by Hope Ford
“Twenty years,” I tell her.
“Oh my gosh, that’s amazing. Twenty years, and he still looks at her like that.” She’s sitting wide eyed, with her hands across her heart like she just witnessed a miracle firsthand.
And right now, with her in the seat next to me, smiling and happy to be with me, I know exactly what she’s feeling.
Hope
Some people say I’m too much. I’m too loud. I’m too expressive. I’m too happy. But that’s who I am. And instead of Cole looking at me like I’m crazy or like he wishes I’d tone it down, he’s looking at me with something like awe right now.
“Mama and Mario are good people. But you’re right. He definitely loves her. He acts like he’s the boss, but everyone jokes around that he’ll do anything she wants.”
I squeeze his arm excitedly. “That’s so perfect. I just love seeing people in love like that. You don’t see things like that anymore.”
His arm flexes under my hand, and he rests it on the console between us, but I don’t let go. I hold on to him while he pulls out of the parking lot, deciding that if he doesn’t want me touching him, he’s going to have to tell me.
He drives two streets over and then pulls down a long dirt road, stopping in a pasture. “Where are we?”
Instead of answering, he tells me, “Wait right there.”
I watch as he gets out of the truck and walks to my side, opening the door and helping me down. I ignore the feel of his body as I slide down it and as soon as my feet touch the ground, I’m backing away. If I don’t, I’ll completely and utterly embarrass myself. I can’t even think about how much I’m attracted to him. I’m sure it would show all over my face.
With his hand at the small of my back, he leads me to the back of the truck and then pulls the tailgate down. He reaches for me, easily lifting me up into the bed of the truck. I draw my legs up and wait as he goes and grabs the food and comes back.
He starts to unpack it, and I just watch him because I don’t want to look away. I could care less about how his scars look. But it seems that everything he does, he tries to fix it to where I don’t have to look at them. Even the way he set me up on the truck bed, I won’t be able to see the scarred side of his face when he sits next to me. Does he not know how handsome he looks?
As we eat, I can’t remember ever feeling this relaxed with someone I just met. We talk about my schooling and why I want to be a nurse. I can tell he empathizes with the fact that I want to help people. I moan and groan with every bite I take of the chicken parmesan he ordered. It is so good. Halfway through the meal, I look up with my mouth full, and I’m laughing at something I just said. He’s staring at me with a smile on his face, and I flush red from head to toe. I chew my food and am barely able to swallow it before I set my Styrofoam plate down, realizing that I’ve made a pig of myself.
He laughs, picking up my plate and handing it back to me. “Oh no, you’re eating that.”
“Why? So you can see what a pig I make of myself when there’s good food involved?” I ask him.
He shakes his head but doesn’t look away, his eyes smoldering in the starlit sky. “No. Because I like watching you eat. I like the noises you make.” He shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know, I just like you.”
“I like you too,” I tell him honestly. Am I supposed to play hard to get or mysterious? I don’t know. All I do know is Cole makes me feel things I’ve never felt before, and I don’t want to hold back from him.
I take another bite of my food and set the plate down again and take a drink of water. I lean toward him, so close I’m almost cross-eyed looking at him. “So if you like me, does that mean you’re going to kiss me again?”
He doesn’t even hesitate. He touches his lips to mine, and I swear that one simple touch sends goosebumps through my whole body. He pulls me easily into his lap until I’m cradled there, never letting go of my mouth. All I can do is lie there, against his warm hard body that makes me feel safer than I’ve ever felt, as I take his plunging tongue into my mouth.
Who knows how long we stay just like this, but it isn’t long enough.
4
Cole
All night, all I could think about was Hope. She’s the one bright spot of the last year. Fuck, my whole life. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman. She’s smart, beautiful, and fun. After only one night, I can see having a future with her. And that’s saying a lot considering the last year I’ve barely been able to think about anything except my past.
After making out with her in the bed of my truck for an hour, I knew I had to get her home. She had the blood rushing through my veins, and it was either take her home or take her in the back of my truck. And I know she deserves better. Fuck, she deserves better than anything I could give her.
When I dropped her off at her car at the bar, I followed her to her house to make sure she made it home okay. She seemed shocked when I asked her if it was okay for me to follow her, but I couldn’t help it. There’s something about her. I needed to know she made it home safe. I parked at the end of the driveway she pulled into. Her parents’ house is huge and in a high dollar neighborhood. Yet another reason I shouldn’t be with her. I scoff at myself. I just met the girl, I shouldn’t even be thinking about a future with us together. I didn’t want to pull in and wake up her parents. She’d barely stopped before she was jumping out of the car and racing toward my truck. She was smiling the whole way, and I swear it was like she was afraid I was going to drive off before I talked to her.
I put the truck into park and hopped out, walking around to meet her.
“So tomorrow? You’ll pick me up here for our date?”
I looked uneasily up at the open gate for her driveway, the expansive lawn, and the I’ll never be able to afford anything like it house. I knew I should call it quits now, before this all gets out of hand. But when I looked down into her face, I caught myself nodding and reaching for her. “Tomorrow. I’ll pick you up here at five.”
I kissed her again, briefly this time, because I was still smoldering from our kiss at the open field and then at the bar when I took her to her car.
I stood there and watched her walk all the way into her house before my feet would finally budge.
“What? You giving up already?” my friend Patton asks as he walks by me.
I shake my head as if I’ve been in a trance. I look around the gym as a man drops a weight in the corner and then back to Patton. “No, I’m not giving up. Fuck, man, if I was going to give up, I’d have done that a long time ago.”
Patton looks at me strangely. “What’s going on with you?”
I knew Patton would figure there’s something going on. He’s the closest thing I have to a brother, and he knows me better than anyone. And if there’s even a slight change in my demeanor, he’s going to notice it. I have no doubt.
And there’s no way that meeting Hope hasn’t changed me. Hell, it’s turned my world upside down. She’s got me wanting things that I never dreamed possible.
I shrug my shoulders. “I met a woman last night.”
He smiles and sets down the dumbbells he was about to raise over his head. He sits on the bench next to me. “Who is she?”
“The guys dragged me out last night to a bar. She’s the bartender.”
“Did you get her number?” he asks.
I shrug, thinking back. Hell, I didn’t even get her number. “No, but I’m taking her out again tonight.”
“Again? Did you go out with her last night?” His eyes are wide open staring back at me. I know he’s probably as surprised as I am.
I stand up and start to curl the twenty-five-pound weights in my hands. “Yeah, we grabbed something to eat and then I took her to the point.”
“That’s awesome, Prince. I can’t wait to meet her.” He grunts as he picks up the weights he set down and starts lifting them again.
We lift in silence for a while, and only the sound of a few grunts from the other men in the room and of
feet pounding on a treadmill fill the space. I can’t help but think about Hope. She’s already taken over every thought I’ve had, but I’m still unsettled about it. Am I ready to get into a relationship? Especially when I’ve thought all this time that there’s no one that would want me. My physical injuries have been fixed. The five surgeries that I’ve had on my legs, arm, and face are behind me. I can finally walk without a limp thanks to the almost year of therapy that I’ve had. And even though I’ll always have the scars, I know they don’t even compare to the scars on the inside. I lost a good friend, a brother that last day overseas. We were setting up a perimeter and were at the wrong place at the wrong time. The bomb that went off took Jason’s life, took both legs from Jeremy, and of the three of us, I was the least injured. Yeah, I have scars that I’ll have to look at every day, but I’m still alive and still have all my body parts. I won’t lie and say that there is not a little bit of me that feels guilty for that. In the last year, I’ve had every emotion. At one point, I even wished it was me that died that day. Jason had a wife and two daughters. He should have been the one to live. And Jeremy is one of the best guys I know. He was the leader to us all, always keeping us together and united. But he’s struggling now. Still trying to navigate this new life. A part of me wonders how I can be so happy when my friends have lost so much.
“Have you talked to Jeremy lately?” Patton asks, interrupting my thoughts.
“No. Not in a few weeks. I need to call him,” I tell him.
“Don’t bother. He won’t answer his phone. I talked to Peggy yesterday and she says she doesn’t know what to do with him. He just lies in bed all day. She said it’s killing the kids to see him like that.”
Again, I can feel bile rising in my throat. I should be helping Jeremy and being there for him. Instead, I’m going crazy over some girl.
We finish working out, and I no sooner get into my car than I pick up the phone and dial Jeremy’s number. After three rings, it goes to voicemail.
I hang up and dial Peggy’s number. She answers on the second ring. “Cole?” she asks. And I swear I can hear the relief in her voice.
“Hey, honey, I tried calling Jeremy but he’s not answering. Y’all doing okay?” As soon as the words are out, I hold my breath. I can feel it in my gut that something is really wrong.
She lets out a soft sigh, and her voice is filled with emotion. “No, we’re not. I’m sorry, Cole. He told me not to call you all, but I don’t know what to do. He’s telling me to leave him and take the kids with me. He’s still in therapy, but he thinks he’s useless to us now and we’re better off without him.” She starts to cry, and I can hear her sniffle on the phone.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay. I’m going to come over, okay?”
“No, it’s fine. There’s no talking to him when he’s like this. Plus, we’re over an hour away. I don’t want you wasting your time.”
“It’s not wasting my time. I owe Jeremy. He always looked out for me. For all of us. I’m going to go home and shower, make one stop, and then I’ll be on my way.”
I know how desperate she is when she doesn’t try to refuse me again. She sniffs one more time. “Okay. Thanks, Cole.”
Driving home, all I can think about is Hope. I’m going to have to break our date. I shower quickly, and because I know I can’t just not show up, I drive across town to her house. I’m almost two hours early for our date, but I figure I can at least put a note on her door if no one is home.
I knock on her front door and stand back. I can hear footsteps in the house and a gasp as the door is opened. On the other side is a woman around my age. She’s a little older than Hope maybe. Funny, she never told me she had a sister.
The woman looks shocked, and instantly I realize that I have forgotten about my scars. I’m sure they’re even more glaringly obvious in the bright light of the day. Dread fills my stomach, because this will be the first time Hope has seen me in the light. That is if she’s here.
“Hello. Is Hope home?”
The woman is rude and stares at my scars openly with disgust. “Uh, and who are you?”
“Cole Prince. I have a date with Hope.”
The woman looks at me in horror. “Uh, I don’t… uh,” she stutters.
I hear steps behind the woman and then Hope’s sing-song voice. “Kacey, is there someone at the door?”
Hope comes to stand beside the woman, and automatically I determine they are not sisters. They look nothing alike. Even now, Hope is smiling and happy, and the other woman is staring at me with a severe look on her face. “Hey! You’re early.” She smiles up at me.
I look between the woman and Hope. “Yeah, I’m sorry…”
Hope looks at the woman. “It’s fine. Kacey, you can go now.”
The other woman moves away from the door, muttering to Hope, “Your dad is not going to like this.”
Hope ignores her and walks out onto the porch, shutting the door behind her. “That’s my stepmom. Sorry,” she apologizes.
I shake my head. Stepmom? I try to remember our conversation about her family last night, and I know she mentioned her mom wasn’t in the picture anymore, but she never mentioned a stepmom.
“It’s fine. I know I scare some people. It is what it is.” I trail off, remembering her stepmom’s thoughts on what her dad is going to think of me. “So I didn’t have your number. But I need to cancel tonight.”
Hope looks up at me wide-eyed, and I can see the hurt in her deep blue eyes. Fuck! Instinct tells me to put my arms around her, and last night I probably would’ve. But now, in the light of the day with her stepmom probably inside calling her dad telling him there’s a freak here to pick up his daughter… well, it changes things. “Yeah, uh, my friend and his wife are in a bad place right now and I need to go see them… but I didn’t want to just not show up.”
She’s watching me closely, and I know I’m acting weird. Last night was so romantic and the chemistry was spot on. Today is real life. It’s ugly and scarred, and I should have figured last night was too good to be true. Why was I thinking I could have a normal life?
“Tell me about your friend,” she says. It’s not a request. She seems genuinely interested.
“We were in the army together. Jeremy was sort of the leader of our squadron. He was hit by the same bomb that did this.” I point at my face. “He’s married. Older. Has two teenage kids and a wife.”
She puts her hands on her hips. “Go on.”
I throw my hands up, frustrated, because I hate telling this story. Because this story could almost be my own. I shove my hands through my hair and start pacing back and forth on the porch. “I don’t know. He won’t talk to anyone. His wife is upset because he’s pushing her away, telling her to find someone else. He, fuck, I don’t know. I guess he doesn’t feel like a man anymore because he’s hurt and can’t do stuff like he used to. I don’t know.”
“What do you think?” she asks me.
I stop my pacing and stare at her, confused. “What do you mean what do I think?”
“Do you think she’s better off without him?”
“No!” I say instantly. “I saw them before all this. They love each other. It’s the real deal. If anything, I think they need each other more than ever now.”
She opens her front door and walks in as I stand there with my mouth open. What is she doing? I wait only a few seconds before she reappears with her purse over her shoulder. “I’m going with you.”
I hold my hands up to stop her. “No. You can’t do that.”
Again, she looks hurt. Fuck, I’ve hurt her twice in the last ten minutes. I need to stop. “What I mean is, this shit is ugly, Hope. Hell, I can’t take you on a second date to do this.”
She reaches for me then, her hand sliding around the back of my neck and forcing me down until our faces are only inches away from each other. “While you’re with Jeremy, his wife will need someone to talk to too. Let me go. I want to do this. I want to be with you.”
And then she kisses me. It’s a light touch of our lips, but it holds a promise of what’s to come. I know I should leave her here and go and handle this. But maybe she’s right. Maybe Peggy does need someone to talk to.
With her smiling up at me, with hope in her eyes, I know I can’t tell her no. I clench my eyes tightly, stopping the thoughts in my head of actually having a future with this woman and nod my head. “Let’s go.”
She kisses me again before grabbing my hand and walking with me to the truck.
5
Hope
The closer we get, the more nervous Cole is. We are almost there, and he’s barely said a word, making me wonder if I made the right decision in coming here. But listening to the way he talked about his friend and how he doesn’t think he deserves his wife’s love, well, it makes me see Cole and maybe what he’s feeling. He said himself he hasn’t dated since his accident. He’s self-conscious of his scars. But when he said he knew his friend and wife belonged together, I knew I wanted to be here with him. We’ve known each other less than twenty-four hours, but I can’t stop thinking about our future. I look over at him and his white knuckles clutching the steering wheel. Man, if he knew what I was thinking he’d probably run for the hills. I bet he thought, maybe even hoped he would get lucky tonight. For all I know, that could be all he wants. If he knew I was thinking about a future with him, he’d probably freak out. He definitely wouldn’t have let me come with him.
“If you’d rather I stayed in the car, I will,” I tell him, breaking the silence.
He seems to think about it and finally tells me with a glance in my direction, “No, I think I’d like you to come in. I think you’re right. Peggy was really upset on the phone, and she might need someone to talk to.” He pauses for a second, chancing another glance at me. “That is, if you’re still all right with it.”
