by L.H. Cosway
He doesn’t respond when I tell him this, merely stares at me with unfathomable eyes. “I’m going to take a quick shower,” I say, before getting up and going into the bathroom.
I towel dry my hair once I’m done in the shower and get dressed in some clean black jeans and a white t-shirt. I curse quietly when I remember that my green army coat is most likely buried beneath the rubble of Theodore’s mansion. It had been my favourite. A comfort blanket of sorts, I’ve had it since I was seventeen. It’s stupid but I feel like I might cry at the loss of it. Everything is going wrong. Everything.
But I hold back the tears, swallow them down my aching throat. I go to my bedroom, passing silently by Ethan as he remains seated on my couch. In my room everything is packed up, I throw the ripped up velvet dress in the bin before retrieving Antonia’s strand of hair from Ethan’s coat, wrapping it up in a piece of tissue paper and placing it carefully in the side compartment of my bag. I’ll need it later.
The last thing I need to get is Matthew’s box. It’s unhealthy to keep it, I know that, but I guess I’m just too messed up to leave it here. I still need it. Still need him, or at least the memory of him. I place it in the bag with the rest of my things and zip it up tight.
Then I sit on my bed for a minute and consider my next move. I stare at the four walls that surround me. A box that had kept me safe for so many long days and nights while I’d been too frightened to leave. Too unstable. Perhaps it’s for the best that I get away this place. Far too many painful memories permeate in the air. Each crack in the wall, every chip in the paintwork, each creak in every floorboard reminds me of things I am dying to forget. Dying slowly because my brain won’t let me move on. The urgency of my situation means that I no longer have a choice. I have to go. I wonder if anyone will even miss me.
Okay, I make a promise to myself to quit with the self-pity. It doesn’t do anybody any good. I take a deep breath and put on a long grey coat that belongs to Nicky. I’m sure she won’t mind me keeping it, since my poor beloved green one is now dead and buried. I place my key on the bedside table, hitch my bag up onto my shoulder and go out to face Ethan.
He watches me enter the room without any expression on his beautiful face. His golden blond hair is messy from all of the action on the island, it makes him look even more irresistible. I’m going to need nerves of steel to get through leaving him without even spending one proper night with him. I tend to deny myself the things that might make me feel any kind of happiness.
“Is there any way that you could, I don’t know, knock Dru out or something. It’s the only way I can think of getting out of here without her following us.” I say to him, and a small grin lifts either side of his lips.
“Leave it to me,” he answers, then gets up and opens the front door. I hear him make small talk with Dru before a loud thunk sounds and he is dragging her unconscious body back inside my apartment.
“She’ll be out of action for a couple of hours,” says Ethan, leaving her lying on the sofa. “Come along, you need all the head start you can get.”
I’m not going to argue with that. Once we’re back in his car and all belted up Ethan turns to me and asks. “So, where to?”
A tiny spark of pain stings my heart as I recall the first time he’d driven me home. In a strange way I think I really am going to miss Ethan. It will certainly take me a long time to forget him.
“The bus station,” I answer. “I need to go see my dad first and ask him for a loan of money so that I can get some place faraway.”
Ethan eyes me cautiously, he seems uneasy about saying something. Finally he gets it out. “If it’s money you need I have no problem providing you with enough to keep you going.” Then he slips his hand into his pocket, taking out his wallet and retrieving a slim navy credit card. “There’s a five grand limit on this, you can use it until you get set up somewhere.” He hands me the card and I just sit there for a minute and look at it. It’s oh so very tempting. Then I shake my head.
“If I use this you’ll be able to trace where I am. Nice try Ethan, but I don’t think so.”
He doesn’t put it back in his wallet though, he continues holding it out to me. “You can take it all out in cash at the ATM before you leave, then I won’t be able to trace you.” His voice is a little sad when he says this.
Hesitantly, I take the card from him and put it in my bag. What can I say, it’s the easier option than going home and facing my father. It also means I can book a flight immediately and get as far away from Antonia as possible. Ethan waits with his hands on the steering wheel for me to decide where I want him to take me.
“Could you bring me to Rita’s house before we go to the airport?” I ask. “There’s one last thing I need to ask her to do.”
“That is on the other side of the river,” says Ethan.
“I know. But I need to see her. Please, I’ll be eternally grateful.”
He doesn’t say anything, but instead puts the car in gear and starts the engine. After we are driving for about two minutes he asks. “How grateful?” Ah, I see the old Ethan hasn’t disappeared then.
I smile and lean over to place a light peck on his cheek. “This grateful,” I say to him.
“Hmm, I think you can do better than that,” he chides in good humour.
“You’re driving,” is all I say in reply.
“I can pull over,” he answers smartly. I give him a look that says, don’t even think about it. We are silent after that until we get to Rita’s, Ethan seems pensive as he stares blankly out at the road ahead of him. I undo my seat belt, grab my bag, and tell him I’ll be back in fifteen minutes at the most. I knock on the door and pray that she’s in. A minute later her mum answers and brings me into the living room where Rita is sprawled out on the couch wearing a pair of fleecy wool pyjamas and some fluffy slippers. I stifle a laugh at how out of place she looks. Her mum leaves us alone, closing the door over behind her.
“What? I’ve had a long day,” says Rita in response to my laughter.
“Of course you have,” I tease and go to sit down beside her. “I need you to do something for me,” I say to her after a pause.
She sits up straight now. “Have I not done enough for you yet? Because I think that banishing a Sorcerer to a hell dimension is quite a lot for a day’s work.”
I place my hand on hers. “You have done so much for me Rita, you’re amazing. But I do need one more favour.”
She sighs. “I guess one more can’t hurt eh, so what do you want me to do?”
I pull my bag up onto my lap and take out the piece of folded up tissue containing Antonia’s hair. “I need to know if there’s anything you can do with this.” I hold it out to her and she takes it from me.
“What is it?” he asks, the opened tissue spread out in her hand. The single thread of white hair barely visible lying upon it.
“It’s hair,” I answer. “Antonia’s to be exact.”
“And what do you want me to do with it?” Rita continues with her questioning.
I breathe deeply before answering, “You don’t know this about me, but a couple of months ago my boyfriend Matthew committed suicide. The other night when I was going through his things I discovered the reason why he’d killed himself. Antonia had been feeding from him against his will and it had all gotten so much that he’d decided he’d rather die than continuing to be her victim.”
Rita puts a hand to her mouth in shock, and I continue. “So, I don’t have it in me to let her get away with what she did to him. I saw this hair on her coat tonight and took it because I wanted to have something of hers so that you could put a spell on her. I don’t want her to die, I want her to suffer.”
Rita stares at me for a long moment before she says anything. “You’re sure you want to do this?” she asks.
“Positive.” I reply.
“Well – there is something I can do,” she grins. “How clever you are to think to keep this,” she says, speaking of the piece of hair. “You�
��re becoming a good little student. I’ll make a witch out of you yet. Anyway I know a spell, actually it’s more of a curse. It’s supposed to make bad people suffer for their sins. Like a guilt curse. The person you put it on feels the guilt of every single crime they’ve committed for the rest of their lives. If I curse Antonia then she’ll suffer for every life she’s ever destroyed. Including Matthew’s.”
“You really are a genius,” I tell her. “Okay, can we do this now, I’m sort of in a bit of a hurry.”
Rita doesn’t ask me why, instead she rises from the couch and leaves the room to get what she needs. When she returns she sets up the components of the curse quite quickly before taking the piece of hair and tossing it into her magical bowl. Three minutes later it is done, and the air around me feels different, like something I needed to release has been set free. Had doing this meant that I have now finally escaped my grief over Matthew? Somehow I don’t think it’s going to be that easy. But making sure the catalyst for his self-destruction is now going to pay the price for her horrible deeds, well, it sort of heals up one of the many wounds in my soul.
I hug Rita now, and I can tell it takes her by surprise. She jolts away a little at the contact but then settles into my embrace.
“Tegan,” she begins. “Why exactly are you in such a hurry to get this done?”
I pull back so that I can look at her properly. A frown shapes itself on my face before I have the chance to prevent it. “Because I’m leaving. I can’t stay here now that there are vampires who know what I am. Not to mention Finn, he’ll be reporting back to his slayer buddies any minute now and they’ll be coming for me too.”
She seems to accept that there is no other option for me. “Do you think you’ll ever come back?” she asks.
“To be honest, I have absolutely no idea.”
She nods and this time she hugs me. “Good luck, Tegan,” she whispers. “I’ll cast a spell tomorrow that will help you to stay hidden, if you’d like? It might not throw them off the scent forever but it will cause some confusion long enough for you to find somewhere safe to stay.”
I do my best not to cry. “That would be great,” I manage, my voice cracking slightly. I never thought the day would come where I’d say this, but I am going to miss Rita a lot. It’s funny how far we’ve come since that first hostile encounter in Marcel’s shop. “Tell Alvie I said goodbye,” I say to her, and she promises me that she will. Then I leave her strangely comfortable house, full of all kinds of junk and collectables. On to the next hurdle.
Chapter Twenty
It All Has To Go
The walk from Rita’s front door out to the car where Ethan is waiting seems like the longest I’ve ever taken. The reality of my situation is finally sinking in. It makes me want to go out and buy a machine gun, an army bunker, and a life time supply of non-perishable food so that I can hide away forever. How ironic, I leave one box only to be forced into another. Because of my blood I am destined to repeat the cycle.
I slide into the passenger seat beside him and strap on my belt. We sit like that in silence for several seconds before I say, “You won’t have to worry about Antonia punishing you for helping me escape now,” as I realise this is another positive to the curse. If it causes Antonia to feel guilty for every bad deed she has ever done then she will be in no state to reprimand Ethan. She might even thank him for preventing her from ruining another innocent life.
It still doesn’t mean I get to stay though. I’m sure rumour of what I am has spread like wildfire among the vampire population of the city. The only reason those present on Ridley Island didn’t attack me straight away was because I had Ethan to protect me. Ethan. I really have given him a hard time. He turned out to be a proper gentleman in the end, despite his in your face sexual advances. I think of the credit card resting in my pocket, it’s going to help me a lot.
“And why is that?” he asks in a sombre voice, my departure really is affecting him.
“Just a little spell I had Rita cast for me,” I answer. He doesn’t ask me what it was. Perhaps he doesn’t care anymore.
“I take it you want me to drive you to the airport now,” he says, still not looking at me.
“Yes, thank you.” I reply. The silence ensues as he starts up the car again, and it stifles me, chokes me to the point where I wish he would just continue to be his usual overly confident self again. He parks the car in one of the few free spots in the airport car park, amid a sea of other cars. I check the time on the dash board, eleven fifty three. I hope there’s a late flight that I can catch somewhere. Anywhere but here.
Ethan lets his hands fall from the steering wheel and rests them on his lap. “You could always stay,” he says, in a barely audible voice.
“I can’t,” I answer, putting one of my hands on his as a gesture of comfort.
“I don’t want you to go,” he continues, it seems like he’s having difficulty getting the words out. Like he’s never had to ask a girl not to leave him before, even in his vastly long life. I could almost believe that. Ethan is the kind of man who always gets to leave heartbroken girls behind. I don’t think he enjoys being the one left hanging. And it’s so, so hard for me not to give in, but I suck in a breath for courage. It will be character building for him, I tell myself. Everybody has to experience heartache once in their life, he’ll be a better person for it. At least I think he will. I still can’t tell if Matthew’s death made me stronger, or simply stole a couple years off my lifespan. Perhaps it was both.
“If you were in my shoes, what would you do?” I ask him, my hand still on his as I stare at him closely.
He turns to me and smiles. “If I were you I would give up on these fanciful notions of running away and I would face those pursuing me head on. And I would enjoy the company of my handsome young vampire friend while I’m at it.”
I raise an amused eyebrow. “Young?”
“In vampire years I am merely a teenager,” he answers, moving his face closer to mine so that we are barely an inch apart. Now I can smell him, and it’s intoxicating.
I focus on his lips and whisper, “I wish I was brave enough to do that.”
He grips me softly by the wrist. “You are. You just don’t know it yet.”
“And I wish – I wish I could believe that.”
Ethan seems to breathe out heavily in frustration. “Do you know that I have never, ever wanted to be with a human female, any female in fact, the way I want to be with you? And it isn’t merely sexual.” He turns to stare at me. “It will kill me to let you go, but I cannot force you to stay. I want you to make that choice yourself. And I – I think I am falling for you.”
I blink several times and question whether I heard him correctly. Surely he’s lying, surely he has some plans for me and is using this false declaration as a means of making me stay. Yes, that must be it. I will myself to believe he has ulterior motives. But that’s the problem, in his eyes, in his deep dark blue eyes, I see the truth, and it is killing me.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” he asks. “I have just declared my love for you and you sit there speechless,” then he laughs. “I am a fool, a clown and a fool.” He’s rambling now, manic at the idea of me walking out of his car and away from him forever. His vulnerability in this moment is there for the world to see, and it’s beautiful. Even more beautiful than the man himself. He digs in his pocket for a moment and retrieves a black leather wallet. He opens it and pulls out a small folded up piece of tissue.
“Do you know what this is?” he asks. I shake my head, and he continues, “This is the napkin I used to wipe away your tears when you’d been crying in the diner that time. I keep it with me because I like having something of yours close to me. Something with your scent on it.”
At this I lose any semblance of self-control, I close that small distance between us, and gently press my lips against his. He doesn’t move for several seconds, shocked that I’m actually kissing him. It doesn’t last long and soon he’s kissing me
back. He plants little individual kisses as he moves to lean over me and I fall back onto my own chair, while his strong hand holds onto my lower back. His fingertips graze the skin beneath my t-shirt and I feel a burst of tingles radiate through me.
I pull his t-shirt up and over his head, revealing his smooth muscular chest. His hand holds tight onto the soft flesh of my hip and I let out an involuntary sigh.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispers in my ear, and the brush of air that leaves his lips as it touches my neck is enough to make me want to melt.
“So are you,” I mumble quietly. He pulls back to look at me then, and a radiant smile shapes itself on his lips. A lock of golden hair falls forward onto his face and I take it, twining it around my finger for a moment, enjoying the silky texture. Then I brush it back so that I can see him properly. He brings his mouth back to mine and slips his hand further under my top, running his fingers over the lace lining of my bra, then exploring the skin beneath. His breathing quickens as I brush my hand over his collarbone and then over his shoulder blade.
“Let’s go to my place,” he breathes, while doing something absolutely wonderful to me with his hands. I have difficulty answering him, and then the reality of what he has said hits me. What am I doing? I should be gone by now, should have said my goodbyes and left. Yet here I am, shoving my tongue down Ethan’s throat. This is wrong, all wrong. I need to find the strength to do what is right for me in the long run, not what feels good in this moment.
I pull away from him, and it is probably one of the most difficult things I have ever done. My heart is screaming at me, urging me to fall into this man and never leave again. But my heart is fickle and only wants what it wants. My brain niggles away, scolding me for my bad behaviour.
“I – I have to go now,” I tell him. I seem to keep telling him I’m leaving and then not actually going anywhere. This time I will not be so easily overcome. The agony on his face when my meaning sinks in makes me want to go and throw myself into the Hawthorne and be done with it. I am a cruel, cruel person for hurting this man who has all but said he is in love with me. The look in his eyes stings me the most, I will never forget them in this instant. Pained, heartbroken, and disbelieving. He’d thought that when I’d kissed him I was also telling him that I’m staying. But I’m not.
