CHAPTER 41
Saturday. A big game against the LA Dodgers. I decided to have the guys over and watch the game. Aaron, Jim, Joseph, my attorney and gay supporter, and Marc, a friend who ran a local winery with his wife and was tolerant of most anything.
It was the bottom of the eighth inning, it was clear that LA was getting schooled—hard. The Giants were up fifteen to three, and LA hadn’t scored since the fifth. Jim, being from the LA area originally, was rooting for the Dodgers like always, and usually it was fun.
“Guess I’m rooting for the wrong team,” Jim joked. “Guess the Dodgers should all become Giants because they are gettin’ it in the ass. They must love it though. They’re not even fighting back. Shit. Just combine the two teams…bunch of fucking gay boys.”
He’d been making comments all game long and I’d had it. Funnily enough, Jim was the only one really into his heckling. Marc was more just a bystander, football more his game, so he just tended to chuckle or snort from time to time, but I saw how uncomfortable he was. And Joseph looked like he was about ready to punch Jim in the face.
“Fuck off and shut up,” I groaned. Perfect opening to start showing that I thought gay wasn’t all that bad, right? Joseph smirked and grabbed another beer.
“What?” Jim said. “You bash the same way I do. What the fuck has gotten into you lately? Oh, right! You need to get laid!” he laughed.
Maybe it was the fourth beer I’d just finished, but his comment rubbed me the wrong way and I burst. “I have gotten laid, so fuck you!” Aaron whipped his head to look at me, his eyes bugging out. Yeah, this was news to him.
“Yeah?” Jim said, turning to me since clearly the game was, for the most part, over. “Who’s the girl? Was it the one with giant tits from Jess’s yoga class?” he asked holding a hand in front of his chest to ‘hold’ a big boob. What a pig. “Or the babe from book club with the legs that go on for days. Fuck, I wish Jess had legs like those. I’d throw some red hot stilettos on those pegs and push ‘em up to her ears! Am I right?” His comments were making me sick. Interesting.
Why did I say anything? I wondered, grabbing another longneck. “No,” I said shaking my head, and popping the top taking a long gulp.
“What do you mean ‘no’?”
I needed to diffuse this bomb. I didn’t see it going well. “I mean I’m not telling you who the girl is.” Because it’s not a girl, fucker!
“Oh come on that’s not fair. I’d tell you! Guy code, am I right, Marc? Aaron? You’re our savior, Greg! You get the fresh meat. You have to share. We’re all old married folks now. Even you, Joe. Legally he has to tell, right?”
“Just back off, Jim,” Aaron said, stepping in.
“I will not back off! I’ve been trying to get this guy laid for months and he rejected everyone I sent his way. Even the sure things! I just want to know what kind of girl finally flipped his fucking lid!”
Aaron and I shared a knowing glance. I knew he felt for me and the situation I was in. Jim was glaring at me. He was mad. What the fuck? Why is my sex life such a big fucking deal to him?
“I’ve been your best fucking friend since day one of college. I have a fucking right to know. I didn’t understand you choosing Elizabeth, but she made you happy. Jess has found girls that are like Elizabeth, and some not like Elizabeth. Fucking hell. Seems like I don’t know you at all. Who finally got your dick up?”
Something in me snapped.
“Fine. Want to know?” I spat back at Jim. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Aaron tense, and Marc lean in. Joseph sat back observing everything, mentally taking notes.
“Yeah. I want to know.”
I took a long pull off my beer and looked him straight in the eye. “Tanner.”
Jim let out with a big slap to his knee and howled like a hyena. “You’re an ass! So don’t tell me fine be that way.” Marc was laughing along with him. Aaron stayed quiet and stared at me, surely wondering what the fuck was going on in my head. Joseph continued his mental note taking.
“Yeah, good one, Greg,” Marc said.
When I didn’t laugh back, Jim looked at me with a side eye.
“I’m not kidding.”
Jim looked between Aaron and me, the only two who didn’t seem to find this funny.
“Aaron? Are you getting this shit? Where did you get this beer? Must have gone bad. Everyone’s fucked in the head!” Jim said, finishing off his fifth, or was it his sixth, beer?
Aaron sat silent and supportive. He knew that this was my story to tell and not his to jump in on. I guess that’s what always made us great business partners.
Realization spread across Jim’s face. “C’mon. You’re fucking with me. No! I mean stop fucking with me. You? Greg Fucking-hottie-ladies-man-since-diapers Fairchild is gay? You really expect me to believe that? Suddenly, you’re into twigs and berries? Frank and beans? I don’t know what the hell to say. No fucking way are you going to get me to believe that. And what’s this…Tanner? Tanner cannot be gay. He’s a professional athlete. He’s got tattoos. He doesn’t talk with a lisp, or drink white wine. You mean you just admire him. I mean who wouldn’t. Yeah, he’s a good looking guy, I’ll give you that. But then again, soccer. It’s a pretty gay sport. No hands and shit.”
“No such thing as a gay sport. If you want to say a sport is gay how about baseball? Tops and bottoms of innings. A bat and balls? Soccer players work harder than any baseball player any day the week. So if you want to judge sexuality based on a sport you would be wrong. Have you ever watched a soccer game? Do you know how many miles they run an average game and how hard they actually work? And how long a half is? And no timeouts like football. Baseball players only have to run ninety feet. At most, 340 feet. Half the time they jog! And the rest of the time they’re sitting or leaning on the fence.” I spat out. Jim was pissing me off in a major fucking way.
“You really are warped, you know that?”
“You know what?” I shouted, rage coursing through me as I stood and pushed into him, fists balled at my sides, just hoping he’d say one more fucking word so I could deck him. “You can leave. Now!” I clenched my jaw so tightly I feared I would break a tooth.
“Hahahaa. That’s rich. Fuck, Greg! How long have we known each other? Almost thirty years. And this is how you treat me?”
I drew a fist back, ready to knock his smug attitude right off of his face. “And this is how you treat me? In my own home? And yeah, you’ve known me for thirty years. You of all people should know I wouldn’t admit to something like this lightly? Fuck you! And get out!”
Joseph stood and braced an arm in front of me. Guess he wanted to prevent an assault and battery charge.
“Yeah. Wouldn’t want to catch anything. Marc? You comin’? You wouldn’t want to catch it, too.”
“Yeah, no,” Marc said coolly, shaking his head. “You need to go sort your shit out on your own.” Marc came up beside me and draped an arm over my shoulders.
“Go home and cool off, Jim,” Joseph advised.
My heart was thundering in my chest and my eyes burned. As much as I was glad that Marc and Joseph were still standing beside me, I was pissed and heartbroken that Jim had behaved like such an ass. I knew it wouldn’t be good. But the way this had gone down was downright awful.
Other than the mindless drivel on the screen, the only sound that echoed through the house was Jim slamming the front door. I stood riveted to the spot, unable to calm my ragged breaths, burning head, or clenched jaw and fists.
“He’ll come around,” Aaron said.
“I don’t fucking care if he does,” I ground out.
“So, this is for real?” Marc asked, pulling me to the sofa to sit. It was a good thing too, because I’d spent so much energy on that little (okay not so little) exchange that I was about to pass out.
“And who’s Tanner?” Joseph added.
“I don’t even know where to start,” I said to Marc. “This whole thing just feels like a colossal nightmare. Things
are good then horrible. A vicious cycle. I’m exhausted.”
Dropping my head into my hands, I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes. I was not going to fucking cry over this. Jim was being a douche. And I was not going to give into the satisfaction of letting him make me cry over this. The urge to go to the phone and call Tanner was overwhelming. We’d spoken this morning but it was rushed. He was going to swing by the hospital and visit Oliver and Ashley, then he had practice and a big game tomorrow, and a quick run through in my head of timing and schedules, I wouldn’t be able to call him for another few hours.
“How about the professional athlete business. Soccer, Jim said? He’s not talking about Tanner Williams, is he?”
My eyes bugged out of my head for sure when Marc said that. I nodded. “Yeah,” I said cautiously.
“Chicago Smoke…retiring…the new offensive coach for the Sonoma County Conquistadors.” I blinked at Marc then nodded, confirming the mini-resumé. “Yeah, my neighbor is one of the owners. We went to a barbecue a couple months ago. He was really cool. He’s gay?”
I dropped my head in my hands again and couldn’t believe my life. I nodded. It’s not like Tanner had ever made it secret.
“Cool,” Marc said. I looked at him and realized that Marc really was cool about this whole thing. Then again, I’d not worried too much about him. All the worry I’d had about Jim was completely founded.
Suddenly the phone rang. The caller ID display on the TV showed it was Jim’s house. Enraged I stood and picked up the phone.
“Don’t even call!” I shouted.
“Wait, Greg?” a woman’s voice said. It took me a second to realize it was Jessica.
“You calling to give me shit, too? Can it. I don’t need it.”
I was about to disconnect the call when she said, “Wait. Greg…”
“What?” I snapped.
“For starters, I think Jim is being an ass. His team was losing, too many beers, and, well, an ass. Are you okay?”
Okay, could my life get any weirder? Jessica, my best friend’s wife, and my ex-wife’s best friend, who never really liked me, was asking if I was okay.
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about…” I said.
“Listen. He’s been saying all sorts of things. Now he’s in his man cave watching… boxing?” Maybe he’d had more to drink than I thought. I knew Jim well enough that when he drank too much, he really did say a lot of shit he didn’t really mean. “Can we meet tomorrow?”
Okay. From the truly weird to off-the-charts-I-can’t-wrap-my-head-around-it.
It was about eight when Tanner called. I relayed the whole story to him and sat back.
“Wow. I’m impressed…and sad. I wish I was there for you.”
“I wish you were here, too.”
“So, Jessica is coming over tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I guess. Not sure what I hope to come out of it. Jess has never been my biggest fan.”
“Well, that she wants to talk is a good thing, yes?”
“I don’t know.” I fell silent. I didn’t know what to say.
“It’s his problem, Greg. And his loss.”
I knew he was right, but he’d been my best friend for more than twenty years.
We talked for another half an hour until Tanner had to get to sleep for the next day’s game.
Mid Sunday morning, I opened the door to find Jessica smiling, and holding a plate of her famous cranberry scones. She wasn’t smiling in a hey-thrilled-to-see-you kind of way, but more like my-husband-is-an-ass-and-I’m-here-as-a-sympathetic-friend-and-apologetic-spouse kind of way. I stepped back and warily let her in. She had never been my biggest fan, maybe because she was Elizabeth’s best friend, and God only knows what Elizabeth had told Jessica over the years seeing has how Elizabeth felt like she had to leave…but for Jessica to come over and see me, I knew that this was a big deal.
“Thank you. Join me?” I offered, holding up the plate.
“I don’t have much time,” she said. “Jim will be back soon.”
Ah, she was here without Jim even knowing. This was a very big deal. Clearly, Jim wouldn’t support Jessica being here.
I set the scones aside and we took a seat in the front room of the house, where she and Elizabeth often curled up in the oversized furnishings and chatted all night long. It just felt weird to bring her into the TV room where her husband had been such a prick.
She took a deep breath and spoke. “For starters, I’m sorry Jim was such a douchecanoe yesterday.” She pressed her lips together into a thin line. “God this is all so weird.”
“Tell me about it,” I grumbled. She looked at me, shocked, and we both burst out laughing.
“Seriously though, Greg? Tanner? That hottie soccer player? I gotta say that if you’re gonna swing that way, he’s a fabulous start. But, really he’s…gay? And you?”
I stood and rubbed my face then shoved my hands in my hair. How was any of this happening? “Look. I didn’t mean to spring it on Jim last night like that. I’d had this plan, and then he started running off with that big mouth of his—sorry,” I inserted, looking at her apologetically. She held her hands in front of her as if to say, ‘Hey, I’m with you, buddy.’ “I’m so off-balance lately I have no idea what in the hell to do. I feel like I’m on a train barreling toward a cliff. Nothing makes sense anymore…”
Jess stood and cut me off, taking my hands in hers. “As much as Jim has been against gay anything, you should know that I’ve never shared his feelings. I’ve known Beth and Suzie since forever, and I support Suzie whole-heartedly. It’s often caused some rocky waters in my marriage with Jim. But with you…? He’s stunned. I’m stunned. Hell, I doubt there isn’t a person in the universe who wouldn’t be caught completely off guard by this…development. Maybe, it seems, even for you? I mean it certainly explains a lot.”
I looked at her and tried to be harsh, but I ended up smirking instead. Something about the expression on her face revealed how genuine she really was. She could have easily sat back and let Jim and I work it out…which had me wondering.
“So, I’m sorry, Jess, but why are you here?”
“I’m apologizing for Jim. And to support you. And I think you should know that I’ve already called Beth, too.”
“What did she say? I mean, if it’s some girl code and you can’t say, I understand, but—she seemed okay in New York. Was it a front? Is she really just pissed at me?”
“She’s actually very relieved. I think I can tell you that,” she added, reconsidering the words she’d just uttered. “For years she just thought she wasn’t important enough. Who knew it’s that you were in the proverbial closet?” She picked up a throw pillow and played with the tassel. “How long have you known?”
“Truthfully?” I asked.
“Of course.”
“About five weeks.”
She considered what I said. “Really? No fooling around in high school or college? I mean, I guess not in college or Jim would have known. But really? You made it to your mid-forties and didn’t know?”
“Look. You’ve met my parents,” I said, sitting back down. “There was this kid who got the snot beat out of him in high school because he said he was gay, or people just thought he was… He died from his injuries. I was in middle school, and my parents had me convinced the beating and death were ‘God’s way of dealing with boys who liked boys.’ And I was just doing what my dad did—worked his ass off and gave his family everything. I thought I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. Not to mention I’ve spent so many years listening to my guy friends, even myself, dis gays. I dunno—I helped brainwash myself? I don’t have any other way to explain this. I wish I did. I wish I’d known then what I know now. That there is nothing wrong with gay. It’s not a choice. Who knows? Maybe it’s why I drifted so far from my parents and all they believed in.”
“So, what happened, if you don’t mind? I think part of what Jim is freaked out about is that you’re gonna go after him or
something. Dumbass. But I want you to know, he’s really wrecked by this. He doesn’t know I’m here either. He went to the vineyards.”
I didn’t know what to say. I mean, if she could help smooth things over between Jim and me, great. But if not…to sit here talking to her about all of this? I didn’t think I’d said this much to Elizabeth on the whole matter. I got up again and started to pace.
“How…I don’t know, Jess. I don’t have a clue. I mean, I met Tanner. He was cool. We got along well. We were hanging out. It’s not like Tanner tried to brainwash me or anything. And it’s not contagious. Honestly…I’ve never felt the way I do when I’m with Tanner. It breaks my heart for Elizabeth. It really does. But…shit! If I had known?” I heard my voice get thin and squeaky.
Suddenly, Jess’s arms were around me. “Hey, it’ll be okay.”
“It’ll hurt like hell to lose Jim as a friend, but Jess, this isn’t gonna go away. It’s not like a switch that can be turned off. I mean, it may seem like a switch was suddenly turned on…but not one that I can…” I swallowed the emotion that started to choke me again and continued, “I can’t turn it off, nor do I want to. I’ve never known happiness like I do when I’m with Tanner.” I let go and clasped my hands behind my neck. “Fuck. I sound like such a girl.”
“Not at all. Jim says that shit, too. But it’s about, and to, me. There’s nothing wrong with it. You are who you are. Just happens you are your true you with a guy. I’ll do what I can to help with Jim.”
We hugged quietly for a minute, then she asked, “Did you really say that baseball was gayer then soccer because of the bat and balls?”
I started to laugh. “Yeah, that sounds familiar,” I said, pulling out of our hug.
“That’s funny. Pissed Jim off, but it’s funny.”
Unexpected Dreams: Dream Series, Book 4 Page 29
