by Lily Wilspur
Joel glowered at her. He looked right through her, the same way everyone else in this cursed territory did. He wasn’t the least bit convinced by her assurances. “All right. Well, do you want to meet tomorrow or not? Now that you know what you’re getting into, you might want to think about getting a few things in town before we head out to the homestead. It could be a while before we come back into town.”
She managed to smile at him. “I’d like to meet with you tomorrow. Even if we don’t go shopping, we could take a walk together, like you said. That would be nice.”
He still wasn’t convinced. “Okay. Why don’t we meet down here at eleven o’clock? That should give you plenty of time to get settled in and rested. Is that all right with you?”
“That will be fine.”
In the background, she sensed the presence of the clerk, waiting through this conversation to lead her up to her room. She turned away to follow him up the stairs. Joel waited in front of the desk and watched her out of sight. He didn’t return any of the smiles she tried to give him. He only stared at her as if reconsidering for the first time the advisability of mail-order brides in general.
Chapter 9
After the clerk left her alone, she flopped down on the bed and closed her eyes on the whole wretched world. For the first time since she left Muncie, she fell into a heavy sleep and didn’t wake up until bright sunlight flowed through her windows the next morning. When she sat up, the first thing she saw was her trunk in the corner. She hadn’t heard the clerk or whoever delivered it.
She didn’t think about a strange man seeing her asleep until she went to change her clothes. How uncivilized! How far she’d already fallen! What indignity would she visit on herself next? She was better off safely married to Joel Bloom as soon as possible and shipped out to his homestead, where she couldn’t get into any trouble.
A mixture of interest about her future and a morbid desire to torture herself sparked her curiosity to see the homestead. How bad could it be? Surely it would have a house she could feel comfortable in. Maybe the windows afforded a nice view over some quaint little valley.
And Joel Bloom—she had to stop calling him that, even in her own mind—he wasn’t so bad after all. It wasn’t his fault he’d gotten himself saddled with a mail-order bride totally unsuited to his circumstances. He was sort of handsome when you looked at him long enough. She would certainly become used to him and maybe even start to like him in time. Heaven knew lots of other mail-order brides did this all the time.
Why, even her own grandfather married a woman he didn’t know. They met for the first time outside the church before they went inside to get married. And they stayed married for sixty years. You just tightened your belt and stuck it out. That was all.
She went to the wash stand and splashed water on her face. She hardly dared to look at her own face in the glass. She might not recognize herself. She took a clean dress out of her trunk, but she made sure it was the plainest one she had. She wouldn’t waste her good dresses trying to set an example.
She did indulge in the luxury of combing her hair and putting it up neatly on top of her head. Looking tidy, and hopefully pretty, for her walk with Joel was the least she could do. She wanted this marriage to start off on the right foot.
By the time eleven o’clock came around, Lucy had rallied enough resolve to head downstairs. To her surprise, Joel met her at the foot of the stairs. “Right on time. That’s good. Are you ready to go?”
Lucy glanced around. The clerk eyed the pair over the rims of his spectacles, but no other guests moved anywhere in the hotel. “I’m ready when you are. Are there many other people staying here?”
“None that I know of,” Joel replied. “Just us.”
“What?” Her eyes flew open. “Don’t tell me we’re the only ones.”
“We are,” he replied. “I wouldn’t be staying here myself if I wasn’t getting married tomorrow.”
“What does getting married have to do with anything?” she asked.
“You’re staying here,” Joel told her. “I’m staying here so I can be on hand if you need anything or anything happens. And because I wanted to see you today before the wedding. That’s why I’m staying here.”
“Where would you stay if you weren’t getting married?” she asked.
“I’d stay out at Hal Barnhardt’s place,” he declared. “I’d camp out in his barn until I finished whatever business I had in town. Then I’d go home.”
Lucy froze. “Don’t tell me we’ll be staying in a barn every time we come to town.”
“No, we won’t,” Joel replied. “We’ll stay in his house. He has a spare room out back. But I wouldn’t spend the money to stay in the hotel if this weren’t a special occasion.”
Lucy suppressed a smile. “A special occasion, huh?”
Joel returned the smile. “That’s right. Now, shall we go?”
He crooked his elbow at her, and she took it. His sturdy body moved to her side. Instead of stiffening or pulling away, she relaxed and eased into his soothing influence. They strolled out of the hotel and down the street. Lucy saw and heard nothing around her. All her attention rested on the man at her side.
She could get used to this. She could learn to be comfortable with a man like this, a steady, reliable man who could anchor her in this wilderness when she couldn’t anchor herself. She might drift a little bit on her own fancies, but he would keep her grounded and bring her back to the anchor of his own solid self.
Maybe all the people of Montana were like Joel. Maybe they looked straight through her because they saw how flighty and unreliable she was, how uncertain and trivial she was compared to themselves. These people all reminded her of anvils, unmovable, imperturbable, and impenetrable. No wonder Adam Foley didn’t fit in here. He was nothing like them. They understood him, but they didn’t bend to him or oblige him.
People accommodated themselves to Montana, not the other way around. They found a way to settle in, even if it meant changing themselves to become as stolid and heavy as everyone around them. They found a way to do it, or they left. Would it really be so bad to become heavy like them, to settle in one place and stay there? Would it really be so bad to belong to Montana, body and soul?
Lucy and Joel strolled through the streets of Kalispell. Lucy let Joel guide her around stamping horses and creaking wagon wheels, through dust and dirt and grime, between people as sturdy and solid as himself. She didn’t pay any attention to where they were going. Did it matter? She only opened her eyes and looked around her when he stopped.
“What’s the matter?” she asked. “Why did you stop walking?”
Joel waved his hand to one side. “This is the General Store. I thought you might like to go in and have a look around.”
“What for?” she asked.
“To see if there’s anything you’d like to take with you when we leave town,” he replied. “You might not think you need something until you see it here.”
“Like what?” Lucy asked.
“I don’t know.” He glanced through the store window. “They have everything here. They have sewing tools and knitting needles and spinning wheels and butter churns. They have knives and axes and saws.”
“I don’t want any of that,” Lucy remarked. “I wouldn’t have any use for knives and axes and saws.”
“I realize that,” Joel returned. “I didn’t mean you would want knives and axes and saws. I meant sewing tools and knitting needles and that kind of thing. You might want some of that.”
Lucy looked down at the ground. “I don’t know how to knit.”
Joel stiffened and straightened his spine. Lucy stole a glance at his face and saw him clench his jaw, but at least he didn’t fly into a rage. “What about sewing gear? You know how to sew, don’t you?”
“I know how to sew,” she replied.
“And do you have all the gear you need?” he asked.
“I have a sewing basket,” she told him. “But I left it at home.
”
“You left it….!” He bit off his words. He turned his face away toward the window with his nostrils flaring and his teeth grinding.
Lucy wilted.
“Never mind,” Joel growled. “Come on in and have a look around. See if there’s anything you want to get before we leave town.”
He held the door open for her and Lucy swept into the store.
Chapter 10
Dust covered every object and every surface in the store. Lucy couldn’t make heads or tails of anything she saw in the clutter. Every shelf, every crate and barrel, every inch of the store from floor to ceiling held some item of Frontier life. Everything a person could want or need could be found in that store.
Joel led her through the aisles between shelves that blocked out the light from the front window. The few narrow shafts of light that penetrated to the back of the store slanted through clouds of dust. Lucy squinted at a few things, but she couldn’t read the price tags in the dim light, so she moved on.
She didn’t see anything that interested her. Everything she saw reminded her of some kind of work. The store carried brand new cast-iron plowshares, pitchforks, nails, and shingle froes. It carried washtubs, soap molds, and cheese presses. It sold Dutch ovens, branding irons, and horse tack. Every item told Lucy to stop standing around wasting time and get to work.
Joel sauntered through the aisles, very much at home. He picked up and examined a few things, but Lucy didn’t see what they were. He turned them over in his hands and put them back. “Do you see anything that interests you?”
“No,” she replied. “Do you?”
Joel chuckled. “I see lots of things that interest me. But most of them I either already have or can’t afford. But if there’s anything you need, you let me know and we’ll get it. I want to make sure you have everything you need.”
“I don’t know what I need,” Lucy pointed out. “I won’t know that until I get there and start doing it.”
Joel gave her a hard stare. “I ought to take legal action against your grandfather for deceiving me.”
“Oh, please don’t hold it against him!” Lucy cried. “It isn’t his fault. Please give me chance. I promise I’ll make you a good wife. I know I’m not exactly what you had in mind, but I promise I’ll do my best for you. I can learn how to do whatever I need to do, and I’ll adapt in no time. You’ll see.”
Joel set his jaw and squared his shoulders. “I don’t doubt you’ll try. But there’s only one problem. I can’t give you a chance. If you don’t cut the mustard, I can’t send you back. We’ll be married. We’ll be stuck with each other until death do us part. Remember?”
Lucy flapped her hands in desperation. “I’m sorry I let this happen. This is all my fault.”
Joel glared at her for a moment. Then he took her by the arm and led her out of the store. They passed through the streets again but this time, Lucy’s tears prevented her from seeing anything. He must be leading her back to the hotel. He would put her in her room, and there she would stay until tomorrow, when she would learn her fate.
But she finally raised her eyes from the tips of her shoes and noticed they weren’t even in town anymore. She glanced around and saw the buildings and roofs of Kalispell some distance behind them. They meandered through towering pine trees next to a little babbling stream.
Lucy opened her mouth to ask Joel where they were, but he beat her to it. “It isn’t your fault. I should have known better. I should have realized, when all the negotiations for this marriage went through your grandfather and I never heard a word from you—I should have known what was going on.”
“But I told you,” Lucy cried. “I told you I didn’t want to know anything about you. I didn’t know what I was getting into, and I didn’t want to know. It’s my fault.”
Joel shook his head. “I don’t see it that way.”
“I couldn’t stand for you to think anything against my grandfather,” Lucy continued.
Joel fixed her with his most awful expression yet. He compressed his lips and scorched her with his menacing brown eyes. At last, he let out a gasp of exasperation. “Lucy, we’re going to be married, and it would never do for us to keep secrets from each other.”
“But I haven’t kept any secrets from you,” she cried. “I’ve told you everything up front.”
Joel closed his eyes. “Please, just listen to me for a minute. Don’t interrupt. I want to tell you something.”
Lucy’s eyes widened. “What is it?”
“Your grandfather arranged our marriage under certain legal considerations,” Joel told her. “I don’t suppose you know anything about that?”
“No.” Lucy waved her hand. “I never took much interest in that sort of thing. I left it all to Grandfather.”
“I thought so,” Joel continued. “You see, as executor of your estate, your grandfather had the legal right to negotiate the settlement of your trust in the event of your marriage. Do you understand me so far?”
Lucy went very still. “I understand you.”
“Your grandfather explained to me,” Joel went on, “that you had a trust. He told me that the trust would naturally pass from him to whoever you married. He used the trust as an incentive to men to accept you as a mail-order bride. Do you understand me so far?”
He glanced at Lucy, but she didn’t answer. She stood stock still.
He went on. “He also told me that the value of the trust had degraded significantly in the last ten years, and that was why not many prospective grooms came forward to marry you. He explained to me that the trust wasn’t worth very much, and that the investments hadn’t worked out the way he hoped they would. He explained to me that he wanted you to get married because the trust wasn’t worth enough to maintain you anymore.”
He stopped there. Lucy stared off into space, not seeing the trees and water and scenery around her. Only her world, her edifice of certainty, and selfhood crumbled around her ears. The bridge between herself and her past, over which she’d traveled so long and so arduously to get here, disintegrated behind her and blew away like the dust in the streets of Kalispell, Montana.
So what was left? With nothing behind her and nothing before her, where was she supposed to go? Nowhere. She had no home, no fortune, no family, no skills, no prospects. She couldn’t knit and she didn’t have a sewing basket.
Only one place remained for her to go: to the altar. Joel Bloom was doing her the ultimate kindness by marrying her.
Without a word, she took him by the arm and he started walking back to town. He’d delivered the final blow to her sense of self, and he probably didn’t even know it.
Oh, well. After tomorrow, she could rebuild herself as anything she chose. With no self left, she could remake herself according to the requirements of whatever environment she encountered. She could turn herself into the wife Joel needed. With him as her anchor, she would settle here and be happy. With him.
Chapter 11
Joel walked her back to the hotel and delivered her to her room. He closed the door for her, and she heard his footsteps retreating down the hall. Even in the middle of the afternoon, the walls insulated her from the sounds of horses and men and wagons outside. Silence descended over her mind.
She sat on the edge of the bed, intending to lie down, but instead of kicking off her shoes, she got up and paced around the room. Nameless agitation kept her from resting. What was it? It wasn’t fear or helpless despair or even anger at her grandfather. For some reason, finding out he betrayed her didn’t change her feelings toward him. She ought to hate him. But she could hardly even remember what he looked like.
So the trust was gone, or as good as gone. And she was here, in Montana. This was her place now. She must learn to live with it. She must learn to be one of Montana’s people. She opened the door and slipped noiselessly out of the hotel.
Montana didn’t even notice she’d sneaked out. Why should it? Why should anyone care if she left her room? Joel hadn’t exactly locked h
er in. She was free to walk the streets, wasn’t she?
Now she was here, so where was she going? She didn’t know or even think about it. She would breathe the air. She would swallow the dust that got into her mouth. She would let Montana into her heart and body and soul, and she would give herself to it.
She walked past the General Store without going in. She started toward the train station for no particular reason. She passed the livery stable and headed for the schoolhouse, when a voice called out to her.
From her reverie, she looked around and caught her breath. There was Adam Foley, catching up to her.
“Slow down,” he panted. “Where are you going in such a hurry?”
Lucy blinked, trying to comprehend the sight of him. “What are you doing here?”
He flashed her a toothy smile. “I came here to see you.”
“Me?” she repeated. “What do you want me for?”
“I just wanted to see you,” he told her. “I wanted to see you again, and I thought you might want to see me. So I came.”
Lucy’s thoughts churned. “When did you come? You weren’t on the train yesterday, and there hasn’t been another train service today. How did you get here?”
“I rode,” Adam told her.
“‘Rode’?” she asked. “What do you mean, ‘rode’?”
“I rode a horse,” he explained. “After I got off the train in Great Falls, I watched the train out of sight, and I just stood there, staring at the place where the train disappeared. I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I couldn’t get out of my mind that you were on that train, and you were gone. I didn’t want you to be gone. I wanted to be with you. So I got a horse and I rode after the train. And here I am.” He smiled at her again.
Lucy stared, but she didn’t see him. Was she staring straight through him, the way people stared straight through her when she first arrived here? Had she changed so much already, that she saw through people that way after only one day? “So, what do you want from me?”
