“I know, and I’m the reason he got stabbed.”
Her jaw drops now. “That stabbing is the only thing Dad’s been talking about for days. He’s been trying to figure out why Wild was targeted.”
“He wasn’t.” I inhale deeply, trying to calm my galloping heart down as I come clean with some of the things going on in my life. “I was. It was Shane, he wanted to know where his kids are, and he threatened me. He had me pressed up against the wall, the knife at my throat. Wild saved me, and in the process got hurt.”
“Don’t you think you should tell someone? The club is all over the place thinking this is one of those things having to do with your dad and his damn mug.”
I know she’s speaking the truth. I know I should be honest and tell everyone that I was the actual target, but I don’t want them to know I disobeyed a direct order. Seeing someone get hurt because of me has opened up my eyes to why they have the rules they do, and I’m feeling all kinds of guilty.
“I’ve already disappointed people enough.” I shrug.
“Addie, what are you talking about?”
Tears swim in my eyes, blurring my vision. “I’m not really the kid they wanted,” I mumble. “I’m the kid they got stuck with.”
“What?” Tate’s eyes are wide, her body shaking. “I don’t understand where this is coming from.”
I didn’t either, not for the longest time. But then one day, I put two and two together. My parents adopted me because they didn’t think they could have children. I’ve heard that enough in my life. Then, surprise, they got pregnant with Caelin. The adoption had already gone through, and it wasn’t like they could give me back. Instead of getting the child they wanted – Caelin, they got stuck with a child they were going to settle for – me.
No one understands where I’m coming from, and I’m not able to say those words out loud. If they were to confirm it, it would break my heart. So I keep them in, buried deeply beneath the surface, and for the most part act like they don’t exist.
But I know they do, I feel they do. This dark cloud hanging over me, I’m not sure it’ll ever let up. Not sure the sun will ever shine brightly on me, but I’ll do my best to continue to push through it. Even if the alternative hurts like hell.
“You wouldn’t get it, Tee, but I know the truth.”
“What do you think you know?” she questions, moving her leg off from where she has it propped. “From where I sit, you know nothing.”
She’s wrong, I know that. I know everything – and it’s crystal clear I’m the outcast here. And I know one thing for sure it’s the damn loneliest place I’ve ever been.
Wild
“What were you doing outside of CRISIS talking with Addie?”
Tyler Blackfoot is a big man, fucking imposing and looks like he can damn near snap anyone in half with just his hands and the bend of his knee. Having him question why I was speaking to his daughter is almost my undoing. I can’t tell him the truth, but I also can’t lie to him either. Neither one of those options feels good, but she and I haven’t discussed what we’re going to say if someone asks, so today I fucking wing it.
“She’s been helping me the past few days, since the stabbing. She brought some stuff over, and I was returning it to her.”
He doesn’t need to know they were her clothes, doesn’t need to know that I have full carnal knowledge of the daughter he still considers his little girl. His dark eyes narrow and the gaze would be enough to make a lot of people wilt under the intensity of the stare, but I stand strong, not cowering. Finally he smiles, and the expression changes his entire face. Instead he now looks like a proud father, a happy man in all aspects of his life. One day I aspire to be the type of happy he is in this moment. I don’t know what his past is, or what his future holds, but right now he’s the epitome of a man comfortable in his skin and settled with what the world has given him. A far cry from me – the man who ran from his hometown because his skin felt too tight. Because he felt cornered with absolutely no way out.
“That’s my girl, always helping anyone who she thinks needs it.”
“You raised a really good woman.”
I hope like hell I haven’t overstepped, but I want him to know he did a good job with her. Even if I can’t tell her what an amazing woman she is, I can tell him.
Running his hands over his face, his confident exterior folds for just a moment. “I worry about her, ya know? Her life hasn’t been easy, she struggles and I can see it, but I don’t know how to help her. She’s searching for some shit I’m afraid she’s never going to find. Really fuckin’ scared she’s gonna get herself hurt in the process of trying to find out who she is.”
Those are the exact same fears I have dealing with her. The only thing I can hope is that she’s smart enough to know when to let others help her. Unfortunately, I have my doubts. “We’re all searching for something, ya know?”
“I do.” His smirk has a touch of sadness. “Maybe one day she’ll be honest and let me help. Until then I’m stuck on the sidelines with my hands tied.”
I don’t know what to say. One thing I know for sure in the short time I’ve been around this group, Tyler Blackfoot hardly ever admits anything to anyone, and here he is admitting shit to me. Does he know Addie and I have been hanging out? Does he want me to try and help her? What the fuck could someone like me do?
“Anyway, let’s put you to work. I know you’re still healing, but there’s a few things you can do around here.”
“I am, but Ashley said it wasn’t as deep as she thought and anything to the side will bleed a lot. Just can’t lift, and I know my limits.”
“Good to know.” He claps his hand on my back. “Let’s get started.”
Seventeen
Wild
“Come to the clubhouse for dinner,” Liam tells me as he walks by right before the end of the day. The way he says the words, I know they aren’t a request, it’s an order.
“What time should I be there?”
“Six-thirty.” He glances at the cell phone in his hand. “Tyler and I will be grilling, especially since we went from an ice storm right into spring.” He gestures to the seventy-degree evening we’ve got going on.
“Do I need to bring anything?” I hope not, since the extent of my skills is picking up something at Walmart.
“Just yourself. We’ll see ya there.”
All of a sudden, the bay doors start closing and there’s loud chattering amongst the guys. Nobody ever told me what quitting time is, so I raise an eyebrow at Liam.
“Time to go, you did good today.”
I don’t really want the praise to mean as much as it does, but for someone like me who hasn’t gotten much in his life, it means more than it should. Out of habit I worked hard, and I hoped someone had noticed. The fact someone did? Gives me the best feeling I’ve had in a long fucking time.
“Thanks, see you in a bit.”
The guys are waving to me, telling me they’ll see me later as I walk to my bike. I want to pull out my phone and text Addie, ask if she’s coming to the clubhouse, but I’m not sure if this is just a club thing, or if they’re inviting family. As I get on my bike, my phone buzzes in my pocket, and as I pull it free from my jeans, I see it’s a message from her. I try to ignore the way my stomach warms, the way my heart speeds up, and the slight shake of my fingers as I swipe the bottom of the cell to open the message.
A: I hope they weren’t too hard on you today and you had a good day at work. I know it’s rough starting somewhere new….and I’m sorry I didn’t thank you for the clothes. I’m just in a weird headspace right now.
W: It’s okay, we all have weird times in our lives.
The chat window shows those three dots and I wonder what she’s typing. Part of me thinks she’s going to let me down easy and fuck I hope not. Even though the two of us have only known each other for a short time she’s one of the closest friends I’ve ever had. Which says more about the state of my life before I came to Bowling Gree
n than anything else does.
A: Can I see you again? Tonight? There’s a shindig at the clubhouse and Tate said she’s going to stay with Remy. I don’t wanna be alone, and I like your company.
So she will be there tonight. I don’t need to tell her I will be too, she’ll see soon enough.
W: Like you have to ask me if I want to see you. But after the things you said this morning, I kinda thought it was over.
A: I say things I don’t mean all the time in the heat of the moment.
There are those three dots again, then they disappear, come back, disappear, come back. Either she’s typing a huge response or she’s typing and deleting everything. Finally, the message comes across.
A: I routinely try to hurt people and push people away before they can do it to me. I really like you, Wilder. There’s something about you that makes me feel good about myself. I’ll try to sabotage us. Don’t let me. Please?
The words on the screen surprise the fuck out of me and cause a smile to spread across my face.
W: Promise. See you later.
As I start my bike, I wonder if the two of us aren’t searching for something we both see in the other. My grandfather always said things happen for a reason, and I’m beginning to think he was right.
Two hours later I pull into the parking lot of the clubhouse. I wasn’t sure what to wear, more nervous than I was last time I was here. The fact is, though, I don’t have many clothes so my options were limited. I figure you can’t go wrong with a black t-shirt and jeans. The truth is, I have absolutely no idea why I’ve been invited here, other than the fact they’ve hired me to work at the shop. As I park my bike, I see Addie’s SUV and the bikes of the men I worked with today.
Slowly getting off, I walk to the front door of the clubhouse. Should I knock? I’ve never been in this situation before and my awkwardness is going to be the death of me. I’m more sure of that than I’ve ever been of anything. As I stand there, trying to figure out what the hell to do, the door opens, and Addie stands in front of me, a smile across her face.
“I was in the back where the cameras are and saw you get here. Then I watched you stand outside this door like it was going to bite you,” a smirk plays at her lips.
“I didn’t know what to do.”
“You come in, Wild. You’re family now. We don’t knock on doors around here, we walk in like we own the fucker.”
I laugh loudly at what she’s said and fight against the need to reach down and hug her. I don’t know why the urge is there so strongly, but it is. It’s nice to see a familiar face after working. “I’ll remember that for next time.”
As we walk in, I’m pushed to one side with the guys, she’s pushed to the other side with the girls. I want to talk to her, to tell her about my day, and ask her what this dinner means. Liam comes in from outside, along with Tyler, both holding huge platters of meat. Drew brings up the rear, holding a smaller one.
A young girl runs to him, putting her arms around his leg. “Daddy, I lost a tooth today!”
“Did you?” He looks down at her before he puts the platter on the table. Once it’s secure, he reaches down, picking up who appears to be his daughter in his arms. “Let me see.”
She opens her mouth, pointing to where she must have lost it. “Mom says I get visited by the tooth fairy tonight. Justice is irritated. She hasn’t lost a tooth yet, I’m the first.” She lays her head on Drew’s shoulder.
He laughs as he tightens his grip around her, turning to me. “I have twin girls, this is Harley.” He points to the one in his arms. “Can you say hi to Wild?”
She waves at me, and I can’t help but smile and wave back.
“Our other one, Justice, is around here somewhere, probably with Tate and Addie.” He rolls his eyes. “She’s way too interested in boys and makeup for as young as she is.”
I watch as a woman comes through the door, carrying a few bags. She looks familiar but I don’t remember getting an introduction to her last time. “Let me go help your mama.” Drew puts his daughter on the ground, hurrying over to the lady I just saw walk in.
“Sorry I’m late.” She hands him over some of the bags. “Court went longer than I thought, and then Mandy couldn’t go pick up the girls. She had to take Walker to Urgent Care – he’s got another ear infection, and Dalton had to be here, so we’ve been a little crazy.”
“Why didn’t you call me? I could have helped.” Drew puts salad dressings and steak sauces on the table from the bags she brought in.
“I know.” She leans up, kissing him on the cheek. “But I knew you had shit going on here. This must be Wild?”
I hold out my hand to her. “Nice to meet you.”
“I’m Charity, I promise I don’t normally seem like a chicken with my head cutoff, today’s just been a day.”
“We all have them.” I help Drew take the things out of the bags.
When we’re done, he balls them up, turns to his wife, and opens his arms. She falls into them as he hugs her tightly, running his hands up and down her back. Looking at the two of them, I realize with a sharp tug in my gut, this is what I want, and as my gaze travels across the room to where Addie sits, I know I want it with her.
People are lingering now that we’re done with the food, and I struggle knowing what to do. Should I get up and help clear the table? Is this where I’m supposed to leave? I notice the women start clearing the table, but none of the guys get up to help. I also notice that they’re the ones wearing the cuts, and maybe that means since I’m not, I should help too.
Standing up, I grab the empty plates of the guys I’m sitting beside and take them to the kitchen. Addie’s in there loading a huge dishwasher. “This what I’m supposed to do?” I ask under my breath to her.
“You’re doing real good.” She glances around, and when she deems the coast is clear, she reaches up, kissing me softly on the lips.
I lick the spot she just kissed, tasting her, before I go back into the main room, a huge smile on my face. Charity is bringing a bunch of dishes to the kitchen, but I stop her, grabbing them from her hands. “I got this.”
One of the twins, I’m not sure which one is also carrying something. When I saw them at the table together, I wonder how in the hell anyone tells them apart. “I got yours too.”
“Mom, how nice is he?” She looks up, clapping her hands in front of her.
“He’s super nice,” she laughs. “Let’s go see if there’s anything left.”
When I get back into the kitchen, Addie is grinning. “Don’t make me cut a small child over you, Wilder.”
“You’d do that?” I tease, wondering what in the hell gave her the change of heart.
“Seeing you here tonight, with my family? I think I would. You’re a better guy than you give yourself credit for.”
“Same could be said for you.” I tilt her chin up by putting my finger under it. “You’re amazing, and I’m not sure why you can’t see it.”
She shrugs, and for some reason that motion pisses me off.
“I’ll make you see it,” I vow to her. “If there’s one thing I do in my life, I’ll make you see how special you are, Addie.”
“I don’t feel special.” Her voice is strained.
“You will. If there’s nothing else I do, you will.”
There’s a loud noise in the main area, and Tyler appears in the doorway to the kitchen. “We’re going outside to cook some dessert. Let’s go.”
“Dad, I’m not done yet,” Addie argues.
“It’ll still be here later. Right now we’re needed outside.”
She looks like she wants to argue some more, but a weird unspoken conversation happens between daughter and father. Her eyes go wide and she puts down everything she had in her hands. “You’re right, it’ll keep.”
As a unit, we all go out the back door and that’s when I’m greeted with two big bonfires and everyone who had been at dinner staring at me. Never comfortable with a lot of attention, I wonder what in the
hell I’ve done wrong, or if I have something on my face.
Jagger steps forward as I see Addie make a getaway in my peripheral. “This dinner tonight was for you, Wilder.”
“Me?” I’m so confused.
“Yeah.” He grins. “Tonight, we officially welcome you to the Heaven Hill family.”
When I see Liam holding up a cut that has my name on it, then turns it around so I can see the patches as well as the prospect patch on it, I’m speechless. For someone who’s never really had anyone, this show of family and solidarity is almost overwhelming.
Instead of embarrassing myself, I step forward, grab the cut, and put it on. It feels good. Like I should have been wearing it my whole life, and a little like maybe my life has changed. As I look around, seeing the respect, acceptance, and happiness, I know this is where I’m meant to be, and for the first time in a long time. I feel like I’m home.
Eighteen
Addie
As I stand to the side, I almost want to cry as I watch Wild get his prospect patch and cut. I’ve seen this happen with a few other clubs we’re friends with, but for the most part besides people who are affiliated with the family, since I’ve been alive the club hasn’t added anyone. I’m very careful to keep myself from being too emotional. If I’m too emotional then I’ll have to answer questions about why this means so much to me. The truth is, I’m proud of him. In the short time we’ve known each other, he’s become an important part of my life. The loneliness that once plagued the shit out of me isn’t there like it was. He’s taken some of that away, and even though I want to run from him, some time after talking with Tate, I realized I can’t.
It was like lightning struck my forehead and I was woken up from a deep sleep. This man took a knife for me. He’s been my friend, my companion anytime I’ve asked him to be. He didn’t have to try and protect me, but he did, and the gesture must mean he cares about me in some capacity.
Wild: Heaven Hill Generations #2 Page 10
