For ages I lay there and thought about Cade. For the other half of the night I wrestled with the ‘What do I do about my sister’ question. Would there be enough for her so I can start fresh again? I worried that life will be like this until the day I die, a rat race just trying to make enough money for my sister and I to keep the wolves at bay. Will there ever be a day of peace when I can stop worrying? Someday will I have plenty? Will my sister make it to see that day?
My mind raced with scenarios. Get rich quick schemes and jobs morally beneath me played out in my head, tempting me.
Then, finally, when I could put it off no longer I wondered about the scheme I’d already taken part in and if the low laying morals to them will haunt me forever. In the early hours of the morning I exhausted myself enough to fall asleep.
I pulled on my coat and boots and went outside.
A few inches more snow had fallen in the night, but not much difference considering how much there was already on the ground. However, it was the look of the weather that morning that made it seem almost ominous. It was foggy and damp and the air felt oppressive and eerie.
I didn’t like it.
I pulled the pan out of the snow, dusted the stools, and brought them all back inside the cabin. The coffee wasn’t going to drink itself, so I poured myself a cup. The hot liquid felt like heaven. Please, God, let that snow clear before we run out of coffee.
Cade had been gone for a long time. I was hoping to drink the coffee with him. Then, I had the bright idea to take him a flask of coffee down to the creek. Maybe by the time I get there he’ll have caught this trout. I filled a flask of black coffee and opened the front door.
From the porch, I saw Cade’s boot tracks in the snow leading towards the creek. He told me last night it wasn’t a great distance away, around a bend through the trees and down to the water. I followed his footsteps, adjusting my stride to match his large boot prints. I laughed at myself as I mimicked him. Cade has a sexy, self-assured walk. Although, I was not sure it looked so good on me.
By the time I made it to the creek, he wasn’t there. I looked up and down the bank for him in surprise. His footsteps didn’t go anywhere else. Just went straight into the freezing water, and even though I knew he took a dip in the creek, it still sounded just plain crazy. Why would anyone willingly wade into the ice-cold water? The creek was beautiful though, and made a sound so peaceful you could almost feel the tones massaging your worries away.
OK, so he obviously didn’t go fishing this morning. I guess he thinks we’ll be eating another can of soup for dinner. Wrong. Before walking back towards the cabin, I took off a glove and put my hand over one of the small, round, stones about the size of my palm. The water pushed over and around my hand in such a calming way. Still, it was freezing, almost literally, and I’d take the hike to the hot spring for a bath over the breathtaking cold of the creek anytime.
I trekked back through the snow retracing my tracks. As I got closer to the cabin I heard a sound coming from the outbuilding a stone’s throw away. It was a square building that sat some distance away from the cabin, and without the snow I would have spotted it earlier. Stacked neatly outside the door were cut sections of a tree trunk, some in the shape of discs, some longer pieces and logs. I don’t know why I didn’t think he might have been there. I veered off the path and started walking towards it instead.
The door was ajar wide enough for me to peek through. There were worktops on both sides, like a galley. There were also many windows on all sides. I was no Peeping Tom and I hadn’t intended to spy on him. I had planned on announcing my presence and going in, but I was just so struck by the sight of him so completely lost in the wood structure he was making that I couldn’t stop looking. I loved the way his tall, muscular frame moved around the wood, like he was wrapping himself around it, protecting it, pushing and pulling at it, as if he was giving it life with his own body. Almost as if he was birthing it.
The piece he was working was fastened in place on top of a pedestal, and he was using a chisel and a wooden mallet to gauge out sections. As the wood shavings fell away, he swiped his powerful hand over the ridges and grooves that swirled and curved like water in the wood. His fingers trailed and lingered, as if he was caressing the wood, as if he was asking it to tell him tales of the life it had weathered, of storms and strong winds, and the animals it had sheltered. His movements were as sensuous as a panther prowling to the river at dusk. I heard nothing, but maybe it spoke to him. His attention in his creation was so total.
Oblivious to my prying eyes, he squinted at the sculpture. Then he placed his chisel on a pale spot, raised his mallet into the air and let it fall. The blade dragged through the wood.
Mesmerized, I watched his face as he leaned in to see the effect of his action. How different he was. There was purpose, determination, hardness, mystery, and sheer beauty shining in his face.
Grasping the edges of the platform the sculpture was standing on, he shifted it around so he could work on the other side of it. That was when I saw the other side. It was the bust of a woman. The lines he was following down the back were the locks of tussled, uneven hair.
Her face was still rough and unfinished, but in a way it was more beautiful than what it would be finished. I saw the raw power of his genius. I was stunned that he had brought it to its current, intricate state from being a log like the ones carelessly stacked just outside the door.
I watched him for ages. It was only when Cade stopped to wipe the sweat from his brow with his sleeve that he spotted me in the doorway.
Katrina
“What are you doing?” he snapped, the expression on his face changing instantly.
I pushed the door open, making it creak, then I entered his workroom. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to spy! I just didn’t want to barge in on you. You looked busy.”
“I am busy.”
“Can I see? It’s beautiful. You’re really talented.”
“No, it’s not finished.”
I ignored him and got around on the other side so I could see the face properly. I wanted to see the object of his crazed attention. A surge of jealousy motivated me as I imagined who this woman might be who captivated Cade’s creative energy so absolutely she made him work like a man obsessed. I turned the pedestal slightly, ran my thumb over the cheek. The wood was cool and smooth under my hand and I could smell the fragrance of the wood. It swirled around the pale sculpture like an invisible ghost. Suddenly, I knew what I was touching.
“Damn it, Katrina. You shouldn’t even be here. I don’t want anyone disturbing me here.”
His harsh voice ricocheted around the room, bouncing off the walls, but I didn’t turn towards him. My voice was only a whisper that misted in the cold air of his workshop. “It’s me, isn’t it?”
There was a pause too long to make whatever he said next truthful. “Of course not. You are the most vain person I’ve ever met. Just because the carving is of a pretty face, you think it’s you?”
My head whirled around. “Of course, it’s me! Come on, I mean, this looks exactly like my face, and that is totally my hair! It’s got to be me.”
“Sorry.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Get over yourself. It’s not you. Now, I’m actually trying to work so if you don’t mind can you get out of my workshop?”
“Jeez, you are such a rude pig.” I turned to go, but said over my shoulder, “I don’t believe you though. That’s me. Even if you don’t realize it’s me yet.”
He stared at me without smiling. “Can you please leave?”
I started to go and then remembered our discussion from the night before. “It’s just that last night you said you were going to catch us a trout. I thought you had gone fishing when I woke up this morning. I got up and found you’d gone. I went down to the creek, but you weren’t there.”
“Did you expect me to wake you up before I left?”
“Well, no, but it would have been nice to know where you were.”
His e
yes widened. “You think I need to tell you where I’m going. What is that? So you don’t worry about me? Seriously?”
“Yeah,” I shot right back at him. “Is that so hard to believe that I want to know where you are for your safety?”
He shook his head in disgust. “Are you trying to play house with me? Why are you so concerned with having every meal together, waking up together? What the hell is this about?”
“It’s not about anything! It’s just so I won’t worry about you.”
“Listen, I don’t need anybody worrying about me. You don’t even know me, so what the hell do you care?”
“Humph. Seems last night you were pretty worried about me going to the hot springs and getting myself into trouble. You were worried about me. You don’t even know me!”
“We’re just waiting for the snow to melt and then we can get you out of here forever. Once you’re gone, you’ll never think about me and nor will I think of you.”
I felt small and foolish. I’d let my lust for this guy reduce me to a desperate, hot mess. This was obviously a classic case of he’s-just-not-that-into-you, and I should have recognized that before I made such an absolute fool of myself. The signs were all there, especially this morning. What an idiot I’ve been. I felt so ashamed I just wanted to be alone and be as far away from him as I could.
Katrina
I ran from Cade’s sawdust covered floor workshop, past the cabin, the campfire and snowed under truck and headed down the mountain to where I thought my car might be still. I ran out of embarrassment. A fresh surge of shame hit me as I remember how sure I’d been the woman he was sculpting was me. I don’t know why I thought that. Her face was not even finished. I’d been falling all over this guy, dripping with sweetness and stinking of desperation ever since I arrived. I’d never done that with anyone before and it hurt to be so soundly rejected.
I needed to get a grip. He was just a guy.
The wet, heavy snow made it exhausting to move through. Mist hung not far up ahead. But I wouldn’t give up and turn around. I slogged on through, shame pushing me farther down the mountain. I just wanted to get down there, by myself with no one coming to my aid. I’d always taken care of myself before and I didn’t need him or anybody else to save me.
Sure he rescued me that time, but he did it because he had no choice. And ever since then, at every turn he made it crystal clear I was not wanted, and yet I kept on trying to get him to like me. It was pathetic.
I followed my instincts over boulders in the direction of where my car should be on the closed off Dogwood Pass. Unfortunately, my instincts were not exactly sharp as a tack. My car was out there somewhere, probably still wedged between some trees and covered in fresh snow, but it was about as good as invisible to me. Actually, I was beginning to realize I couldn’t find my way anywhere in the eternal white that surrounded me.
Exhausted and disoriented, I sat on a stone and rested my back against a cluster of boulders behind me. Suddenly, emotion crept in on me. I felt utterly defeated. I had gone about it all in the wrong way. I had tried too hard to seduce him and I had failed. Tears, cold on my face, sent a shiver down me. I felt silly for crying, but what the hell was I going to do? I was stuck in a ridiculous situation.
He didn’t want me and even though I, too, had enough and wanted out of this situation, I couldn’t. The fact was I couldn’t get out until the snow cleared away some. Once it did, I would leave and go straight back to my sister. I buried my face in my hands. But with no money, how will I pay for her medical bills?
I need money. I have to survive and get the money for her. Somehow, I must find a way to get my hands on it.
I looked around me.
It was so beautiful, but I could enjoy none of it. I stifled a sob. I was not beaten yet. I was never one for giving up. I would try again. I decided to march myself back up that mountain to Cade’s cabin and exist peacefully alongside him. Both of us would be equally disinterested in each other until the snow clears and then I would get out. It was so cold my tears cooled on my skin.
I stood up, brushed my tears away from my face and set off back through the fog.
The next moments came so fast, it was hard to believe they happened at all. It was like the memory of it that lives in my mind became more real to me that when it occurred in real time. It began when my boot slipped in the wet, slushy snow. I slid down for what felt like ages, my body hitting on everything hard and stony for about thirty feet. When I came to a stop, I was all arms and legs in every direction. Before I even took a breath, I sensed the presence of someone, something.
Oh shit!
The strength of her stare was palpable. I knew I should move, try to scare her away, yell or jump around, throw a stone or something, but I didn’t. I froze. With a strange mixture of fear, shock and awe, I stared into her yellow eyes.
She was a magnificent golden creature. It was like seeing royalty. Out here she was the Queen with a stunning, angular face, enormous fluffy paws, and eyes that knew what power they commanded. Almost flirtatiously she flicked her tail, which seemed to be as long as her body itself and was thicker than I expected it to be.
I’d never seen a mountain lion this close.
She must have only been about fifty feet away. She was downhill on the mountain from me, standing crouched, poised to sprint, and listening. I bet she could hear my heart beating in my chest, smell the scent that emanated from me. She moved with prowess from one boulder to another, graceful, sure-footed and watching me the whole time. I could see that she was giving herself a better vantage point to track me from.
I had to do something, but I didn’t know what.
Her coat was thick and luxurious and her strength was evident in her sleek muscles. There would be nothing I could do if she attacked even on my strongest day, much less banged up from a fall. Not that I could feel any pain at all. It was delayed by shock. Some part of my brain noted that if she got me in her jaw I probably wouldn’t even feel the pain.
It was in that moment I decided I had to move, but I realized that wasn’t going to be so easy. Time had shifted to slow motion. I threw my legs under me and fell over immediately.
A searing pain came from my knee.
Oh, I felt that. Fear filled me and replaced the awe I had felt for the mountain lion with sheer panic. She smelled it in me. I saw the change in her gait. She was approaching faster. She knew now that she had the upper hand.
Again, I tried to stand, with every cell in my body screaming with pure, unadulterated fear. In those few seconds I thought about my parents. How sad they would have been to know I would find my end in a mountain lion’s belly. I thought of Cade and how he tried to warn me, but I was so stupid I did not take heed. In those seconds I even felt sadness that Cade and I would never know each other.
Then I thought of my sister. What would happen to her without me?
I had to find the will to fight for my life.
A fearful guttural sound came out of me as I attempted to scare her away with my voice. She shamed me with a roar like I have never heard in my life. So ferocious and wild. The still mountain air amplified it. This was no cuddly big cat. She was a meat eating, killing machine, and I was her winter score to ensure her survival and see another spring.
On one leg, I leaned for a stick just out of reach and tossed it like a Frisbee towards her before stumbling again. It seemed to distract her away from her poised attack position long enough for me to reach another stick and a rock. I threw them one at a time. The lion moved to another boulder on an even level to me and looked at me unblinkingly. As if she was wondering why I was prolonging the inevitable. She gave the impression she was in for the long haul. Both of us knew, eventually, I would run out of things to throw at her.
I yelled again and hopped on one leg. I thought of Anna again. Only her. I thought of how she would be alone in this world and the painful death she would have. This just couldn’t happen. Not yet. I promised my parents to take care of her. This
wasn’t my moment to die. I’d fight this lion with my bare hands if I had to.
Her paws thudded when they hit the snow.
The sound was petrifying. It filled my entire body. Then, I heard the thudding sound coming from behind me. I turned just as Cade reached the back of me. He picked me up by the waist and lifted me in the air yelling all the while. The lion ran to within fifteen feet of me, her eyes never straying from mine.
She was furious.
Cade
The lion got closer.
I’d prepared myself for an encounter like this, but I’d never had one this intimate before. I watched the lion to read every twitch, eye movement, and breath she took.
“Raise your arms up high! Make noise!”
Katrina stretched her arms out high and yelled.
I shouted and stomped around out wide to make us seem like a large figure to the lion. If she feels that you’re much bigger than her she won’t bother you.
“Arms out wide!”
The lion flinched and moved backwards. She sought higher ground and looked back at us. By then she must have been trying to figure out what the hell kind of creature she was dealing with that had suddenly became taller and wider than it had been a moment before. Or maybe she just thought we were too crazy to bother with. We kept on making threatening gestures.
Luckily, she made the decision to run off.
Slowly, I lowered Katrina to the ground. My heart was thudding hard against my ribcage, and I didn’t want her to hear it. I felt almost high with adrenaline as we watched the lion trot away, after a few backward glances.
I brought my gaze back to her. “You ok?”
She looked up at me. Her lovely eyes enormous and her eyelashes wet. She must have been crying.
His Frozen Heart: A Mountain Man Romance Page 6
