? I need to talk to Estella for a sec.”
“Okay, sure.” Dylan pushed his chair back and stood up, and was just about to walk across the kitchen when he stopped and fixed me with a strange look. “Hey, why is Estella here so early?”
My cheeks immediately flamed at Dylan’s innocent question and my eyes darted to Vincent for help.
“She brought me home last night and fell asleep here.” Vincent didn’t miss a beat.
“Oh, okay.” Dylan shrugged and proceeded to the cupboard.
I didn’t know why I hadn’t said that instead of feeling all awkward about it. I guess a part of me felt like something more had happened between Vincent and me, even though it hadn’t.
Vincent stood up and I followed him out onto the porch. We were silent for a few minutes before Vincent finally spoke.
“I’m sorry for putting you in that position last night.” He paused. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. I’ve thought about the things you’ve said to me. I’ve thought about the choices I’ve made and what I can do differently.”
He turned his obsidian eyes on me, and it was like they were on fire. “I want to change for you. I need you to know that I can be a better person. I remember everything I said to you last night and I meant every single word. I want you to know that.”
My voice was soft when I spoke. “I believe you.”
I reached out and touched his face, his mouth, his forehead. Our eyes drank each other in and I suddenly felt as though the final obstacle between us had been overthrown. Whatever walls had been built up between us were now gone.
Vincent was someone I could trust. He was a friend.
* * *
When Vincent pulled up outside my house, my heart sank. Seth’s BMW was parked out front.
I knew he’d come over to see Savannah, but honestly, I didn’t want him to see me with Vincent. He wouldn’t like that I was hanging out with a guy like Vincent. I mean, it had nothing to do with him who I spent my time with, but I just knew that this was not going to play out well.
“Whose car is that?” Vincent asked, a protective edge in his voice as we both got out of the car.
There really wasn’t any way to avoid the confrontation that was coming. I could already sense that Seth and Vincent would not warm to each other.
The front door opened and Seth and Savannah stepped outside. Savannah waved at me. “I thought I heard you pull up!” She raised her eyebrows in question at Vincent but said nothing.
Seth, on the other hand, looked mad as we all met halfway. There was an awkward silence in which Seth—dressed in a crisp, clean suit—and Vincent—dressed in his usual leather jacket and jeans—eyed each other up.
Seth’s bottom lip curled and he looked revolted. “Who the hell is this, Estella? You stay out all night with guys like this? Where were you?”
Before I could open my mouth, Vincent took a step forward. “I’m Vincent Madden. Who the fuck are you?”
Seth looked like he’d been slapped across the face. I guess no one had ever spoken to him like that before. We Markson kids were always polite and well-mannered. Vincent was from another world.
“I’m Estella’s cousin.” Seth straightened up and puffed out his chest like a rooster on display. In comparison to Vincent, there was nothing impressive about him.
Vincent snickered and he had that smirk playing around his mouth whenever he was feeling particularly smug or confident about something. He turned to me and lowered his voice.
“Dylan told me it’s your birthday tomorrow. I want you to come by the house at six.” He eyes flickered over to Seth. “If that’s okay with your cousin.”
Seth’s face turned red and he looked like he was about to say something nasty to Vincent but then thought better of it.
“My cousin doesn’t own me,” I said, fixing Seth with a fierce look.
“Good. As long as he knows that.” Vincent ran a hand through my hair and inclined his head at Seth before leaving.
I didn’t even bother acknowledging Seth further, and hurried past him and into the house, wondering what Vincent had planned for me.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Vincent
“Vincent, I can’t see anything!” Estella cried, waving her arm in front of her as she tried to feel for anything that was in her way.
She was blindfolded and I had her other arm linked through mine, guiding her down the path to the creek.
“It’s just a little further,” I said into her ear, smiling at the way goosebumps popped up on her neck.
When we finally reached the clearing in front of the dock, I took of Estella’s blindfold and waited for her to react.
Her eyes grew wide and she clamped a hand over her mouth, staring at me like she wasn’t sur
e what to say. “I-you-oh my gosh! You did this for me?”
I nodded, placing a hand on her lower back. “Yeah, I knew you liked the creek so I got Dil to help me out a little.”
Estella’s eyes wandered over the lanterns in the trees, to the fairy lights wrapped around the tree branches, and then to the table set up just in front of the dock. There was a picnic basket on it with some bread and cheese and chicken that I’d bought pre-cooked—nothing fancy, but I hoped it was the gesture that counted.
Estella’s face was glowing when she turned to me. “This is amazing! I can’t believe you did all this! No one’s ever done anything like this for me before.”
“I hope you like it,” I said, leading her to the table and pulling out her chair for her.
Once she was seated, all I could do was stare at her. Estella was goddamn beautiful and here she was looking at me like I was the most amazing person she’d ever laid eyes on.
And there was a smile on her face—a genuine smile that I’d given her, not that fake shit she was always putting on.
I served her up a plateful of food and she eyed it warily before accepting it.
“Don’t worry,” I said with a laugh. “I didn’t cook it this time.”
“I liked that you cooked for me,” Estella said as she chewed on a piece of chicken. “Even though I’ve tasted better food from an eight-year-old.”
“Ouch, that hurts my feelings.”
Estella laughed, tilting her head to the side so that her honey brown locks flowed over her shoulders. She was so beautiful and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was everything I needed. Nothing else mattered anymore.
“I’m glad that you’re trying to change, Vincent. It gives me hope.”
I reached across and took her hand in mine. “I’m trying to change for you. I want you to see that I can be a better person. I want you to proud of me instead of being disappointed all the time.”
“Yes, but you being in this gang, you fighting, those are things that aren’t right. You can’t use violence and intimidation to solve all your problems.”
