by Jaci Burton
"Yeah."
"And you knew I was coming here."
"Yes, I did."
"You followed me?"
"No. I came here to go fishing."
She didn't believe him. Then again, what kind of ego did she have that she thought he was here for her? That was ridiculous. "So this is all coincidence."
"I came over here for a few drinks and to check out the action at the club. Noisy as hell in there. So I came outside for some fresh air. That's when I spotted you tusslin' with that asshole."
She lifted her gaze to his. "I'm glad you showed up when you did. And thank you."
He laughed. "I didn't do anything. Looks like you had him under control when I got here."
She pulled on his hands and he sat on the bench next to her. God, he looked fine. So different from his jeans and long-sleeved shirt. Tonight he wore black linen pants and a black silk short-sleeved shirt. His face was always tan from working outdoors, and his blue eyes mesmerized her.
"I think your intimidation helped get rid of him. I'm not sure he was ever going to get the hint."
"Well, he's gone now."
"Yes, he is."
He studied her without saying a word. Ella found herself not minding that at all.
"You look different."
Leave it to Clay to say something like that. "Is that good or bad?"
"It's good. You always look beautiful. You just don't look like you usually do. I like you just fine in jeans and a T-shirt. But this dress...Goddamn, Ella. You look hot."
Her heart stopped. Shawn had told her at least thirty-eight times that she was beautiful. It had meant nothing to her. One compliment from Clay and she had melted to the bench. "Thank you. I wasn't sure you even knew I was a woman."
He arched a brow. "I've always known you were a woman. I just try not to treat you like one."
She laughed. "I'll take that as a compliment."
"Good."
Being with Clay was so...easy. She knew him, had known him since she and James had started in the construction business all those years ago. With Clay she could be herself, didn't have to pretend. He'd seen her at her very worst. There was nothing to hide from him.
"Ella, why are you here?"
Well, maybe she had one thing to hide from him.
"I'm on vacation."
"And that's it. You came all the way to Hawaii--by yourself--to rest."
"Yes."
"Bullshit. Tell me why you're really here."
She arched away from him. "I don't think that's any of your business."
"I'm making it my business."
"Now you're being a pushy bastard."
"Yeah? And?"
She couldn't help herself. She laughed. "Why can't I stay mad at you?"
"Because I'm irresistible."
She rolled her eyes. "You probably use that line on the ladies. And it probably works."
"It does."
"God. You're unbelievable."
"They all say that, too."
She liked that he was here. Despite wanting to do this vacation on her own, she was happy Clay had shown up. Though it did put a major crimp on the sex thing. How was she going to pick up a guy with Clay around? And she still had a niggling suspicion...
"So I'll tell you what, Clay. You come clean with me and I'll do the same. Tish told you why I was coming here, didn't she?"
"No. She didn't. But I was kind of hoping you would."
He was telling the truth. Damn. She and Clay had gotten close after James's death. But not that close. Not close enough to divulge her desperate need for sex.
"Um..."
"You didn't know that guy, did you?"
"No."
"Okay." He looked away.
"What?"
"I thought you had come here to meet someone."
She blew out a breath. Explanation time. She hated this. "I did."
He shifted his gaze back on her. "But not him."
"No."
"Then who?"
She shrugged. "I have no idea."
"That doesn't make sense."
"I know. This is difficult for me to explain to you. You and I...we don't have the kind of relationship where I can talk about...intimate things."
"Oh. Well, sure we do. Okay, we don't. Not yet, anyway. But we can." He leaned back and slung his arm across the back of the bench. "You can tell me anything, Ella."
She probably could. And Clay got around...a lot. He knew things...about sex. About relationships. Maybe he could help her figure this out. If she could survive the embarrassment.
She took a deep breath, then let it out. "I'm here for sex."
Four
Ella tried not to grimace when Clay's jaw dropped.
"Um...what?"
"Sex. S-E-X. I need sex. That's what I came to Hawaii to get."
"You mean you haven't...?"
"Since James died? No, I haven't."
"Oh. Well. Really? No one? It's been five years, Ella."
"I know. I wasn't ready."
"And you are now."
"Yes."
"Then why can't you get that back home? I mean, honey, I'm sure there's plenty of guys in Tulsa who'd love to fuck you."
She laughed. "That's nice of you to say. But that's not what I want."
Clay rubbed the spot above his brow. "I'm confused. You can't have sex with any man you know in your own hometown. Why not?"
She shifted to face him. "Because I know all those guys. They're all friends and coworkers of James. I don't want to have sex with someone who knew James. Someone who knows me, who knows my story. I want a clean slate. I don't want a relationship."
"And you think no one will have sex with you--without strings?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. I just didn't want to go there. Not with guys I know."
"And not with men who knew James."
"Yes."
"Not every man in that city knows you or knew James."
"I know that, too. I just wanted to get away." Away from the familiar, away from memories of the man she'd loved, from the place where the two of them had built their lives together, where every building, every street, didn't remind her of James.
"So you came to Hawaii, intending to pick up some random guy and fuck him?"
"Yes." But now that he said it out loud it sounded like a really stupid idea. "I guess I hadn't really thought that one through."
"It's not safe, Ella."
She rolled her eyes. "Guys do it all the time."
"Guys can take care of themselves."
"And women can't? You know I can."
"Yes, I know you can. I just wish you wouldn't. Not here. Not by yourself."
"Not where you can't keep an eye on me? Come on, Clay. What are you going to do? Stand in the bedroom and watch over the guy I'm having sex with to be sure no harm comes to me?"
He looked horrified. "Uh, no."
She laid a hand on his arm. "I'm a grown woman. And I'm not stupid. I can handle this."
He shook his head. "I know you think this is a great idea. But there has to be a better way to jump back on the horse again."
"If I knew a better way, I'd do it. I'd have already done it."
"Need it that bad?"
She laughed, and at the same time heat pooled low in her belly. Talking sex with Clay made her body heat up. They'd never had a conversation this...personal, this intimate before. He wasn't a "best friend" kind of man. He was a man. All man. Hot, sexy, but their conversations were usually all business. She'd never thought of him in that way other than the occasional admiration for his body, his looks, the way he commanded a room and the men who worked for him. She'd learned a lot watching him, and maybe while watching him she'd had a feminine appreciation for him as a man.
But in her life there'd always been James. And she'd loved James with her whole heart. So no other man had attracted her.
But James had been gone for five years now. And in the last year or so, she might have started not
icing Clay as more than a business associate. Still, she'd never once thought...
Yet here she was in Hawaii, talking about sex with him. Not just sex in general, but her sex life. Or rather, her not-quite-but-impending sex life. The whole thing was surreal.
"I might be able to help you."
Finally. "Great. What do you suggest?"
"What about me?"
Her heart dropped to her stomach. "What?"
"You can have sex with me."
Her throat had gone dry. Where was that glass of wine now? "Are you kidding me?"
His smile died. "I never joke about sex."
She'd just bet he didn't. He probably took it very seriously. She could already imagine...
No. No way. Oh, definitely no way. "I...We...Oh, hell, no."
She clamped her mouth shut. Way to insult a man's ego, Ella.
But instead he tilted his head back and laughed. "So, you think I'm repulsive."
"Oh, God. No. I didn't mean that at all. I think you're hot, Clay. Any woman would want to have sex with you. I mean, you probably have women falling all over themselves wanting to..."
Again...she clamped her lips shut when she saw the grin on his face. "I think I should just shut up now."
He walked his fingers along the flesh of her back. "No, you're doing great. Keep going."
She shivered at his touch. Shawn hadn't elicited one-tenth of the response in her that Clay did. This was bad. Really bad. "Don't you see how this couldn't work?"
"No."
"We work together. We own competing businesses."
"So?"
"We'd have to face each other...afterward."
"So?"
She blew out a frustrated breath. "It would be awkward. Plus, what would everyone think?"
"Are you going to tell them?"
"Oh, my God, no."
"Neither will I. What goes on between you and me is just that...between you and me. And why would you feel awkward about having some fun?"
Dammit. He made it sound so logical. "Clay, you're too...familiar."
"Huh?"
"I know you. You're too close. The last thing I need for this is someone I know."
"I disagree. That's exactly what you need right now."
Clay watched the mix of emotions on Ella's face, and still couldn't believe he'd offered himself up as...what? Stud? Sex partner? Hell, even he didn't know. He just knew he'd seen red when that guy had pushed her too hard. And he'd be damned if he was going to let some other guy touch her.
Unfamiliar territory. He'd come here to make sure she was okay. And she had been handling the situation okay, but he'd wanted to knock that guy hard--like onto the next island. The only thing that had stopped him was Ella standing there.
And then listening to her talk about wanting to have sex with some random guy?
Oh, hell, no. But he hadn't known he wanted the guy to be himself until tonight, until he'd seen another man kiss her, put his hands on her. He knew then that the only man he wanted touching her was...him.
"You need someone you know, someone you trust, someone who can lead you back into sex and expect nothing in return."
She tilted her head to the side, exposing her neck. He wanted to kiss her neck. Okay, he wanted to start there, then put his mouth all over her.
"Yes. But that's my whole point. Someone who expects nothing in return. That's the great thing about anonymity."
"Anonymity can also be dangerous. That's where the trust is lacking. You can't trust a stranger. A stranger doesn't know you."
"And you do."
"You know I do. I'll also keep you safe."
She sighed. "Okay, I hadn't thought about that part. I was just so excited about this trip I hadn't thought about the danger aspects. Stupid, I know." She looked down at her hands. "It's just that I've finally started to feel whole again. And that took a long time after James died. I never thought I'd ever want to be with another man after him."
"But now you do."
"Yes and no. I don't want to fall in love again." She lifted her gaze to his, and his gut clenched at the sincerity in her big brown eyes. "I can't ever love anyone like I loved James."
"But it's not love you're after. It's sex."
"Yes. Lately it's all I've been able to think about. And all I want is meaningless sex."
He slid his fingers under her hair and teased the nape of her neck. Her hair was soft, her skin even softer. "Sex is never meaningless, Ella. Or it shouldn't be. And I'd be really disappointed if that's what you're going for."
She snorted. "Oh, right. I'm sure all your sexual escapades are filled with meaning."
"If you're implying that I have fulfilling, long-lasting emotional relationships, then no, I don't. My life isn't conducive to long-term relationships, and you know that. But I never have meaningless sex. I don't fuck someone and drop them the next day. Sex means something. You should never take it lightly."
She looked down at her hands again. "Damn you. I wanted it to be meaningless."
"Did you?"
"Yes."
"Why? If your objective is just to get off, you can do that yourself."
Her gaze shot to his, her mouth dangling open. Her lips were full, soft, and it took every bit of willpower he possessed not to kiss her.
"I can't believe you just said that."
"I think we're past dancing around each other. If you just want a release, you can do it yourself. That's not what you want."
She stared at him for a few seconds, then said, "You're right. It's not what I want. But I also don't want a relationship. I don't want any strings. I don't want to get involved with someone."
"Neither do I. That's why you and me are perfect for this."
He didn't know why he hadn't suggested it before, other than he figured she'd already been having sex.
Five years? That's a long damn time to go without. Then again, he knew nothing about love, or grieving for someone you'd lost. He'd never loved anyone, or lost anyone he cared about. Maybe it did take that long. He knew Ella had loved James. And it just wasn't right when someone that young died. But it happened. He'd seen it happen all the time, especially in their business. There were no guarantees.
"I do trust you."
It meant a lot to him that she did. And okay, maybe he wanted to get in her pants--had wanted to for a couple years now. He wasn't bothered by James's memory. He and James had been friends. But James was long gone now. And Ella had a right to a life. She hadn't died.
"I'm glad you do. And you know I won't try to tie you down with any relationship when it's over. You go back to your job and I'll go back to mine. And we'll never talk about it again."
"Yes." She blew out a breath. "That would be perfect."
"But while we're here, we can have one hell of a good time, Ella."
"You're right. We could." She took a deep breath. "Okay, then. Let's do it."
Ella wasn't sure how this was going to play out, but now that Clay had offered, the thought of getting him naked was first on her list of things to do.
"Come on." He stood, held out his hand for her. She slipped her hand in his and followed him. He walked back inside the club and Ella bit back the disappointment, which turned out to be only momentary as he walked through the double doors and outside.
"Thank God," she said. "I thought you were going to drag me on the dance floor."
Clay laughed. "Not a chance. I can't dance for shit."
She arched a brow as they strolled along the walkway between the club and the condo. "I'm going to have to see that."
"No, you really aren't."
"That bad, huh?"
"That bad."
"You've shattered my illusions. I thought you were perfect." She liked that he didn't stride fast, instead strolled along at a slow pace so she could keep up with him. In her work boots, she'd have no problem. In these heels? She'd have to run.
Once back at the condo complex, he took her up in the elevator to the top floor, then
used his key to enter his suite.
"Suite, huh? Well, aren't you special?"
He tilted toward her as he pushed the door open and flipped on the light. "I like Hawaii. And as we know, property is a good investment."
Investment. Hell. It was a palace. Twice the size, at least, of her condo. Spacious and open, with lots of windows and doors overlooking the ocean. "Just leave me here. Don't tell anyone you saw me. They'll never notice I'm missing."
He laughed and opened the sliding-glass door. A breeze blew the curtains inward. "Bullshit. You run that company with an iron fist. Your lazy crew would revolt if they thought their leader was gone."
"My lazy crew?" She arched a brow and put her hands on her hips. "My crew can work circles around yours."
He moved toward her. "You field a bunch of pussies and you know it."
He was teasing her. She liked it. He'd never once treated her with kid gloves--not even right after James had died. And that was exactly what she'd needed--someone to drive her to get in there and do the job. That was what James would have expected from her. That was what Clay expected from her. She'd adored him for that, for not coddling her and holding her hand other than showing her the ropes of the business.
She glared at him. "When we get back to work next week I'll pony up my guys against yours, and we'll see who can put in an honest day's work without lying down on the job."
"You're on, cupcake."
He was right in front of her now, all six foot five or so of him. Imposing, sexy, an expanse of tanned skin visible over the top button of his shirt. She wanted to reach in there and touch it--touch him. That she could now--where before she supposed it had been either forbidden, at least in her mind, or something that would never have occurred to her. It was unnerving. She swallowed and tilted her head back to look at his face.
His smile was devastating. How did women resist him?
Oh, yeah. They didn't.
The dynamics had changed. They were no longer coworkers. They were friends, always had been, always would be. But tonight they were going to become lovers. This whole thing was surreal.
His smile shifted, became a little less wide. "You're thinking about something."
"Yes."
"James?"
Funny he would think that. "No. Actually, I was thinking about you and me."
"Yeah? How so?"
"About how our relationship will be changing."
He slid his knuckles over her cheek. "Just for this week. Only while we're here. After that, it goes back to the way it was."
She reached up and wrapped her fingers around his wrist, needing the solid, warm touch of male flesh. It had been so long. "You make it sound so easy."
