But instead of it bringing her many blessings, at the moment, she felt like she was merely being overlooked yet again.
What if it was never going to be “her time”? What would she do then?
She popped one of the cookies in her mouth and chewed slowly. And tried not to care.
chapter six
Friday morning arrived with a cool wind and the unexpected warmth of the sun. The previous fall had been especially cold. They’d gotten snow in September and it had stayed cold most of the fall.
This year’s fall was a welcome change. So far they’d had more warm days than cool ones. Junior and his brothers had been taking advantage of the warm weather, spending the majority of their days outside, mending fencing, plowing fields, cutting back brush.
This morning, Junior had been focused on repairing some fencing around his mother’s garden.
The small job had been perfect for his head and heart. He needed some time to think.
Over and over, he’d replayed his visit to Miriam’s. Sometimes he felt guilty, because he’d known he’d disappointed her, even though Miriam had tried to pretend otherwise.
Other times, he would half convince himself that he’d done nothing wrong. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t fancy Miriam. The Lord worked in mysterious ways, and for whatever reason, He hadn’t seen fit to make them the right people for each other.
There was nothing Junior could do about that.
And though he felt a bit guilty about bringing the Lord into his love life, Junior was discovering that he was willing to do whatever it took to ease his troubled, mixed-up head.
When he wasn’t telling himself that the Lord was on his side, his thoughts turned a little darker. He turned a little bit more selfish, and a little bit more full of himself. He started telling himself that his rejection of Miriam shouldn’t have come as a big surprise.
So therefore, he had nothing to feel guilty about. At all. She shouldn’t blame him for a thing. After all, it stood to reason that a spark would have formed between them long ago if there had been anything romantic between them.
But of course, that didn’t sit well, either.
He was still thinking about his visit and juggling his feelings about it when Joe stopped by the farm around three.
Joe had yet to admit it, but Junior knew his best friend had a bit of a crush on his sister Beverly. Beverly had shown some interest in Joe, too. But so far, neither had made it much further than chatting about the weather.
Junior imagined that they both were worried about how he would handle a romance between them. They’d be surprised to discover that he thought a romance between them would be a good thing.
Ever since their parents had passed away, Junior felt it was his responsibility to make sure each of his siblings found a match. If Beverly and Joe started courting and eventually married, Junior would only have six more siblings to go.
“So, how did your visit to Miriam’s haus go?” Joe said by way of greeting.
Junior shrugged. Joe had known him as long as Miriam had. But he wasn’t nearly as shy about sharing his opinions. “It went all right, I think. Miriam is going to arrange for her, Mary Kate, and me to eat lunch together after gmay on Sunday.”
But instead of congratulating Junior on a plan well-played, Joe looked a little bit perturbed. Pulling off his hat, he brushed his dark hair away from his face. “Really? I was sure Miriam had thought you’d come courting. And I was mighty sure she was going to be disappointed when she discovered the truth.”
Remembering the spic-and-span front room, the plate of cookies, and the glasses of iced tea, Junior conceded that Joe had a point. But no way was he going to dig into all that with Joe.
“She knows we’re just friends. And that that is all we’ll ever be.” More than ready to get the focus off him, he said, “Kind of like you and Beverly.”
But instead of looking embarrassed, Joe merely smiled. “You know how I feel about your sister. I’ve never only wanted to be her friend.”
Junior pretended to grimace. “Please—”
“Sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable, but I’ve never made a secret about my feelings. Not to you or Beverly.”
“You’ve told Beverly your thoughts?”
“Of course.” With a smirk, he said, “Not everyone waits and waits forever. Some of us go after what we want.”
“If you’re in a hurry to have Beverly, please, step things up, Joe,” he joked. “Quit fussing around and start courting her in earnest.”
“I would . . . except that she’s been worried about your reaction.”
“If you start courting Beverly in earnest, the last thing in the world I’ll be is mad. I’ll be grateful, that’s what I’ll be.”
“Grateful?”
“Well, if you marry her one day, that will be one less sibling to have to look out for.” He kept his voice light, but he was only half teasing.
“You sure take your job as the eldest boy seriously.”
“I do, but it’s a matter of logistics, too. There’s eight of us kids in the house. Most of us adults. Living like this can be fairly cramped.” And chaotic. And loud.
Joe laughed. “Want to go inside your kitchen with me and chat with Beverly? You can help spur things along. You know, tell her how wonderful I am and all that.”
“As much fun as that sounds, I’m afraid I don’t have time for that today. I have a meeting I need to go to. I’m so sorry you’ll be missing your opportunity to witness my sparkling personality,” Junior quipped. “You could have gotten some tips. For some reason I don’t think you’ll be needin’ my help anyway.”
Looking at the front door of the house, Joe raised his brows. “No, I won’t be needing any help . . . only Beverly’s consent. Where is your meeting?”
“At the shool. I promised Kaylene I’d talk to Mary Kate.”
“But I thought you didn’t want to get Kaylene involved with your love life. Has she decided she wants you and her teacher together?”
“Not at all. This meeting is about my sister.”
For a moment, Joe looked like he was going to ask about that, but the idea seemed to float away the moment he noticed Beverly glance at them through the window. Eyes fixated on her, Joe squared his shoulders. “Wish me luck.”
“Good luck.” Junior watched him enter their house, grinning at the way Joe took off his hat so fast it slipped from his hands. He made a mental note to be sure to have a talk with Beverly about her and Joe soon. If she wanted his approval, he needed her to know she had it.
Still stewing, Junior set out on the short ten-minute walk to the schoolhouse.
Walking to the old schoolhouse brought back a hundred memories. Unlike Kaylene, when he’d been in school, many of his siblings had gone there at the same time. They’d walked together in a pack of sorts. He and Claire and Beverly and Randall. For his last few years, Micah and even Neil had been there, too. Though they’d all had different strengths and struggles academically, they’d had something in common as well: a gregariousness mixed with a competitive streak.
But they’d also been blessed to have the best teacher ever: Miss Hannah. She’d been an old maid and a bit cranky. But she’d been the type of teacher to keep them all in line . . . and had been known to give hugs and affectionate little pats on the back whenever one of them did something especially good.
After Miss Hannah had retired, the school had had a steady stream of teachers. One lady whom no one liked much, then Miss Clara, whom they’d all loved. She’d even stayed on after the first year she’d been married to Tim Graber.
Now, Mary Kate was the teacher. And though she was lovely . . . he was starting to get the feeling that she was never going to be the teacher that Miss Hannah was. Which was a real shame.
But if things went the way he hoped, then she might quit teaching anyway, to start their own family.
He arrived at the old schoolhouse just as the kinner were getting dismissed. Standing under one of the big
maple trees that dotted the school yard, he watched the twenty or so boys and girls scamper out of the front door, some laden with books, others carrying lunch boxes and jackets.
His sister was in the thick of them. But unlike most of the other kids, she wasn’t laughing or talking a mile a minute. Instead, she looked dejected.
He started to worry. Had she had a bad day? Were the other kids teasing her? Was there something more going on that she hadn’t told him about? He was just debating whether he should have gotten Claire or Beverly, or even Randall, involved with things, when one of the kids next to her tapped her on the shoulder and pointed in his direction.
Looking his way, she brightened considerably. He pushed off from the trunk of the tree as she ran over to meet him.
“You came,” she said.
“I told you I would.” Reaching for her hand, he linked his fingers with hers and walked back in the empty schoolhouse.
The building was dim inside, only lit by the multitude of windows that lined both sides. Off to one side was a sink and a restroom.
On the other was the teacher’s desk, two cabinets, and a row of shelves. The whole place smelled faintly of paste and crayons and the unmistakable scent of children.
In the center of it all stood Mary Katherine. Tall and slim, she captured his attention like nothing else. Today she wore a dark green dress with a matching apron. The sleeves only reached her elbows. She had her back to them, erasing the blackboards. He could have stood and watched her for quite a while, he was so smitten.
Kaylene, however, didn’t look to share his feelings. As they stood in silence, her happiness seemed to vanish, and her manner became stiff and worried.
“It will be okay, Kay,” he whispered.
“Sure?”
“Mighty sure.” Then more loudly, he cleared his throat and called out, “Mary Kate?”
She whipped around, obviously startled. “Kaylene! Hello again, I thought you had left.”
“I did, Teacher, but I brought my bruder back.”
It might have been his imagination, but Junior thought Mary Kate seemed almost afraid.
Staying where he was, he said, “We just got here. I mean, I just did.” Because she still looked vaguely uneasy, he attempted a smile. “I’m Junior Beiler, by the way. I’m Kaylene’s eldest brother.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” she said politely before turning to his sister with a look of concern. “Is something wrong, Kaylene?”
Kaylene’s hand tightened on his as she obviously struggled for the right words to say.
He spoke up. “We were hoping for a few minutes of your time.”
Little by little, the tension in her shoulders eased. She put the eraser down and walked toward them. “Of course.”
After picking up a notebook from her desk, she motioned that they sit, pulling out another chair near Kaylene’s desk.
Junior was puzzled by her manner. He’d had the vague hope that sparks would fly between them when they had the chance to actually spend some time together. Now, at least, they had something to actually talk about.
Unfortunately, there certainly weren’t any sparks at the moment.
Beside him, Kaylene simply sat, looking a bit shy.
As Mary Kate continued to watch and wait, he decided to go ahead and start the ball rolling. “Well. Um . . . Kaylene has been telling me about how she’s been having trouble with her reading.”
“She is having some trouble, but I feel certain she’ll get the hang of things soon. After all, we’ve been talking about ways to improve, haven’t we, Kaylene? You simply need to practice more.”
Turning his way, Mary Kate smiled softly. “Junior, I don’t think she has a serious problem. She’s just fallen behind a bit. I think all she needs is to read a bit more. And perhaps gain some confidence.”
Though his pulse jumped from her smile and the use of his name, his heart ached as his little sister bowed her chin in embarrassment. He rested a hand on her shoulder. “She has been practicing, but I think she needs some extra help, too.”
“I see.”
But the look in her eyes said she didn’t “see” his point at all. Instead of seeing compassion and understanding, Junior felt an undercurrent of frustration emanating from Mary Kate.
“We would appreciate some extra help, wouldn’t we, Kay?”
She nodded her head. “Jah.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Mary Kate said. “However, I don’t have a lot of extra time.”
“I was thinking perhaps you—or someone else—could work with her a bit after school? We’ve all tried a bit, but you know how things are when working with brothers and sisters. . . .”
Mary Kate nodded curtly. “That is a good idea. I’ll ask around.”
He was again put off by her vague response, but tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. “Danke. That is all we can ask of you, right?” he said with a little smile, certain that was a line Mary Kate said all the time.
But she didn’t look to be in any hurry to spout off any words of wisdom. Instead, she got to her feet and pushed in the chairs with a small sigh. “So, is that all you wanted to discuss?”
“Jah.”
“I’ll see you on Moondawk then, Kaylene.”
“Yes, Teacher.”
As Junior felt the meeting coming to a close, he was anxious to prolong their conversation. He glanced back at Mary Kate, struck yet again by how pretty she was. Slim and petite, with auburn hair and green eyes, he was sure he’d never seen a woman as blessed by beauty.
Unable to help himself, he remembered what he and Miriam had discussed. “Perhaps I’ll be seeing you at church on Sunday?”
“Perhaps.”
“Why only perhaps? Do you not know your Sunday plans yet?” he joked.
“I imagine I’ll be going to church. I just wasn’t sure if our paths would cross. I hope they do.” She smiled, her lips tight.
Mildly encouraged, he turned to his sister. “Kaylene, go outside for a second, wouldja?”
After Kaylene left, Junior turned to Mary Kate. “I was just talking to Miriam about you.”
“You were?” She looked wary.
“Jah. Ah, Miriam and I have known each other for years. We’re friends. I understand you two are gut friends, too?”
“We are.” At last her expression eased into a friendly smile. “She’s a really nice woman. The best.”
Feeling a bit awkward since, of course, he hadn’t exactly been being the best of friends to Miriam, he said, “I told her that with you being fairly new here in Sugarcreek, I’d be happy to introduce you to some more folks.”
“That is kind of you, but I’m fairly busy.”
“Perhaps you’ll have a bit of time after church. A group of us gets together to catch up every Sunday. Maybe you’d like to join us?”
“I’m not sure if I’ll have time for that.”
“I hope you will. I mean, what can it hurt, right?”
When she looked down at her hands instead of answering, Junior finally got the message. She was eager for their conversation to be over. Gripping the brim of his straw hat, he took a step backward. “Well, I’ll be seeing you, then . . . ”
“Jah. Perhaps another day after school. Or on Sunday.”
“Jah. And thank you for helping Kaylene.”
“Your sister is a sweet girl,” she replied, her soft voice filling the room. “You don’t have to thank me for helping her. Besides, it’s my job, jah?”
He nodded, aching to say something else, but he was out of ideas.
At last, he turned and walked out to the front picnic table, where Kaylene was waiting for him. He stopped for a moment and injected a bit of false brightness into his voice. “So, are ya ready to go?”
“Yep.”
“Let’s go, then. Hand me your book bag and I’ll carry it.”
“You don’t have to do that, Junior.”
“Carrying book bags is what big brothers are for, Kay,” he said lightl
y. After she handed him the bag, he swung it on his shoulder, then started walking down the familiar path toward home.
Even when they were off the school grounds, his sister was still silent, only looking at her feet as they walked. Junior felt like he should say something. “Well, we took care of things with your teacher, didn’t we?”
She shrugged. After a few more steps, she said, “I sure wish I could read better, Junior.”
Her voice was wistful. Melancholy. “I know.”
“If I could read, then no one will make fun of me.”
His heart went out to her . . . just as another part of him was eager to stand up to all the children who were teasing his little sister and give them a piece of his mind. “I promise, I’m sure Mary Kate will help you. And if she can’t help ya, why, we’ve got a whole family to help you.”
“Everyone’s real busy.”
“They are, but everyone loves you, too. We can make time. Together, we will get you reading in no time.”
“Promise?” Hope shone in her eyes. Humbling him.
“Of course. And we both know that I never break my promises to you. Never.”
“Never ever,” she teased.
“That’s right. Never ever.”
She looked like she was about to say more, but spied Neil in the front yard with his beagle puppy, going through another lesson. “Look, there’s Neil! And Bud!”
She took off in front of him, scampering toward their nineteen-year-old brother who’d been born with a way with animals. At the moment, he was raising beagle pups and goats. The second Neil saw Kaylene, he and Bud bounded over to greet her.
Junior slowed his pace. Bud was barking and wagging his tail and Neil was bent over slightly, obviously listening to every bit of Kaylene’s report of her day.
There were so many in his family, but somehow they all did their best to make time for one another. He knew without a doubt that every one of them would spend hours helping Kaylene learn to read if that was what it took. At the moment, though, he didn’t have the heart to ask everyone to do one more thing. They each had their hands full with the farm and the house and jobs . . . and well, everything.
Hopeful Page 4
