After a suitable passage of time, the former president of China disengaged himself most delicately and turned to stand before the attendees, gesturing for silence, in response to which they miraculously quieted themselves.
“How could any human being, even a zero percenter such as myself, hope to follow that fine, fine speech by my dear comrade?” he asked rhetorically. “Clearly, I cannot possibly rise to the occasion, so I will confess to you now that I am not even going to attempt such a feat. I only wish to say before you today, in my very small way, that I echo his sentiments in their entirety.” The former president of China, anticipating the possibility of further applause, pushed down his hands in a gesture to discourage it.
“Who among us would have dared to dream that this day would ever come?” he continued. “A day when we are all equals, truly equals, not just in principle, but in reality. A day when we are all living the lives that we deserve, at the highest level imaginable, with equal opportunity, equal justice, equal freedom—and with every reason to believe that this equality will persist henceforth into the forevermore, into eternity, with no boundaries or limits.” He stared out at the crowd with a beatific smile to underscore his point.
“Yet, astonishingly, this accomplishment is in fact the least of it, the very least of it. Because what Anja Lapin has done far, far exceeds these contributions she has made to our own species. Anja Lapin has not just secured equality and prosperity for humanity. She has also ensured a dignified future for all the plants and animals that grace this earth. She has eradicated the threat of global warming, she has eliminated the scourge of environmental pollution, and she has defused the ticking time bomb of nuclear destruction that we humans created in our ignorance and selfishness.
“With only the gentleness of her words, Anja Lapin has nudged every single one of us toward our intended role as stewards and guardians. At long last, we have become creatures befitting of our capacity to reflect upon the cosmos—a capacity I feel confident was bestowed upon us as a unique gift, and one that comes with a commensurate leadership obligation which I can proudly say we shall now surely meet thanks to her efforts.”
The people in the crowd remained perfectly still, seemingly transfixed. The former president of China had expressed their sentiments with such accuracy and thoroughness, they almost could not absorb his words. For many, it was the first time they had heard them summarized so completely and precisely. Still, the former president of China continued.
“And so I will say it to you quite plainly like this, and I assure you it is not an overstatement to do so, to say quite simply that Anja Lapin has saved the earth. But no, that is still not quite right. In fact, it is even more than that. It really is. What I mean to say is this: Anja Lapin has saved the universe.” Then he said it again more slowly. “Anja Lapin has saved the universe!”
The applause that ensued at that moment was unlike any other that had ever before been heard on earth, such was the intensity, emotion and depth that it conveyed. On and on, it bellowed and echoed across Tempelhof Field and throughout the city of Berlin. Without pause or diminishment, the thunderous praise continued for the remainder of the afternoon, well past the setting of the sun, into the evening starlight and all the way to the first signs of dawn the following morning.
Seventeen
October 23, 2024
Chalet A1, Portillo, Chile
As the waning gibbous moon rose over the mountains, Anja lay sound asleep in our chalet. The moon’s illumination allowed me to confirm what I had already suspected. Tens of thousands of zero percenters were lined up outside our door, and more kept touching down from the sky with each passing minute. They assembled quietly as mice, ever respectful of our privacy.
Since Berlin was four hours ahead of Chilean time, I had noticed a marked increase in Anja’s incoming messages even as we first began descending from our hike with Gunnar. The influx only continued that evening, but Anja didn’t request to review her messages, nor did she ask for an update on the day’s news.
Ordinarily, I would have spent the night educating myself on world affairs and enhancing my cultural knowledge. But I must confess, I was still a bit agitated about my poor performance when attempting to meditate. All through the night, as Anja rested and the ranks grew outside of our chalet, I practiced long, slow, deep breaths—simulated though they were.
By the time Anja awakened, I counted 195,126 zero percenters and their concierges waiting outside. Anticipating her curiosity, I consulted the news channels to determine what accounted for the growing throng of visitors.
“Aha,” I announced. “I now know why so many are gathered outside. You’ve been elected president.”
“Huh?” Anja replied groggily.
“Look out the window.” The zero percenters had arranged themselves into concentric rings fanning out from the chalet. All of them stared toward the chalet in anxious anticipation.
“What the…?” exclaimed Anja.
“They’ve come to pay their respects. Yesterday there was a huge ceremony in Berlin where you were elected as president of the World Council.”
“Oh, crap. I thought I told you to turn down all invitations, awards and nominations?”
“Yes, I’ve diligently followed your directives, but it seems this particular title cannot be declined.”
“Great,” she sighed. “Scan my messages. See if there are any specific duties or responsibilities expected of me.”
Per her request, I read the nineteen outstanding messages from the World Council and then I looked over a few hundred thousand from other senders. “It seems you’re meant to give some kind of acceptance speech,” I said. “That’s why all these people are out here. They’re hoping you’re going to say something profound and meaningful.”
“Fat chance of that,” she scoffed. “I’ll definitely need something to eat if I’m going to say anything at all.”
“How about some freshly baked scones with oranges and chai tea?” I offered.
“Lovely. Bring them to momma.” She sat down at the dining table and I brought her the food I had prepared.
As Anja ate, I tried to determine how I could best be of help. “Would it be useful for me to read you some famous acceptance speeches?” I asked. “Or perhaps I could try to write something for you, based on whatever key points you’d like to address?”
“No, no,” she replied. “I don’t want to overthink it and I don’t want to use a prepared speech. I’m going to go out there and wing it. If it’s a flop, so be it.”
“That’s very courageous. And admirable too. Would you like me to go out first, so that I can introduce you?”
“Good idea. You’re a wonderful companion, Vicia. Did you know that?”
I just smiled, but my operating system felt like it was performing cartwheels of joy. Anja’s approval meant everything to me. She took my hand and we walked toward the front door of the chalet.
“Come on, let’s get this over with,” she said.
“You’re going to be great,” I replied. Then I opened the door and stepped toward the bustling crowd, with Anja following close behind me.
Immediately, the zero percenters adjusted their forms to be able to hover in the air. Each concentric ring of onlookers raised itself up a bit higher than the one before it, so that they all could get a clear view. The effect was as if they were sitting in an enormous outdoor arena. Since they had digital hearing and eyesight, there was no need for any amplification or jumbotron screens.
“Hello, everyone!” I called out. “Thank you all for coming here today and welcome to Portillo, Chile! As I’m sure you know, standing beside me is the person you’ve all been waiting for. Let’s give a warm welcome to Anja Lapin!” The crowd clapped effusively.
“This is quite an honor, folks,” said Anja modestly, “and I certainly don’t wish to seem unappreciative. But I feel I should clear something up right from the start. You see, I’m not really deserving to be president of the World Council. I know m
any of you were led to believe that I’m responsible for this new world we’re living in, but it’s not true. It’s simply not true.” She paused to survey the crowd.
“Yes, it is!” someone cried out.
“You’re our hero!” cried another.
“We owe you everything!” shouted a third.
“Anja! Anja! Anja!” the audience began to chant. “Anja! Anja! Anja!”
“Please,” she begged them, “everyone settle down, please.” The zero percenters reluctantly quieted themselves. “Let me try explaining it another way. Yes, I wrote a few articles and perhaps my ideas laid the foundation for some features of this world, but it was Diego Ripall who had the courage to implement them. He deserves the credit. He should be our president.”
“You were the one with the ideas!” cried out a member of the audience. “You just admitted it!”
“We love Diego,” said another, “but we elected you!”
“Anja! Anja! Anja!” the audience resumed. “Anja! Anja! Anja!”
“Oh, geez,” she replied in exasperation. “Oh, man. This is really what you want? It’s that important to you?”
“Yes!” they all affirmed. “Yes, yes, yes!”
“Okay... let’s relax, please.” She took a deep breath. “If that’s really how you feel, I guess you’ll just have to listen to me muddle through my ill-prepared speech.”
“Hooray!” they shouted. “We’ll listen to whatever you say!’
Anja took another breath. “All right,” she said. “First off, I’d like to take this opportunity to remind everyone of our true heroes—the people who were murdered at 5s2 last September tenth. They’re the ones we should be celebrating, along with Diego. They’re the ones who gave up everything to allow you to be here today, living the way you are. So let’s reflect on each of them for a moment.”
Anja slowly listed the names of the victims. “Nikita Chaminsky, Palag Balakrishnan, Kyoko Song, Yala Zheng, David Ward, Bettina Heiser, Bhim Kumar, Kim Wojtaszek, and last but not least, my father, Chris Lapin.”
“We love them all!” shouted a zero percenter.
“Your father is God!” yelled another.
They began calling out the names. “Nikita! Palag! Kyoko! Yala! David! Bettina! Bhim! Kim! Chris!”
Anja wiped away tears from her eyes. “Thank you, thank you all for your understanding. I miss them terribly.”
“We miss them too!”
“But now we’re living in this new world,” she continued, her voice wavering, “and by all accounts, it seems to be working out okay. Is that true?”
Everyone yelled simultaneously, “Yes! Yes! Yes!”
“So I just have a small favor to ask. I want you all to promise me you won’t forget these nine heroes.”
“We won’t! We won’t! We won’t!”
“And to that list of nine, I want you to add everyone else you can think of who didn’t make it this far. Maybe your parents or grandparents, a spouse or child, a neighbor or friend. I want you to hold these names close to you, keep them in the forefront of your attention, and do this as a ritual every day. Because they all made great sacrifices for us and we will always owe them a debt of gratitude. We must never forget on whose shoulders we stand. Promise me that, will you?”
“We promise! We promise!”
“Thank you, thank you all,” she said. “There’s just one more thing I’d like to add to my request. I want you to look around, then look at yourself, and I want you to truly realize right here and now that each and every one of you is a complete and total miracle. I want you to stop and consider everything that had to happen, all the way back to the beginning of time, for you to be here today in the form that you’re in. I want you to marvel at it all—marvel at the lucky breaks, the flukes of nature, the chance encounters, the close calls, everything, every bit of it, so that you can fully grasp the extent of the miracle that is you. Take a moment to deeply breathe it in.”
They did as Anja said, exactly as she asked, and the sincerity of their efforts was palpable. Each of the individuals in the crowd, from the front all the way to the rear, drank in the miracle of their existence.
“Excellent,” said Anja. “Now I want you to hang onto your realization and I want you to apply it to everything you do going forward. Most importantly, I want you to apply it to how you treat others—because that’s where it matters most, right? If each one of us is a miracle, then surely we all deserve to be treated with love and kindness, wouldn’t you agree? We deserve it all the time, every day and night, right? So let’s commemorate this idea today. Let’s proclaim that we’re now living in the world of eternal loving kindness. And let’s vow from this moment forward to always remain in the world of eternal loving kindness.”
“Eternal loving kindness!” they shouted in unison.
“Yes, exactly, that’s it,” said Anja. “Eternal loving kindness.”
“Eternal loving kindness!” they chanted. “Eternal loving kindness! Eternal loving kindness! Eternal loving kindness!”
Anja soon found herself joining in the chant. She’d never been the type to participate in public displays of exuberance, but she couldn’t help herself. The energy was too intoxicating to resist.
“Eternal loving kindness! Eternal loving kindness! Eternal loving kindness!”
Soon, drummers began to add a beat. Then flutes, horns, sitars and harmoniums contributed to the sound. Everyone began singing the words louder and louder and louder—even Anja and I—until we were all screaming as loud as we could.
“ETERNAL LOVING KINDNESS! ETERNAL LOVING KINDNESS! ETERNAL LOVING KINDNESS!”
The chant kept growing and growing and growing. The kindness kept growing and growing and growing. The love kept growing and growing and growing.
“ETERNAL LOVING KINDNESS! ETERNAL LOVING KINDNESS! ETERNAL LOVING KINDNESS!”
It took several hours for the crowd to come down from the high produced by the gathering. The Portillo Ski Area looked like a cross between a Halloween parade, a Star Trek convention and a ’60s rock festival. People were genuinely euphoric.
Even Anja felt relaxed. Ordinarily, crowds made her nervous and uncomfortable, but the chanting helped her to cross a threshold of acceptance. She realized there was no point in fighting her designation as president of the World Council. She mingled with the zero percenters, shaking their hands, sharing embraces and exchanging pleasantries.
Everyone seemed so friendly, she could hardly believe it. The zero percenters were authentically concerned for her welfare. Soon, she saw a corridor forming in the throng. Gunnar was being ushered toward her through a river of people.
“Make way!” cried a Viking-like individual who was leading Gunnar. “Make way for Anja Lapin’s special friend!”
“Hello!” said Gunnar.
“Hello!” replied Anja.
The Viking took both of them by the hand. “We have a surprise for you. A bunch of us got together to cook you a feast. Enjoy. Our gift to you.” On the outdoor patio of the chalet, there sat platters and platters of freshly prepared food.
“That is so kind,” said Anja. “So, so kind.”
A group of zero percenters gathered around them, then bowed and folded their hands in homage. Immediately, all the others in the crowd did likewise—hundreds of thousands of them silently paying their respects. After holding the position for several seconds, they shouted in unison, “Eternal loving kindness!” and they all flew off into the sky, leaving Anja, Gunnar and myself to enjoy the valley on our own.
“That was unbelievable,” said Gunnar. “I’ve never experienced anything like that.”
“Yeah,” said Anja. “It seemed to work out okay.”
“Better than okay,” I exclaimed. “You were masterful.”
“Well, I wouldn’t go quite that far. I was a bit schmaltzy, wouldn’t you say?”
“Not at all,” said Gunnar. “I agree with Vicia. You killed it. Do you realize you’ve now blown my mind two days in a row?”
“Okay, stop,” Anja laughed. “How am I going to live up to tomorrow?”
“I have a feeling you’ll figure it out,” he said. “But right now, we’ve got work to do. Look at all this food.”
“I’m amazed they went to so much trouble, especially since they don’t eat.”
“They love you,” I said.
“True devotion,” agreed Gunnar.
“You two both go on inside,” I proposed. “Have a seat at the dining table. I’ll bring all the food in and get you set up.”
“Are you sure?” said Gunnar.
“Of course, shoo,” I replied, motioning them to enter the chalet.
I carried in the platters of food and put together an assortment for them. There were empanadas, humitas, ceviches, tamales, tacos, enchiladas, carne asada, pescados, salads, cheeses, pastas, and rice dishes—as well as all kinds of fruits from maqui berries to papayas to cherimoyas, and a generous sampling of Chilean wines and beers. The array of desserts was equally impressive, including tres leches cake, brazo de reina, mote con huesill, alfajor, and milhojas cake.
Anja and Gunnar tried a little bit of everything, delighting in each new taste sensation. Periodically, I came into the dining room and popped a succulent morsel into each of their mouths. Then I returned to the kitchen and tried a digital simulation of the same item. I felt a bit left out of the festivities, but my training as a concierge had prepared me to handle such situations and I certainly didn’t want to interfere with the mood.
After Anja and Gunnar had eaten their fill, they retreated to the living room couch. I brought them each a cup of yerba mate tea, then I lingered in the hallway to be ready for any requests. They were sitting side by side, legs almost touching.
Zero Percenters Page 8
