by Jaci Burton
Again he drove, deeper this time, becoming part of her. He was already part of her, would always be part of her.
Again, he thrust against her, rolling his hips this time, grinding against her clit. Her lips parted and she tightened, felt her orgasm from deep within.
"Yes," he said, his face taking on that angry quality she loved so much, the expression that said he was close to the edge.
"Come inside me," she whispered, then pulled at his hair when she came, called out his name when her orgasm hit her full force. He went with her, and this time he was as loud as she was, groaning as he pumped repeatedly against her until he shuddered, let her legs down and rested against her.
This had been the last time.
She felt his heart pounding against hers and lifted her palm to rest it against his chest.
She never thought she could love anyone again, that James had been it for her.
She'd been so wrong. She loved Clay, loved going to sleep with him at night, loved waking up with him next to her in the morning. She loved working side by side with him, arguing with him, laughing with him. She loved everything about him. He was as different from James as any man could be. James had been quiet and sweet and passive. Clay was demonstrative and brusque and such a typical alpha male, but there was something about him that she craved, that she needed.
She didn't want to let him go.
But she knew she had to.
This had been fantasy, and what they had would never work in the real world.
Eight
Being back at work was both a blessing and a curse. Ella had thrown herself into the business, which had picked up like crazy while she'd been gone. She'd spent the first few days buried in paperwork that needed addressing. By the time she'd caught up with that, she'd headed out to a few of the jobsites to catch up on the status of some of the ongoing projects, including a new startup.
Plenty to do and enough work to occupy her mind and body. She was putting in twelve-hour days, seven days a week, coming home exhausted every night, her mind and body numb. She'd strip out of her clothes, step into the shower, grab something to eat and either read a book or veg in front of the television until she crawled into bed and passed out.
Which meant she had no time to think about Clay. Or almost no time, because despite filling her days and nights, he still crept into her thoughts.
She hadn't seen him in the two weeks she'd been back. At the airport in Hawaii, she'd told him to pretend this had never happened, that he should treat her as if they'd never spent this week together.
Something odd had crossed his face. Regret, maybe? But then he'd flashed a grin at her, kissed her hard and told her if she ever wanted a repeat performance in Hawaii, he was all up for playing stud. She laughed and turned away, hurried down the gangplank so he wouldn't see the tears coating her eyes. She decided she'd seen in his eyes only what she wanted to see. He'd thought of that week in Hawaii as fun and sex and nothing more than that. And that was what she was going to think about it. Fun. Sex.
Over and done with. She was not in love with him. Her heart was not aching for him. Her body was not missing his touch.
"Woman. You avoiding me?"
Ella's head snapped up at the voice. Tish stood in her doorway, frowning at her.
Ella smiled. "Of course not. I've been buried since I got back."
Tish came in, tossed her purse on the floor and flounced into the cushioned chair in front of Ella's desk. "Okay, spill. I want to hear all about it."
Tish was the last person she was going to tell. She leaned back in her chair, thankful it was after working hours and no one else was around. "It was...good."
"Uh-huh. That's not exactly the level of detail I was looking for."
Ella launched into all the activities she'd done on the island.
"I don't care about shopping or snorkeling, girl. I want to hear about you and Clay."
She winced. "So you know about that."
"Who the hell do you think put you two together? Come on."
She wanted to ask Tish how he was, if he'd asked about her at all. So high school. She wasn't going to go there. She'd been the one to tell Clay to keep his distance, to keep things between them professional only.
"Well? I'm waiting."
But Tish was her friend. She had to talk to someone. "It was unlike anything I thought it would be, Tish."
Tish grinned so wide Ella was sure her cheeks would explode. "I knew it. I knew you two belonged together."
"We're not together."
Tish's smile faded. "Why the hell aren't you?"
"Because what happened between us in Hawaii can't work here."
"Again, why the hell not?"
Ella rubbed that spot in between her eyebrows where a headache was forming. "It's complicated."
"I've got time. Explain it to me."
"I don't have time. I'm really busy, Tish. Let's get together for a drink soon, okay?"
"You're putting me off because you don't have a valid reason why you and Clay can't be together."
"Yes, I do have a valid reason. Plenty of them, the least of which is he's not interested in having a relationship."
"He told you this."
"Not exactly."
"Did you tell him you're in love with him?"
Her gaze snapped to Tish's. "Of course not."
"But you are in love with him, aren't you?"
She was seconds away from denying it, but realized Tish would browbeat her mercilessly until she confessed. She sank back in her chair. "Yes. I love him."
Tish leaned forward. "Then what's the problem, honey? Tell him."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"You know why. He doesn't want attachments in his life. Besides, I swore I'd never get involved with anyone in this industry again. Next time I fall in love it's going to be with a nice...accountant or something."
Tish studied her with a critical gaze.
"What?"
"You're afraid."
"I am not."
"Yes, you are. You're afraid if you fall in love again, the man you love is going to drop dead like James did."
Ella struggled to speak past the pain and fury that boiled inside her. "That's harsh."
Tish lifted her chin. "I know. And it's the damn truth. You're scared to death that you love Clay. Someone who could die on you, just like James did."
"I am not. I just know it would never work. He isn't interested."
"How do you know unless you tell him? I think you're giving bullshit excuses to ignore your fear."
Ella stood, paced the room, finally settling on looking out her window at the parking lot. "I'm not afraid. I'm strong, Tish. I withstood a lot with James's death."
"And you don't want to go through it again, so you're tossing all this on Clay, when in reality it's you who's the problem."
She kept her gaze trained on the window. "I thought you were my friend."
She heard the crackle of the leather cushion, then felt Tish behind her, her arms encircling her. "I am your friend. I love you. I went through that pain with you and never want to see you go through it again. And remember...I've been there, too."
Ella nodded. "I know." She wanted to say that Tish's situation was different, that her husband's cancer had been slow and debilitating. But had it really been different? They'd both lost men they loved. She was so confused.
"Ella. You can't stop living just because you lost someone. It took me a long time to get past John's death. But I did. And I'm dating again. I haven't fallen in love yet, but I'm allowing myself the opportunity to. And I know it'll happen someday when the right man comes along. You have to open your heart and let it happen for you, too."
Tears welled and she forced them back, refusing to dwell on the past, or the possible future that was riddled with terror. "You know what Clay does for a living, Tish."
"Yeah. The same thing that James did. But the construction business didn't kill your husband, Ella. An
aneurysm did."
She shook her head. "I can't lose another man I love. Not again. I wouldn't survive it."
Tish squeezed her shoulders. "We're all going to lose the ones we love, Ella. You and I know that more than most people do. We just got a head start on most people. And it made us stronger. We're light-years ahead of the rest of them."
That actually made her laugh. "Yeah, I'm strong, all right. I've spent the past five years proving how goddamn strong I am."
"You're strong enough to try this again. Because you don't want to spend the rest of your life alone, without love. Without being loved."
Tears rolled down her face, the anguish tearing her up inside. Was this what she wanted for the rest of her life? To feel alone and afraid? She turned to face her best friend. "You're a real bitch, you know."
Tish's lips quirked. "Not the first time I've heard that. But you know I'm never gonna sugarcoat it for you. You love him. And I know he loves you."
Ella swiped her cheeks. "You think he loves me?"
"He's been cranky as a bear since he got back. And usually he dives right into work, happy as can be to be back there after he's been gone. Not this time."
"Have you--?"
"Asked him about you? No. I'm not poking the bear just yet. But I will."
"Oh, I don't know, Tish. I don't know about any of this. Clay just isn't the type to want to settle down with one woman."
"He wasn't the type before. My guess is he's changed his mind about that. But you'll never know unless you try."
Trying scared the shit out of her. She didn't know if she even wanted to try, because Tish was right. The thought of loving and losing someone again terrified her.
"I'll think about it."
Tish nodded and went to pick up her purse. "You do that. Oh, and the reason I came here?"
"Yeah?"
"The annual Trades charity ball is Saturday. I'm supposed to remind all the contractors about it."
She grimaced. "Do I have to go?"
"Yes. You have to go. I have to go. We all have to go. Suck it up."
"I don't have a ball gown." She hadn't been to the ball since James died. It was...too festive. The contractors all brought their wives or dates. It was a huge deal since it was their annual charity fund-raiser. Ella usually sent a check instead.
"No excuses. We'll go shopping because this year you're going. It'll be good for you to get out."
She sighed. "All right. Shopping? I have to go shopping?"
"Yes."
Once Tish set her mind to something, there was no getting around it. "Fine. I'll need drinks first."
"You got it. We'll go tomorrow."
After Tish left, Ella stared down at the files on her desk. Paperwork could wait until tomorrow. She needed some air. She went outside and headed toward her truck, rolled the windows down when she got in, grateful for the constantly changing Oklahoma weather that had brought a springlike day in the middle of winter. Maybe the fresh air would clear her mind and blow away thoughts of Clay.
She loved this city. Big enough for progress, for constant changing and reshaping, which meant her business thrived. Small enough for suburbs and getting from one end of town to the other in a hurry. Tulsa had growing industry and the feel of a major city without any of the congestion or drawbacks. Yet there were enough surrounding small towns that you could feel as if you really were in Middle America and get away from it all. That was what she and James had wanted, why they'd bought a house outside Tulsa. Ella had wanted the escape, had loved the small-town feeling of their little place in the suburbs with its quiet street where children played without worrying about cars zooming by.
She and James had talked about having kids, but the time had never seemed right. She had jumped into the construction business with both hands and had loved it, and the whole having-kids thing had fallen by the wayside. Someday, they kept saying. They had plenty of time. And someday never happened.
She was glad they hadn't had children. She'd been devastated when James died, couldn't imagine trying to cope and handle grieving children at the same time. She'd had to grow up herself at the age of twenty-five, had to learn to manage a business and take care of herself.
Now, five years later, she was a different person than she'd been then. When James had died her entire world had fallen apart. She had never lived alone, had never had to stand on her own. But she'd managed it, and she'd grown the company. She had the respect of every man and woman at Hicks Construction. She loved her job. It had filled her nights and days. Mostly.
And she'd managed to fall in love again, despite thinking she never would.
So maybe she didn't end up with Clay in her life. And maybe that did hurt a little. Okay, a lot. But she'd set the ground rules for their time in Hawaii. And she'd chosen the man--a man she knew didn't want strings attached to their time together.
But at least she knew now that she could love again. And she would fall in love.
Someday.
But despite Tish's insistence, it wasn't going to be with Clay.
Clay walked out of his office, surprised to find Tish still at her desk. Kind of unusual for a Friday afternoon. Usually she was gone at five o'clock sharp, ready for her weekend. He couldn't blame her.
"Workday's over. Shouldn't you be gone by now?"
Tish looked up from her computer. "Thought I'd hang out for a few minutes."
Uh-oh. That usually meant she had something to say and she didn't want to say it with the other staff around. He leaned against the desk opposite hers and folded his arms. "Okay, what's on your mind?"
"Ella."
Just the mention of her name was a gut punch. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about her since Hawaii. Oh, sure, he intended to honor her wishes, but it was damn hard not to call her, to drive over to her house, to tell her how he really felt...what he really wanted.
"What about her?"
"She's in love with you."
He frowned. "No, she's not." If she was in love with him, she'd have called him in the weeks since they'd been back from Hawaii. She'd have expressed some interest in getting together. She'd made things clear in Hawaii. Sex only. Onetime thing. Done and over.
"You know, for someone who's had a ton of experience with women, you are completely blind."
He pivoted and headed back to his office. "Stay out of my personal life, Tish."
He started to shut his door. Tish stopped him. "She loves you."
He whipped around to face her. "She told you this."
Tish opened her mouth, closed it, then finally said, "Why don't you ask her yourself?"
"So this is just something you've conjured up on your own. I've been on the receiving end of your misguided matchmaking skills before, Tish."
"This isn't matchmaking. The match has already been made. You two pigheaded idiots just need to open your eyes and figure out you love each other."
"Uh-huh. And you believe in fairy tales."
She smirked. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Good night, Tish."
She shook her head. "Don't forget about the charity ball tomorrow night."
"I'm not going."
"I already rented a tux for you. It's hanging near the door. You are going. Key building and political contacts you need to talk to are going to be there, and like it or not, you're going."
"Shit."
"Yeah, that's what I thought," Tish said with a laugh. "See you tomorrow night."
Clay sat at his desk and looked outside at the growing darkness. The weather had been unseasonably warm for early March. Maybe spring would come early, which was a good thing. Clear, nice weather meant more construction days in the year. He'd have to map that out on his calendar, maybe bid on a few extra projects.
Yeah, right, as if he had even been thinking about work since he'd gotten back from Hawaii. All he'd thought about was Ella. How she was, what she was doing. Oh, he kept in touch work-wise through the guys, knew what jobs her crew were working on. He'd
even thought about stopping by, but figured she'd be uncomfortable.
Hell, he was uncomfortable. Which really sucked because he'd never thought twice about dropping in on her before they'd had their week together in Hawaii.
But before, they'd been friends and business associates.
Now they were...what? What exactly were they now?
Nothing. They were exactly what they'd been before, because that was what Ella wanted. She'd gotten the sex she'd needed, and she wasn't interested in having a relationship, in falling in love, in having what she'd had with James.
Trouble was, his entire focus had changed since that week in Hawaii. And he didn't know what the hell to do about it. He'd seen what could happen when you loved someone. Love, loss. Losing his mom had hurt. It had devastated his father. And him.
Love sucked. Look what it had done to Ella. Losing James had damn near destroyed her. She'd loved James with her whole heart. And he'd sure as hell loved her. They'd been faithful to each other. James had talked about Ella as his partner, his friend. Clay hadn't understood that kind of love, to be able to feel something that deep for another person.
He did now. He wanted it now. He wanted it with Ella.
But Ella had already found the love of her life. Clay would never be able to compete with that. And he wasn't about to settle for second best.
Which left him right back where he started.
"Ah, hell," he muttered to himself, picking up the papers on his desk and setting back to work. He should have known better than to dwell on Ella. It led only to problems that had no solutions.
Nine
"Holy hell and a biscuit," Tish said.
Ella looked up. "It's okay?"
"Woman, if I wasn't straight, I'd be all over you."
Ella burst out laughing. "Thanks, I think." She moved to the mirror in her bedroom, palmed her stomach, and lifted her gaze.
Whoa. "I can't believe you made me buy this dress. I can't breathe."
"Of course you can't breathe. It's a corset. And you'll need me to get you out of it at the end of the night, too."
Ella wasn't one to dress up, another reason she hated the annual ball. But admittedly, she felt like a princess tonight. A lot of that had to do with this dress. All black and satiny, and it hugged her body in ways Ella had never imagined. The strapless corset top was so snug her breasts nearly spilled out and over the top of the bodice. The back was laced tight--but not too tight--and it drew in at the waist, flowed over her hips, and the skirt fell in soft waves to the floor. As she moved back and forth, Ella caught sight of the high heels Tish had insisted she buy.
