I looked away, seeking refuge from his penetrating stare. It didn’t make me uncomfortable. His words, his presence, it made me anxious. It made that pesky flutter in my stomach evolve into a full-on swarm of butterflies.
“It doesn’t make me uncomfortable,” I replied, speaking my truth. For once, I didn’t let fear suppress my first instinct. “But you do make me nervous.”
“Nervous?” Blaine asked, crooking a brow.
“In a good way,” I quickly recovered. Shit. Real smooth.
Blaine chuckled, and that fascinating sound chipped at the wall around my forgotten heart. “I wasn’t aware there was a good kinda nervous. But I’ll take it. Anything to see your cheeks get pink like that. You have no idea how it makes me feel when that happens.”
Speechless. I was rendered completely speechless, and my cheeks had taken on a life of their own and complied with his wishes. The smile that spread across Blaine’s lips as he took in my reddened face was undeniable and I suddenly felt completely stripped bare before him. I just wanted to cover myself and hide. But Blaine wasn’t having that. Before my nerves sent me cowering in a corner, his head dipped, and his lips were at my earlobe.
“I know you said you don’t feel anything,” he whispered. “But can you honestly say that you don’t feel this? That this heat, this attraction, is all in my head? Don’t think about it; just answer. Tell me what your heart wants to say and not what your head keeps trying to make you believe.”
I swallowed down the “no” that was already reflexively building in my throat and let Blaine’s proximity push away the fear. His presence did that for me; it got me out of my own way.
“Yes, Blaine,” I rasped. “I feel it.” I did. I felt all of it. I felt all of him.
I dared a glance up at him, and my knees buckled when my eyes met his. Luckily, he reached out to steady me before I could bite it in a big way. As his arm wrapped around my waist, an audible gasp escaped me, and my body nearly went limp.
“Don’t worry,” he smiled, pulling me into the hard warmth of his chest. “I’ve got you. I’ll always catch you when you fall.”
And just like that, Blaine had staked his claim on the untouched part of me that no living soul had ever moved. He had captured every fear, every reservation, and crushed them in the palm of his inked hand.
“Um, can we get some service here?”
We both spun around, my panting body still wrapped in Blaine’s tight, protective grip. Even with the realization that we were no longer alone, he didn’t loosen his hold on me. If anything, it only made him pull me in closer.
“Hey guys,” I squeaked nervously, peeling Blaine’s fingers from around my hips. “What are you doing here?” I tried hard not to sound snarky, but I knew trouble was amidst.
Angel and Dominic wore twin mischievous grins. “I thought I’d treat Dom to lunch,” Angel piped up. “I heard this place has really good food. And I was craving a burger.”
I rolled my eyes. “Angel, I have never seen you eat a burger, let alone carbs. Seriously?” I knew what they were up to, and I was pissed. Not so much at their presence but at the fact that I was forced from Blaine’s arms. Judging by the slight frown between his brows and the way he worked his studded tongue, he felt the same way.
“I’m trying something new,” she trilled, grabbing a menu.
My gaze fell on Dom, who seemed amused by me and Angel’s tiff. “And you? You let her talk you into it?”
Dom shrugged and smiled into his own menu. “A man’s gotta eat, Kam.”
I shook my head before stealing a glance at Blaine. He looked down at me and gave me a small smile. I couldn’t help but return the sentiment. It felt like we were sharing a private joke, and that was enough to squelch my bitchiness.
“Fine,” I sighed. “What can I get you two?”
My friends ordered, and by the time their food arrived, more lunch-seeking patrons had arrived, though most opted for the tables on the dining floor. Few people ordered more than sodas, making work for Blaine and I pretty lax.
“So how long have you been working here, Blaine?” Dominic asked, munching on a fry.
Blaine was leaning against the bar, his arms and legs crossed casually. My eyes zeroed in on the way the movement made his muscles stretch his t-shirt, generating fiery heat in my belly. I couldn’t even hear his answer. I was too mesmerized at the way the fabric pulled and molded every delicious ripple. Though he always dressed simply in t-shirts and worn jeans, the way clothes fell over Blaine’s physique was masterful. His body would be a fashion designer’s dream. But at that very moment, I could care less about his clothes. Unless they were on my bedroom floor.
“Kam? Hello? Kami, you there?”
“Huh?” I asked blinking rapidly, my dilated pupils struggling to focus. Angel giggled, and I could have sworn I heard Dom snort. Assholes.
“I asked if I could get some ketchup,” Angel winked. Part of me wanted to squirt it at her, staining her white, eyelet sundress.
“So how do you all know each other?” Blaine asked, pulling me from my dress-murdering thoughts. I grabbed the bottle and handed it to her with a tight smile.
“Kam and I went to college together in Atlanta,” Dom replied. “After I graduated, we came up here. Angel was pathetically single in her big lavish condo and said we could room with her. I know her from high school, since I lived in this area for a few years back in the day.”
“He’s the guy that turned me gay!” Angel added.
“Oh, come on! Do you have to tell everyone that story? You know that’s bullshit!” Dom protested, throwing his half-eaten fry at her. Angel dodged it and stuck her tongue out at him.
“It is not!” She turned to Blaine and me on the other side of the bar, her blue eyes shining with conviction. “Dirty Dom was quite the ladies man, even as a youngster. He was my first piece of peen and, thankfully, my last. Why anyone would want to stick that thing up in them is beyond me. Yuck! I’d rather fuck a frozen hot dog.”
“Well, maybe that’s because you haven’t had the right one to turn you straight, darlin’,” said a familiar southern drawl. Angel turned just in time to see CJ easing onto the barstool next to her.
“Trust me, one is enough. There is nothing soft and sensual about men. Sorry guys, but you have got nothing on the ladies,” she cooed, flashing me a wink and blowing me a kiss.
“CJ, this is Kami and Angel’s roommate, Dominic,” Blaine said motioning between the two guys. “Dominic, this is my knucklehead cousin, Craig Jacobs.”
“Holy shit, dude!” CJ exclaimed, leaning over to offer Dom his fist. “You actually live with these two? You are my new fucking hero!”
Dom bumped fists with him and shrugged. “Trust me, it’s not as great as it sounds. This one,” he said nodding towards Angel “walks around practically naked, yet doesn’t like the D. And Kam…she doesn’t like anyone. A guy can only take so much cuddling before blue balls cripples him or renders him sterile.”
My eyes widened with shock as I tried to eject daggers from them. How could he say that? I mean, yeah, it was true for the most part. But it wasn’t supposed to be public knowledge!
“So cuddling, you say? Like naked cuddling?” CJ pressed. I rolled my eyes and tried to busy my hands before they spontaneously slapped him.
“Naked enough,” Dom replied. “I mean, yeah, I see them naked. Angel is an exhibitionist and Kam never closes her door.”
I could tell by the way he glanced at me and cringed, he regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. What was wrong with Dom? Why was he spilling our personal business to virtual strangers? And why was Angel shrugging and nodding in agreement? I had to be missing something.
Against my better judgment, I glanced at Blaine, who was intently looking at me. Not with disgust, or amusement, or even lust. He seemed thoughtful, and maybe even a bit embarrassed by the topic. Whatever was behind his gaze, it made me feel oddly at ease. It washed away the horror that tried to bubble its way to t
he surface.
“Well, kids, I gotta get back to work,” Dom announced, standing up and tossing his napkin onto his plate. He looked to me with apologetic eyes before leaning over the bar. I knew I should’ve been slapping his handsome face right at that very moment, but instead, I pressed my lips to his for a quick peck. Dominic sighed with relief. He couldn’t stand when I was angry with him, and denying him affection would destroy him. I was mad at him, but I didn’t want to hurt him. He didn’t deserve to ever feel pain again.
Angel left a kiss on my cheek before I could pull away, and wrapped her arms around our shoulders, resulting in an awkward group hug. It was silly and probably garnered quite a few sideways glances, but it was us. It would always be the three of us—the rejected, the abused, and the damaged. Nothing could penetrate our bond. No one else could fully understand it.
“Ok, boys, see you tomorrow night!” Angel remarked, releasing us. “Hope you’re ready for A.D. to rock the house!” Tomorrow would officially be AngelDust’s first night as Dive’s house band. They were scheduled to play every Friday and Saturday, plus sit in and play on Thursday evening for Dive’s new Open Mic Nights starting next week.
“No doubt,” Blaine nodded. “See you guys later.”
After the lunch crowd had diminished and CJ had begrudgingly returned to his day job, Blaine turned to me as I was drying tumblers.
“So no one, huh?”
“Huh?” I asked, genuinely confused.
“Dom said you don’t like anyone.”
Heat crept onto my cheeks, urging Blaine to take notice. He did, and reached up to brush his thumb against the apple of my cheekbone down to my jaw. After he had repeated the ritual with the other, I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
“Pretty pathetic, huh?” I asked, not knowing how to respond with his fingers still tracing my jawline.
“No,” he replied, shaking his head, yet still intently focused on the movements of his fingers. “Absolutely not. Better for me.”
“Better for you, how?”
A smile curled his full lips, causing my eyes to fixate on them. “Well, Kami, I told you before that I wasn’t chasing you. But now…now I am. So it’s better that I know your interest isn’t elsewhere.”
“Oh, is that right?” I smirked. “And what makes you believe that you chasing me will be a sure bet? Just because there’s no one else, that doesn’t mean you win by default.”
His fingertips fell from my face, but he didn’t break contact. They drifted down my throat, stopping to gently fondle my collarbone before sliding down my arm. My skin heated under the soft touch, begging for more. My whole body screamed for more Blaine. It had gotten just a sweet taste, and now there was no going back.
“I know that,” he finally said, making me remember that we were actually having a conversation. “But I am very persistent. I never give up on the things I want. This…you and me…it’s inevitable. There’s no use in fighting, Kami. It’s going to happen. And when you are madly in love with me, the only thing you’ll regret is not falling sooner.”
I was never one to believe in fairy tales. I always figured that when things were too good to be true that they were just that—a beautiful lie. So after Blaine declared that he was, in fact, actively pursuing me, I knew there was a catch.
Even though Friday and Saturday came and went without incident, with Blaine remaining his usual flirtatious, incredibly enticing self, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Nothing should be this good. The way he’d look at me, those brown eyes stirring something deep inside me, it was much more than I deserved. I kept waiting for something to come crashing down, shattering the perfect picture I had painted of him in my mind. But nothing happened. Not until Sunday, when a sledgehammer disintegrated my tiny slice of hope into rubble.
We had been open for a few hours and were expecting a slow day. Sundays usually brought in a few regulars, but since it wasn’t football season yet, most people were out enjoying the warm weather with their families. Blaine was in a good mood. Things between us had been comfortable and easy, though I still would break out into a deep blush whenever his arm grazed mine or our eyes would lock. The past two nights had been so crazy that we hadn’t had much alone time. I think we were both looking forward to the slower shift, and I was secretly hoping that Blaine would step his game up. I wanted to experience the Blaine Jacobs persistence that he so confidently believed would eventually break me down and make me fall madly in love with him. As if that could ever happen. But, hey, there was no harm in trying.
“Hold still just a sec,” he said suddenly, as I was filling a beer order for Lidia, one of the waitresses. Luckily, the pitcher was full, and I slid it towards her. She cocked a curious brow and winked at me before heading off to service her tables.
I felt him behind me before we even made contact. There was something about his scent that drove me absolutely mad. It was masculine, natural and impossibly erotic. I could pick it out even among the sea of scents at a department store fragrance aisle. By the time I felt his hands at my waist, I was high off the smell of mint and spice, and drunk with anticipation. They were firm yet somehow gentle as they gripped my hips, drawing our bodies together. When his chest and abs were flush against my back, I felt as if I might pass out. That’s when I realized I had stopped breathing.
“Kami,” he whispered, his lips on my earlobe unapologetically.
I wanted Blaine’s ways of persuasion, and now I was getting it. Oh, sweet baby Jesus, was I getting it.
Warm breath slid down my throat and caressed the top of my chest, spilling down into my shirt. “Here, let me help you,” he rasped.
Blaine’s fingers traced the edge of my jeans, skimming the tiny bit of exposed skin that my tight Dive tee couldn’t conceal. That’s when I looked down and realized that he was retying my apron. His hands were at the base of my spine above my tailbone, driving me insane as they slowly worked those strings into a bow. What should have taken him mere seconds was drawn out into a vicious assault on my senses. I wondered what else he could prolong with those fingers, the possibilities causing a flame to spark between my legs.
Though I knew my apron was secure, Blaine’s hands never strayed. They coasted back to my front, stopping at my hipbones as he pulled me back into him. My head was leaning back onto his shoulder while his head dipped further into me, warm lips grazing my neck. My eyes fluttered closed reflexively as a low moan seeped out before I could stop it.
“God, you smell good,” he breathed, running his soft lips from my earlobe down to my collarbone. “I bet you taste as good as you smell.”
“Why don’t you taste and see?” a voice moaned. It sounded like mine, but there was no possible way it could have come from me. It was too confident, too self-assured. There wasn’t a trace a fear laced between those words.
“Can I?” he teased. He knew damn well I was ready to let him sample every bit of my body in that moment.
The gruff sounds of a clearing throat cut into our aroused senses like a knife. Blaine and I broke apart in time to catch the narrowing eyes of Mick. He glared disapproving daggers at his nephew before snorting and retreating to the back office. Mick was a man of very few words, but I could tell he didn’t like his bartenders canoodling on the job.
“Shit!” I whispered, covering my beet-red face with my hands. Blaine had the nerve to chuckle, eliciting a smack on the arm from me. “Not funny, Blaine! We’re gonna get fired!”
Blaine let out a pompous half-snort. “There’s no way that’s happening. Let me worry about Mick.”
“Well, you’re his family. Of course, he won’t fire you. But I’m still new here. I don’t want him to think I’m just a walking, talking set of T&A. I want to earn my place here.”
I swear I heard Blaine groan just at the mention of tits and ass. Such a man. Yeah, he seemed like a rare breed, but I had to remember that Blaine Jacobs was a male, and therefore, could not be trusted. Yeah, that’s what I should’ve been
thinking, but my mind was still clouded with the remembrance of his lips caressing my neck. Blaine had completely dismantled me without even really kissing me.
Seeing the flush rising on my cheeks, he stepped into me, close enough for me to damn near taste the air he occupied.
“You’re right. I’ll try to tone it down here. But I need us to finish what we started. I need to see you outside of work. Tonight. Just us.”
My breath expelled in short pants as I tried to regain my wits. It wasn’t just my nerves rising at the thought of being alone with Blaine. It was panic. Terror. No, no, no, this wasn’t happening. Not now, please God, not now.
“Kami, are you alright?” he asked, all traces of seduction wiped clean from his face. “You don’t look so good. Here sit down.”
Blaine grabbed a stool and eased me onto it, just as dizziness claimed my balance. I quickly leaned forward, steadying myself with his body and placed my head between my legs. Then I started the countdown in my head…from twenty. It had truly turned out to be a shitty day.
After a while, the hot clamminess of my skin cooled into a sheen of sweat that blanketed by whole body. My heartbeat slowed from techno to an R&B groove. When I was sure that the dizziness and nausea had ceased, I raised my head and risked a peek at Blaine. Now he knew. There was no hiding my psychosis now. All the better; now I wouldn’t have to be the one to break a heart. I’d have the privilege of being on the receiving end this time.
Blaine looked down at me with nothing but concern etched onto his handsome face. With the halogen lights beaming down directly behind his head, his light brown hair creating a halo of sorts, he reminded me of a sexy, dark angel. There was no disgust, no humiliation, radiating from him. There was only worry for me.
Fear of Falling Page 8
