by A. Destiny
Just seeing her touching his arm sends an equal mix of rage and jealousy flooding through my veins. I would do anything to trade places with her. I know Riley said he wasn’t the type to play me, and I don’t think he is. So why is he with her? Why isn’t he trying to spend more time with me? Did the trapeze thing really bother him more than he let on?
Maybe if he asks me to the dance, I’ll know for sure. I just hope I don’t have to ask him first.
Riley snaps her fingers in front of my face. “Earth to Jennifer,” she says, bouncing on her heels. I shake my head clear and look at her. “You’re starting to stare.”
“Really?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
Luckily, I’m not given much more time to make a fool of myself. One of the coaches blows a whistle and the warm-ups begin, first with a few laps around the gym, then jumping jacks, and then some impromptu dancing to “loosen up those joints and get your creative juices flowing.” I don’t know if it achieves the latter, but it definitely makes me feel silly, and entirely unprepared for the actual dance coming up. These circus people know how to move.
After the dancing, we do partner crunches and push-ups, along with some evil thing called “hollow body” that involves lying with my back flat on the ground and my legs hovering inches from the floor. After about ten minutes of sweating through the workout, it’s time for some stretching. In the back of my mind, I can’t help but wonder how this is important to juggling, but at least everyone’s doing the same work.
I thought seeing Branden and Megan together at breakfast was bad enough. I was wrong. Seeing them do partner stretches together, well, that’s a whole new level of awkward. Megan’s extreme flexibility just makes it worse.
“Ignore her,” Riley says. She’s leaning against my back, pressing my nose just a little bit closer to my knees as I reach for my toes. It’s easy to follow her advice—it feels like my legs are on fire. In a good way. If it weren’t for the fact that Megan situated herself and Branden practically right across from us, I would have completely forgotten she was there in light of the pain.
“I’m doing my best,” I say, and bury my face back in my knees. Well, I attempt to, anyway.
I almost succeed, too, until we go into a straddle stretch. I actually blush when I look over and see Megan with her legs spread wide and her chest flat on the ground, Branden practically standing on top of her. Her eyes are closed, but he blinks his open and notices my quick stare. He gives me a look that’s impossible to decode. If I didn’t know better, I’d almost say he looks a little embarrassed.
I avert my eyes and focus on the stretch. I’m nowhere near getting my chest to the floor, but it still burns.
“More,” I tell Riley, and she presses me even farther past the edge of comfort.
• • •
Riley and I head straight to the little tent outside the gym once warm-ups are over. As we pass Branden and Megan, Riley makes sure to exclaim, very loudly, “I’m so excited for our act tonight, Jenn! You’re going to be amazing.”
I don’t know if it does anything beyond make me blush—those two might not have even heard it. I try not to let myself look at Branden again. Hard to get, hard to get. So I smile and laugh and say I can’t wait either. I just hope I’m half as convincing as Riley. I also hope we’re able to follow through with an act that isn’t a complete disaster.
“What are we going to do?” I ask her once we’re safely out of the gym and away from Branden and his contortionist “friend.”
She shakes her head. “I was just about to ask you the same thing.” She gives me a quick glance. “I’m just assuming you don’t have some magical ground act you haven’t told us about yet, do you?”
“Nope,” I say with a shrug. “I already told you—this is the only circus I’ve done.”
“What about something else? Something not circus? Like, if this was just a normal school talent show, what would you do?”
“Watch.”
She nudges me in the ribs. It’s a beautiful, sunny day outside, but I don’t feel the sunny optimism. I was so excited this morning. Funny how seeing Branden stretching with someone else was enough to pop that bubble. If only because I really wish that she had been me.
“Seriously,” she says. “You have to have something up your sleeve. You’re too cool to be boring.”
I laugh. No one’s actually called me cool before. At least, no one outside of my tiny circle of friends. Seeing as our usual pastime is playing video games together, that’s not really saying much.
“Well,” I say, “I was in our school musical last year.”
Riley practically squeaks with excitement. She stalls outside the flap of the tent and grabs my arm.
“No way, really? You can sing and dance and all that?”
“Um, yes? I mean, I can sing. Sort of. I’m not so certain now that you’re staring at me like that.”
She smiles and hops up and down a few times.
“We could totally do a group musical number. I’m positive the boys would be down. You can sing and we’ll be the backup dancers!”
“I don’t know . . . ,” I begin, but she cuts me off with a hug.
“Oh, this is going to be amazing! We’re totally gonna blow that contortionist jerk out of the water.”
And just like that, I’ve pretty much sealed my death warrant. There’s no time to argue, either; Riley grabs my arm and drags me into the practice tent, already rambling on about what song to pick and what we’re going to wear.
Chapter Thirteen
Juggling practice goes really well. A few hours in and I have a handful of new tricks under my belt, including a few partner passes with Riley. She spends the entirety of our time training together chatting about what we’re going to do for the talent show. She’s dead set on us performing some pop song I’ve only heard once. I say we should just do a song from Wicked and call it good.
“It’s classic,” I say. “Besides, ‘Defying Gravity’ would be pretty perfect, all things considered.”
Riley rolls her eyes and tosses a club at my face. I catch it and toss a second to her.
“It’s overdone,” she retorts. “What about something a little less mainstream?”
“Mainstream? You wanted the pop song,” I say, keeping up the toss and catch. “Besides, I’ve sung this in front of an audience before. It won’t be as bad as a song I barely know.” My next toss goes long.
Riley fumbles the catch and races to grab the club as it rolls away. When she snags it, she jogs back across the tent, darting between a few kids tossing neon rings back and forth to one another.
“You need to work on your force,” she says, giving the club a little flourish. “We may have our artistic disagreements, but I prefer not to get a nose job this summer.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine. Practice makes permanent. And you’ll practice until you’re permanently awesome.”
• • •
The four of us sit together at lunch, Tyler and Kevin and Riley and me. The moment Riley mentions doing a musical number, Tyler’s eyes light up.
“I’ve always wanted to do a musical,” he says. Kevin nudges him. “What?” Tyler asks.
“Sometimes you’re too cliché for your own good,” Kevin whispers very loudly.
“Quiet, you. I could still bench-press any dude here. I’m so awesome I’m allowed a cliché or two,” Tyler retorts. As if to accentuate his mad skills, he tosses a chicken nugget in the air and catches it in his mouth.
Riley giggles and throws another chicken nugget at him before he finishes chewing the first. This one just bounces off his forehead and into his salad.
“Totally smooth,” Kevin says. Then he turns to me. “Anyway, I’m in. I can’t dance to save my life, but that will just make you look better, right?”
“Oh, I won’t be dancing. I’ll be singing.”
“You sing?” Tyler asks. “I didn’t know that.”
“I am a girl of many talents,”
I say. Tyler grins, but before I can ask why he looks so happy, I find out. Someone sits down beside me.
Branden.
“Hey,” he says. “Mind if I join you?”
“Not at all!” Riley responds. I want to ask where Megan is, but I keep my mouth shut and smile instead. He’s in a lime-green T-shirt and khaki shorts. There’s a light sheen of sweat on his face, but his shirt is dry. Was he practicing shirtless? Just the thought makes my heart flip. Thankfully, Riley keeps the attention off me. For a very brief moment. “We were just discussing how Jennifer’s going to blow everyone away with her singing tonight.”
“So I heard,” Branden says. “Girl of many talents, right?”
“Except for handling heights,” I mutter. Because I’m not going to let that be the elephant in the room—I know he’s still thinking it.
To my surprise, the statement doesn’t seem to make him uncomfortable; most people get uneasy when they’re called out on things they’re secretly thinking, but he just shrugs.
“First times are always terrifying,” he says. “Some you can’t overcome, and some you just have to leap over.” He gives me a knowing look, and I’m suddenly not entirely certain we’re just talking about flying trapeze. And now my face is definitely going red.
“Anyway,” Tyler says, making me look over to him. I want to mouth thank you for getting everyone’s attention. “Have you decided on a song for tonight?” He seems to reconsider his question, looking between Branden and me. “And are you in, Branden? We could always use an extra backup dancer. Or singer, depending.”
“I’m no singer,” Branden admits. “Or dancer, either.”
“Oh, come on,” Riley goads. “Every amazing singer needs equally amazing backup dancers.”
Branden bites his lip and looks at me—or maybe it’s the other way around, which seems like it would have an entirely different meaning. The blush I was just managing to get under control goes wild. Whatever act we do tonight, I’m going to have to wear a lot of foundation, otherwise I’m going to look like a tomato every time I remember that Branden’s dancing around onstage with me. A part of me really hopes he’ll say no. The rest of me—the part that wants to rub this in Megan’s face and get the boy and still manage to be a star this spring break—has every finger and toe crossed that he’ll say yes.
“Sure,” he says. And it’s like my heart does a little vault into my throat.
“Wait, really?” I blurt out, because I’m not entirely certain he said it or I just imagined he said it.
“Why not?” he asks with a shrug. “Sounds like fun, and it sure beats the beatboxing I was going to do.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Riley interrupts. “You beatbox?”
“Nope. I’m horrible at it.” Branden grins. “This is saving everyone a lot of pain and embarrassment.”
“Yeah, well, you haven’t heard my singing,” I joke. Though I’m pretty certain my singing is better than his beatboxing. I can’t help the self-deprecating humor. When I’m on a roll, I’m on a roll.
He smiles wider and puts a hand on my shoulder. “I look forward to it,” he says. He turns to the rest of the group. His hand stays where it is. His touch is a bubbly mix of heat and electricity. It makes me want to lean in to him and wrap his other arm around me—something I’ve never felt from a boy before. In the back of my mind, though, I’m acutely aware that just hours ago, he was arm in arm with Megan. It reminds me of Josh and the cheerleader, and I suddenly want to shrink away. What if Branden really is just playing me like Josh did? “When are we going to practice?” he asks.
And then everyone starts comparing schedules, trying to find a free hour in a pretty packed day. The show is at eight thirty. And after a lot of negotiating, we find a time slot that works for everyone. The only problem is, it’s only for an hour after dinner.
Branden squeezes my shoulder again when he stands to go to practice. He seems excited, as do Tyler and Kevin and Riley. I can’t help but feel we’ve got a lot of work to do. Otherwise this is going to be a disaster.
• • •
I have half an hour free between lunch and my next round of juggling practice. I consider going back and calling my parents, but I don’t really know what I’d say. I don’t want to tell them about not getting into flying trapeze, not yet. I don’t want to disappoint them. And hey, maybe if I get really good at juggling before the final showcase, I’ll be able to convince them I chose not to do flying trap. It’s too nice out to stay indoors, anyway. And I have a feeling that free time is something I won’t have much of for the next few days.
So, while Tyler and Kevin and Riley head to do some drop-in acro workshop, I leave the school and head across the lawn, past the tents and the mats in the sun where people are warming up or throwing a Frisbee. I try not to think about where I’m actually going; if I do, I might wimp out and stop myself.
I slow down a few hundred feet from the trapeze rig, leaning against a tree and watching the kids and coaches practice. I don’t think any of them see me, not from here, but I brought a few juggling balls just in case—always practice, Riley told me. And practicing is a perfectly legitimate reason to be out here.
“That could have been you,” I mutter to myself, tossing a few balls back and forth as I watch the kids swing and flip from the trapeze. When Branden climbs the shaky rope ladder and reaches out for the trapeze, my heart leaps with him. He moves so gracefully, so effortlessly, and when he finally lets go of the bar and flips in the air, he soars like a bird. A very attractive bird. I’m torn between being impressed with the way Branden moves and being upset that I’m not out there with him.
I should have tried harder. I shouldn’t have given up.
Branden goes up again and does another flip from the bar—a double somersault, this time—and lands effortless on the net, bouncing high in the air on the rebound. Even though I’ve already seen him do it, it still makes me a little nauseated. Face-planting toward the ground just doesn’t look like fun. He rolls over the edge of the net and gracefully drops the few feet to the ground. He glances over at me when he lands. If he notices me, he doesn’t say anything, just goes back to the group of trapeze kids and sits down in the grass.
That could have been you, I think angrily again. But you had to chicken out. It doesn’t matter that he’s going to help you at the talent show—you could have spent all this time with him if you’d just tried harder.
One of the ball tosses goes awry, and the striped ball flies away. I curse and head over to it, not taking my eyes off the grass at my feet so no one can see my face—not that anyone’s looking at me.
Which is why, when I find the ball, I’m surprised to see it’s covered by a foot.
A foot in a pale-blue flip-flop.
“Looking for something?” comes her unmistakable drawl. I look up and brush the hair from my eyes to stare straight at Megan. Her blond hair’s in a ponytail, and she’s wearing a pale-blue leotard and white shorts. She looks like something out of The Nutcracker. “Or maybe you were just looking at something?”
I grit my teeth and hold out my hand. Experience has shown that it’s never smart to try and fight back with a witty remark. Not that she’d understand wit if it slapped her in the face, I think.
“Cat got your tongue?” she says, smiling like it’s the funniest thing she’s heard in ages.
“I think you’re stepping on something of mine,” I say.
“Oh, this?” She bends over—without bending her knees, of course, which just reminds me I can barely touch my toes—and picks up the ball.
I hold out my hand. “Can I have it back?”
She shrugs elegantly. “Maybe. But first you’re going to tell me what you’re doing all the way over here.”
“Just give it back,” I say. Ugh, it sounds like I’m whining.
She arches an eyebrow.
“Let me guess,” she says. “You’re out here because you wanted to watch him.”
I don’t look where she’s looki
ng, not until she laughs.
“I know you’ve got the hots for him,” she says. “I mean, it’s pretty obvious. And I know you think he likes you, but it’s all pity. I heard him talking to his friends. Said he looks at you like you’re his little sister. Like he needs to protect you. He definitely doesn’t look at you like you could be his girlfriend.”
“Just give me the ball,” I grumble. I can practically hear my teeth grating. Getting kicked out of camp is the last thing I want, but I can’t help but feel slapping this girl would be a justified reason.
“He and I go way back,” she continues. “Met at a camp two years ago. It was love at first sight, but distance always got in the way.”
“If that’s the case, why aren’t you two dating now?”
She just shrugs.
“Sometimes it takes boys a while to realize what they’re missing.”
“So he dumped you,” I respond. I don’t know where the sudden fire comes from, but I’m tired of being toyed with.
“You don’t know who you’re messing with.”
“Neither do you. Now give me the ball.”
To my surprise, she drops the ball into my hand. She visibly composes herself, drawing herself up a little bit straighter.
“Of course. I’ll also give you some advice: Stop trying to impress him. You’re only making yourself look desperate.”
Then she tousles my hair—painfully—and stalks off. I can’t help but feel what little hope I have diminish with every step she takes. Was she telling the truth? Does Branden really think of me as a sister? If so, I might as well just give up now.
Chapter Fourteen
Are you feeling okay?” Riley asks. “You seemed like you were on Planet Zombie all through practice.”
I shrug. It’s after our final juggling session for the day, and yeah, we made a lot of progress, but no, my heart wasn’t in it. As we head back to the main building for dinner, I feel like a failure.
