by Brandon Witt
“Well, honey, I might be loose, but from the things I’ve heard about what you’re packing, you couldn’t even satisfy the needs of a thimble.” She turned abruptly and flicked the long sequined train of her black dress and smacked the guy across the face.
The crowd went wild.
From where he stood behind Cody, Darwin wrapped his arms around Cody’s shoulders and chest and pulled him closer. The rumble of Darwin’s laughter vibrated through Cody’s body.
Cody’s own laughter died away, and he let out a sigh of contentment. Yep. Better than he’d ever dared to hope for. Even if this was all he got.
Amid newly found family.
Laughter and light surrounding him.
Wrapped in the arms of a man he loved.
He’d realized it when he was on the phone with Darwin’s mom. He was in love with Darwin. He had no plans to tell Darwin anytime soon. And Cody had enough life experience to know that they might not last long enough for him even to get the chance, and that was okay. It might kill him, but it was okay. He hadn’t expected more than alleyways and bathroom stalls. He hadn’t allowed himself to dream about a man, especially a man like Darwin, caring for him at all. It didn’t matter if Darwin felt the same about him. Cody loved him, and he knew he would for the rest of his life, even if it all came crumbling down.
“Before we get started, I want to introduce Ariel Mermen, making her drag debut in front of your sorry asses.” ManDonna motioned toward the back of the room. “Come out here, darlin’. Make Momma proud.”
Cody struggled to pay any attention to Ariel Merman. He honestly wouldn’t have been able to tell if she showed any promise as a drag queen or not. The only thing he noticed the rest of the evening was the strength of Darwin’s arms around him, the hardness of his body pressed against Cody’s back and hip, and the feeling of happiness he’d never thought he’d have. A feeling that only increased as they left Mary’s and Darwin held his hand as they drove home.
CANDLES FLICKERED, their soft light illuminating the planes of hard muscle under Darwin’s pale skin.
“You’re so beautiful.” Cody hadn’t meant to say that out loud.
Darwin’s smile made him glad he did. “That would be you, Cody.” He reached out and smoothed his palm over Cody’s bare chest.
Cody closed his eyes and let out a sigh—another thing he hadn’t intended. Darwin’s touch woke every nerve in Cody’s body. He arched into the contact, marveling at the sensation. Even better than their first night together. Better than the nights making out in the front seat of Darwin’s car. He let out another sigh as Darwin traced the line down the center of his stomach and paused as his wrist bumped against Cody’s erection. “Please take me.”
Darwin closed his fingers around Cody’s cock, and Cody felt the heat off Darwin’s body as he stepped closer. “You sure? You sure you’re ready?”
“God yes. We’ve waited too long the way it is.”
Darwin lowered his head and ran his tongue up Cody’s neck to stop at the base of his ear. “And are you sure you want me inside you?”
“Yes.” On the drive over, Cody had almost decided to switch roles. But as soon as he’d pictured fucking Darwin, a sense of loss swept through him. He wanted to be filled by Darwin, to feel him deep inside, to be claimed in whatever capacity. Cody reached down and encircled Darwin’s hard cock in his hand and stroked, causing Darwin to shudder against him. “Yes, I’m sure. I want all of this inside of me. All of you.”
Darwin kissed him, never letting go of his dick but using his other hand to pull him closer, forcing Cody’s head to tilt up to keep from breaking the kiss.
As Darwin’s tongue filled his mouth, Cody once again realized he was in love. Stupid, dangerous, consuming love.
After several long seconds, Darwin pulled away, breathing hard, his dick pulsing in Cody’s hand.
“Darwin, now. Please. Fuck me now.”
Cody had expected Darwin to object, to demand they take their time. He didn’t. He let loose a low growl and kissed Cody again, but just for a moment, then pulled away. “Get on the bed. On your back.”
Cody didn’t hesitate, crawling onto the bed. He grabbed one of the pillows to put under his lower back and lay down, never taking his eyes off Darwin as he retrieved the lube and condom he’d gotten from the bedside table earlier. Darwin stepped up to the side of the bed, then got in a kneeling position, still towering over Cody. He handed the condom to Cody and then began pumping the lube bottle. “Put the condom on me while I get you ready.”
Cody nearly told Darwin he didn’t need to get him ready. That he was more than ready and that he didn’t mind if it hurt—he just wanted Darwin inside him. He’d barely started ripping the condom wrapper when Darwin found his hole and pushed one slick finger instantly inside.
He cried out and instinctively lifted his knees farther in the air.
Darwin chuckled, a dark, heated sound, and pushed another finger in. “You like this, huh?”
Cody didn’t even try to answer, just nodded and fumbled as he managed to get the condom free. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he chided himself. Don’t look too eager. Don’t act like such a slut. But he couldn’t stop from lifting his knees even closer to his chest.
Darwin let out another sound, far from a laugh this time. “Get that thing on me now. Please.”
Cody positioned the condom at the head of Darwin’s dick, then began to roll it down, loving how Darwin’s thick shaft stretched his encircling fingers. He’d barely gotten the condom to the base when Darwin shifted, moving from beside him to farther down on the bed. Cody leaned up to watch, dropping his hand and beginning to stroke himself. Darwin pulled his fingers from inside Cody and slicked up his dick. He ducked down to fix the back of Cody’s knees over his shoulders, then raised up, tilting Cody’s back into the air and off the pillow, and pressed the tip of his cock to Cody’s hole.
Cody let his head fall back against the mattress. “Yes, God, yes.”
He felt Darwin begin to push in, one of his hands wrapped around Cody’s left thigh, the other fisted in the bedspread beside Cody’s head.
Cody moaned at the breach and then, without thinking, thrust his pelvis up, forcing Darwin’s entire length inside him. Both of them cried out, and Cody felt Darwin’s grip tighten on his thigh.
“Holy fuck, Cody.” Darwin panted and somehow pushed in a bit deeper. “You’re really good at this.”
Cody cursed himself. He hadn’t meant to take Darwin in so quickly, so easily. Didn’t mean to show how much sex he’d had. He stopped stroking himself and peered up at Darwin. “Sorry.”
Darwin’s brows creased, and then he seemed to understand. “For being good at sex? Are you kidding?” His smile curved up wickedly, and he began a slow rocking motion, more teasing than anything. “That is a very, very good thing.”
Darwin moved, letting Cody’s knees fall off his shoulders, and gripped the back of Cody’s neck and pulled Cody off the mattress and into a seated position on his lap, the motion forcing his cock impossibly farther. He smashed his lips onto Cody’s and began to thrust his hips like he was riding a bull.
Cody wrapped his arms around Darwin’s neck and kissed him back, loving the feel of Darwin’s already sweat-slicked chest hair scratching against his smooth skin. The passion in Darwin’s kiss. The strength in Darwin’s grip as he locked his free arm around the small of Cody’s back. The stretching and deep pressure of Darwin’s cock thrusting inside him.
Nope. This was something Cody had never allowed himself to dream about. Never pictured a man inside him while he felt safe, and he fell further and further in love.
THE FOLLOWING month passed in a blur of happiness, sex, and more bar food than Darwin had thought possible.
Mary’s was even more crowded than normal at such a late hour, the atypical early September rainstorm pushing people inside from the patio. Darwin let his mind drift, mesmerized by the splatter of rain on the windows, the streaks glistening from the streetlights outside.
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He’d been to Mary’s so often over the past several weeks that it felt like a second home. In many ways—though his family was wonderful, especially in the past decade—he’d never had such a sensation of safety and acceptance. Complete acceptance. Sure, his parents couldn’t love him any more than they did, but there’d still be the rest of his small Ozark town. They’d been kind to him after he came out, mostly. But he’d been different. Other. And still slightly wrong and sinful. Sometimes more than slightly. College had been unlike anything he’d imagined. He’d met other LGBTs his own age. He wasn’t some abnormal creature. He was just one of them. That sense of belonging only increased during grad school. There, they really were all of one ilk, gay or not. All working tirelessly, and sometimes not so tirelessly, to change the world through science.
But Mary’s? He’d never been anywhere like it. It wasn’t like any gay bar he’d been in before. It wasn’t dark or seedy. And while things could definitely get sexy and a little NC-17, it felt more like a happy place full of family. A safe place.
The feeling was a bit addictive. Even without Cody, Darwin would have spent a lot of his free time at Hamburger Mary’s. Of course, Cody’s presence made it that much better.
Actually, that could be said for his entire life. Everything felt better with Cody. Even when he was in the lab with the twins, he was more settled. Happier. He didn’t even need to be thinking about Cody. Darwin simply felt more grounded, more content. In truth, he assumed it was just part of the honeymoon stage. They’d only been dating a little over a month. He had to be wearing rose-colored glasses. At some point, they’d crack and reality would take over. The twins kept telling him he was wrong. That even early relationship bliss didn’t bring the change they’d seen in Darwin. He expected such fluff from Violet. The fact that Jade agreed threw him off a bit.
“I’m not sure if you look love-struck or stressed as fuck.”
Darwin jerked away from the patterns on the window and found Vahin staring at him from across the bar. He forced a laugh. “A bit of both, actually. Probably stupid, huh. I’m happier than ever. I shouldn’t let my thoughts go to dark places.”
“Ah, young love.” Vahin let out a puff of air through his nose and gave a half grin. “You’ve accomplished so much and are always so well put together, I keep forgetting how young you really are.”
“I’m twenty-four. I’m not that young.” Darwin rolled his eyes at Vahin. “And you’re in your late thirties. You’re hardly ancient.”
“Whoa.” Vahin pointed to the beer tap. “Someone is trying to make their tab come due all at once. Thirty-five is not late thirties.”
Darwin held up his hands. “Sorry, big man. You call me a baby, I call you old. And besides, I barely drink here. My tab, which you assured me you weren’t actually keeping, couldn’t be that outrageous.”
“Just because Cody’s got you drinking Cherry Cokes doesn’t mean it’s not adding up.” He shoved a pointed finger into Darwin’s chest. Though playful, it still kinda hurt. “And call me old again, baby. Let’s see how that goes over.”
Cody emerged from out of nowhere and batted Vahin’s hand away. “Call my boyfriend baby again, and I’ll sic Pat on you.”
Vahin winked at him. “Pat’s doing overnights at the hospital this week. You’re on your own, little Chihuahua.”
Cody’s eyes narrowed, and then he grinned, pointing across the bar into the main room. “Better yet, ManDonna’s here. I’ll get her.”
“Nice try. You’re not going to find anyone more sensitive about aging than ManDonna. If she hears your boy is teasing others about being old, she’ll take him out with the heel of her stiletto.” Vahin shook his finger at them as he walked away. “You two behave.”
Cody turned wide eyes on Darwin. “You were making fun of him for being old?”
Darwin laughed. “Of course not. You know Vahin.” He looked over Cody’s shoulder at the dining area. “You on break?”
“Yeah, but not for long. Chris went home sick, so I’m covering his tables too.” Cody shook his head. “Which means I also need to stay and help clean and get ready for tomorrow. That was supposed to be him. I don’t want you to wait. You’ll be exhausted for work if you stay till I’m done.”
Disappointment cut through Darwin. “That sucks. I was thinking we could try that thing we did last night. You know, where you used your fingers to—”
“Darwin!” Cody grabbed Darwin’s hand, which had started to demonstrate, and looked around, wide-eyed.
Darwin darted forward and kissed Cody on the cheek. “Don’t worry. It’s nothing most of the people in here haven’t done themselves, or at least seen.” He loved making Cody blush. “We’ll try it tomorrow night, though I’m going to miss sleeping with you tonight.” They’d been spending over half their nights together, each week finding another reason or two for Cody to stay over with increasing frequency. Though Darwin had seen Cody’s place finally, they opted for the privacy of Darwin’s.
“Yeah, I’m disappointed too. But we’ll make up for it tomorrow.”
Darwin started to say something suggestive in return, then noticed Cody’s expression didn’t match the tone of his words, like he was simply flirting out of habit. “What’s wrong?”
Cody’s gaze darted up to Darwin’s like he’d been caught. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing. I can just tell something’s wrong. You look worried.”
Cody smiled at that. “I can’t believe you’re real.” He hesitated, then spoke again. “I got an e-mail from my dad.”
“Oh, was it bad? Everyone okay?”
“I haven’t read it yet. I’m sure it’s not good. He hasn’t e-mailed me. Ever. I’m going to wait till I get home to read it. Just in case. I need to function while I’m here.”
Whether he was feeding off Cody’s affect or experiencing a newfound talent for clairvoyance, a sense of dread seeped through Darwin. “I’ll stay. You don’t need to be alone if there’s bad news.”
“No. I don’t want you to be tired. And….” Cody’s words faded out as he looked away.
Darwin reached out and took his hand. “What?”
Cody didn’t meet his eyes. “I… ah…. If it is bad news, I… don’t want to break down in front of you.”
“Cody! I’m your boyfriend. That’s what—”
Cody cut him off. “I know. I’m just not ready for that, okay? I’ll be fine.”
Again the sense of dread chilled in Darwin’s stomach. “Well, call me if you need me, okay? No matter how late.”
Cody nodded but still wouldn’t meet Darwin’s gaze.
Darwin wasn’t sure what to say or do or how far to push. Cody let out a little laugh, and Darwin followed where he was looking.
Across the room, ManDonna was lifting up Ariel Mermen’s skirt with one hand and using the other to dramatically fan at the diners with a menu. Ariel seemed uncomfortable, then gave a little whoop and bent over, allowing one of the guys at the table to smack her ass.
“Is that Zachary? I haven’t seen him since bingo.”
Cody kept his attention on the show. “Ariel Mermen. And this is only her second time. ManDonna brought her here on a night without a show to help her feel more comfortable. She’s really nervous but looks pretty happy, doesn’t she?”
Right. Ariel. She. Darwin was still getting used to drag culture. To him, Zachary—Ariel Mermen—appeared more terrified than anything. But he guessed that was always part of doing something new.
Cody kept talking, not waiting for a reply. “It’s amazing watching her reach her dreams. To be going for it.” He glanced back then, smiling up at Darwin. “Kinda like you. You did all that work to get through grad school, and now you’re here, in Denver, trying to find a cure for cancer. Dreams don’t get much bigger than that. You amaze me.”
Despite Cody’s words, Darwin sensed sadness. Or at least he thought he did. It might only be the worry over the e-mail. “You’ll get a chance to live your dreams too. I can’t
wait to see what you do.”
Cody flinched, and his smile faltered. “What do you mean?”
He had the feeling he’d just messed up, but Darwin wasn’t sure how. “You’ll get to live your dreams. I have complete faith in you.”
“I am living my dreams.” Cody gestured around Mary’s. “This is it.”
Darwin actually looked around the restaurant, like he might have missed something new come through the door. Nothing. All was the same, of course. He tried to keep the incredulity out of his voice. And failed. “This is your dream? To be a server? To work at a restaurant?”
Cody flinched again, his eyes narrowing.
“There’s nothing wrong with it. At all.” Darwin rushed forward, trying to make the hurt on Cody’s face disappear. “I love it here. You know that. I only mean that I believe in you, Cody. You can do anything you want. And any dream you’ve longed for, you can get. I’ll help you in any way I can.”
Cody inspected Darwin, his blue eyes even darker than normal as they seemed to cut. “Darwin, this is my dream.” He laughed, but it was a heavy, nearly sarcastic sound. “This is better than I dreamed. I wanted to get out of my little town. To be somewhere that I was okay, not broken. Somewhere I was safe.” He gestured around the restaurant again. “I never hoped for a place like this. A place so beautiful and where people loved me. A place where I’m happy. I got my dream. I’m living it.”
Darwin tried again. “That’s what I mean, babe. You’ve shown you can get whatever you fight for, whatever you want. This place is the proof. And whatever you set your mind to next, you’ll do it. No matter how big.”
Cody pulled his hand away. “I need to get back to work.”
He started to turn, but Darwin slipped off the barstool and reached for Cody’s hand again. “Wait. Cody. Please.”
Cody paused, looking back at Darwin, his expression unreadable.
“Cody, I’m sorry. I feel like I messed up or insulted you in some way. But I’m not sure how. I’m really sorry. I love that you’re happy here. I love you, and I simply want great things for you. I believe in you.”
