While I mingled, I kept a keen eye out for others in attendance that would pique my interest, still half looking for a sign that I shouldn’t be thinking about Tanner the way that I was. Of the couple dozen women there, no. Not a one. Not that all the women were plain, although there certainly were some plain, androgynous females present, that said, there were several who were quite sexy and were definitely using that to their advantage.
And the men? I was interested to explore the notion that was I attracted to men. Or just Tanner? Oddly, there were a couple of men in the room who commanded a presence with confidence, and I couldn’t pull my eyes from them. They were also meticulously dressed and styled, right down to their five o’clock shadow. On both accounts, so was Tanner. Was I attracted to these men? Or was I only drawn to them because they were like Tanner. Frankly, it was because they were like Tanner.
Once six o’clock rolled around, I started checking my watch compulsively. Six-thirty couldn’t’t get here soon enough. Around ten after, it occurred to me that I was in a suit. What kind of restaurant was Tanner thinking of going to tonight? I sent him a quick text asking if tonight’s dinner would be ‘dressy’ or casual. Almost immediately he texted back:
6:18pm
Up to you. What are you
in the mood for?
I wasn’t sure if he was flirting with me, but he had to know how that text sounded. I searched my brain for a witty response when the phone buzzed again.
6:19pm
I meant what kind of
FOOD are you in the
mood for. ;) And do you
feel like wearing a suit,
or jeans. I’m in jeans now.
I actually laughed out loud drawing the attention of a several people near me. I thought about it for a moment, and texted back.
6:20pm
Been in a suit all
day. Casual/jeans
sounds good. Burgers or
pizza?
I held my breath as I awaited his reply. As I waited, I thought about texting. Phoebe was always texting and I never understood the excitement or anticipation. I’d only texted with Elizabeth a bit, and I never really waited for a reply, until that time that she picked up and left me. I didn’t like when she ignored me, but I never really stared at the screen until a reply came in. Mostly I had texted to ask her to do a favor, or tell her I was going to be late. Now, I felt like my life depended on every reply…From someone…no, some man, I met just a couple of weeks ago and had somehow gotten under my skin, in the most unexpected way.
6:22pm
Done. See you
in 10.
I quickly finished my drink and slipped out of the happy-hour and up to my room where I changed into jeans and a blue polo shirt. I smiled when I realized the color of the shirt was very similar to the color of Tanner’s eyes. Thinking of his eyes… eyes you could get lost in…woke up my lower half, and now I would have to contend with a semi hard-on. But I couldn’t help it. When I thought of Tanner, my body reacted. Then all the images from the ‘research’ I had been doing started to play in my head.
I freshened up my gin and tonic from the happy hour with supplies from the room’s mini-bar to calm my nerves. I was going to see Tanner, again. I was going to open up about my history so we could move forward. I don’t know why I was so nervous. I mean I was a forty-five year old man who had been married and had three kids. Now I was considering a relationship with a man. Happened every day, right? I shook my head as I laughed at my own pep talk. Yup, it was official. I was crazy and acting like a teenager.
At six-thirty, I strolled into the lobby and looked around. I didn’t see Tanner and was a bit disappointed when I didn’t see him. My phone buzzed, and eagerly I checked the screen.
6:35pm
Not finding a spot
to park. Can I wait
for you out here?
Red Jeep.
My body flushed hot with anticipation. I wondered what he was wearing. He said jeans, but what color shirt? I was going to be in his car. I was nervous, and excited, and felt completely sophomoric. I pushed through the front door of the lobby and immediately spotted a very shiny, red Jeep Wrangler, the kind with the removable canvas top.
The second our eyes met, his trademark smile hit his face, my heart flipped. God, he was gorgeous! He wore a dark red button-down. The color was absolutely perfect on him, making my mouth water, and I felt a little underdressed in a golf shirt.
“Hey,” I said, my nerves still shot, and even more off kilter with how damn good he looked.
“So, in the mood for some famous Chicago-style pizza? I thought we’d go to Bella Bacino’s. Best stuffed pizza in town, in my opinion, anyway.”
“Let’s do it,” I said.
As we drove to this Bella place, Tanner asked me about the conference. I gave him the briefest of descriptions of what I had to sit through. He laughed and confessed that he probably would have fallen asleep and he gave me credit for not doing that.
“You look good in that color, by the way,” he said, shooting a look my way.
“And you look good in red,” I said back.
He smiled as he swung his Jeep into a parking space.
“Hungry?” he asked, a teasing smirk gracing his lips, or maybe it was just me.
It was a nice night, and we were able to get a patio table. We shared a pitcher of beer, Tanner ordered us a “stuffed” pizza where apparently the cheese and toppings, sausage and peppers in this case, were between two layers of crust, and the sauce was on top.
While we waited for the pizza, Tanner talked about the upcoming game. “This game coming up on Saturday—the game you’re coming to,” he smiled at me, “is against the Austin Avengers. We’ve not won against them in three years. This year is our year. So, we’re practicing extra hard.”
“I’m really looking forward to the game. Never been to a live soccer game before, but from what I’ve seen on TV, and learned about the game, I’m really looking forward to it.”
“Excellent! I set you up in the team’s ‘party box.’ It’s a bunch of family and friends of everyone on the team, since you weren’t going with anyone. I hope that’s okay.”
“Sounds great. I guess if I have a question about a call, I can always ask one of them, right?”
“Good point. Hadn’t thought of that.”
The pizza arrived and the server plated us each a slice. It looked amazing, and smelled even better. This wasn’t like any pizza I’d had before. It wasn’t the ‘pick-it-up-with-your-hands-and-eat-it kind. The cheese oozed with its toppings from the center onto the plate, tinged with the red sauce. I couldn’t wait to take a bite.
Tanner was right. This pizza was the best tasting pizza I’d ever eaten.
“So, Greg. What’s your story?” he asked, taking his first bite, and satisfied that I was happy with the choice.
I took a sip of the beer before starting. It was go time.
“I used to be married, twenty-two years. Our divorce finalized a few months ago.” I said.
Tanner’s eyes widened. “Wow,” he said simply. “Married. Twenty-two years. Hmm. Gotta say, I really didn’t see that one coming.”
I nodded, and took a bite of pizza, then started my full story.
“I met Elizabeth in college; she was a sophomore, I was in my last semester. I’d been going through one night stands with random girls like the end of the world was coming.” I shrugged remembering how I’d felt then. Unfulfilled. Empty. “I’d gotten bored with it all, not to mention the girls I only saw once and never again. Elizabeth was quiet, and sweet, and everything the other girls hadn’t been. She liked taking care of me, and—I dunno—we were very comfortable with each other. Anyway, I proposed just as I was graduating. She wasn’t even twenty. I actually remember being shocked when she said yes, but I went with it.”
I took a bite of pizza, and another sip of beer, checking Tanner’s reaction to my story so far. He simply looked interested. Not disgusted or judgme
ntal in any way. I continued.
“I got a job right after I graduated. Just a couple of miles from the school. Elizabeth would stay at my apartment most nights, but would stay at the dorms when she had an early class or a big test the next day. Having her in my apartment was great. She cooked and cleaned, and ran errands for me. Like I said, she liked taking care of me. And she wasn’t very demanding in bed, which was a nice change.
“We married the month she graduated, and Elizabeth got pregnant right away. Bradley, our oldest was born just a couple of weeks before our first anniversary. Carter came about year after Bradley. Phoebe is a little more than a year behind Carter. With each new arrival, I threw myself more into work. I know I said it was because I had more mouths to feed, and more college tuition to fork out, but to be honest…” I took a deep breath.
What was the honest part here? I knew in my heart what the truth was…and now that I was telling this story out loud, I knew. Looking at Tanner, into his clear blue eyes, it was clear to me. “To be honest I wasn’t happy. Don’t get me wrong. I love my children. I think they are amazing. And every day they make me proud, but,” I swallowed and ate another bite before continuing. Staring at Tanner, reality slapped me across the face, and I felt the sting of unshed tears rise in my eyes. “I didn’t love Elizabeth the way I should have. She would talk, and I didn’t really listen. I found her tedious. I didn’t have a connection to her. She was more like my caretaker. I took care of providing a house, and food, and vacation, and all the things, but emotionally, I didn’t have anything to give.”
I had to stop a moment and collect my nerves. I pushed away the tears that were about to spill over. “But you do care for her. That’s obvious,” Tanner offered kindly.
“Yeah, but as the mother-of-our-children kind of way, not in the way a husband should. Not as ‘my-other-half.’ More like a friend, but I was even a bad friend. I didn’t give her much thought when I wasn’t sitting right next to her, and even when I was…” I stopped and thought loudly in my head, not in the way I think about you, and listen to you. “Well, Elizabeth realized something was amiss though, and in April, she ‘took a break’ and went to New York to try and ‘discover herself.’ When she came back, we were even more distant than before. She kept saying that she ‘needed to feel wanted’ or something but I only acted like I needed her, and she was right. I just needed her to take care of the house and keep it running smoothly. And now… I understand the difference between want and need. I didn’t before.”
I took a deep breath and looked at Tanner again. Confessing all of this felt so good. Almost therapeutic.
I wanted him. I thought about him…nearly constantly…past the point of distraction. I wanted Tanner. I didn’t need him… like how you need someone to do a favor, or like you need a doctor to diagnose an illness, but I wanted him—as in a choice… a desire to possess.
“And as fast as it may seem,” I continued, Tanner’s words ringing in my ears from last night, my voice shaky and thin, “I want to be with you. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that before. In fact, you’re about all I think about lately.”
We sat and simply looked at one another. I had been doing all the talking. I’d made some bold confessions, thanks to the gin and beer. What was he thinking? Did he think I was a horrible person? I know that I did. Was he completely turned off?
“Thank you,” he finally said quietly. “I think that was the most honest anyone has ever been with me.” A warm smile spread on his face. “Thank you for telling me all of that.”
Next, I asked a question that had been burning in my mind since searching Tanner on the Internet. I knew what the tabloids were reporting, but they often sensationalized the littlest thing. “Are you seeing anyone?”
Tanner shook his head. “Jonathan and I broke up several months ago. When I was offered the job with the Conquistadors, it was over. To be honest, and that’s what we’re doing here, he wasn’t ever a real commitment. I felt guilty for it, but he was a placeholder. We should have broken up before we were even together a year. We were a little like you and Elizabeth…convenient. But without the marriage and kids, of course.”
We finished the pizza, well, I had two slices, Tanner ate four, but he had been at soccer practice for six hours, I had not.
After I paid the bill, something I insisted on, we walked back to his Jeep. As we started back toward the hotel, he asked, “Want to come to my place?”
“Love to,” I answered.
The smile that broke out on his face would have stopped traffic.
CHAPTER 14
Tanner parked his Jeep in his assigned parking space in the garage under his building, and we headed toward the elevator bay. The elevator opened immediately like it had been waiting for us. Once inside, he pressed the “14” out of the 20 floors available, and the car quickly ascended.
In the small space, I could smell the scent that was uniquely Tanner and standing so close to him was jarring. I couldn’t tell if I was excited or nervous. Well, it seemed that at least one part of me was very excited. I wondered what Tanner was expecting once we were in his apartment.
Tanner kept his eyes forward as he continued to talk about some of what had gone on in practice today, while pulling a hand through his hair. What was he feeling? Confident Tanner seemed a bit nervous. The thought actually made me feel a bit more relaxed.
The elevator opened, and he stepped into the hall and held the door open. I followed him out and down the hall a few doors to 1424. Tanner pushed his key into the top lock, and then the lock in the door knob, then pushed the door open.
He walked in and he tossed his keys in a bowl by the door. While he toed off his shoes, revealing bare feet, and slid them into a row of other shoes, his phone rang. He pulled the phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen. “Hey, it’s my mom. I should take this. Gimme a sec?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Hi, Mom,” Tanner said into his phone. “Yeah…. Sure, hang on.” Tanner looked at me and said “Just need to grab something from my desk. Make yourself comfortable. Be right back.”
Tanner headed off to, what I presumed to be, his bedroom, and I…made myself ‘comfortable’. As he had done, I took my shoes off, then took a look around. His place was tidy, and very masculine. A black leather sofa and matching chairs, a dark wood coffee table faced a fireplace that was worked into the corner of the room. To the right of the fireplace was an impressive bookshelf unit that surrounded a huge flat screen TV, packed with books, as well as photos, 3D art, and a couple of trophies. To the left of the fireplace, the wall was all windows and a set of sliding doors. Outside of these windows was a phenomenal view, very similar to the view from my hotel with Grant Park, Museum Campus, and the Lake.
I walked back to the bookshelf where I noted the titles he housed there; some classics, many soccer related titles, and many I didn’t have a clue about. I looked at some of the photos. There were a few with Tanner at various ages standing alongside, who I guessed were, famous soccer players. A couple of them were actually autographed. I recognized Pelé, but the autograph did help, standing with Tanner, who looked to be about fifteen in the photo. There was another one with Mia Hamm. There were photos of teams, but one stood out… it was tagged as the 2008 Olympics in Beijing, China. Wow! I wracked my brain to remember if America got a medal in the event, wondering if Tanner had an Olympic gold medal around here somewhere.
“The women took home the gold; we got nothing. Well, nothing but memories,” Tanner said interrupting my invasion of his privacy. I turned around and was greeted with a stunning view of Tanner as he leaned on the wall from the hallway that led to his bedroom. The dim lighting cast a warm glow on his tanned skin, dark brown hair, and enhanced the scruff on his chiseled jaw, barefoot…an electric pulse shot through me. He was just…wow.
“You really do look good in red,” I said.
He smiled shyly and glanced at the photo I was holding.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to snoop
,” I said, setting the picture frame back on the shelf where it had been sitting.
“No sweat. If it’s on display, it’s not snooping. But if you want to snoop, be my guest,” he grinned. “Can I get you a gin and tonic? I’m having a rum and Coke,” he said, making his way to a closed portion of the bookshelves. Opening the door, a fridge was revealed and a collection of liquor bottles. He went about making our drinks while he talked a little more about the Olympics in Beijing.
Tanner handed me my drink and we walked over to the sofa, gesturing for me to sit on the other end. I sat and sipped my gin and tonic. I had so many questions. I had so much to say. I didn’t know where to start, but I got the feeling that Tanner was waiting for me to get the proverbial ball rolling.
“So, when did you know?” I asked quietly, staring at the drink in my hand, surprised at myself for beginning with such a bold question.
“That I was gay?” he asked back, casually, and as surprised with my question as I was. I looked at him, and he didn’t seem the least bit offended by my question. “It started in middle school. Eighth grade,” he said casually taking a sip of his rum and coke. “My friends were checking out the girls that were starting to get boobs, and I was just like, ‘I don’t get it.’ Didn’t see the appeal—at all. At first I thought it was because I was so into playing soccer, and struggling with school, that I didn’t think about much else.”
I thought about that. In middle school, my friends and I did go around snapping the backs of the training bras that the girls in our class started to wear. It was fun, making them squeal and blush. But the boob part? I’d never been a boob-man. I always looked at the girls asses. Loved the sporty girls trim behinds. I remember going to track meets and sitting just behind the starting line, watching them bend over and push their asses in the air waiting for the starting gun. I loved doing it doggie-style too, so I could look at, and touch, the girls’ asses. I had always been an ass-man… Shit! Did that mean I was gay? Because I liked asses? No. Lots of straight guys were ‘ass-men’, right?
Unexpected Dreams: Dream Series, Book 4 Page 10
