I’m sure I’m grinning like a fool as he leads me back to the table. Paige gives me a giant thumbs up—super subtle there—as I slide into the booth next to Daisy. Levi squeezes my shoulder gently before walking over to the other side of the table and taking his seat next to Lennon.
“Wow,” Daisy whispers in my ear. “You guys practically set the dance floor on fire out there. You should have seen the way he was looking at you!”
“I did,” I laugh. “The view was even better from my vantage point.
“Why in the hell are we still sitting here?” Paige asks. She appears to be about two cosmos into the evening, which puts her right into the I-want-to-dance-now mode. And since there’s very little arguing with her once she enters that mode, I follow her and Daisy back out onto the floor.
“You’re boring,” Daisy calls to Daltrey as we leave him and the other guys at the table.
“I can just enjoy the view better from right here,” he says, winking at her.
Daisy isn’t charmed. “Whatever. Sit there like a lame-o.”
I find that I’m much more in the mood to dance tonight than I was back in New York. For the first time in months, I feel light. Unburdened and unworried. I can laugh with Paige while we dance without thinking about her leaving me in a few weeks. I can glance over at the boys without getting that sick feeling in my stomach, the one that means I don’t belong here. I can just dance and have fun with my friends, without any subtext or complication.
After several songs, Daisy puts her hand on my shoulder. “I think I need some water,” she says. “Apparently, pregnant dancing is a lot harder than regular dancing.”
The waitress for our section is nearby, so I flag her down and request waters for each of us so Daisy doesn’t feel singled out. While we wait for our drinks, we lean against the balcony railing, watching the club goers dancing down below. “This place is awesome,” Paige says happily. “I have to convince Reed to install some of those flashing chandeliers in his living room for parties.”
I catch Daisy’s eye and we both look away, trying not to laugh. Poor Reed. Speaking of Reed… My gaze flickers over to the table where the guys are still sitting. They’re taking turns flicking bottle caps from their beers into a shot glass. They’re all laughing as Cash takes his turn, and I can tell from way over here that they must be ragging on him. When he sinks his bottle cap, he lets out a triumphant yell that I can hear even over the pounding music. Levi says something, and they all crack up again, Daltrey slapping his shoulder.
I catch Daisy’s eye again, and it looks like she might be teary. I feel a little teary myself, seeing Levi with the boys, back where he belongs, everyone having fun, goofing off the way they always did.
Suddenly, Daisy throws her arms around me. “Thank you,” she whispers in my ear. “Thank you for bringing him back.”
“I didn’t do anything,” I say, surprised, but she only squeezes me tighter.
“I knew it as soon as you said you saw him this winter. He came back because of you, Karen.”
“That’s not true. Really.” I can’t tell her that he came back for Lennon, but Daisy doesn’t seem to register my argument, regardless. She finally pulls away, but she keeps her hands on my shoulders, looking into my face.
“Then you made it easier for him to come back.” She still looks teary. “Either way—thank you.”
The waitress reappears with our waters, and Daisy finally lets me go with one last squeeze of my shoulders. The three of us relax against the balcony, looking out over the club, Daisy and Paige laughing about something. I turn her words over and over in my head.
If she’s right, if I did make it easier for him to come back, then it seems like I’ve finally done something to be proud of when it comes to men.
***
We stay at the club for another hour. The boys do join us on the dance floor for a few songs, and we join them at the table for more drinks. Everyone seems to be in a great mood, even Lennon, and I’m so glad Paige went to the trouble of planning the night out.
After a few more drinks, Paige decides she’s tired of life in the VIP section. “I want to go and dance with the people, K,” she tells me, her eyes very wide and serious. “Come with me so we can dance with the people.”
“There are lots of people up here,” I tell her, but she shakes her head.
“No, I mean, the people. You know. Like, the people of the world. The regular people.” She hiccups. “VIP is all about exclusive and privilege, and I, Karen”—she grabs my hands, her face very close to mine—“I am a girl of the people.”
“Oh my God,” I mutter. Reed is laughing behind her.
“I’ll go down there with her,” he offers, but Paige shakes her head.
“No. You are not one of the people. You are a VIP.” She giggles. “Very important percussionist.”
“Okay,” I say, pulling her into an upright position. “Let’s go down for one dance. And then we can come back up here and maybe get you started on some coffee.”
“I don’t need coffee,” she tells me, jumping up from the booth. She’s surprisingly steady on her feet. “I just need to dance with—”
“With the people, yeah, I heard you the first ten times.”
I have to admit that the vibe downstairs is pretty cool. As nice as the VIP section is, there’s just something about being crammed onto a dance floor with hundreds of people, everyone having fun, everyone hyped to be there. Our one dance turns to three, and I’m out of breath and sweaty by the time Paige asks for a break to get another drink.
“I don’t think you need another cosmo,” I tell her.
She tries to make a dismissive sound, but it comes out more like a toddler blowing raspberries. Which of course makes her giggle. I’m laughing too when a man suddenly appears at my side with two bottles of water. “Thought you guys looked thirsty.”
“Dan!” Paige cries, throwing her arms around his neck. “I haven’t seen you in ages!”
“You saw me last night at the show.” He laughs.
“I know, but not today,” she says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. She grins down at the water bottles. “Look, Karen! Dan brought us water. It’s like magic!”
“Sorry,” I tell him. “Paige is feeling a little silly. The effect of many cosmos.”
“Many, many cosmos,” she adds, giggling. She takes a swig of the water. “That’s good. Thanks, Dan. Hey! Do the guys know you’re here? We should go tell them.” Before I can stop her, she’s striding across the edge of the dance floor, tripping a little on her way to the stairs.
“Paige,” I call, my voice swallowed up by the music. “I don’t like her going off on her own,” I mutter, trying to keep my eyes on her.
“There’s Reed,” Dan says, pointing. He’s right. Reed is at the bottom of the stairs, and he catches Paige as she stumbles into him, laughing.
I breathe a sigh of relief before I realize that her leaving means I’m standing alone with Dan Brooks.
“You look great tonight,” he says, leaning in close so I can hear him over the noise of the club. “I’ve been watching you for a while.”
“What are you doing here?”
He gestures back to the stairs, where some of the crew have now joined Paige and Reed. “You guys aren’t the only ones who wanted to get out and enjoy Vegas.”
“Did you know I would be here?” I ask, frowning. There are a hell of a lot of clubs in this city—what are the odds they would pick this one?
Dan snorts. “I’m not the one who decided on where we would go,” he says. “We’ve been club crawling all down the Strip.” His eyes flicker over my face. “Besides, I think I know a lost cause when I see it.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re radiant, Karen.” There’s a twinge of regret on his face. “I can see you’re really happy with Levi. I don’t have any plans to mess that up for you.”
I’m surprised by his words. I hadn’t thought of him as someone who car
ed about my happiness for a long, long time.
“I do miss you, though.” He sighs, looking down at his drink. “I’ll regret messing this up for the rest of my life.”
I wondered if I would regret it—the relationship I’d had with this man. For a long time, it seemed destined to remain the worst of a lifetime of romantic regrets. But now? For the first time since I left his hotel in Nashville, I realize that I can stand next to him without feeling sick. Without wishing for something—the touch of his hands, the feel of his lips. I can stand next to him and feel pretty much…nothing.
“Don’t spend your life regretting,” I say, so relieved by my revelation that I want to cheer out loud. “There’s no point. You should try to be happy with Cheryl.”
He looks up. “You haven’t heard? She left me.” He shakes his head. “Can’t say that I blame her.”
He looks so lost in that moment that it tugs on my heart. I reach over and squeeze his arm. “I’m sorry. But you should look at this as your second chance. You said you weren’t happy. So go find someone that makes you happy.”
I should never have touched him. Because it made him think it was okay to touch me. He reaches up and cups the side of my face, peering down into my eyes. “I already did. But I blew it.”
There’s a part of me, still, that wants to lean my cheek into his hand, to relish the feeling of his fingers on my skin after all this time. But I know that’s just the memories talking. So I straighten, pulling away from him. “I wasn’t the one that was supposed to make you happy, either, Dan. So that means she’s still out there somewhere.” And heaven help her, I think, as I turn to go. I don’t want to stand there with Dan anymore. Don’t want to hear about his regrets or his sadness. I know now that I really have moved on. And the only thing I want to do is get to the guy who is waiting for me upstairs.
***
I find Levi leaning against the balcony, a drink in his hand. He’s staring down at the dance floor, and I can’t read his expression. “Hey.” I slide up next to him, but he still doesn’t react. “How’s it going up here?”
“Pretty much the same.” His voice is flat, and my first thought is that he got into an argument with Daltrey. My stomach dropping, I look over to the table. Dalt is sitting with Daisy, an arm around her shoulders, their heads close together. They’re alone at the table, everyone else apparently dancing. I watch as he kisses her shoulder, Daisy running her fingers over the top of his blond hair. They look pretty blissful.
A horrible thought occurs to me as I turn back to Levi. Is that why his attitude seems so changed from when I left? Is he feeling hurt by their PDA? They aren’t being excessive or inappropriate—I saw plenty of people doing much more R-rated things down on the dance floor. So if Levi is upset about it, does that mean…
“Where’d Lennon go?” I ask, my mouth feeling dry.
“Back to the villa with Cash,” Levi says in that same flat voice that’s starting to make me feel ill. “Guess he didn’t need me to stick around, after all.”
“Did you…did you want to go back then?” I ask. Every spark that I had been feeling between us has disappeared. What in the hell could have changed since I went downstairs? I don’t want to believe that he’s feeling upset about Daisy, not after everything. But what else could explain this?
“Yeah,” he says, turning from the balcony. He doesn’t touch me, doesn’t even look at me. “I’m pretty tired.”
I feel numb as I follow him to the stairs, waving at Daisy as I go so she knows not to worry about me. But she must see something in my face, or maybe she can read the body language between Levi and me, because her face falls.
He doesn’t say a word to me until we’re in the limo outside. “You could have stayed,” he finally mutters once we’ve pulled away from the curb. “If you were having such a good time.”
“I… Did you want me to stay?” I can’t tell if I feel numb or if I’m about to burst into tears. The night had been going so well.
“No.” He talks to the window, not to me. “I want you to do what you like. That’s what allies are for, right?” There’s a bitterness to his voice that I haven’t heard in ages. Not since he found out about Daisy’s pregnancy. It sends a chill down my spine.
“Levi, what’s going on? Why are you acting like this?” I curse the shaking in my voice. Why do I always have to appear so weak in these situations, when a guy I like is running away?
Why do they always run away?
“I got carried away,” he mutters, still to the window. “I thought…” He shakes his head and his hands clench on his knees. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”
“Is this about…” I don’t want to say Daisy’s name. I’m too afraid he’ll tell me I’m right.
“It’s not about anything,” he says. “I think it’s better if we just go back to our rooms and forget about this whole night.” His hands clench again. “We can go back to normal tomorrow.”
I feel like he’s slapped me. He wants to go back to normal? What does that mean?
I reach out to touch his shoulder, desperate to make him look at me, to try to read whatever the hell is going on in his eyes. “Levi—”
“You should have told me,” he says, his voice soft and angry. I freeze, my hand an inch from his shoulder. “You should have told me that you still had feelings for him.”
“For who?”
“Dan.” He turns to face me, and I drop my hand quickly. “You should have told me that it wasn’t over.”
“What?” I couldn’t have been more shocked if he told me he was into Dan. “What on earth are you talking about?”
He runs his hands through his hair. “I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised,” he mutters. “You told me that you still loved him, even after everything. I guess I just thought that it stopped.” The bitterness in his expression is so strong, it makes me feel sick. “It was stupid of me. I knew that we were just pretending to be together because of your feelings for him. I guess I didn’t realize that you were using me too.”
“Levi!” I cry. “I never used you! I don’t even know what you’re talking about!”
“I saw you two,” he says, finally looking at me. His eyes are cold, so unlike the Levi I know. “On the dance floor. I saw how he touched you, and how you reacted. It’s fine, Karen. You didn’t owe me anything. I just wish you would have told me.”
“Nothing happened! He was telling me how happy I looked and—”
“Yeah, he told me the same thing,” Levi says, and I stop short. He had talked to Dan too? “Said it was great to see you so happy. That he noticed it every time he talked to you. Funny, I didn’t think you really talked to him at all anymore.”
“Levi, stop it. I don’t know what he said to you but it’s all bullshit. I don’t have feelings for him. I don’t talk to him. You know that.”
“I thought I did.”
I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe he would be so quick to think the worst of me after everything the two of us have been through. He knows me.
“I should have expected it, I guess,” he says, turning away again. “That’s my luck, isn’t it? The girl always falls for the other guy. Even when he’s the asshole. Why did I think you would be different?”
Suddenly, I want to slap him. “This isn’t about me at all,” I whisper. “This is about her.”
He turns back to me, his eyes flashing. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m not Daisy, Levi! I didn’t pick the other guy. And if you would get your head out of your ass and think about it, you would know that. Because you know me! I don’t have feelings for Dan. But you’re so caught up in your bitterness—”
“My bitterness?”
“Yes!” I’m shouting now, and I’m glad there’s a partition between us and the driver. “You’re still so caught up in your bitterness about what happened with Daisy, you can’t see what’s in front of your eyes. She has you so scared—”
“She never made me sc
ared,” he snaps. “I’m not a child, Karen.”
“Bullshit you weren’t scared. Why’d you take that job then?”
“Because I needed to get away. I thought you understood that.”
“You could have worked for any band in the country,” I say, trying and failing to keep my voice steady. “Any of the other boys would have given you a reference. You had experience. You did not have to go off to some rundown lodge in the middle of nowhere. You went there on purpose. You went there to hide.”
He’s breathing so heavily, I can see the rapid rise and fall of his shoulders. “What about you, Karen?” he asks, his voice low and angry. “You wanna talk about being scared? I’ve never seen a woman willing to accept so little.”
“I don’t—”
“Oh, come on. All those guys you dated, the ones that treated you like crap? You were always so willing to go back for more. Look at what you accepted with Dan—whatever little scraps he would give you. Hell, look at what you accepted with me. A fake boyfriend is better than nothing, right?”
I slap him before I even realize my hand is moving. The sound echoes in the now-silent limo, his head snapping back under the force. He just stares at me, not saying a word.
“Maybe I do accept too little,” I whisper. “Maybe that’s something I need to work on. I thought I had. I thought you were the one that would be different.” Is that regret in his eyes? I’m too angry and hurt to care. To my relief, the limo slows and I can see the villa through my window. We’re back. “You don’t accept what you deserve, either, Levi. And as long as you let this bitterness rule your life, you never will.”
The car has barely pulled to stop, but I’m already pulling on the door handle, stumbling to my feet. I run to the door of the house, terrified I won’t be able to get away from him before the tears come. I’ve never let a man see me cry, and I refuse to let Levi be the first.
Before I can get through the front door, my cell phone is ringing in my purse. I ignore it as I half stumble on my heels toward the stairs. It immediately starts to ring again. I pull it from my purse and see Paige’s name flashing on the screen. Knowing I won’t be able to talk to her now without losing it, I press the ignore button. Again, she calls right back.
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